by Ali Gardner
Libby, the more serious and dominant of the two girls, would always introduce the show with the following words: “Welcome to our show. My name is Libby, and this is my younger sister Janey.” Janey always thought this was a strange introduction, given that all the visitors already knew the girls’ names and how old they were. Janey, however, quickly learnt to follow Libby’s instructions rather than questioning them.
Libby was responsible for the direction of the shows, and Janey would usually be required to perform a silly dance or wear a silly costume. Libby would then sing a solo, often accompanied by Nick. Janey was not allowed to make any noise during her performance. Libby rarely appeared satisfied with the final performance, and always felt that Janey had been responsible for its failings. She would share her disappointment with Janey in her “debrief” following the show. Janey’s most common failing was the inappropriate timing of her headstands. Janey loved doing headstands, and often found it difficult to sit still whilst watching TV or having to listen to instructions. Dad would often get cross with Janey for doing headstands all the time, and when challenged, Janey could not explain why she did it, but she just felt she needed to. Janey would make tickets for the show and sell them to Kitty, Nick, Dad and anyone else who was visiting the house. The tickets cost 10p each, and even Nick, who was more often than not part of the show, had to pay 10p for a ticket. He jokingly complained that he should be paid 10p to play rather than having to buy a ticket. The show would always be closed by Libby thanking everyone for coming, as Janey led the applause with her trademark headstand in which she bent her knees in the shape of an upside-down Buddha and clapped her feet together. This signalled the audience to join in with their applause. Janey could maintain this headstand for some time, and often Libby would have to knock her off balance to bring the show to an end.
Chapter 5 - Goodbyes and Grandad
One day during the summer term, Dad phoned Kitty to say that he was going to be late as he was dealing with an “incident”. He apologised to Kitty, saying that he may be some time as it was quite important. Kitty reassured Dad that this was not a problem and agreed to get the girls in bed for him. Libby and Janey never quite understood what was meant by the word incident, but it always seemed to involve some sort of drama. Dad only ever used the word incident on the phone, but details could usually be drawn out of him once he had returned home and had settled down to tea.
On this occasion, they would have to wait till the morning to find out what had happened. Kitty had tried to get the girls to bed, but they were too excited by the level of drama that must surely be involved with an incident that had required Dad to stay out past 9pm. They just did not feel able to wait through a whole night’s sleep to find out what had happened.
Dad returned home at 9.30pm. He thanked Kitty and Nick for staying so late, and became very inpatient with the girls and sent them straight back up to bed. “But Dad,” moaned Libby, exhausted and worried herself.
“No buts – BED!”, snapped Dad, and it was clear to Libby and Janey that they would just have to wait until the morning.
Libby went upstairs and fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. Janey struggled to settle, and had just got into bed and pulled her duvet over her when the dreaded yet familiar feelings started. First her tummy would start to churn, then lots of mixed up thoughts would come into her head, and within seconds it felt like a swarm of hungry mice were running around inside her head, in and out of every vein, leaving her with a feeling of nervousness. Janey could never explain why or exactly how she felt or what was worrying her. This had started to happen on a regular basis since Mum had died, and all Janey knew was that she didn’t like it and she needed Dad to make it stop.
Knowing that Dad was tired and had worked hard that day, Janey reluctantly got out of bed and made her way to the stairs. She had a little way of letting Dad know that she had the feelings. She would plonk her bottom quite heavily on the top stair, count to ten, and then plonk down again on to the next stair. She usually got to about the third or fourth stair before Dad would come to her. Tonight, Janey reached the second to last stair before Dad came out of the lounge and slammed the door behind him. Janey knew he was cross, and just bowed her head and said sorry. When she lifted her head, Dad looked like he had tears in his eyes. He just stared at Janey, raising an eyebrow and tightening his lips to indicate his disapproval. Somehow, the part of Dad that realised that he was the adult here, and that Janey was just a seven-year-old girl who had just lost her mum and didn’t know how to feel, shook him to his senses. His face softened, and he picked Janey up in his arms and took her to bed. Dad sat on the bed next to her and gently stroked her forehead repeatedly until Janey fell asleep. This familiar ritual somehow calmed Janey, and made her feel safe and relaxed again. Janey often pretended to fall asleep more quickly, as she knew that this would make Dad happy and that he was often very tired himself. Tonight, she found it hard not to reach out for his hand as he kissed her cheek softly and crept out of the room, but she knew she had to resist.
