by Ali Parker
“So what are you going to do?” she finally asked.
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Was it too late to pull back now? Would I only confuse him more? What was I putting at risk if I put a stop to the momentum we’d built over the last week?
Everything.
“Do you need to hear it straight?” Janie asked.
No. “Yes,” I said, my breath hitching in my throat.
“If you’re still sticking to your ‘taking the money and giving up on love’ plan, you should reel it in, girl. Otherwise, you’re asking for a whole hell of a lot of suffering. For both of you. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Max deserves better than that.”
As per fucking usual, she was right.
This was past wrong. It was cruel. And it was my responsibility to put a stop to things before Max began to feel for me the way I felt for some of the other men.
Real love.
Real pain.
I would not be the reason he suffered.
I had already hurt all the other men beyond repair. They just didn’t know it yet. The least I could do was spare Max from that fate.
I was close to tears when I found my words. “Thank you, Janie. I needed to be reminded what’s at stake.”
“Can I say one more thing?”
“Is it going to hurt as much as the last part?”
I could hear the sympathy in her voice. “No. At least I hope not.”
“Okay. Get it over with.”
Janie was quiet for a minute. “Nothing is set in stone, Piper. You can still choose love. Sure, the money would make things easier. But since when did money solve everyone’s problems?”
“Yeah. Well, I wish it was that simple.”
“It can be.”
There was no sense in arguing. I couldn’t change my mind. I’d promised my parents freedom from debt, and that was what I would deliver. I’d known the cost at the beginning of the year when I started this process.
I just needed to be reminded.
Chapter 18
Max
When Holly first moved out to LA, I picked her up at the airport in a buddy’s car. I couldn’t afford my own. It was a Volkswagen of some sort. I couldn’t remember what kind. It had a blown-out back window sealed with a tarp, and the whole thing smelled like weed.
My sister was standing outside the terminal. She had one bag. A hiking backpack. It was on the ground beside her, nearly up to her hips in height, and when I got out of the car and hauled it into the trunk, I nearly threw my back out.
Then I’d taken her straight to a little hole in the wall place for breakfast not far from my campus. She told me she wasn’t hungry. But as soon as there was food in front of her, she devoured it.
Paris in Cali was the small creperie I’d taken her to. Back then, the seats were powder pink, and everything had that poodle skirt, black wrought iron, Eiffel tower vibe to it.
Now, over a decade and a half later, a lot had changed.
The crepes were still the best in the city by far. But the interior had gotten a serious facelift about six years ago. The pink decor was switched out for a more neutral navy-blue palette that complemented the dark wood floors and white accent pieces. They’d added an extension off the back for their kitchen and pushed the front wall back to make more cafe space.
Even though the table and chairs were different, I selected the same spot Holly and I sat in for breakfast all those years ago on her first day in LA. She was supposed to meet me here, and I was early.
After talking with Piper at the pier, Holly had been on my mind. So had our family and my guilt over leaving her behind with them. Piper was right. A conversation was long overdue. My little sister deserved an apology, and it was better late than never.
The looming conversation made me nervous.
Holly and I hadn’t spoken about our parents or what life was like before we left Oklahoma in years. It was a topic of discomfort for both of us, and neither one of us wanted to be the one to bring those memories to the foreground. But maybe if we could talk through this, it would give us some closure, and we wouldn’t feel like there was this dark storm cloud in our past that still managed to affect our present.
I watched the door of the creperie for my sister to arrive. The minutes ticked by, slowly at first, and then quicker as more time went by, and I started to wonder if she was going to show at all.
She’d sounded more than a little suspicious when I called last night and asked if she was free for breakfast.
In fact, she’d asked what I was playing at, and she didn’t seem to believe me when I told her I just wanted to see her.
Maybe I was doing an even poorer job at this brother thing than I realized.
The door swung open and a bell chimed. Holly stepped into the crepe shop, looked around, smiled at the woman working behind the bar, and then spotted me. She rolled her eyes knowingly before crossing the floor to drop into the seat across from me.
“This spot brings back memories,” she said, twisting in her chair to look around. “It looks good in here. A lot different.”
“It’s like nothing and everything has changed all at the same time.”
My sister chuckled and folded her arms on the table. “You can say that again.”
A bit of awkwardness settled between us. Holly studied me, and I sipped the coffee I’d ordered while I waited. The server came to our table, and Holly ordered a coffee too. We studied our menus like they were the most interesting things we’d ever seen until the server came back and we placed our orders.
Then we had nothing left to distract ourselves.
Holly shifted in her seat. “So what’s this about, Max?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“About what? Piper? Don’t tell me you’ve already gone and fallen in love with the girl. Look, I know she’s probably the hottest thing on legs you’ve ever seen, but it’s only been two weeks, and you’d have to be a hell of a lot crazier than I thought you were to want to hitch your wagon—”
“Not about Piper.”
“Oh.” Holly blinked. Then she cocked her head to the side with curiosity. “What then?”
