He continued. “Because of the affection I have for your mother, I will not destroy you. But be warned, if you are ever to act on the evil inside you, I will not hesitate to end your life.”
He didn’t say another word after that.
Trembling in my seat, neither did I.
Chapter 23
Autobiograhpy
I was lying in bed when Tristan arrived. I still hadn’t stopped shaking. I was thankful that my grandmother and Helena weren’t here to see me because that would certainly raise questions that I didn’t want to answer. The look in Tristan’s eyes matched Duncan’s when I told him what had happened. I had to stop him from going after him. It was the first time that I saw Tristan battle with his anger like Aiden had had to back at the club.
“He had no right to threaten you like that,” he said, holding me. The anger added a kind of growl to his voice. “If you say the word…”
“No,” I whispered. “I could never condone something like that, no matter what he thinks of me.”
He sighed. “Ana, you’ve always been a conjurer. Every time you’ve come back. But I want you to know something, you have the most beautiful soul I’ve ever known, and I have lived for hundreds of years. I wish now that you could have enough of your memories to see what a magnificent spirit you have—that you’ve always had. You are the same girl who saw a monster in her cabin that night—the girl that feared me but did not judge me, that had the patience to teach me how to love and reconnect with my own goodness… That is you. That’s why I love you. Why I’ll always love you. I will protect you from anything that wishes to hurt you, Ana. Fear nothing. Not now, not ever.”
I closed my eyes and began to relax into the safety of his arms. I understood now, why I needed to tell Darren that we could never work. Because while I had feelings for him, and truly did care for him, the things I felt for Tristan were beyond definition. Words didn’t capture how close I felt to him right now, like I could disappear into his soul and exist there forever. I did feel safe with him, and my fears just seemed silly after hearing his words. Of course he would protect me.
“Ask me something,” he said in a much lighter tone.
“Huh?”
“Ask me something,” he repeated. “You’ve always had a…curious streak. Always. I’m sure you still have questions for me.”
I laughed to myself. He did know me well.
“Why are you so pretty?” I asked. That made him laugh.
“What do you mean exactly?”
“The vampire under my bed was so different—he didn’t look human at all. But you, I wouldn’t be able to tell that you weren’t human just from looking at you. Plus, you and Aiden are so…good looking.”
“Becoming a vampire won’t make you ‘pretty,’” he laughed. “I remain the same as I was in life, as far as my appearance goes anyway. But that is because I was bitten by The Source. The venom that turned me was pure, undiluted. You see, every time a vampire turns another, the venom in the subsequent vampire is less concentrated. Because it is the venom which preserves your human body, diluted venom preserves less. For instance, weaker venoms will preserve the inner organs but not the skin and eyes. That’s where partial myth about vampires being unable to survive in sunlight comes from—when exposed, unpreserved skin will dry out and harden to the point it cracks and crumbles. That was the case with the vampire that attacked you. Aiden and I on the other hand, can heal from almost anything, at a rate that we could walk through fire if we had to.”
“And what exactly is ‘The Source?’” I asked next. I tried to remember what Duncan had told me about vampires, but the thought of Duncan was too jarring to think clearly right now.
Something dark flashed in his eyes. “The source being Daemon, the first born son of Merline.”
My head jerked up. Now I did remember. “You were turned by him?”
He nodded. “I am the third vampire ever to exist. And Aiden is the second.”
“How did it happen?”
“You want to hear that story?” he sighed.
“I do. I want to know everything about you.”
“So you’re asking about Daemon and our past only because you’re curious? There’s no other reason?”
“No other reason.”
“You swear?” he asked.
“I swear,” I repeated, putting my hand over my heart. He smiled at the gesture. I made a mental note to listen carefully. He hadn’t ever reacted like this to one of my questions before. Maybe there was something in this story that would help me figure out what he was keeping from me.
“Then lay down,” he breathed. “And I will tell you the story of how I came to be a vampire.”
“I was an orphan, a boy of ten, who had lived almost my entire life in the streets when I met Aiden. He was starving, and had stumbled into my cave in search of something to kill so that he could eat. I’d stolen some pork from a butcher and was cooking it by a fire when he arrived. We fought for it, and I nearly killed him. Despite his size advantage, he’d gone days without eating and was very weak. He begged for me to help him. He explained that his family had been murdered by the peasants who worked their land, and that they had burned down his home and claimed the property for themselves.”
“A peasant myself, I had very little sympathy for nobles like he and his family. They enjoyed themselves at our expense, I understood this even that young. In fact, it wasn’t until he promised to teach me how to read and write that I agreed to help him.”
“Eventually, I came to trust him. And then that trust grew into a type of brotherhood. We came to depend on each other for our survival. Sometimes Aiden’s last name and family ring would earn him sympathy from the other noblemen. They would do him favors or give him their leftovers in honor of the man they knew his father to have been. I came to understand that his father had been a truly good man. That helped me understand the tragedy of his loss. But there were also times when those favors and sympathies simply weren’t there, and I’d have to steal or go hunt for food. There were many nights when we went to sleep hungry, but it was never just one of us. Either both of us ate, or both of us starved. We came to share everything.”
