Sarah’s heart constricted in fear and she held the orb higher to reveal a shadowy figure standing before the transportation device.
‘Jason?’ she said, knowing the voice wasn’t his.
The shadow turned and Sarah felt her world lurch sideways.
‘You were just going to give up and leave me?’ Trish said, walking out of the gloom. ‘And now you’re leaving Jason, too?’
Sarah stumbled back, the vision of her friend warping the reality around her. ‘You died, you’re not real!’
Trish strode forward and grasped Sarah’s face. ‘Not real! You left me to die. You brought me down here to die! And you knew what would happen. You knew, and did nothing!’
Sarah tried to shake her head. ‘I didn’t know … how could I know?!’
Trish’s hands grew hot and her eyes shone bright. ‘You dreamt of fire and smoke. You were tormented by dreams. But it wasn’t your mother who burned, it was me! You could have saved me,’ – wisps of smoke poured out from Trish’s hair – ‘you could have saved us all, but you chose to be selfish, you chose to risk our lives for your own gain.’ Fire ignited to consume Trish’s torso; the tongues of flame licking at Sarah’s horrified face.
‘You caused your mother’s death,’ Trish said, ‘and now you’ve killed me and Jason, too!’
Sarah tried to break free of the inferno that held her, but the fire had taken hold. Pain seared her skin and dark smoke choked her lungs.
‘You’re a selfish bitch, Sarah,’ Trish said, her eyes filling Sarah’s mind, ‘A SELFISH FUCKING BITCH!!’
Sarah let out a squeal of terror and sat up, her head reeling. Darkness surrounded her and she put out a hand and felt Jason lying a foot away.
Relief flooded though her.
She hung her head and wiped a tear from her face before reaching out to touch him again. Reassured he was real and that she was actually awake this time, the reality of her situation returned to crush her like an anvil. How has it come to this? She looked back over her life wondering what she’d done wrong to deserve such torment. Events that had seemed major at the time offered up little in the way of explanation. I’ve never been an evil person. I’ve never intentionally gone out of my way to hurt anyone. So how has this come to pass? Is it just fate? Is it my destiny to suffer? The memory of her mother’s death reared its ugly head and she knew that’s when it had all started to go wrong. That was my fault. I deserve everything I get. But how do I make amends? she asked herself. Do I need to die? Do I need to sacrifice my life to redress the balance?
Fearing more dark dreams, she decided to stay awake while her questions continued without answer. Jason murmured in his sleep and Sarah wondered if he was having a nightmare too. She pulled her legs up to her chest and remained that way until he woke some time later.
The mood was as dark as their surroundings as they set out once more. Jason, still refusing to accept their loss, kept scanning the river and Sarah walked in silence by his side. Is there no end to the darkness? she thought. She removed her helmet and tried turning it on. The visor glowed to life before dying to black a moment later. She switched it to battery saving mode, also to no avail. And so she remained – entrenched in the bleak pit with only the faintest of illuminations escaping from Jason’s visor to light her way.
The sound of white water drifted up from the depths, its urgency growing louder with each passing moment and Jason halted their progress.
‘Another waterfall?’ Sarah said.
‘Yes.’ He sounded weary. ‘There’s no way down.’
‘Perhaps we missed her; perhaps … she survived and is wandering around lost behind us.’ Sarah didn’t believe a word of it, but it was all she could think of to say, and even that was an effort.
‘No,’ he said, ‘the current is too strong and you said her arm was broken, she wouldn’t have been able to swim to shore.’ Jason’s voice broke. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
Sarah found his hand in the dark and squeezed it. ‘I should never have brought us here. Neither of you deserved this. Trish didn’t deserve to die, it should have been me.’
Jason snatched his hand away. ‘She’s still alive.’
‘She said she loved me,’ Sarah said, holding back tears, ‘she was my best friend and I failed her. She died because of me.’
‘She’s not dead.’