“About you and me.”
Holly’s eyebrows arched. “What about us?”
I scratched at my jaw. I should have figured out how I was going to bring all this up with her before we were sitting down. It might have gone smoother, and I wouldn’t have felt like a fish out of water.
It was stupid to feel so intimidated by a conversation.
Holly and I had lived the same history. We were in it together. It had molded us both.
“About me moving out here,” I said.
She frowned. “Okay. I don’t think I understand where you’re going here, Max.”
I sighed. “About me moving out here and leaving you behind. With Mom and Dad.”
Holly pushed away from the table. “Max, we don’t have to talk about that. It was a long time ago. And it was fine. I’ve told you it was fine. You needed to get out, and you had a shot. If roles were reversed, I would’ve done the same.”
“No, you wouldn’t have.”
Holly studied me. Her shoulders slumped. “All right. Fine. I wouldn’t have. But that’s partly because I was too scared to do anything by myself. You were the trailblazer, not me. Where you went, I followed. It’s always been that way. If you hadn’t left, I never would have felt the urge to chase after you. And if I never chased after you…” She trailed off and shuddered. “Well, I don’t like to think what might have become of me if I stayed there.”
Neither did I. She might have been in the car with our parents when Dad ran the car off the road.
“That still doesn’t justify the fact that I abandoned you, Holly.”
“Max,” she said sharply, shaking her head so vigorously at me that her blonde hair came untucked from behind her ears. “You did not abandon me. I’m your sister. Not your child. You couldn’t sit on your hands and wait for me t
o catch up to you and graduate high school. You had a scholarship. And thank God you took it. Look where it got you.”
Financial success, stability, fast cars, a beautiful house, and more guilt than I knew what to do with.
“Either way,” I said, “I wanted you to know that I’m sorry. And that I never meant to leave you behind. I was so focused on myself and getting out that you became a second thought. And I regret that more than anything else I’ve ever done, Holly.”
Her expression was calm and neutral as she studied me. Then she cracked her classic Holly smile and arched an eyebrow at me as she leaned in conspiratorially. “Is that why you’re always buying me nice shiny things, big brother?”
My own laugh surprised me.
Holly leaned back with a smug look on her face. “If that’s the case, I hope you keep feeling bad. Because you and I both know how much I love new shoes.”
I didn’t deserve a sister as cool as her.
“In all seriousness, Max,” she said, reaching across the table and putting her hand on mine, “I couldn’t have asked you to put a pin in your life and wait in that hellhole for two years for me to catch up with you. That’s nonsense. Things happened exactly how they were supposed to. And look. We’re still close. I couldn’t have asked for more.”
“Me neither.”
She grinned at me. “Good. Now, are we done with this mushy stuff?”
I nodded. “Yes. We’re done.”
Holly sipped her coffee. “Thank God.”
We were both cracking jokes and teasing each other when our crepes arrived. Holly’s was smothered in chocolate and strawberries, while mine was stuffed with eggs, bacon, onions, and cheese. We ate in the comfort of one another’s company, and I reveled in how easy it was to breathe now that I’d said I was sorry and the air was clear.
Now that there was no more need to look back.
“So tell me about Piper, big brother. How are things going there? She seemed nice when we went shopping. A little quiet. A little reserved. But nice.”
“I think she was shy. You might have intimidated her a little.”
“Me? Intimidate? Never.”
I thought back to how Piper had said my sister was a little crazy. “Maybe a bit.”
Holly shrugged. “Whatever. I like her. Do you like her?”
I popped a piece of crepe in my mouth and washed it down with a sip of coffee. I didn’t know how Holly knew it, but she saw right through me evading answering her and pointed an accusing finger at me.
“Oh my God, you do like her, don’t you!” She gasped. “Oh man. You like her a lot. You’re so screwed.”
“Thanks for that.”
“You’re welcome,” she said sweetly.
“How do I put Piper into words?” I asked.
“Oh God. Don’t get all sentimental and lovey-dovey on me, Max. I don’t care that much. I was just asking out of common courtesy.”
“She’s smart, crazy smart,” I began.
Holly hung her head. “Here we go.”
I ignored her and her smile. She wanted to hear what I had to say. This was just how we were together. “She’s funny too. All we do when we’re together is laugh. She’s kind. And warm. And she’s opened my eyes and shown me everything I’ve been missing out on.”
Holly lifted her head. “What do you mean?”
“I’m working less.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Yes. And it feels good.”
“You’re not dying from separation anxiety with your office?”
I shook my head. “Nope. I’d rather be with her.”
Holly made a surprised sound in the back of her throat. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
“What?”
“You, big brother, are falling in love.”
I couldn’t contain my smile. Her words validated the thoughts I’d been having for days already. Every time I was away from Piper, I looked forward to being back in her company. Like right now. I couldn’t wait to get home and thank her with kisses and hugs for what she’d done for me and Holly.
She didn’t know how much I’d needed this, how much I’d needed to forgive myself. She gave me the opportunity to do that.
