“See you tomorrow,” he said.
“Yeah, probably not,” she replied, finding new courage when she wasn’t pinned to him. “We don’t have class together.”
“Oh, I’ll find you,” he promised as he shut the door.
Becky sighed and a little shiver ran down her spine. She wanted to laugh and cry. She was in so much trouble.
***
Cleaning up after her guests wasn’t quite as much fun after a long day at school, followed by too much time with the Kimball family. Becky was exhausted, but she wasn’t convinced that Maddy’s company was the best thing, under the circumstances.
Her concerns were well-founded.
“So, how did it go on Friday?” Maddy asked as she stripped the sheets off the bed in the Captain’s Quarters.
Becky pretended to be hearing impaired in the bathroom. Maddy came around the corner, her arms full of sheets.
“So? Friday?”
Becky sighed. “It was nice. The kids did a great job. Everyone behaved. Tank kissed me.” She shrugged and went back to wiping out the tub.
Maddy leaned against the door with a happy sigh. “Ohh ... You good with that?”
Becky scrubbed away. “It was wonderful, and I’m really scared.”
The sheets dropped on the floor. Maddy wasn’t going anywhere. “Why?”
“I don’t deserve him, Maddy.”
Maddy walked over to the tub. “Why is that?”
“I’ve been with too many guys. He deserves someone less ... used up.”
There was a pause. “Is that what you tell your students?”
Becky looked up, surprised. “What do you mean?”
“Well, once they are ‘used up’ as you say, they no longer deserve to be in a meaningful relationship.”
Becky snorted. “None of them have hit that point. They’re just starting out.”
“Oh, so it’s a matter of numbers, then. Once you’ve slept with so many people. Is that in your text book?”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Well, you’re saying that you passed some sort of unseen boundary into the undeserving zone. That sounds ridiculous to me.”
“Says the woman who saved herself for marriage.”
“I’ve messed up in plenty of other areas, Becky,” Maddy said so sincerely that Becky had to look up. “So has Tank. We all have. I hate to think we’re going to reach a point where it starts to be unforgivable.”
Becky considered her sister, then sighed and shook her head. “So many guys, Maddy.”
Maddy sat down on the only seat in the bathroom. “I’m sorry, Becky. Sorry for what you believed about yourself and what you allowed yourself to do. But you can’t keep beating yourself up. You have to believe it can be different.” She touched Becky’s shoulder. “You are different now. You have to see that. And there’s never a point where it becomes unforgivable.”
Becky leaned into Maddy’s hand. “I want to believe that.”
“Then believe it. It’s a faith thing.”
Becky went back to scrubbing with a sigh. “Another area where I’ve fallen short.”
“We all have. We just keep getting up and starting again.”
Becky buffed the faucets until they sparkled. “Tank has an interview with ESPN at the end of the week. They really want him. I have a feeling he’s going to be gone soon, anyway.”
Maddy leaned back, considering. “Does he want the job?”
“I don’t think he knows what he wants.”
“Well, then, I wouldn’t assume anything. Take it a day at a time. See what happens.” She stood up and gathered her sheets. “By the way, I think John and Frank will be back working on the apartment this week. Mostly days, so they shouldn’t be in your way too much.”
Becky looked up, relieved. “No Tank, then?”
Maddy smiled, considering. “Not unless he comes on his own time in the evenings.”
Becky narrowed her eyes at her sister.
“John loves his work with the cabinets, so I can’t really say for sure.”
Maddy flounced out of the room with a grin, her dirty sheets trailing behind her. Becky sighed and went back to scrubbing, all sense of control slipping away.
twenty-eight
It felt so good to hold a brush in her hand; it had been too long since she’d painted. Becky looked again at the picture she’d sketched of the Davidson’s horse. She was itching to start the painting, but something wasn’t right. She had Ed’s reference pictures, but she needed to see the horse moving to really capture her on canvas.
Time for a field trip.
A few phone calls and an hour later, Ed was walking her through the barn and introducing her to their various livestock. Blake and Parker followed along, delighting in the sights and smells of the farm animals. Becky was happy for them, not so much for herself. She hadn’t been in a barn in a really long time, and there was good reason. She tried breathing through her mouth, but that was almost worse.
She gave up and resigned herself to the experience. If Tank had been there, he’d have thoroughly enjoyed harassing her about her squeamishness. But, of course, he wasn’t. Tank was back in his home state of Connecticut, on a job interview for a job he’d be crazy not to take. Parker’s squeal brought her back to her pleasant surroundings.
“That cow just screamed at me! Did you hear him, Mr. Ed?” Parker giggled, giving the cow’s stall a wide berth.
“She’s just saying hello, Parker. She won’t hurt you.” Ed chuckled at the boys’ enthusiasm and continued to lead the way through the barn. They had just a few animals; the cow, some chickens, a few goats and the horse, but it was all Parker and Blake needed to be completely enthralled.
“Wait ’til you see their horse, Miss Aunt Becky. He’s huge!”
“He’s a she, Parker, just like the cow.”
Parker hopped-walked next to Becky. “The horse is so big! But I bet Mr. Tank would squish him if he got on him.”