Sarah didn’t have the energy to keep up the façade any longer. A sob escaped her lips and tears flowed. ‘It’s all my fault. I killed her. I killed Trish and I’ve killed you, too!’
Jason shook her. ‘She’s not dead, do you hear me?!’
Sarah was crying now, ‘I killed my mother. I deserve to die, I have to die. I want to die!’
‘I said, she’s not dead!!’
Jason pushed her away and Sarah felt the rope that tied them go slack. She reached out her hand but her fingers closed on nothing. ‘Jason,’ she said, ‘Jason?!’
He didn’t reply.
‘Jason!!’ she crumpled to the ground, sobbing, her hands searching in the dark. ‘Jason, I’m sorry, don’t leave me!’
Her stricken voice echoed around the cavernous chamber, but Jason still didn’t respond. He’d left her, and it was what she deserved.
The noise of the gushing waters grew louder, filling her mind. Still crying, Sarah found the edge of the abyss and knew what she had to do. Standing up on wobbly legs, she took a deep breath and stepped out into nothing.
Chapter Five
Sarah toppled forward into the welcoming arms of death – then something yanked her back. Propelled into reverse, she crumpled to the ground in a heap.
Jason pulled her into a sitting position. ‘What the hell are you doing?!’
Sarah shook her head in despair, her sobs renewed.
Jason wrapped her in his arms. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, stroking the back of her head as she clung to him, ‘I’m so sorry.’
They stayed that way for some time. Jason offering soothing words while Sarah cried herself out.
‘Do you know why I follow you?’ Jason said, breaking the silence.
Sarah wiped her eyes. ‘What?’
‘Do you know why you lead and I follow?’
Sarah shook her head.
‘Because you have passion, a goal – a goal better than any I can find myself.’
Sarah sniffed. ‘My goals get people killed.’
‘And yet without them my life has less meaning, without you it has less meaning. Some things are worth dying for, Sarah, and purpose is one of them. You know what you want and go for it. It’s what I admire most about you.’
‘I thought that was my bum.’
Jason managed a laugh. ‘That, too, but don’t let Trish hear me say that.’
Sarah’s mirth died at the mention of her friend.
‘One thing is for certain,’ Jason said, ‘you don’t deserve to die.’
Sarah felt tears well again. ‘You would say that; you’re a nice person, a strong person.’
‘Am I? Do you know how I used to think when I was young? I wasn’t strong; I grew up a coward, my thoughts twisted by the fear of physical threats. I started having evil thoughts about the bullies that surrounded me and those thoughts took root and spread and caused me to wish bad things on others, others I loved. I became a pathetic shell. But you know what? I saw what I’d become and knew that wasn’t me. I decided I wasn’t going to live like that, I wasn’t going to let that be who I was. I’d rather have died.’
He paused for breath before continuing. ‘I know how you feel when things get too much. You think you might as well give in, end it all, but that’s not what life is about. If you give in to death, the dark, you’re only giving in to those people who put that darkness in you, to those bullies and bastards who don’t deserve to take your light – our light. You didn’t kill your mother, the people who set the fire did, the people who stole your maps. They’re probably enjoying life right now. Is that fair? Hell no! What are you going to do about it? Look at yourse
lf, Sarah, and know this is not you. Do you hear me? This is not you.’
Sarah nodded.
‘You don’t deserve to die,’ he said again, ‘and Trish needs us, needs both of us, needs you. Do you know what I said to myself when I realised what I’d become, when I reached my lowest ebb, when I thought about ending it all?’
‘No,’ Sarah said.
‘I said, “I’m not living my life like this, other people do not make me who I am, I make me who I am, ME!”’ He held her hand and placed it against her heart. ‘You! You decide who you are and if you don’t like what you are, you damn well fight back. Never give in, as at the end of the day, when there’s nothing else left, that’s all we have, that’s who we are.’
Sarah stayed silent, thinking about his words and the power they promised.
‘And do you know what else?’ he said after a while. ‘I’m not giving up on you, even if you have. The same as I’m not giving up on Trish. Now get up,’ – he hauled her to her feet – ‘and let’s keep moving. I think I can see a way down.’