The next morning, Dad woke the girls earlier than usual and urged them to get dressed quickly, as he needed to make sure they were ready before he left. He explained to them that he had an early meeting, so he needed to leave as early as possible. Janey, tired from another unsettled night, accepted the instructions and slowly got herself up and dressed. Libby followed Dad out of her bedroom, demanding more details about last night’s incident. It took Janey a few moments to go back through last night’s events, and to finally remember that Dad had come home late as something had happened at school. Janey, however, did not have the same immediate need as Libby to know all the details. Janey could not understand why Libby was so interested in everything that happened to Dad, and instead reflected on the fun night that she had enjoyed with Kitty and Nick. Dad still seemed a little grumpy at Libby’s constant questions and refusal to get dressed until she knew what had happened. Knowing that he did not have time for a big argument and then time to calm Libby down from one of her “big upsets”, of which she had many, Dad offered Libby a hug, reassuring her that everything was fine, and suggested that they all go out for fish and chips that evening. He promised to come home early and tell her all about it. Libby could always be persuaded by a trip to their special fish and chips shop, with its cross-patterned windows that reminded the girls of a castle. Come rain or shine, Dad and the girls always followed the same routine of taking their fish and chips to the hill that overlooked the North Sea. They would sit on a bench outside if it was sunny or under a concrete shelter if not, and eat their tea from the plastic tray. Dad loved the fish and chips shop too, as it had kept the tradition of wrapping the food in sheets of newspaper, just as they had when he was a boy. Looking out to sea, they would all take it in turns to read out pieces of news from their vinegar-stained newspaper napkins, searching for the date on their newspaper to see how old the news was. Dad always encouraged the girls to leave a few chips or batter at the end and, holding the trays high above their heads whilst standing on the hill, they would squeal with delight as the seagulls swooped down and helped themselves. Dad made it into a kind of competition of who would manage to empty their tray first. For Libby and Dad, there was no fear involved in this game – but for Janey, it was different. She loved the idea of the game, and always tried to be brave, but as soon as the seagull approached, Janey would drop the tray and run towards Dad screaming. Libby and Dad thought this was hilarious. This memory quickly put Libby in a good place, and she ran to get dressed without asking Dad for any more details.
As promised, Dad arrived home early and took the girls to the fish and chips shop. Once on the hill Dad decided that although it was windy, it was warm enough to sit outside rather than under the shelter. The girls had been toughened up over the years through Dad’s obsession to eat outside whenever possible. As usual, the newspaper game was played, but when it was Dad’s turn, he pointed to a section of his newspaper and preten
ded to read, Janey seemed oblivious to this news and continued eating her chips.
She wasn’t that interested in anyone else’s news articles anyway; she only really liked the game when it was her turn. Libby, on the other hand, did not miss a trick, and immediately stopped eating and turned to Dad with a look of horror.
“So that’s what your incident was! I knew it was something big! Well, I am not moving. I am staying with Mum.” Janey, completely puzzled by this exchange and the level of upset Libby was displaying, calmly said to Libby, ““But Mummy is dead, and who’s moving anyway?”
Libby threw her chips to the ground and impatiently yelled at Janey, “You stupid baby, Dad says we are moving and I know Mummy is dead, I know that every day of my life, but I am not leaving her grave to go to the other side of the world because Dad has got some stupid job!”
Janey was not really registering what was happening. She knew she sometimes switched off when Dad and Libby were talking, but she was sure she would have heard a conversation about moving house and getting a new job. As far as she was concerned, they had bought their chips and sat down to play the newspaper game. Had she really missed this important conversation? The next few days were a difficult time for Libby in particular. Dad tried to explain that he had got a new job and that it would be nearer to his parents, who the girls referred to as Nana and Pop. Libby became more and more irritated with Janey’s lack of emotion about the move until finally, in a cruel attempt to make Janey feel a bit more like she did, Libby blurted out to Janey that she wouldn’t be seeing her beloved Grandad again as he would be too far away. Libby knew perfectly well that this would produce the reaction she was after, and it did. It was only at this point that Janey really became aware of what was happening, and the thought of never seeing her Grandad again sent her into a state of blind panic. What was worse, Libby chose to tell Janey this when they were on their way to school and Janey could not seek a different truth from Dad. Janey spent the day at school miserable and alone. She refused to play with her friends or talk to the teacher. In the end, Mrs Steele was so concerned that she rang Dad to say that Janey didn’t seem her usual cheerful self.
Things settled down after a few weeks as Dad reassured Janey that she would still be able to see Grandad, although it was clear to Janey and Libby that Grandad struggled to have the “moving” conversation and often changed the subject. Soon, however, the house was up for sale – and before they knew it, moving day had arrived. The house was full of boxes. Each room looked and smelled different. The girls had a small suitcase each, and Janey held her teddy Footsie close to her as the removal men marched in and out of the house carrying box after box. The removal van had caused quite a commotion outside, and both Libby and Janey were enjoying the attention of their friends and neighbours. Every so often, a half-open box would appear with vaguely familiar objects or clothes that might have been stored in the loft or the garage. Janey took it upon herself to dress up in the garments. She used a lampshade as a hat and set up the music stand, pretending to conduct the removal men using a wooden spoon from another box with kitchen utensils in it. Janey amused herself by entertaining her friends and neighbours with her antics, and she enjoyed seeing Dad’s wry smile as he let her get away with something which would have been wholly unacceptable on any other day. The removal men encouraged Janey, and every now and then they would bring her another object to add to her act. Carol from next door made sandwiches for everyone at lunchtime, and soon, everything was packed and ready to go for the 200-mile journey. Dad thanked the removal men and made arrangements to meet them at the other end, and he and Libby waved as the men climbed into the seats in the driver ’s cab of the lorry and started the engine.