Ed chuckled. “Poor Lillibelle.”
“Is that the horse?”
“Yep, and she’s all girl. I don’t think she’d take kindly to being called a ‘he.’ ” He turned to Parker. “Actually, not even Mr. Tank would squish Lillibelle. She’s almost fifteen hundred pounds.”
Parker stopped his hopping and tried to process this information. “Does Mr. Tank weigh that much?”
“I surely hope not,” Ed laughed.
“He only weighs 240,” Becky offered, figuring that might be the single context in which she’d plug the word ‘only’ into that sentence. She looked up at Ed and immediately regretted having, and sharing the information.
“That so?” he asked, a twinkle in his eye.
Becky tried to clarify. “That’s what he told me when - oh, never mind.”
Ed smiled, then turned to Parker. “Well, then I figure it would take about six Tanks to squash that horse. Probably just one could ride him just fine.”
“Mr. Tank might be on TV,” Blake joined the conversation.
“Yeah, and we could watch him and maybe he would say ‘hi’ to us!” Parker burst in. “But he might marry Miss Aunt Becky,” he added with much less enthusiasm.
Becky stared at him, dumbfounded. Blake noticed and tried to contain the damage. “Parker, don’t say that. We don’t know.”
“Well, that’s what Dad says,” Parker mumbled.
Ed grinned again, shaking his head, while Becky continued to sputter an incoherent protest.
“We’re not getting married, Parker, don’t worry,” she finally managed. The Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday kisses danced on the edge of her consciousness, begging to be relived, begging her to refute her own statement.
Parker looked relieved. “Oh, good, cuz I want to watch him on TV.”
“If we get to watch him on TV, then he won’t live close by,” Blake pointed out.
Parker and Becky frowned at this news, and Ed stepped in to distract. “Here we are boys. Let’s see if we can get Lillibelle to come
and say hello.”
He called out and she trotted toward them from the other side of the small field. The horse really was massive. Becky smiled at the thought of the magnificent animal in front of her carrying the name that it did.
“Hey, Lillibelle,” she cooed as the horse approached. She gently stroked down its long nose when it drew near. “You sure are pretty.”
Parker and Blake both climbed onto the fence to get a better look, giggling when the horse snorted and whinnied at them. Ed helped them feed Lillibelle some sugar, and Becky backed up to give them some room. She smiled as the boys snatched their hands away when the horse’s lips nibbled at their palms.
She stepped back again to see the animal from a slightly different angle, pulling her sketch pad out of her bag to capture some of the horse’s movement. It had been a good call to bring the boys along. She figured she’d take them out to the Pizza Place for an early dinner, and really make a day of it. It was win-win for everybody, and she wouldn’t mind the distraction. It would help to pass the time on the first weekend in a long while that she felt strangely alone.
***
It was late and he knew he had no business stopping to see if she was awake. Still, Tank drove slowly by the inn and couldn’t keep himself from turning into the drive when he saw a light on in the parlor. It was unusual; Becky generally didn’t hang out in the front rooms, but if she was there, she might see his Jeep and not be surprised when he came to the door.
It had been a whirlwind of a weekend. He’d met with more execs and sportscast personalities than he could count. His head was full of the possibilities, and the concerns. He knew he couldn’t dump it all on Becky; he just wanted to see her. Somehow, if he could just say hello, he’d feel grounded. Then maybe he could go home and sleep on an incredible job offer with some degree of clarity.
He pulled as close to the house as he could, hoping she’d notice his headlights. It was after eleven and they both had school bright and early. He wouldn’t stay long.
He would try not to stay long.
Tank parked and walked up the steps to the porch. For some reason, his heart pounded like he was going to see someone he hadn’t seen in years, rather than three days. Just as he was about to knock, the inside door opened. He couldn’t help but smile; couldn’t believe how much he’d missed her. Would she ever feel the same way?
Becky looked perfect in her rumpled sweats and long-sleeved T-shirt; very cuddly looking, though Tank’s very precise memory of their brief meeting at the pool always helped him fill in what wasn’t evident with her winter wear. When would it ever warm up? He fought that image as he took in the sight of her, arms crossed as she all but tapped her fluffy slipper at him.
She didn’t look upset or frightened, just curious, concerned. So far so good.
He opened the outside door and stepped over the threshold. He froze. That was a boundary she’d set and he wanted to respect it. He placed his boot right back down by the other one. She wasn’t likely to come out in her slippers and she was equally unlikely to let him in. He searched her eyes, waiting.
Finally, Becky extended a hand and Tank took it, stepping just inside the door. Before she could say a word, he took her in his arms and held her. They stood that way for a few, very powerful moments, then he pulled back enough to take her face in his hands.
“I need Friday, Saturday, and Sunday,” he said, then gave her something else to think about before she could argue.
She relaxed into his arms and he began to think the threshold boundary was probably a really good idea. Then he began not thinking at all. He slowly and very reluctantly pulled away. “I think I need those to roll over into next week, and I’m gonna get out of here.”
Becky stepped back and blinked. “Aren’t you going to tell me how the interviews went?”
“They went fine,” Tank replied, stepping out onto the porch.
