by Leen Elle
"Ok Wes."
"Now, how's about you and me go get a little dinner? I have a feeling Sam won't be back for a while."
"What if he does comes back? He'll wonder where we were, what will we say?"
"We'll tell him we were hungry and we couldn't wait. Believe me, it won't be lying, I've been eating disgusting army food for two years, a greasy hamburger sounds like heaven right now."
Kate laughed, starting to walk, "There's a diner about a block from the hotel. This is kind of exciting, I've been waiting two years for our first official date." Her eyes sparkled in the rain as she gazed up at him. "I just hope Sam is doing alright with Lilli..."
. . .
Sam moved with careful, calculated strides on his crutches, the light rain getting him wet quickly. He didn't stop, knowing full well that if he did, he would lose his nerve. Her auburn hair still hung perfectly curled down her back despite the humidity and rain. As he approached, she tightened.
"Miss Windsor?" Sam asked, his chest tightening at the sight of her. She was more beautiful in person than in her picture, how he wished he could pick her up and propel her into a spin right this moment. She turned, looking at him thoughtfully when recognition came over her.
"I recognize you! You're one of Joe's friends, Sam right? He sent me a picture with you in it."
"Yes ma'am." he answered, amazed that he was able to reply at all. The lilt of her voice was so soothing and becoming, and only served to increase his love for her. She sparkled with life, excitement and anticipation brimming from the blue violet of her eyes. His dreams had not been this wonderful.
"I am so happy to meet you!" she said with genuine sincerity. "I thought you were dead because Joe never spoke of you in his letters. Can I share my umbrella with you until Joe arrives?"
Sam knew there would be no easy way to continue the conversation. He shook his head at her kind invitation, wanting desperately to be cuddled beside her under the umbrella, but not trusting his own willpower to be so close to her. "Is there somewhere a little more dry we could sit and talk?"
He watched as concern and worry fell over her features, like one of the dark clouds in the sky above them. All he wanted to do was comfort her, but he knew that to her, he was a stranger, for now. She gazed back at the large boat behind him before nodding, leading the way towards a brightly lit coffee shop.
"Can I take your crutches?" she asked as Sam slid carefully into the both. It amazed him that she was being so caring when he knew she was worried about the man she thought she loved. He couldn't imagine loving her any more than he had before stepping off the boat, but he had been wrong. At this moment his heart was filled with admiration, respect, and love for the woman who sat demurely in front of him.
"Are you hungry? Should we order something?" Sam asked. "Maybe a piece of chocolate cake?"
"Sure," she answered with a quiet smile. "Chocolate cake is my favorite."
Sam smiled, fighting back the urge to say he knew. He looked up at the waitress, "A piece of chocolate cake, cherry pie and two cups of coffee please."
A moment passed after the waitress left and Lilli's soft voice sounded. "Will you please tell me where Joe is? I know you're trying to be kind, but it's only making me more concerned. His telegram said he'd be home on September 4th, and that's today. You seemed to know I'd be here, but where is he?" she said, a sob escaping on the last word.
Sam breathed deeply, steadying himself by gripping the table, "Joe, is not coming home...Joe died in France."
Lilli drew in breath quickly, quiet hysterics following. Her head dropped into her hands and she wept. Sam managed to get up, sliding beside her, wrapping an arm around her. She let her head fall onto his shoulder and he held her tightly. The aroma of her hair drifted to his nose, and the curve of her body against his own was almost too much to take. He prayed silently that soon she would be his very own, and this hug would not be foreign to him after tonight. He knew there was more to say, and knew that the explanation would lessen her grief, but might increase her anger.
The waitress came and set down their desserts, uncertain of what else to do. Lilli managed to get a hold of herself and assured Sam that she was alright. He moved back to the other side of the table and watched her chest rise and fall in heaves as she tried to keep herself calm. She took bite of her cake and sip of her coffee which seemed to settle her even more. With another shaky breath, she spoke again, "When?"
"Lilli, this is when it becomes difficult..." he said carefully. Lilli nodded, listening intently, her almost violet eyes were as big as saucers.
"Joe died on May 15, 1943." he said slowly, trying to remain calm, waiting for her reaction.
"No, no, he's been writing to me for two years, I received this telegram just two weeks ago!" she cried, pulling out the crumpled piece of paper as evidence. "He, injured his knee, that's why he was being shipped home, he injured his..." Suddenly she looked up, the crutches leaning against the booth catching her eye. "Why do you need crutches?"
"I injured my knee..." Sam said bluntly. "I wrote the telegram, and I've been the one writing to you. I've been writing to you since Joe's death..."
"What?" she said in a breath, unbelief laced around the word.
"I was supposed to write condolence letters to all of Joe's girls. I came upon yours and felt compelled to open it. I read each letter you had written, and the letter that came from my own pen was not one of condolence."
"You lied to me?" she accused quietly. It was apparent that she was hurt, and confused, but her volume did not increase.