“It was this principle of sharing that led me to meet Daemon. We were seventeen and eighteen then, and Aiden had stumbled across him in a field. He was weak and there was a mob chasing him—warlocks, but Aiden did not know that then. He told me later that his sympathy was born from the memory of the mob that had come for his family, and so he hid him in some trees, and pointed the mob in another direction. When he returned to where he’d hidden Daemon, he found him hunched over, he thought him dead, but once he got close Daemon lashed out at him with his blade—“
“The scar?” I interrupted.
Tristan nodded. “That scar was where the knife struck him. Daemon then crawled over and began to drink from Aiden, but remembering how he’d helped him, he spared Aiden’s life. It was the first time Daemon had ever left a victim alive. When Aiden met up with me later that night, I thought that he had gotten himself drunk. He was not yet used to being a vampire, so he moved awkwardly and kept tripping over himself. He was so excited, and sat me down to show me the things he could do. He moved like the wind—he could be here in one moment and there in the next. He could lift me by my shirt, over his head, with his smallest finger. He told me what happened, how he’d met this stranger and had helped him. He thought the man was an angel who had fallen to earth. He insisted that we find this man so that he could “bless” me as well.”
“We searched for weeks before we found him in a small town a few dozen miles from where we’d grown up. During this time, Aiden would leave during the night and not tell me where he was going. I didn’t think anything of it. After all, there was no one I trusted more in the world. Daemon was wary of us when we first approached him, thinking Aiden had come to kill him. He kept asking how he’d healed so fast and if he knew witches. Aiden kept asking if he could “bless” me too—never having told me
of the predator he’d become in the night. Daemon asked to see what he meant, and Aiden showed him. Daemon was beside himself. Daemon asked him if he thirsted for the blood of men and Aiden told him he did.”
“It was the first I’d learned this, and so I ran. They caught up with me easily and forced me off into the woods. Aiden begged me to join him but I refused, I was no murderer. I reminded him that he was no better than the men who killed his family and that set him off. The animal in him attacked me. Aiden says that he killed me that night, but that Daemon had bitten me, and I awoke the next morning as if I’d merely been asleep.”
“Still, my mind was human and I refused to drink. My body grew weak and sick, and everyday Aiden would beg me to change my mind. I was determined to die. But that wasn’t to be. Daemon had plans for me. When I’d become too weak to move, Daemon brought me a man they’d attacked, positioning him in such a way that the blood from his injuries would drip into my mouth. Tasting human blood for the first time awoke the monster in my mind. It took me, ruined my soul.”
“Daemon had discovered that he could create more of himself, an army with which he could fight the witches who hunted him. Aiden and I were to be his generals, and we were so driven by our own bloodlust and newfound power that we followed him. He created just two others, and then we set out to spread his revenge across the earth.”
“I was evil, Ana. I, the abomination. I was that and much more—until I saw you in that field. The boy who’d resisted this life for as long as his body would allow, he returned that day. Yet, I have no doubt that I would have sank back into my old ways had you not accepted me that night in your room. You showed me that I was something that could be loved and that gave me something to live for—a reason to fight the predator in my mind. When the temptations became unbearable, and the darkness in my soul called, I was always strong enough to overcome it. I am a living testament that there is nothing more powerful than love. And it was your love, born from your beautiful spirit, that saved me.
Chapter 24
Homecoming
“When I die this time, what will you do?”
“Ana, this is my heaven. Right now, these moments. When your life as Ana is over, then I will have no reason to keep going. Except, while you spend an eternity in bliss, I will have simply ceased to exist. This has been a better fate than I deserved.”
The way he spoke about me, it soothed me down to my core. The way in which he regarded himself, his decision to just let himself fade away once I was gone—that it was all he deserved— was heart wrenching. But what could I do? What could I say? The only thing I had it in my power to do was to make this last lifetime special. But to ensure that, I would need to find out what could potentially tear us apart. That was especially important now that I was getting memories. I couldn’t end up like Aleksandra.
I steered my questions away from that topic and back to where I might get some clues. From what I had gathered so far, from his body language, it somehow involved his relationship with Daemon.
“Is Daemon still alive?” I asked.
“You’re very interested in Daemon, aren’t you?”
“Just curious.”
Skepticism flashed across his face, but faded. His eyes took up that tortured expression again. “He’s alive.”
My heartbeat quickened, but he seemed to be too deep into his own thoughts to have noticed. I hated to see him like this, but it was for his own good. Knowing what the “bad thing” was could only help me to avoid falling into the same trap. “Does he know about how you’ve changed?”
“He does.”
“And he doesn’t care?” I asked.