♦
Some hours later, they’d made it down to the base of the falls using a honeycomb of sloping tunnels that criss-crossed the wall of the chamber through which they travelled. After they’d taken on some more water, the two friends carried on a while longer before stopping to rest. Sarah slumped down and then lay back on the hard ground, not speaking, just listening to the distant roar of the waterfall.
Thankfully Jason’s visor had remained working, which not only enabled them to stay alive for a little longer, but also let him continue his search for Trish.
Now that they’d stopped he turned the power off to prolong the life of his helmet’s depleted battery pack. With all light extinguished the darkness was truly complete. Newer to this sensory deprivation than Sarah, Jason came up with a novel suggestion to combat it – although considering her recent nightmare, Sarah knew she should have thought of the idea herself. There were two problems, however.
‘What do you mean?’ Jason said, turning his visor back on again. ‘You can’t or you won’t?’
‘Won’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because of all of this.’ Sarah gestured around her. ‘Everything that’s happened is because of me and because of this.’ She held out her pendant. ‘I won’t use it again … ever.’
‘What happened isn’t that thing’s fault, it isn’t your fault either, it’s no one’s fault.’
‘It made Trish … fall.’
‘That was the rope, or that light chasing us, it wasn’t the pendant.’
‘Wasn’t it? As soon as we activated the bridge that light appeared. It must be attracted to Anakim technology, like we thought.’
‘If you won’t use it, how are we going to get to the surface?’
‘You can use it.’ She unclipped the metal artefact from her neck chain and held out in his direction. ‘In fact,’ she said, ‘you can have it, it’s yours. I wish I’d never found it.’
‘What?’ Jason sounded shocked. ‘You’re serious?’
Sarah remained silent in her conviction and he didn’t pursue the matter further, perhaps due to her determined expression.
‘Shall we try it, then?’ he said, taking possession of the pendant. ‘If my helmet goes completely we’ll need it.’
An inner voice of warning made her hesitate.
‘It might be Anakim,’ he said, ‘but the light didn’t turn up when you turned it on last time.’
He was right, it hadn’t, and Sarah was well past caring. She withdrew the Anakim orb from the safety of her coveralls and placed it on the ground between them.
Only able to see the tiniest glow from Jason’s visor, Sarah heard the rustle of clothing, but nothing happened.
‘Are you touching it?’ she said.
‘Yes.’
‘Then why isn’t it lighting up like before?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Are you doing anything differently?’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘Try one of the parchments.’ Sarah passed him one of the ancient documents.
He tried a second time and again nothing happened. ‘Perhaps it’s because I’m tired.
‘I don’t think so,’ she said. ‘It should still work, it would just make you even more tired.’
‘Then I’m doing something different.’
Relieved to have something else to occupy her mind, Sarah thought back to when she’d activated the orb before. A thought struck her. ‘Have you got any more of those stones?’
Sarah heard the slap of skin hitting skin.
‘I’m such an idiot,’ he said.
More rustles of clothing followed and then a bright blue glow appeared.
Jason held out the crystalline brick he’d unearthed before they’d been chased by the dreaded light. ‘We don’t need the orb at all. We have this.’
The crystalline stone shimmered in the dark like a magical cerulean pearl, its light bright enough to see by.
Savouring the renewal of sight, Sarah gave Jason a tired smile, but rather than return to thinking about their situation, she took the opportunity to study Trish’s locket.
‘She always wore this,’ Sarah said, holding it under the crystal’s illumination, ‘and I’ve never seen inside it, not in all the years I’ve known her.’
‘She always wears it,’ Jason said. ‘Not wore, wears.’
Sarah nodded and clicked back the catch and opened it up. Inside was space for two oval photos. The photo on the left was faded and old. But Sarah recognised the two people framed within it. One was Trish and the other was Sarah herself. It was taken back when they’d first met at uni so they were both a lot younger, fresh-eyed and smiling. Sarah wiped a tear from her eye. The other photo confused her. It was the image of Christ on the cross.
