“You’re probably right,” he said quietly. “In that I could never deserve you. Never make right what I did. Never be anything but the killer I was.” He helped her to the couch and then turned to swipe up the card Aegis had left on the ground. “But even if all of this just allowed me to help you and Bastien, it was worth it. Perhaps that’s all it was.”
“Wait,” she said. “What do you mean help me and Bastien?”
“You’ll get it soon,” he said. “One of my powers.”
“Where are you going? You aren’t seriously thinking of joining up with Aegis?
He sighed and looked down at the card before tucking it in his pocket. “No, of course not.” He gave her a sad look. “I’ve learned not to make decisions out of anger. I just took his card so we can keep track of him. Because I may have made a mistake, but he is working on the side of pure evil.”
She didn’t get a chance to answer before he headed out the door, shutting it behind him.
15
Luc shut himself in his room as soon as he got back to the mansion, wanting to keep his icy rage as far from anyone else in the house as possible.
It had all been going fine before Aegis had shown up. He could have told Hallie about himself slowly. Could have made her smile to see Bastien better. Could have healed her and told her what he could do for mankind.
And then he could have gently told her his one big regret.
It was all coming back to him now. Remembering how out of control he’d felt that day. How all the love and hopelessness inside him had been unleashed on the band of robbers, laughing after murdering children.
He’d always been so peaceful, so controlled. Healing, bringing rain to dry areas, comforting others. Trying to get the other dragons to help.
He was known as the nice one, the kindest to people.
But in that kindness had been deep love that tore him asunder when it was violated.
He still didn’t know what to do with those feelings. He would always feel guilty for those killings, even though they deserved it, and their deaths were quick and painless compared to the suffering they’d inflicted on a group of innocents.
It would have been one thing if they’d just engaged the men of the village in a fight, but they’d indiscriminately murdered women and children.
One human in particular had meant a lot to Luc. Anna. He tried to never think of her, but she came to him now. She’d been the first to approach him in his cave, not understanding who he was. Bringing bread to what she thought was a hermit.
He’d gotten to know her and came down to the village to see it in a sorry state. Sickness. Starvation. He’d been able to solve a lot of it.
It had been his little experiment, and it was working. He was able to make a difference.
He’d been doing back then what the oracle was trying to get modern dragons to do now. He was helping.
And then one thing had gone wrong, and he’d turned into a monster.
He heard a quiet knock on the door and turned away. It felt like he was once again coated in ice, and he didn’t want to share that with anyone.
The door opened, though, and Zach stood there, staring at him with dark, implacable eyes.
He walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, saying nothing at first.
Luc didn’t know how to put it all into words, so he simply opened his mind and showed Zach his thoughts. What had happened with Aegis and Hallie. And then he shared his darkest memories so Zach could understand. The village burning. His icy breath bearing down with murderous fury.
Zach looked at him with sympathy in his dark eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You’re sorry?” Luc asked. “For what? For me? I’m a killer. I don’t deserve any apology.”
“No,” Zach said. “I’m sorry about your village. I’m sorry you lost all those people you cared about. Now that I care about someone, I can kind of understand how you must have felt.”
Luc shook his head. “That doesn’t excuse it.”
“You know,” Zach said. “I think it says something about your incredible love for humans, that even when you were painlessly ending a group of murdering pillagers, you felt it scar your soul.”
“It doesn’t make me happy to take any life,” Luc said.
Zach folded his arms. “And that makes you kind of special. Because I can tell you if someone killed anyone I cared about, I’d annihilate them and wouldn’t even feel bad about it.”
“Well, you should. Two wrongs don’t make a right,” Luc said.
“We aren’t perfect,” Zach said. “We’re dragons. And if we’re meant to be protectors, we aren’t always going to get it right. Feelings get in the way. We aren’t machines. You got angry. You did something impulsive for revenge. But guess what? Those men, do you think they would have stopped?”
Luc blinked. He hadn’t quit beating himself up about it long enough to think about that.
“One thing you’ll have to square with, once you forgive yourself, is being a dragon in this world doesn’t always mean healing people and bringing rain. Sometimes it means fighting. Hurting. Even killing. Sometimes that’s what is required to protect.” He put a hand up. “And I know we shouldn’t do it in anger. And I know the killing scarred your soul on a day when you were already wounded.” He shook his head. “But it’s not for us to decide who gets to be forgiven.”
Luc nodded.
“One day, maybe there will be something that makes everything right. Balances things out and decides who is right and wrong and who needs to be punished.” Zach raised his eyes to Luc meaningfully. “But that isn’t now. Right now, the world needs you to forgive yourself and try to be better every day.”
Luc nodded. “I’ve already changed. I’ve had chances to kill, and I’ve showed mercy. But what if something awful happened and I lost myself again?”
“You’ll be with friends now,” Zach said. “We won’t allow you to lose yourself.”
Luc let his eyes close, tears stinging his eyelids. So much pain. He supposed a part of himself had been berating himself over the killing so much so he didn’t have to face the true injury.
Failing all those people who depended on him. Who he wanted to protect.
“If you’d gotten there sooner, you would have had to kill to protect them.”
“They were laughing,” he said, his voice hoarse through his tears. “They were laughing about murdering them.” He put a hand up to his head. “Why do I have to feel so bad about killing someone when they could just laugh about it?”
Zach moved over next to him and sat beside him. “Because you are a good person, and that is a heavy burden for a good person to bear.”
And then Luc let himself cry. Heavy, ugly tears. Turning inward to grieve the people he’d lost as their faces moved through his mind. He didn’t want to let go of them. He didn’t want them to be gone.
He hated that no amount of killing could bring them back.