I felt lighter than ever. Free.
My parents and the dark mark they left on my childhood were officially in my rearview mirror. My attention was fixed on the future.
Our future.
Chapter 19
Piper
I’d been ready to pump the brakes with Max when he got back from breakfast with his sister. I had everything I wanted to say written down. I’d read it over and over and over again. It was gentle, respectful, and honest.
Well, as honest as I could be without telling him I was only doing this for the money.
But he didn’t come home after breakfast. He called me while he was en route to the office and apologized that he wouldn’t be home until later this evening, around seven o’clock. He promised we would order pizzas and watch movies as we’d originally planned, and I sat there like an idiot on the phone, agreeing to everything and pretending like I wasn’t about to rain on his parade as soon as he walked through the door.
He said he had a business meeting that couldn’t wait. He hadn’t sounded happy about it. I had a feeling someone was going to suffer the brunt of his frustration at having to go into the office when he’d made it clear that he was stepping back for the month.
As CEO, you’d think a guy would have that sort of power. But it appeared that things didn’t get done correctly if he wasn’t there. And there was a big contract rolling through that he had to handle.
I understood. The timing just sucked major balls.
By six o’clock, I was a nervous wreck. I paced the living room while sipping a glass of wine in hopes it would take the edge off my nerves.
It didn’t. So I poured myself another. And then another.
By the time quarter to seven rolled around, my head was too fuzzy for me to feel genuine anxiety over the impending conversation and what it meant for the rest of the month.
I collapsed onto the sofa and sipped my wine and wished I didn’t have to do this. If I had a Fairy Godmother or a Guardian Angel, now would be the time for her to sweep in and save me.
Things would be awkward at best.
Maybe it would be just like it was the first few days I was here.
If that was the case, I could live with that. At least I’d be sparing him real pain a month and a half from now. That was what mattered. If I really cared about him, I had to protect his heart. And this was the only way to do it.
When the clock struck seven, I poured myself another half glass just to keep my buzz going. I was ready for however this would unfold. I knew what I had to say.
Now I just had to wait.
And wait.
And—
The front door unlocked.
I sat bolt upright on the sofa. My wine nearly sloshed over the edge, and I hurried to take a couple of sips as I heard Max’s footsteps across the foyer. Then I set the wine down, got to my feet, ran my hands over my jeans as if to smooth them, realized I wasn’t wearing a dress, and looked up to find Max smiling at me.
Why do you have to be so handsome? I wondered as I looked upon him in all his glory. Navy suit. Slicked back blond hair. Undone collar. Loose tie. Hand in one pocket.
“What’s this?” Max asked, his blue eyes flicking to my glass of wine.
I hoped it wasn’t obvious how many glasses I’d had. “Nothing. You know how it is. I opened a bottle, and one glass led to two.”
Or four.
His smile was uncertain. Calculating. He was on to me. “Is everything all right, Piper?”
I nodded. “Yes.” No.
“Have you eaten dinner?”
“No,” I said.
He eyed me curiously as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Let’s place an order then, shall we? You look like you might need some carbs to… level you out.”
Oh. The
humiliation.
He knew I was drunk. Well, not drunk exactly, but well on my way. Hell. Maybe I was drunk. I was too strung out on nerves to know the difference.
“I don’t need carbs, Max.”
He chuckled as he raised his phone to his ear. “Are you sure? Look, I’m not judging. In fact, I’m a little excited about where all this might lead, but you’ve clearly had a few drinks, and you should probably get some food in your stomach, or you’ll regret it in the morning.”
Why do you have to be so handsome and sweet?
He wanted to take care of me.
“Max, I need to talk to you,” I blurted out.
He blinked.
“Now,” I said.
He hung up the phone. “All right. Let’s talk.”
Max moved around the sofa, took my hand, and brought me close to him. I could smell his cologne and aftershave, that same lovely tropical scent that brought me right back to San Francisco. He guided me over to the sofa, and we took our seats, angled toward each other, my right knee pressed to his left, my hands still consumed by his.
He frowned. “Piper. You’re starting to worry me. Did something happen? This doesn’t feel like you at all.”
“I don’t know how to say this.”
“Just say it.”
I grimaced and gnawed at the inside of my cheek as I stared at my lap.
Then his fingers were under my chin, and he was lifting my face gently to his. I fell into his blue gaze, as open and deep as the ocean itself, and he held me under his stare as his smooth voice rolled over me. “Piper. Don’t worry about finding the right words. Just tell me what’s bothering you.”
“I fucked up.”
“How?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.”
“Do what to me?”
My bottom lip trembled. He held my chin up, forcing me to look at him.
I forced myself to speak. “This isn’t fair to you, Max. And I can’t stomach the guilt anymore. I’m scared.” I took a deep shuddering breath. He didn’t push. He let me regroup before I continued. And the next words I had to say were the hardest of them all. “I’m scared that you care more for me than I do for you.”