by Ali Gardner
Chantelle, clearly responding to this ‘headteacher ’ approach, jumped to her feet, grabbed her coat and mumbled for Dad to “chillax” as she promptly left the house.
Dad looked at the girls, and the girls looked at Dad. For a moment, neither knew what was going to happen next, until finally Dad broke the silence by mimicking Chantelle and telling the girls to “chillax”. All three of them laughed a little, but the girls could tell that Dad was just trying to lighten the atmosphere.
Dad was pretty much exhausted as the final interviewee arrived. He had started to consider the possibility that he would not find a suitable childminder for the girls. He wondered whether he had in fact made a mistake, and whether he should have stuck it out in their old home with Kitty and the Casserole Brigade. Although he had started to feel suffocated by the intensity of the support, he always knew that he could call on help at any time and the girls would always be safe. Maybe he would have to ask his own mum and dad, who now lived nearby, to step in and help look after the girls. This had been something that he had wanted to avoid at all costs. The girls found their ‘Nana’ a little overbearing and hard to handle, and Dad didn’t fancy the idea of arriving home each night to his mum and dad after a hard day at work. Yes, there would be a hot meal ready and the girls would have completed their homework, but Dad would then have to relay his whole day, giving a blow-by-blow account of any newsworthy incidents whilst his mum provided advice on ways to deal with situations and suggestions for parenting the girls. No; Dad had left home at 18 years of age, and he wasn’t willing to return to that arrangement with his parents again aged 36.
Deep in thought, Dad missed the doorbell and was startled by the sudden arrival of a well-dressed, slightly forceful woman walking into the lounge. As she held out her hand to shake Dad’s, he was struck by the likeness to his late wife, Enid. She had the same petite build, short brown hair and engaging hazel-coloured eyes. He slumped slightly as he remembered just how beautiful his wife was, and how her eyes had first drawn him to her across the university bar in Durham in the first week of term.
“Dad, Dad, Miss Field is asking you a question,” Janey said, pulling at his jumper. Dad quickly apologised and explained to the final candidate that it had been a long day. Miss Field smiled and said that it was not a problem, and that she understood it must be very difficult looking after the girls and having such an important job.
Dad welcomed Miss Field into the house with a warm handshake. “Please, call me Maggie,” she said as she smiled warmly at him. Whether it was the exhaustion of the day or the fact that this lady appeared so normal compared to the other candidates, Dad decided Maggie might just be who he was looking for. As Maggie sat down, Libby came in with a cup of tea and gave it to Maggie. Dad was quite surprised as he had totally missed this conversation, and Libby appeared to be quiet and withdrawn as she gave it to Maggie. Dad asked the girls to go and play for a while, and said that he would call them back in a bit to speak to Maggie again.
Libby panicked; the agreement had been that Dad would make the decision about inviting the girls back in, if and when the interview had gone well. It seemed like Dad had already made his decision, and as they left the room, Libby and Janey gave a
synchronized thumbs down without any conversation. This time, they heard every word of the interview, and Maggie seemed to sail through all the questions and even managed to make Dad laugh twice. At one stage, Dad was talking about how hard life had been and Maggie seemed to be saying ‘all the right things’.
Libby said, “She’s just like the Casserole Brigade. I hate her, and she’s not telling me what to do; that’s for sure.”
At that moment, without any warning, Dad opened the door that Libby and Janey were leaning on, and the two girls with their two glasses fell into the lounge in a heap.
“Girls!” Dad shouted in a very embarrassed tone. “That’s very rude and you should both know better.”
Again ready with the perfect answer, Maggie interjected, “Oh, don’t be too harsh. I understand it must be hard for the girls to trust someone new after losing their mum.”
As Dad’s back was turned to Maggie, Libby swore that she spotted a spiteful grin appear on Maggie’s face, which she quickly changed into a warm smile as Dad turned to face her.
Dad sat the girls on the sofa and announced that Maggie was to be their new childminder. Turning quickly to Maggie, unaware of the aghast look on the girls’ faces, he jovially asked Maggie when she could start.
