by Ashlee Price
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Are you okay? You seem sidetracked this morning. Do you have a lot going on with work?”
I had a feeling that it wasn’t work related, but I didn’t have the courage to ask him if it was about the dinner with his parents the night before. I didn’t want to think about that, even though I knew that he must feel as badly as I did about everything. It wasn’t like I’d just made it worse in my head. It was that bad, because it had been that bad. It had been far worse than any meeting I’d been in before.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind. Work is always a big part of that.”
I had a feeling that it had more to do with his father and less to do with his work. “So are you working late today?”
Scott rubbed the back of his neck, something that I associated with him being nervous. He didn’t do it that often anymore, but when we were first together he’d done it all of the time. What was he so nervous about?
Not wanting to see him that way, I went into the kitchen and started him some breakfast. I didn’t even ask him what he wanted, just took the time to relax with the new habit that I’d picked up. Cooking always made me feel better about everything, and I wanted that bit of relaxation now. I needed it, really.
“I… Jesse, we need to talk.”
The feeling in my stomach was rising to my throat as I waited to see what he was going to say next. It wasn’t going to be good, so I tried to prepare myself in the best way that I knew how.
“Okay, Scott, what do you want to talk about?”
“Us.”
“Us, huh? I didn’t even really think that there was an us.”
That had Scott stopping and finally looking at me. There was something in his blues eyes that was akin to anger, but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what he was mad about. I could feel the walls coming up though, and I didn’t want to admit to him or anyone else how much the next few moments were going to hurt.
“Well, you know, I know it isn’t official, but I care about you, Jesse, and I enjoyed our time together more than I can tell you.”
I noticed the way he was already using past tense. It was over.
“I enjoyed our time together as well, Scott.”
“I wish it were different, but I don’t think that we should see each other again.”
“Oh.”
It was all that I could get out. I turned away so that my blasted eyes wouldn’t give me up. So I wouldn’t have to see Scott’s reaction and pity.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
“Yes, what more can I say? You and I were never going to be much more than a fling. I knew that.”
My eyes were burning as I boxed up the omelet and handed it to him without meeting his gaze. “It was nice to meet you, Scott. I’ll make sure I keep up on the loan payments. I’ll always be grateful for your help.”
I turned back to the stove and stared at the small bit of flame still coming up. It felt like I waited forever to hear him leave. Only then did I look back at him, and only then did I let the first tear fall down my cheek.
To be continued in Part 7…
Served Part 7: Simmer
By: Ashlee Price
Prologue
After his breakup with Jesse, Scott’s life is quickly spinning out of control. While he broke up with her because of his father, Scott is starting to wonder if he made the right decision. Every day without her feels like a lifetime, and it isn’t long before he’s sure that it’s never going to get better. He’s desperate for another chance at real love, because with Jesse, it was real love.
Jesse is just as distraught, but she has more pressing matters on her mind. After getting a letter from a lawyer who represents Scott’s dad, Jesse finds out about one last thing her father left her with when he died: a whole lot of unpaid taxes. Now she’s going to lose her father’s bistro, as well as her home. With everything that’s going on, Scott is the last thing on her mind. Until, that is, she gets a worrisome call that changes everything.
Chapter 1 – Scott
I could still see Jesse’s face when I told her that I didn’t want to see her anymore. She was heartbroken, and although I liked to tell myself that I wasn’t upset about it, not really, it was far worse than I’d thought it would be. Not only was Jesse gone from my life, but no one else could replace her. I’d tried. Much like I had with Andrea, so long ago it seemed like. I’d gone back to my old ways, but after trying to forget her in the arms of several other women, I gave up. There was no point. Not with everything that was going on with dad and the business.
So all I could do was try to forget about her, which seemed as impossible as getting over her was. I wasn’t going to be able to do either of them, and the more I thought about what I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about, the surer I was that this was it for me. I wasn’t going to find another Jesse and there was no point in even hoping for it. If I couldn’t have Jesse, I didn’t want anyone.
“Sir?”
Caroline was standing over me with that look on her face that I hated. It was like she was always mad at me. I was sick of looking at her. I told myself then that the first thing I was going to do when my dad no longer held the reins was to fire Caroline. I couldn’t stand her and I would have done it that minute if I could have.
“What is it, Caroline? I didn’t hear you knock.”
My tone was harsh and it had her immediately straightening up. I could tell that she was bothered by my harshness, but I didn’t care. I was tired of hiding my true feelings and I wasn’t going to do it anymore. I refused to do it anymore.
“Well, sir, I did knock, but after a couple of times I figured that you weren’t going to answer. So I opened the door. I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“Just because my father gave you all kinds of liberties doesn’t mean that I’m going to. Say what you want and be on your way.”
I didn’t usually talk to her like that. It was taking Caroline time to process my words, but I didn’t back down. I didn’t want to. My foul mood was only going to get worse.