"No, never lied."
"You let me believe you were Joe, you never said you were someone else, what is that if it wasn't lying?" she pressed, hands tightly gripping her coffee cup.
"I never said I was Joe, and everything in those letters was me. I told you about my dreams, my fears, my family. I began the first letter believing I had to talk to you, then I couldn't bear to tell you in a letter, especially at the thought that I might not get home..." he explained, hoping that some of it was making sense to her.
"I thought I was writing to someone else! I was praying for Joe, dreaming of Joe, worrying about Joe. Not only do I feel like a complete and utter fool, but you have shattered every hope of trust." Lilli spoke the words with grief more than anger. Her words were soft, and her movements slow and fluid as she slid out of the booth and pulled on her trench. Making quick work of the buttons, she turned away, her shoes squeaking on the linoleum.
"You promised you'd love me no matter what." he said desperately, hoping it would be enough to make her realize that it was him that she loved.
Lilli spun on her heels, rage lighting her eyes, but there was no evidence of it in her calm, soft voice. "I said I would love Joe Sinclair, and you are not, Joe Sinclair. Please, stay away from me." Tears streamed down her face as she left, leaving Sam at the table, alone, gutted.
It wasn't what he had hoped for, but was similar to what he had imagined might happen. Sam almost wished that Lilli had gotten angry, really angry with the news he had to bring. Her calm was almost unnerving. She was not being irrational, it was very clear that she had thought carefully about each word she spoke. He feared that she had meant for him to stay away, but that was something he couldn't do. Now more than ever he realized the intensity of his feelings toward her, and while he didn't know how he would do it right now, he knew he had to find away to get her back and earn her trust. This time he would be a great deal more careful with it, understanding the full impact of all he had done to their relationship with his letters.
Chapter 14
September 6, 1944
"Sure you want to come?" Kate asked, watching as Sam threw his bag in the back of the pick up.
"Are you kidding? After I beat Wes at arm wrestling to drive?" Sam laughed.
"You know why I'm asking. Momma will understand if you want to stay here a couple days to try and patch things up..."
"She won't even see me." Sam said dejectedly, slumping
against the truck. He remembered vividly being turned away from Lilli's home two times since seeing her at the coffee shop.
"Don't tell me you're giving up," Kate's look was incredulous. It was obvious that she knew her older brother very well, and couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"No, just giving her the space she asked for. If I keep pressing myself on her, she won't have time to miss me."
"I'm sure I could find a way to talk to her, she doesn't know who I am."
Sam kissed his sisters forehead, "Thank you Katie, but I think time is what she needs. Besides, I am anxious to see Momma, Dad, Sarah and Annie."
"Don't forget Rob." Kate said, referring to their new brother-in-law.
Sam smiled nervously, making Kate laugh. Wes came out of the boys hotel room and wanted to know what he had missed. They explained as they climbed into the truck. Kate squeezed in between the two friends, and Sam revved the engine. He pulled out of the parking lot and turned the truck toward home. The three friends talked almost the entire ride home, until they turned the corner that laid both of their homes out in the distance.
Both guys grew quiet, Sam thinking about how much time had passed since he had last seen home and his family. Kate was very much the same, but he couldn't help but wonder if the rest of the family had changed at all. Thinking about Sarah and Rob made his stomach turn, leading his thoughts to Annie, who had to have grown since he left when she was just 15. If Sam had to guess, he thought that Wes' thoughts must have been veering in the same direction.
It nearly broke Sam's heart to drive past the road that would lead to his own families orchard. Wes lived about fifteen minutes up the main road, any other day it would have been no trouble to drive him, but today, his homesickness forced his foot on the gas pedal a bit stronger than usual.
Kate hopped out of the truck with Wes to make sure he had gotten everything from the bed of the truck. She was only gone a moment before she slid back into the cab. Before pulling her seatbelt over her lap, she threw an arm around Sam, flashing him a comforting smile. Sam gently put the truck into gear, then headed for home.
The gravel popped under the tires as Sam pulled into his driveway. He stared in amazement at the large white farm house in front of him. The navy blue shutters and matching front porch stood in contrast, the familiarity of the house bringing tears to his eyes. Kate shifted beside him, "I'll get your crutches," she said, throwing herself out of the truck. Sam remained motionless until she wrenched open the door beside him.
"Don't tell me you're scared of your own family! Let's go! I bet Sarah even baked something." she said, a teasing sparkle in her eyes.
"It's been a long time Katie. Everyone has changed, and I've missed it while I was gone. Sarah is married and Annie is driving, and I don't even know what's changed with you, but I'm sure there's something."
"And we all still love you," Kate said in a soothing voice. "Do you realize you're being ridiculous?"
Sam nodded and sighed, knowing she was right. He took his crutches and eased out of the cab. Kate threw her arms around him again then lead him up the steps of the porch. The screen door squealed as Kate opened it, without thinking, Sam fell back into life as a farm boy. "Remind me to put some oil on that tomorrow."