Maggie broke into a modest laugh and said, “As soon as you need me.” It was agreed that Maggie would start in one week’s time, the first day of the school term. Maggie asked Dad to prepare a timetable of her hours, a list of jobs he would like the girls to carry out and any house rules they should follow.
“Did I just hear that right?” whispered Janey to Libby. “I thought she was the one doing jobs, not us.”
Maggie, who appeared to have super hearing powers, said, “Now, girls; we will work as a team, and everyone will be responsible for their own little bit!”
Dad seemed to like this response and added, “Absolutely, it’s all about teamwork.”
Dad seemed in such a relaxed mood all evening that Libby and Janey just couldn’t bring themselves to burst his bubble with their reservations about Maggie. They both knew it was a done deal and there was no going back. In one week, Maggie would be their new childminder. Dad suggested that they try the new Chinese takeaway nearby, as it had been a long day and, on the whole, the girls had been well behaved. After eating, Libby and Janey entertained Dad with a re- enactment of the interviews that day.
First, Libby put on lots of lipstick and some of Mum’s high heel shoes that Dad had given her to keep. The girls used one of Janey’s toy dogs and tied a red ribbon round his head. They used Libby’s silver belt as a lead, and Libby trotted into the lounge pulling along ‘Winkle’ the dog, blowing kisses at Dad as she walked past. Dad giggled to himself; he hadn’t realised that the girls had noticed Stella’s strange behaviour, and wondered just how much the girls did notice in life. Next, Janey waddled into the room with two pillows stuffed down her dress. She had filled her mouth full of bread and was pretending not to be able to talk because her mouth was so full. Eventually, after swallowing most of the bread, she asked Dad if there were any scones left. Next, Libby entered with her hair scraped to the top of her head in a very tight ponytail. She rolled up her skirt and put the high heels back on. She marched into the room chewing gum and wrapping it around her finger, and stretching it out of her mouth as far as she could. She sat down and even dared to put the edge of her foot on the coffee table whilst telling Dad to “chillax”. Dad laughed at each character and took a photo of each one. Nobody mentioned Maggie, and the girls certainly did not dress up like her.
When it was bedtime, Dad took the girls upstairs to say goodnight. Once they knew he was downstairs watching the TV, Libby crept into Janey’s room.
Knowing exactly why Libby had arrived in her room, Janey jumped out of bed and said, “I hate her.”
They spent the next hour replaying the interview and mimicking Maggie. The girls felt that Maggie was false, and that her face changed as soon as Dad was not watching.
Libby said, “Dad only likes her because she looks like Mum,” to which Janey replied, “She’s nothing like Mum. She looks like a pig and she acts like one.”
They then repeated her answers from the interview, but added an “oink, oink” at the end of each one. “Oh, don’t be too harsh on the girls, oink oink, it’s only natural, oink oink.” This sent them into a fit of giggles, and eventually they fell asleep together, each trying to be the last to oink. By the morning, they could not remember who had the last oink, but they did remember that Maggie was a Pig, and from that day onwards it would be their secret name for her. “The Pig!”
Chapter 9 - Rules and Routines
Libby and Janey woke earl
y on the morning of their first day of term at Stanah Junior School. Dad had been spending the last week teaching the girls how to fasten a proper school tie. This was the first time the girls had worn a tie, and they would need to know how to fasten it themselves after PE. Libby picked it up fairly quickly, but no matter how many times Dad showed Janey, she just couldn’t seem to get the sequence of knots quite right.