“Where is Janey?” asked Dad, knowing that she would like to wave off the lorry. Suddenly, Janey’s head popped up from behind the removal men, giggling and waving madly out the window. The driver helped Janey out from behind the driver’s seat where she had lain down on the ledge made for the driver to sleep if he needed to break during a long journey. The removal men had not noticed her as they climbed in, as she had covered herself with a sheet. Dad took Janey in his arms as the driver passed her to him, saying that she was a naughty stowaway, but the incident helped the girls and Dad to wave off the lorry without too much sadness.
Kitty and Nick came to say goodbye, and Nick gave them a CD to listen to in the car. It was a compilation of all the songs they had sung together in all the shows they had performed in the front room. Nick held Kitty’s hand as she tried to hold back the tears. She had become very close to the family and was really going to miss being their childminder. Libby and Janey gave her one last hug, and Kitty gave them a bag of penny chews each. Janey said, “But it’s not SSD, it’s Friday.” “Sshh!” said Kitty, laughing. “I’ve changed the rules.”
Dad had the car ready, and Grandad was set to make the 200-mile journey across the country with them. As the car drew away from their home, Janey noticed Grandad squeeze Dad’s hand and wipe a tear away from his own cheek. As had been agreed the night before, the family would make a final visit to Mum’s grave before leaving. Both the girls could tell that Grandad and Dad were trying to be very positive as they made a point of organising the first visit back and spoke to Carol, their next door neighbour, about keeping the flowers nice by the grave. Carol said she would be happy for the girls to draw pictures of their new home and friends and send them to her, so that she could share them with Mum at the grave. As they left the graveyard, Libby holding Dad’s hand and Janey holding Grandad’s, the emotions of the day seemed to catch up with all of them. In the car, Janey and Libby fell straight to sleep, and Dad and Grandad chatted for a while about all the happy memories of the last 12 years in the home they had just left. Both felt that they needed to shut out the bad memories at least for a while.
Chapter 6 - Moving and Miles
Libby and Janey bubbled with excitement as they drew nearer to their new home, showing few signs of the traumatic farewells from only three hours ago. Dad had stopped at the service station during the journey, and had woken up the girls with the promise of burgers, chips and ice cream. Back on the road, Grandad tried to help Dad with the final directions to the house. Even though Dad had been there twice before, he was not yet sure of the route through the maze of the new housing estate, and Grandad was struggling as the map suggested that they were actually in the middle of farmland with no evidence of any roads whatsoever.
Libby commented on how strange it was not to know your way home. “Won’t be long before you know everyone in all of these houses and you’ll be playing out in these streets. We can get the bikes out tomorrow and explore,” said Dad, knowing that Libby was showing some anxiety about their new home.
Libby mumbled, “Yes, that would be good, but Janey will need to stay close and concentrate.
This seems like a big place.” Libby felt a huge responsibility for keeping Janey safe, and found it hard sometimes to just focus on herself and leave Dad to worry about her sister.
Janey tutted in protest at Libby bossing her around and thinking she was incapable of looking after herself. “I am actually eight years old, Libby, and I can find my own way about this place – just watch me”!” Secretly, Janey was not so confident, as everything seemed so unfamiliar and it had suddenly dawned on her that rather than being twenty minutes away from Grandad, she was going to be three hours away from him. She did not like that thought one little bit.
Finally Dad shouted “This is it! Stoneyhurst Avenue. Number eight is the one we are looking for, girls. It has a blue door. Can anyone see it?”
Releasing their seatbelts and throwing themselves forwards, Libby and Jane fought to squeeze into the space between the two front seats to try to get the first glimpse of their new home.
“There it is!” shouted Libby. “Number eight, just there.”
Dad turned into the long drive next to the newly painted white fence, and the girl
s jumped out of the car. Janey took a deep breath of the freshly tarmacked drive and then knelt on the ground, placing her nose against the tarmac and taking in another deep breath.
“What on earth are you doing, Janey?” asked Dad.
“Mmmmmm, I love the smell of our drive,” she said as she jumped to her feet and ran towards the front door.
Dad met a man at the house who gave him the key. The removal men had already arrived and were unloading some boxes into the garage, which had been left open. Although it should have been obvious that the same removal men that had packed up the old house would be delivering the boxes to their new house, Janey seemed genuinely surprised and pleased to see the men from the lorry that she had hidden in some hours before. The driver joked and offered to hide Janey again and take her back to her old home. Janey laughed, but declined, surprising herself at how excited and happy she was to be moving into the new house.
Dad took the girls inside. The house was empty, and reminded Libby of her dolls’ house when she took all the furniture out to rearrange the rooms. The house was brand new, and felt and smelled different to any house they had ever been in. The kitchen was gleaming white, and Janey stroked the cooker, the fridge, the dishwasher and the sink as she walked through to the lounge, which seemed enormous. Dad explained that he had asked for the wall in the middle to be knocked down so that they could have one big room, which led out through patio doors to a lovely neat square garden.
As Libby turned, she gasped with amazement and grabbed Janey. “Look, a climbing frame! These houses come with climbing frames.” Dad laughed and let the girls believe that all new houses came with climbing frames as they both ran outside, and within two minutes, they were sat on the top bars looking into all the neighbouring gardens.