“Um, well, your father wanted to know about the paperwork that was given to you last month. He keeps asking me about it.”
“If he’s that worried about it, then he can call me himself. I don’t want to hear about him from you anymore. You work for me, Caroline, is that clear?”
She nodded her head, but we both knew that as soon as she left my office, she was going to be calling my father and tattling on me like I was five. The idea made me even madder, but I just stared off into space, trying to convince myself that there wasn’t anything wrong with how I was acting. I was justified in my anger.
“I’ll leave you alone, sir.”
Giving her one last dirty look, I waited for her to leave before I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose. How had everything changed in less than a month? I felt like I was back to my old life, and I wasn’t happy about that sentiment. I didn’t want my old life back. I wanted Jesse.
***
“I hear that you’re giving Caroline a hard time.”
His booming voice pulled me from my nap. I’d had far too many drinks with lunch, and although I’d had a driver with me, I still drove back to the office. The driver had refused to get in the car, so I’d told him to walk back. That was what I thought I would hear about, not hurting the old crone’s feelings.
“What is she to you? Do you have a love child with Caroline as well? Is that why you’re so loyal to her?” I shook my head. “No, that’s not it, because we both know that you couldn’t give a damn about family.”
Jackson shut the door a bit too hard and the sound jarred me awake even more. He didn’t like what I’d said, but he never did. At least I was feeling a little bit better after having a bit of my say. I was going to pay for it, though; the bright blue eyes staring back at me were going to make sure of that.
“What the hell has gotten into you lately, Scott? Are you drunk?”
He was getting too close to the truth, and I didn’t want him to smell me. I most likely smelled like a brewery. I was sure I did. That was one more thing that I didn’t want to hear about. None of it was his business. I was doing my job.
“I had dinner and drinks with clients for lunch, just like you taught me. Got to wine and dine them, don’t you?”
“Yes, son, but you don’t get shitfaced in the middle of the day. I’m sure I taught you that as well.”
“We can’t all be as perfect as you, I guess, Father.” My voice was full of sarcasm, and I was so close to quitting. What would I do if I didn’t have the job, if I didn’t have Jackson breathing over my neck all of the time?
“Son, you need to straighten your ass up right now. I’m not going to deal with this and neither is Caroline. Do you know that she’s talking about quitting?”
“Good. She’s your assistant, not mine.”
He sat down with a heavy sigh and looked at me with the closest thing to sadness that I’d ever seen on his face. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you need to get it together, Scott. We have a lot of business to do, and there are a lot of people who would love to be in your shoes.”
I felt like taking off the shoes that everyone wanted and throwing them at him, but I just stared back balefully.
“What is wrong with you Scott? This can’t be about that girl again.”
“That girl? You met her. Her name was Jesse, so please don’t act like she’s just another girl. I think you know that isn’t true. I cared about her a lot.”
“She wasn’t good enough for you, for your station in life. You have to be careful who you put in your corner, Scott. A woman can make or break you.”
“As far as you’re concerned, they just break you, huh? Jesse was different. She made me want to be a better man.”
My father made a sound indicating that it was all hogwash coming out of my mouth. He had perfected his derision to such an extent that he didn’t have to say a word. His look and his dead eyes spoke clearly to me. I realized then that I was wasting my breath. I knew that whatever happened next, I wasn’t going to include him in anything. He had ruined my life and ruined my chances for happiness. How could I ever look at him the same way again?
Chapter 2 – Jesse
“You haven’t said a word all day.”
I shrugged and smiled back at Melissa. I didn’t want her to think something was wrong. She had been asking for weeks now, and although I tried to pretend that it was all okay, it was harder than I’d thought it would be. Everything in me wanted to make it all better, but I knew deep down that it would never be better. It would never be okay again. I felt like a teenager losing her first crush. That had happened before, several years ago when I was in college.
Now, as an adult, it was somehow worse, because instead of skipping a few classes to cry it out, I had responsibilities to take care of. So that meant that I had to pretend that I was okay, even when I was really dying inside. That was the hardest part of it all.
“I’m just thinking.”
“What are you thinking about?”
She wasn’t going to let it go. I was going to have to say something eventually. The only thing that saved me right then was the long line of people that never seemed to stop. There were a couple of people who looked familiar, but all the rest were strangers. I should have been happy to see all of the new customers, and I was in a way, but there was another part of me that missed all of the regulars that I knew by name. I missed the small-town feel of the place in the big city. Now it felt like everything else, slightly cold and detached.
“I don’t know. We’ll talk about it when we get this line down.”
Melissa pouted and finally asked the one question that I didn’t want to answer. “Is all of this brooding because of what’s-his-face?”