The girls were both excited and nervous. Libby felt fairly confident, as she knew Grace was in the same class as her, but Janey stayed close to Dad until the bell went in the playground – and even then, she insisted that Dad came with her to the classroom. Janey was actually quite taken aback when she met her new teacher, Mr Pitchers; he had so many creases on his face, and Janey could not take her eyes off the hair sprouting from his ears and his very bushy eyebrows. Somehow, he reminded her of the troll from the bedtime story, Three Billy Goats Gruff. As he spoke, Janey began to relax as he was very friendly, and he quickly persuaded her to come and sit with a girl called Beth, who would look after her as she settled in. Dad waited about five minutes before leaving. Although still a little scared, Janey didn’t want Dad to worry, so she put on a brave face and smiled at him as he waved goodbye. Both Libby and Janey enjoyed their first day, and both agreed that they had felt like celebrities in their new school, as everyone wanted to meet them and kept asking them to say things in their “funny accents”. By home time, Janey had completely forgotten that the Pig would be coming to school to collect her, and as she reached the school gate, she realised she was looking for Kitty.
Libby ran up behind her and gave her a little nudge, saying, “You have just walked right past me and the Pig. Come on, she’s already bossing us about.” Suddenly Janey remembered it all, and the comfort and security she had momentarily felt in thinking that Kitty would soon be there with a hug and smile disappeared. The Pig greeted Janey by holding out her hand and instructing her to hold it tight until they arrived home. She said that Libby would need to hold her hand at each road, but other than that, she could walk a few meters ahead. Libby was mortified. Some of the girls in her class were walking home alone, and she could feel them staring as the Pig called her to her side as if calling a dog to heel at each road. Libby hated the feel of the Pig’s hand. It was cold and felt wooden as she squeezed it tight with no affection. Once home, the girls ran into the kitchen to help themselves to a biscuit as they had always done.
“Excuse me, but that is not what we do after school. Shoes off at the front door, hands washed, uniforms off and hung up, and then we will think about a drink and a healthy snack.”
Libby and Janey could not believe it. They had not been used to such structure after school, and certainly not one that Libby thought was akin to being in the army. Nevertheless, they followed the instructions and came downstairs having carried out their strange new routine. “Hand inspection, please,” called the Pig as they came into the kitchen. Taking a look at the girls’ hands, she promptly sent them both straight back upstairs to “wash their hands this time, rather than put them under a tap”. The first evening with the Pig continued in this vein, with rules about everything from how to sit at the table to which way up to put the glasses in the cupboard when they were dry.
The girls missed their favourite TV programmes, as the TV slot was only scheduled for Friday evenings on the Pig’s timetable, which had been secured to the fridge with one of Mum’s favourite magnets from a trip to Paris. Dad arrived home, and the girls were both relieved and exhausted. The girls both noticed how the Pig’s mood instantly changed when Dad walked through the door. She visibly relaxed as she squeezed herself between Libby and Janey sitting on the sofa, putting her arms around the girls as she waited for his arrival to the lounge. Dad noticed that Libby flinched at this embrace, but thought little of it.
Over the next few weeks, the Pig’s relationship with the girls did not improve. Day by day, the Pig’s timetable seemed to become more gruelling as they were expected to carry out various tasks. It was true that Dad had said the girls would be expected to help out, but they had not expected to be involved at the level the Pig set out for them each night. Libby also remembered that in Dad’s advert, he had also asked for someone who had a good sense of humour and could have some fun with the girls. It seemed that the Pig had missed this part of the advert altogether. The girls missed Kitty more and more each week. In particular, they missed the time straight after school, when Kitty would let them meet up with their friends and play in the park next to the school for half an hour. Walking home had consisted of one large group of adults and children strolling down the street, chatting and laughing as families parted at each street to head for their homes. Libby and Janey enjoyed this as they were always the last on the route, so they never missed out on any fun. The Pig, on the other hand, made it her business never to talk to anyone as she stood in the same place each afternoon which was as near to the school building as possible, giving the girls no time to spend with their friends before being ushered out of the school gates with the Pig close on their heels. The girls were actually teased about this at school, and on one occasion, Libby had ended up in the headteacher ’s office for kicking another girl in her shins. Eventually, when Libby had calmed herself down, she explained that a group of girls had been teasing her about her weird mum and how she never smiled at the children.
