“What are you thinking?” he asked, her naked breasts touching his skin and he felt it all starting up again, that desire and need to love her once more. Just looking at her could do that to him. She’d wrecked his concentration, invaded his head and he knew he’d never be the same man again. She’d changed him. Forever.
“I’m thinking that ... I’m terrified, Michael. I’m scared.”
He looked at her, the tears she’d cried when they’d made love had stained her face but she still looked like the most beautiful woman in the world to him.
“Scared?”
“Of us. Of this, of how I feel.”
“Oh, baby ... why’s that making you scared?”
Should she open herself up to him so completely so soon? But after Kenny she wanted to be honest, she wanted him to know exactly what she was feeling so there’d be no mistakes, no misunderstandings. If he didn’t feel for her what she was feeling for him then she didn’t know if she could go any further because that might only end up hurting her more if it never happened. But the thought of walking away from him now was something she couldn’t bear to think about. It hurt to even imagine it.
“I’m scared because I think I love you, Michael. I feel like I’ve ran head on into a brick wall here and this isn’t what I planned to do today ... fall in love with you. I didn’t plan to do it.”
He stroked her cheek, losing himself in her words, words he’d dreamed of her saying for God knows how long. Sometimes he felt his life had only really begun the day she’d walked into it.
“There’s no need to be scared, baby. Because I love you too, I love you like you can’t even begin to imagine, and that’s all that matters, isn’t it? That we love each other.”
She looked into those piercing blue eyes and felt herself giving way again, giving into him as his fingers stroked her skin, his mouth on hers, and all she could do was whisper “yes” before she was lost in his kiss, wanting nothing more than to be with him.
Michael Walsh was a very persuasive man, and she was mind-blowingly, head-over-heels in love with him. End of story.
CHAPTER 16
Charley stepped out of the car, closely followed by Jimmy. These days she was always closely followed by Jimmy, or one of Jimmy’s various bodyguards and henchmen. How her life had changed since that one night with Kenny Ross. Well, it hadn’t even been one night, had it? One kiss, some harmless flirting, not even sex, but she should have known that Jimmy would find out, she shouldn’t have been so naive, because from that day on she’d begun to realise just what she’d got herself into with Jimmy Cash. He may have been in Las Vegas at the time it had happened but he’d certainly made sure Charley had been looked after. She just hadn’t been aware of it.
He’d made sure someone had been keeping an eye on her at all times. They’d seen her with Kenny that evening three years ago, given Jimmy a full report - complete with pictures - and he’d returned from Vegas to make sure her life would never be the same again. Oh, he hadn’t kicked her out, dumped her or made sure she never worked for him again, that wasn’t how Jimmy Cash worked. No, Charley wasn’t going anywhere, not without him, or someone in his place, anyway. Ever since that night he’d made sure she was watched at all times, never went out alone and always, but always did what Jimmy said.
She was his now and his alone. Although he had absolutely no qualms whatsoever about sending her out to work in his movies or model for his magazines. But whereas before she’d had choices – what she would and wouldn’t do and who she did it with – Jimmy had now stripped her of any decision making in that respect. She no longer had the loose fame that came with being a number one porn star, he’d made sure all those perks and privileges had been taken away. Charley now did whatever Jimmy wanted her to do, when Jimmy wanted her to do it. She’d been thrown headlong into the world of hard-core porn by a man she’d thought had loved her but now realised only wanted to control her. She was his possession, his plaything, his toy, and she had no choice because, if she tried to leave, he’d have her killed. That’s what he’d said and she had no reason to disbelieve him. She’d seen things she’d never dreamed she’d ever see, heard the way Jimmy talked, and it scared her. She wasn’t willing to call his bluff.
So she just accepted that this was where her life had taken her. She was a prisoner in the home of a porn baron all because she’d wanted one night with Kenny Ross. But she hadn’t wanted one night at all had she? Not really. She’d wanted to take him away from India, she’d wanted him to love her the way he’d loved India, she’d wanted to make him see she was the one for him. She’d wanted him to take her from this world she’d gotten involved in and move her into his, but she should have known that was never going to happen. And was this now the punishment she deserved? Kenny was never going to love her the way he’d loved India, and he was never going to take her into his world. He would have used her for sex, if he’d had the chance, if India hadn’t turned up that night. That was all that would have happened. But she hadn’t even had the chance to experience that.
Jimmy took Charley’s arm as they walked into a small, inconspicuous house in downtown Los Angeles, the setting for another of Jimmy’s harsh and tasteless movies, a movie Charley didn’t really want to be a part of but she had no choice in the matter anymore, and as she looked around the living room, full of cameras, lights and sound equipment, she wondered what had happened to Brad. Since Jimmy had arrived on the scene and joined forces with Brad, he’d been less and less visible in the movie side of things. Or maybe Jimmy had just warned him to stay out of anything to do with Charley. He’d certainly made sure none of her friends were around anymore. He was the only company she needed, or so he’d told her. Brad had looked after her; he’d promised her Jimmy would do the same. It looked like that promise had been well and truly broken.