She placed her hands back on her hips and cocked her head, and he almost came right back through the door.
Instead, he turned and jogged down the steps, not looking back until he got to his Jeep. By the time he turned, the window of the outside door had fogged up and she was a blur, still standing in the same position, likely confused and probably fairly irritated.
“I’ll see you tomorrow!” he called out, doubtful she even heard him. He started his Jeep, said a prayer of thanks for his new battery, and sped off.
***
“C’est tout,” Becky told her class, glad that she’d made it through the day. It was almost better that she had nothing but French classes. She didn’t think she’d lost track and started rambling on about her infatuation, but if she did, most of the kids wouldn’t have understood. They still had a ways to go before they could seriously track what she was saying.
She dismissed the class and began pulling her things together, half-hoping and half-fearing that Tank would walk through the door. He’d been very tenacious about finding her on the days they didn’t have class together, usually in her room so they could have a minute alone. Becky was beyond fighting the daily greetings, which were getting more interesting each time. If he thought she was thinking rationally about giving up men when he was kissing her like that, he was sorely mistaken. If she was going to make a coherent decision, she was going to need a break from him.
Their weekend break was not nearly long enough, especially when he surprised her by coming over in the middle of the night. She stopped packing her bag and stared out the window, thinking about the look on his face when she’d opened the door. She honestly couldn’t recall a time when someone had looked so happy to see her. It melted her heart, even as it heated up the rest of her. He didn’t greet her, didn’t tell her about his trip, just collected on his kisses.
Tank followed his brief knock into the room.
“Busy?” he grinned.
She scrambled to pull her things together and stop acting like a lovesick middle-schooler.
Tank walked over to the desk, his long strides eating up the space, and she found herself scooting behind the chair.
He laughed. “I’ve tackled far worse than that, Becky. You’re going to have to try a little harder.”
He braced his hands on the desk, looking relaxed, but Becky could tell he was ready to spring, whichever way she decided to move.
She bit back a smile. “You are such a child. Why don’t you just ask me out like a normal person?”
He straightened up. “Great idea. Would you go out with me, Becky?”
“Not tonight.” She took advantage of his momentary confusion to skirt the desk and make tracks for the door.
He was on her heels. “Yeah, I’m not available tonight either. I’m working my second job.”
She turned, holding her book bag as a barrier between them. “What job?” Her mind spun with the possibilities. Was he going to work remotely for ESPN?
Tank drew a finger down her cheek. It was almost like a drug. Suddenly, her feet felt sluggish and she couldn’t think about moving.
“My carpentry job,” he reminded her. “Boss wants me to finish up the wainscoting tonight.”
Her breath caught and she narrowed her eyes. There was no way she was going to be in the house alone with him. Of course, she wasn’t going to tell him that. Better to just not be there.
“Okay,” she finally said. “Guess I’ll see you later then.”
She gave him a saucy little look and reached for the door knob.
Tank stepped close. “Just in case I miss you ...”
***
“It was so great of you to stop over and spend time with the boys, again,” Maddy said, walking Becky to the door.
“Yeah, well, I figured they’d get a kick out of painting with me, and I have to finish up my horse, anyway.”
“They had a blast.”
“Sorry I kept them up so late.”
“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt to push back bedtime once in a while.”
“Right, well, I’ll let you get to your bed
time stories.”
“You don’t have to leave.”
Becky looked at her sister hopefully, then shook her head. “No, you need your time with your husband.”
Maddy laughed. “Yes, I do. But he’s over at the house tonight. Didn’t you know that?”
“He is? Oh, well, then I can go home,” Becky replied cheerfully.
Maddy smiled. “So, not only did you want some last-minute bonding time on a school night with your new nephews, you mostly wanted to avoid being alone with Tank?”
“Absolutely,” Becky conceded, setting her oil paint case down.
Maddy stiffened. “You’re not afraid of him?”
Becky looked up in surprise. “Oh, no! Well, yes, but not in that way.” She zipped and then unzipped her coat. “He’s as gentle as can be, and while he’s compelling,” she felt a silly grin tugging her lips, “he’s not pushy. Well, he’s pushy,” she amended, “but it’s adorable, and I just don’t trust myself alone with him.”
Maddy laughed. “Never thought I’d hear the words ‘adorable’ and ‘Tank’ in the same sentence, especially coming out of your mouth.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t have bet on that, either,” Becky grinned.
***
Tank always enjoyed working with John. They were both detail oriented, and John had really come to trust Tank’s input and decision-making on the projects they were working on. He’d wondered if John would ask about his relationship with Becky, but, like usual, they threw themselves into the work and kept the conversation project-related. It was different when Frank was around. He often made the work more interesting, but he sometimes derailed them with his story telling and cutting up. It was a good time either way, and Tank knew that he’d really miss working with them if he took the ESPN job.
He prowled around his kitchen, knowing he had to get to bed after a long day at school and then working at the inn. Somehow, the day was incomplete, because he hadn’t really spent time with Becky. That brief moment in her classroom was all they ended up having. She’d made herself scarce while he worked on the apartment. No surprise there.
Done With Men Forever (Clairmont Series Book 3) Page 24