“Not now that the war is over. I think that he takes solace in the fact that I, and now Aiden, have left the vampire world behind. Two less vampires to challenge him. Aiden is the general that defeated the witches, and I am the warrior whose feats in battle are held up as legendary by my kind. As the more famous of “The Four,” we have considerable influence over “The First,” the large community of vampires that were the first to be turned. If Daemon is king, and “The Four” his heirs, then “The First” would be our nobles. Vampires turned later are considered lesser or “common” because the venom in their veins is so diluted. Udric and Nathena, the other two vampires turned by Daemon, have used their status as members of the “The Four” to lead countless revolts against him. They might be successful if not for the fact that they have to keep him alive.”
“And why is that?” I pressed.
He slid his arms away from me and leaned up in the bed. “I think that’s enough “Daemon talk” for tonight.” His tone was light, but I knew I was close to something.
I sat up too, shaking my head. “We made a deal.”
“Did we?”
“If I don’t ask you about the bad thing, then you have to answer the rest of my questions. You promised.”
“Oh, that deal. Ana…”
I cut him off with a look.
He studied my face. He had to know what I was up to, but he couldn’t really accuse me openly, that would be admitting that I was on to whatever he was hiding. But if I really was just asking out of curiosity’s sake, then his answering wouldn’t matter, I wouldn’t know that it meant anything. Having been backed into a corner, answering was the only option he had.
Finally, he did. “Because all of our fates are tied to his. We call him the Source because it’s believed that the magick that gives the venom its powers of preservation is drawn from the spell Merline cast to keep Daemon alive. If his life ends, then the spell is broken. Simply put, if he dies, we all do.”
I thought on that for a moment but only found myself more confused—and a little worried. What if one of those revolts got out of hand? If one of those vampires went too far?
“Can we change the subject now?” He seemed slightly annoyed with me, but had a satisfied look about him. His answer had only served to make me more confused. Plus, my disappearing into thought had given me away. He now knew for a fact that I was actively trying to figure out what he was keeping from me.
I conceded and moved on. “Are you angry at Aiden for misleading you?”
“I used to be,” he replied. “It was part of what fueled me on the battlefield. My brother had betrayed me, making me a monster against my will, and because of that I had no regard for my own life. I would charge into conflicts recklessly. Only, I was too used to surviving to ever truly let myself be killed.”
“It wasn’t until I met you for the first time, that the anger began to subside. Had he not done what he did, I would never have met you.” He smiled up at me now, the thought of having been able to meet me instantly improving his mood. I started to feel guilty about being so sneaky before. “Aiden must have sought us out almost a dozen times during that first eleven months, asking me to return with him to our world. When I would refuse him, he would call me a traitor, or even disown me as a brother.” He laughed. “Sometimes both. When he came again shortly after I’d lost you that first time, he attacked me. I let him win. I begged for him to kill me. I think it was my grief that made him understand finally. As much as he could at that time, anyway. He didn’t come nearly as often after that. It wasn’t until he experienced it for himself that he fully understood. Ironically, it was during one of his more recent “What are you doing with your life?” visits that it happened.” He smiled at me again and shook his head playfully. “He’s always been a sucker for brown eyes.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I should go,” he whispered.
“Why?” I asked.
“Someone’s on their way up here. A male, it sounds like.” He kissed my forehead. “And just so we’re clear, Daemon has nothing to do with the “bad thing.” It was fun to watch your inner detective at work, though.” He gave me a quick grin and a wink, and then disappeared out over my balcony.
A knock sounded on the door. No one ever knocked, they just sort of came in. After rushing over to the mirror, I was satisfied tha
t whoever this was wouldn’t be able to tell that I’d been so flustered by Duncan. Tristan had me feeling like me again. “Come in,” I yelled.
Darren poked his head inside the door. That was a surprise.
“Hey, it’s me,” he said.
“Hey,” I said uncomfortably.
“Um, can we talk?” he asked.
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I knew that I wouldn’t get a better chance than this to end things. “Sure,” I said.
I started to lead him toward the bed, but stopped myself. Instead I brought him over to the sofa on the other side of room. It was the first time it had ever been used.
“Your room is amazing,” he said looking around.
“Yeah, it’s bigger than all my old ones combined, I think.”
He shot me a half smile. “I tried to call, but nobody answered.”
“Oh, sorry. Helena usually answers the phone, but she’s still at the clinic.”
“No problem.” There was a brief pause before he cleared his throat. “It’s just that I’ve been thinking, and well… maybe I moved too fast with you. I probably shouldn’t have kissed you liked that.”
That kiss had been amazing and I wanted to tell him that, but this opportunity was like a gift. I had to take it. “I didn’t want to say anything. I mean, you’re like amazing and perfect and sweet and funny—“
“But…” he gently interrupted.
I sighed on the inside. “But I don’t think I’m really ready to be in like a boyfriend/girlfriend kind of serious thing.” I kinda prided myself on being a pretty decent liar, another skill my mother insisted I learn for my own protection, but this was difficult. The words were hard to get out.
“I could kinda tell,” he said, looking down at the floor. “You seemed uncomfortable around me after that kiss.”
I didn’t think it would feel this awful to lie to him. But I was certain that even as accepting as he’d been about my being a conjurer, there was no way he’d understand that I was in love with a vampire. So I continued the lie. “Yeah, it kinda changed things for the worst.”
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