Of course she knew the name. I’d said it enough that it was most likely burned into her brain forever, but I was happy to not have to hear it out loud. There was no way that I could deny his absence, and I was sure that she already knew. Melissa had waited a long time for me to bring it up, but I never had. For a reason. There was something about saying it all out loud that was going to make it worse, somehow more real than it already was.
“Yes, it’s because of what’s-his-face. I’ll be fine, just not yet.”
“You need to get back out there, Jesse. Don’t wait another couple of years like you did after Jeff.”
I had to agree, but I didn’t think it was going to be anything like Jeff. With Scott I was in love. There was no way around it. I had been – or rather, still was – in love with him. I didn’t see it coming, though I’d known that there was no real future for us. But I loved him, and I wished I didn’t still. Loving Scott was nothing but heartache, and I really wanted to know why. Why had he just dumped me like that? Was it his father who’d suggested it, or was he embarrassed about me and where I came from?
The same questions played through my head, but there was no answer.
“I’m just taking a break. I wasn’t really looking when I found Scott. He just kind of showed up and kept showing up until I went out with him. It wasn’t like I went out looking for him.”
“It doesn’t matter, Jesse, he found you and messed with your head.”
That was the truth. I tried not to get angry about it, but it was hard not to. He never should have talked to me. I still didn’t know what had drawn him to me, but now that he was gone, I felt an emptiness that I hadn’t known existed. For nothing else but that, I was mad at him. I didn’t want to think about how empty my life was without him. Because then I would have to admit that I wasn’t complete before.
“Yeah, he definitely did that, but I’m no worse for wear, just going to be a bit more cautious from now on.”
“I just don’t want this to be the thing that makes you bitter.”
My head jerked to her and I met her gaze. If she were anyone else I would have been seriously offended. It was bad enough that I’d gotten dumped. I didn’t need her telling me I was going to turn into a bitter old bitch soon. She was right, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to hear it.
“I just can’t be as positive. I don’t know how you can just bounce back from a breakup so soon.”
Melissa was quiet for a time. Then she said something that I’d never thought I would hear her say. “Because I never really loved any of them. Not really, I don’t think.”
The confession was hard to believe. She was always bubbly and happy. She did have a lot of boyfriends, but I’d thought that she left them because she was bored. I always thought that her optimism would just push her along, but I never thought that it would be because she had never fallen. Was that why it was so hard for me to forget about Scott, because I’d cared so much?
It didn’t help me to feel any better, but it helped me to understand Melissa a little more. Had she really never loved any of them? She had dated a lot of men, but maybe love was just not part of it. Why had I fallen for a man like Scott, one that I knew I could never really have? I was sure that it had something to do with the fact that I didn’t really want a man to be with. I must have done it to sabotage myself, or something like that.
“Well, I think I loved him, but I know that it was never going to be any more than it was right now. I know that, but it still hurts. It hurts more than it did when I was in college. I just didn’t expect it to feel like this.”
She looked at me with sympathy, but I didn’t want her sympathy. What I wanted was for her to understand and to just leave me be.
“We should go out tonight, just us girls. It’s been too long, and the shop is closed tomorrow. Come on, Jesse, what do you say?”
My first instinct was to say no, but maybe I did need to get out. The whole silent brooding thing obviously wasn’t that much of a help to me, so I had to do something. I had to get my mind off of him, no matter what. If the dancing and atmosphere didn’t do it, I was sure that a stiff drink or three would.
“Don
’t let me call him, Melissa. Okay? I don’t care how drunk I get, don’t give me your phone to call him. The last thing I need to do is call him and embarrass myself further with emotions.”
“Okay, Jesse, no drunk dialing the ex, I promise.”
Chapter 3 – Scott
“Scott?”
“Jesse? Are you okay?”
She didn’t sound okay, even though she was telling me that she was fine. Her words were slurring, and I was sure that she was drunk. I didn’t care, though. It was good to hear her voice. I’d kept my distance and drank another shot when I wanted to call her. Instead I’d been waiting. I hadn’t really thought I would ever hear from her again, though, and now I could feel my heart clenching with the sound of her voice. God, I missed her more than I could have imagined a person could miss another person. I shouldn’t have loved her so much, missed her so much, but I did.
“Where are you, Scott? Have you already moved on without me?”
“I can’t move on, Jesse. I love you too much.”
“You love me?”
It was then, when I heard the slight bit of hope in her voice, that I knew I’d said too much. She didn’t need to know how much I was dying inside to be with her. I didn’t want her to know how ready I was to give it all up for just one more night with her.
“How could I not love you, Jesse?”
“I love you too, Scott. But you don’t want me anymore. Why don’t you want me?”
It was a simple question, and the simplest answer was that I did want her. I wanted her more than my next breath, but then I remembered that I’d told her that it was over. It was because of my father, and although I was sure that she wouldn’t take me back, her words of love gave me a tiny bit of hope as well.