Jimmy took Charley’s coat and threw it to one of the girls standing by the side of the set. “You better go get your make-up done, sugar. You’re looking a little pale today. Can’t have that coming over on film now can we?”
He smiled at her, the same empty, feeling-less smile she’d had from him for years now. She found it so hard to smile back but if she didn’t keep up the front they’d created, didn’t make everyone think she was Jimmy’s girl and proud to be just that, then Jimmy would make sure she paid for that mistake the minute they were alone.
She followed the make-up girl into the kitchen next door and sat down at a large pine table, glancing at herself in the mirror. She looked awful. Couldn’t anybody see how awful she looked? Over the years she’d changed from a beautiful, healthy young woman into a pale and thin shadow of herself. Didn’t anyone question why? Or were they all scared of Jimmy too?
As the make up girl started to apply foundation to Charley’s face, she thought about India. She’d watched as her former best friend had taken Hollywood by storm, watched as she’d walked the red carpet at various award ceremonies and celebrity parties, on many of those occasions accompanied by Kenny, holding hands, despite the fact they were now divorced. She’d watched as every movie she made became a box office smash, turning her into Hollywood elite and Charley had often wondered, if she’d been less obsessed with finding her own fame, less obsessed with having what India had and just gone along with her for the ride, continuing to be her friend rather than her competition, would things have been different? Maybe she could have been sharing in her friend’s success instead of watching it from afar, from a home she now thought of as more of a prison.
She’d been the cause of India’s split from Kenny but her name had never been mentioned in the media in connection to that. Maybe Jimmy had made sure that was kept quiet too, she didn’t know. He controlled everything now, her whole life, everything. She didn’t really know who she was anymore.
She reached for a cup of coffee that had been put on the table in front of her, noticing the magazine lying beside it, the headline claiming to feature photographs of India and the new man in her life. Charley had heard s
he was now involved with Michael Walsh, and as she flicked through the magazine, looking at the two of them together at a baseball game, laughing, kissing, holding onto each other, India looked more in love than she ever had been with Kenny. Charley felt sick to her stomach. She thought she’d craved fame, thought she’d craved popularity and celebrity but all she really wanted now was someone who loved her, someone who cared about her. And she wanted the freedom to go and find that.
She looked at the pictures of India and Michael again. India was virtually unrecognisable from the girl she’d known back in Newcastle. She looked more confident, more beautiful, happier. But why wouldn’t she be? She had it all - the big house in Beverly Hills, the movie career, and now the famous Hollywood actor and director as her boyfriend.
Charley closed the magazine and pushed it away. It was pointless dreaming, pointless wishing for something that was never going to happen now. If Charley had learnt one thing over the past few years she’d learnt not to wish for anything anymore. This was her life now, this was it. It belonged to Jimmy Cash, and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.
***
Michael was sitting at the breakfast bar in India’s kitchen reading through papers and scripts for his new movie. He was in the director’s seat for this one and looking forward to having just the one role this time. Not to mention the fact that India had been cast as the female lead, and the publicity that would bring was already sending the producers into various states of excitement. Michael Walsh and India Steven together again, but this time as Hollywood’s hottest couple. They were predicting a box office smash before the cameras had even started rolling.
It was a romantic comedy, something Michael excelled in and India was perfect for, and he hadn’t even had to push to get her the role; she’d got that all by herself. And working with her this time was going to be an altogether different job but just to be with her every day was something he was extremely happy about. They hadn’t been together, as a couple, all that long and the thought of her going away to film without him had been something he hadn’t been looking forward to. This way they could stay in L.A. and be together, because letting her out of his sight wasn’t something he wanted to do in a hurry.
He turned around as he heard her come into the kitchen, unmade up and dressed in only one of his shirts, over the briefest of white panties. She looked so much younger than her twenty-eight years without the make-up and Hollywood glitz and he just adored every inch of her.
Taking off his reading glasses and putting them down on the breakfast bar, he swung round on his stool so he faced her, letting her step between his legs and slip her arms round his neck, kissing him quickly.
“What’s up?” he asked, sliding his hands underneath the shirt to stroke her thighs. She looked slightly distracted.
“Oh, it’s nothing. It’s nothing. Really.” India didn’t feel like she should tell Michael about the ‘phone call she’d just taken. She wasn’t sure who she should tell, really.
“You sure?” he smiled, kissing her nose and squeezing her waist.
She nodded. “Anyway, I was talking to Alice this afternoon.” Alice Evans was India’s agent. An experienced and extremely important woman in the industry, she’d taken India under her wing after her multi-award-nominated performance a couple of years ago, when agents had been falling over themselves to represent her. “Apparently ‘Viper’ want me.”
‘Viper’ was an extremely popular men’s magazine, the cover of which many an actress and model had graced, the really lucky ones being granted the ten-page spreads reserved for the ultra-famous and much-sought after.
Michael raised an eyebrow. “Viper?”
“Yeah, you know, that magazine where you get paid to take your clothes off.”
“I’m well aware of what ‘Viper’ is, India.”
She smiled, pulling away from him and leaning back against the breakfast bar.
“You’ve read it then?”