The girls had started chanting, “Libby’s mum is a weirdo witch.”
As Libby blurted out, “She is a weirdo witch, but she is definitely not my mum,” the headteacher showed some sympathy, as she realised that Libby was more hurt by the fact that her friends thought her childminder was her mum than what they were saying about her. This was something that the girls constantly had to deal with at school, in shops and when meeting people on the way home. People would make all sorts of throwaway comments that referred to the Pig being the girls’ mum all the time. It might be someone in the shop asking the girls if they were going to carry the bags for their mum, or the lollipop lady telling Libby to be nice to her mum as she resisted holding her hand when they crossed the road. Whatever the situation, the Pig never set anyone straight in explaining that she was not their mum, and the girls hated her for that.
As the weeks went by, it was clear to Dad that the girls were not happy, but he didn’t for a minute think that it was Maggie’s fault. Whenever he arrived home, Maggie would be happily chatting to the girls or laughing as she watched the girls play.
“They’re such a delight,” she said to Dad one evening. “I just wish they would accept me more, but I know it will take them time; don’t you worry, they soon will.” This reassured Dad, who had started to feel very guilty about the whole move and wondered if he had made the wrong decision. The girls had been so happy with Kitty, but their reaction to Maggie was completely different. He decided he needed to give it a few more months at least.
Chapter 10 - Hatred and Hiccups
The girls began to see this ‘split personality’ that the Pig seemed to have more and more. One minute, she would be stern and mean with nothing but anger in her eyes, and the next, she would be full of smiles and softly spoken. Usually, she would keep her softer side for when Dad returned home or a neighbour popped by for something. On one occasion, the girls had been eating their tea, and Janey had developed the hiccups after eating a piece of bread far too quickly. The first hiccup that came out was a complete surprise to Janey; it popped out just after she had taken a slurp of her drink, and the juice flew out of her mouth at such a pace that it sprinkled the entire table, including Libby’s and the Pig’s food. Janey and Libby had burst into laughter as Janey tried to apologise.
The Pig had stood up and and slammed her hands on the table so hard that it shook – but the girls were too far past the point of return on the giggle-o–meter, and this just made them laugh even more as they watched the Pig’s face turn a deep shade of red and her hands clench into small balls. The Pig was now shaking and moving away from th
e table backwards. Although quite frightened by the Pig’s reaction, the girls still could not stop their giggles, which only served to anger the Pig more. All of a sudden, the Pig leapt forward towards Janey, moving as close as she could to her face and, making the loudest, scariest noise the girls had ever heard an adult make, she screamed “Boo!”
Janey burst into tears and both girls stopped laughing immediately. Libby jumped to Janey’s side and, without even thinking, shouted, “You Pig, what did you do that for?”
The Pig slowly sat down and calmly said, “Don’t you know? An abrupt surprise is the best way to get rid of hiccups, and look, I think it has worked.”
Libby didn’t know what to say. The Pig was right; Dad had always used this technique when someone had the hiccups, but never in the manner that the Pig had just done it to Janey. The Pig told the girls that she would clear up the mess, and that they could go and play in the garden for a little while. The girls, desperate to be away from the Pig, ran into the garden. Dad was due home in half an hour, and Libby and Janey talked about what they would say to him. Libby suggested that they just let the Pig go home and then tell him. They were both actually quite happy, as they believed that the Pig would finally no longer be allowed to stay. They knew that their Dad would not stand for her treating them in this way.
A few minutes later, the Pig called them into the house to discuss their behaviour at the dinner table that evening. She told the girls that she had phoned Dad already and that he was not happy with what had taken place. The Pig proceeded to tell the girls what she had told Dad. The story was completely different from what had actually happened, but both Libby and Janey started to see how believable it was – and, more to the point, how believable it would be to Dad. The Pig had left out the part about her anger, slamming the table and leaping into Janey’s face. She had said that the only way to stop the girls, who had been so out of control, was to shout “Boo” to stop the hiccups and to calm them down.