She showed it to Jason. ‘Do you know why she has this in there?’
He shrugged.
‘She’s not religious,’ Sarah said. ‘I’ve never seen a cross at her home and she never talks about going to church or anything like that.’
‘Perhaps that’s because she knows how you feel about the Vatican.’
‘With good reason, they helped cover up the Anakim’s existence for millennia. They killed to protect their doctrine, destroyed priceless artefacts, stole ours …’
‘You don’t have to tell me.’
She frowned. ‘I don’t understand. She knows what they stand for, what they’ve done and yet she still carries around their symbol.’
‘Everyone needs faith in something,’ Jason said, ‘some more than others. Does it matter?’
‘It matters to me.’ Sarah felt betrayed by her friend’s secret perversion. It was like there was a whole other side to her she’d never known. She stared at the locket and then realised something was underneath the photo of the Redeemer. She prised the photo out and something clinked to the ground. Sarah picked up a golden cross to hold in the palm of her hand. It glinted under the blue glow of Jason’s rock, but the sight of it served to reinforce the sense that her best friend had not been what she seemed. How many times had she spoken to Trish about the church, of how she loathed its power and influence over history? Until recently Sarah had believed they’d been solely responsible for her mother’s murder, too, although as things turned out they were now no longer the only organisation under suspicion.
She passed the cross to Jason, her thoughts melancholy, but as she placed it in his hand she saw the rent in his glove and the congealed blood beneath. She grasped his wrist to inspect the wound. ‘This is bad.’ She lent forward and looked at his other hand. ‘If you don’t get these seen to they’ll go septic.’
He touched her neck. ‘Your burns need treatment, too.’
‘We’re both right, but without supplies there’s nothing we can do.’
Jason mumbled his agreement, his attention turning back to Trish’s cross. ‘I always thought,’ he said, stroking the metal surface with a finger, ‘if God
created us, the universe, everything, he did it so he wouldn’t be alone. It must very lonely to be omnipotent, don’t you think? If I was omnipotent I’d make a universe so complex that it could produce things I couldn’t even imagine.’ He smiled a curious smile and handed it back to her.
Sarah stared at him for a moment and then returned the cross to its home and snapped the locket closed. She held it out to him.
He shook his head. ‘You can give it to her when we find her.’ He stood up and held out his hand. ‘I know you still think otherwise, but she’s alive. I can feel it. I will search for her, and I will find her.’
Sarah grasped his wrist to be pulled to her feet. ‘How can you be so sure?’
‘I believed in you; now it’s your turn to believe in me.’
Sarah picked up her helmet, pulled on her gloves and re-pocketed the orb and locket. Jason collected his stone and adjusted his visor.
‘You’re going to use it as a torch?’ she said, looking at the glowing rock in his other hand.
‘No,’ he passed it to her, ‘you are. I have my visor.’
She accepted the stone and held it higher to help light the ground ahead. It didn’t produce much of a beam, but it was better than nothing.
‘You can also have this back.’ He held out the pendant to her.
‘I told you, I don’t want it.’
‘Just keep it safe for me.’
Sarah couldn’t be bothered to argue, so fixed the pendant back onto her chain alongside its smaller sibling.
All set, they moved out once more, friendship renewed and situation slightly improved. All we need now, Sarah thought, is divine intervention and we might just last a few more days. As it was there was little left in the way of hope, for her, anyway. Jason seemed convinced of a miracle, but she knew it would take nothing short of a resurrection to turn things around, and as far as she understood it such things were in short supply, even for believers. She was just pleased to be alive for a few more days, to be able to keep Jason company, and then, when all was said and done, she could rest. The thought was a comforting one. She was tired, bone tired, but most of all she just didn’t want to fear anymore. Sarah linked arms with Jason and they carried on into Sanctuary’s black vaults, searching for the elusive that might never come.
2041 Sanctuary (Genesis) Page 4