“I may have quickly looked through it once or twice, yes,” he laughed. “What do they want you to do?”
“Well, they want the obvious, of course. A photo shoot. They want the whole ten pages from me. And an interview. I’ve got a film to plug after all.”
A film they were going to the premiere of that evening, along with half of Hollywood. It was a comedy-drama, a movie with a large ensemble cast of some of the biggest names in Hollywood and India had had a ball making it. It was the first time she’d used an American accent too, something she’d started to do in quite a few movies now, and she was extremely convincing, although it had taken a lot of work with a very accomplished voice-coach to get it just right and lose that last bit of Geordie twang she still carried with her from her North East England roots.
“Do they want you to get naked?” Michael asked, putting his glasses back on and looking at her.
She looked back at him, raising an eyebrow. “What do you think?”
“I think ... I don’t know, actually.”
And he didn’t know what he was feeling, if he was honest. India was his now, and some things should be kept for his eyes only, shouldn’t they? The thought of other men seeing her naked was making him feel more than a little uneasy.
“Anyway, I haven’t said I’m doing it yet,” she said, noticing he’d gone a bit quiet. She stepped back between his legs and kissed him quickly. “But half the world’s seen me naked on screen so I’m not sure there’s much left to keep hidden from them really, Mikey.”
He smiled, trying to ignore the fact she was practically naked underneath his shirt. They couldn’t be late tonight.
“We’ll talk about it later, ok baby?” she said, desperate to spend just a few more minutes with him without talking about movies, TV or magazine deals. Since they’d become a couple everyone had wanted a piece of them and it was hard to go anywhere these days without being followed by reporters and paparazzi but here, behind the gates and the huge wooden doors of her home, her sanctuary, she just wanted to be alone with him. Or as alone as they could be in a house full of staff.
They weren’t living together. She sensed that Michael would like to but she just wasn’t ready. She loved him in a way she couldn’t explain, she loved him so much it hurt sometimes, but she still needed her own space. Having said that, they’d hardly spent any time apart in months. He was either here with her or she was over at his place, so maybe they were moving towards the inevitable anyway. But whatever the future held, what she was experiencing with him was something she’d never felt before. She’d fallen totally and utterly in love with him and it was showing no signs of calming down. All she wanted to do was be with him and it scared her that a time would come when they’d have to be apart, which is why she was so unbelievably happy about him directing her new movie. To wake up with him every morning and then go to work together was a dream come true. Even if the attention it was going to attract was going to be a nightmare.
She rested her forehead against his, stroking the back of his neck. “Do you want to share a shower?” she whispered, knowing they didn’t really have time for what that was inevitably going to lead to, but not caring. She wanted to be with him and she didn’t think he’d put up that much of a fight.
Michael smiled again. His baby angel, his beautiful girl. He prayed every day that this carried on, that they never got tired of each other, never forgot what they were feeling now. His life revolved around her and he wanted it to stay that way.
He slowly unfastened the shirt she was wearing a little bit more, leaning forward to kiss her breasts. This girl had him totally under her spell and sometimes he still couldn’t believe she was really his. After all the pain of wanting her so much, of loving her from afar without her having any idea how he really felt, after all the heartache of seeing her with Kenny and now, finally, she was here with him. It still seemed too good to be true. But it was her skin he was touching, her mouth he was kissing, her voice that was whispering in his ear. And now that desperate need to have her
had been replaced by the overwhelming fear of losing her, and he was having a lot of trouble dealing with that.
“Come on,” he smiled, standing up and taking her hand. “Let’s go take that shower.”
But for now, any thoughts or fears of what may or may not happen in the future were put to rest. The present was about to entail another trip to heaven, and Michael was more than ready for the ride.
***
The post-premiere party was busy, noisy and full of some of Hollywood’s biggest stars, which still made Terry slightly nervous. This was his sister’s world, not his, and he wasn’t overly comfortable mixing with movie stars and everything that came with them. He didn’t mind Reece, or even Michael come to that, but that was because they were close to India and somehow seemed more ordinary.
He grabbed a drink from a passing waiter and watched as his sister walked into the room, hand in hand with Michael. She’d changed so much over the years. Not as a person, more the way she looked. She’d grown up; become this incredibly beautiful young woman and he couldn’t believe it was her sometimes when he looked at her. She was still that tomboy rock-chick at heart, that’d never change, but tonight she was the epitome of Hollywood glamour, and she looked amazing in a white, off-one-shoulder short sheath dress that skimmed over her curves, her long legs shown off to their incredible best in high silver sandals, her hair piled loosely on top of her head. No wonder Michael looked like the luckiest man in the world. He probably was. And Terry felt proud to be her brother, lucky to be here with her, sharing in it all. If only they’d had parents who could have been here too, parents who’d cared enough to want to be here and be as proud of her as he was.
Terry had often thought about contacting their mum, just to see what was going on in her life, but he’d always stopped himself, always thought twice and then thought better of it. India may not want her contacted and if she did, well, she was a big enough girl to do so herself. For now, they were fine as they were. India had people around her who loved her and he was here to keep an eye on her. They didn’t need anyone else.
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