Kate burst into laughter, leaving Sam dumbfounded. "What?"
"Do you really think Momma is going to let you do any work on your first day home from war? Not to mention the bullet hole in your knee!"
Sam felt himself laugh, surely his mother would coddle him for at least a week if not more. Though not a difficult job, his mother wouldn't let him near an oiling can. Kate, falling back into her own laughter, pushed Sam into the house and through the living room, where everyone was waiting.
Annie was the first to him, nearly knocking him over with the intensity of her hug. She only slowed because of his mothers distant scolding. She pressed her head into his chest and held on for dear life. "Come on Annie! Give the rest of us our turn to see him!" Sarah whined from the corner.
"Get over here Sarah!" Sam called. "My arms are big enough for two sisters."
Sarah rushed to him and he smiled as both of his sisters were huddled against his neck. After several minutes, Sam heard his father clearing his throat from the corner of the room. Both girls stepped back, their faces wet, to let their mother step forward. Tears clung to the back of Sam's throat as he gazed into his mothers loving face.
"Oh, I've missed you my boy. I'm so proud of you." she whispered, pulling him close, forcing the tears from his eyes.
"I'm so glad to be home Momma, I love you."
"Oh my boy." she whispered, gently stroking the hair on the back of his neck. They stood for a moment and were then joined by his father. "It's good to have you home son. We've all been praying for your safe return."
"Thanks Dad. Now, enough with all the tears, is there reason to hope that some of my favorite foods might be waiting somewhere?"
"You know they are Sam," Momma laughed. "Go get settled in the dining room, while I put the pie in the oven."
"Pie?"
"Yes, apple pie." Momma smiled, grasping his chin with one finger, winking lovingly at him.
"Sarah didn't make it, did she?" Sam asked smoothly, nearly losing his calm when Kate, Annie and the stranger in the corner choked on laughter.
"I love my wife, but baking is not her forte." the man said, squeezing Sarah, who was standing beside him. She pouted playfully, then her face pulled in realization.
"Oh! Sam, this is my husband, Rob Hawkins. Rob, this is Sam." she beamed, watching as the two shook hands.
"I am so happy for both of you, and it's a pleasure to meet you Rob." Sam looked back at his sister, who was still smiling broadly, when something took his notice. "Sarah!"
"What?"
"Are you...are you, having a baby?"
Sarah nodded her head in excitement, pulling Sam into another hug. He didn't know how he had missed it before, the bump protruding from her abdomen was very pronounced, especially when she hugged him. Sam was so excited, he lifted her off her feet in a strong hug.
"Samuel David Carter, put her down this instant! What are you thinking? You have a hole in her leg and she's very close to bursting!" Momma yelled.
"Sorry Momma." Sam answered, to his sisters giggles which filled the silence.
"Now, let's eat." Momma sighed, leading the way to the table.
Sam sidled up to Sarah, taking her arm instead of his crutches. "When?"
"A month, maybe less."
Sam felt his jaw drop in surprise, "That soon?"
Sarah laughed, "Yes, goodness I can't imagine how much larger I would be if I had longer to wait."
"You aren't that big Sarah, you look wonderful, and I'm so excited for you."
"She's going to love you Uncle Sam."
Sam couldn't believe the words as they fell out of his sisters mouth. He was going to be an uncle! Sarah certainly lived close enough that he would be able to see the baby whenever he wished, he had certainly gotten home at just the right time. The only thought lingering in his mind as they sat at the table, was that he wished he could tell Lilli the news.
. . .
October 12, 1944
Lilli stared at the picture that she had just retrieved from the deepest depths of her desk drawer. It had been buried there since September 4th with the rest of Joe, or Sam's letters. When she had returned home, she read each of the letters over and over again, searching for something that would give evidence that the letter was written by someone else. Of course there was a change of tone and length, but even their handwriting was the same.
After making sure she was not at fault for misreading, she felt her anger come more easily. Sam had deliberately made her out to be a fool. The range of her emotions had become confusing, both for herself and everyone around her. One moment, she was in tears for her broken heart, the next, she was seething with anger, in another, unable to contain her thanks for Sam's safe return.
She found th
at when she was bored, her fingers found their way to the bottom of her third desk drawer. For months her eyes clung to the image of Joe, memorizing every characteristic of his face, now she couldn't keep her eyes from Sam. His every aspect exuded warmth and honesty. When she allowed herself to be swept up in the photograph, she wanted to trust him. His blonde hair, brown eyes and lean strength became more attractive than Joe had ever been. Somehow it made more sense that the letters had come from Sam, looking at his photo, it almost seemed logical. Then everything flooded back, Lilli felt betrayed, hurt, and foolish, which made her shove the photo back into her desk.
Today had been no different, Lilli gazing at her photo, legs flicking whimsically in the air. She had not yet reached her realization point when Viv sauntered into her bedroom. "You know, you could be staring at the real thing."