“It’s okay,” Zach said, patting Luc’s back awkwardly.
Luc choked out a laugh. “Is it? Is it okay? I’m a freaking mess. I’ve lost my mate. I’m only now dealing with my past. And Aegis is out there.” He reached in his pocket and handed Zach the card. “He left this.”
Zach took it, turning it over. “So he wants you to find him?”
“Yes,” Luc said. “I think he thought if he could break things between me and Hallie, I would have no other option.” He chucked the card aside. “As if.”
“I think Hallie can still understand you,” Zach said. “She might need time, but I bet Aegis made it sound worse than it was. And I bet you didn’t correct it, because you’re always beating yourself up.”
“Hallie is an amazing person,” Luc said. “She forgave the people who took away so much of her life. She wouldn’t understand the kind of rage I had.”
“If she’s is such an amazing person, she probably just needs time to get away from Aegis’s mind control. You know how persuasive he is.”
“Still, he screwed things up. And as you showed me, he also made it seem like you intentionally trapped her, which you didn’t. And from what you’ve told me in the past, Hallie really hates when other people make all the decisions.”
“Yeah,” Luc said, finally calming. “She does. So how do I fix it?”
“First, you make sure you understand yourself, so when you do go over there, you can explain in a truthful way. Not just a way that gets you beat up emotionally—like you think you deserve.”
“Right,” he said.
“Repeat after me,” Zach instructed. “I’m a good person.”
“I’m a good person,” Luc echoed, rolling his eyes.
“My love made me angry, but I’m not ashamed of that love.”
Tears bit Luc’s eyes again. “I’m not ashamed of that love.”
“Someday, maybe there will be a reckoning for my actions.”
“Someday, there may be a reckoning for my actions.
“But for now, I’m going to forgive myself for what I did when I was hurt and move on with my life.”
As Luc repeated that last line, he felt lightness inside him. He let out a sigh and stood and stretched.
He looked over at Zach. “Thank you. I’m feeling better. I think.”
“No problem,” Zach said. “I owe you. My whole life, you were always preaching about humans and how they were worth our time. I think maybe that helped me when I met Erin. For that, I’ll owe you forever.”
Luc swallowed. “And I you.”
“Well, you can pay me back by never joining with Aegis,” Zach said.
Luc scoffed. “Already done.”
“Good,” Zach said. “Now let’s get you cleaned up and send you over to get your mate back.”
It was minutes after Luc had left before Hallie finally let the tears come.
She wasn’t sure what exactly was bothering her so much. Maybe it was that she had always wondered if it was too good to be true that he’d come into her life. Maybe him being some kind of murderer was the only thing that made it better.
She blinked as she realized the warm ball inside her was finally starting to subside.
Such an odd sensation. And it had been so weird for him to force a kiss on her like that. Normally, he would have let her go. But he was insistent, almost desperate.
She sighed. One side of Luc was thoughtful, caring, almost too sweet. But there was also the other, angrier side she had seen. Scary, intimidating. Out of control.
Or was he?
He’d never lost it around her, only protecting her. Perhaps she should have waited to see if he could explain better, but when he hadn’t been willing to defend himself at all, it had made her angry.
Because surely, if he cared about her, he would give her any good motive he had.
So it stood to reason that he didn’t have one.
Either that or he didn’t think he did. She bit her lip as she acknowledged his tendency to beat himself up. She really should have given him a chance to explain.
But she hated hearing all about him from someone else. And she hated feeling like he’d taken her choice away. That almost made it seem like he’d done it on purpose. Like he’d thought she wouldn’t accept him if she knew everything, so he’d tried to take that away the possibility.
But that didn’t sound like the Luc she knew.
It was more likely that he’d gotten caught up in the moment and then been putting off telling her anything because he was afraid. He kept everything inside, to his own detriment; that much she knew about him.
She saw Bastien creep out from behind the couch with a soft mew, and she patted her leg for him to come over.
She didn’t know what Luc was thinking, going to the shelter so early, getting a sick cat out. She grabbed Bastien when he came close, lifting him onto her lap, and gasped when she looked down at his leg.
The bump was gone. It was unmistakable.
She ran her finger over where it had been. There was no sign of it. Was she just imagining things?
No, she’d known Bastien was sick. Had grieved over it. She’d seen the X-rays, the ultrasounds.
Bastien looked up at her curiously, as he if he wasn’t sure what she was getting so worked up about.
She remembered Luc had been holding him. Always concerned with him. She thought about the warmth in her back.
She stood, setting Bastien down, and prepared to do a move she hadn’t been able to complete in ten years. Ever since her injury, she’d been able to minimize her pain by delineating specific movements that were and weren’t okay. She was going to do one of the not-okay ones now.
She bent quickly down and then snapped back up, flattening her back.
No pain.
Tears came immediately, and she sat on the couch, gasping and covering her mouth in shock. She looked over at Bastien, now happily hopping up onto a chair and grooming himself.
This was what Luc had meant by his powers. She hadn’t even given him a chance to show her that side of himself. She’d just chased him off, hurt by his secrets.
Aegis had said something about the collar being gone and Luc having his powers back. It said something about him that the first thing he would do with all of that power was go to heal a sick little cat.
He’d probably hoped he could come bring her Bastien and explain everything.
And she’d let that evil prick come in and ruin things, when they were so close to their happy ending.
Perhaps there were complicated aspects to Luc. But just as there might be a really dark side to his past, she also knew there had to be a light one. Because his first instinct when getting power back was to heal, not hurt. That was the Luc she knew.
She stood and paced, unsure what to do. Should she go talk to him? Apologize for jumping down his throat? Tell him it had all been overwhelming for her, too? And that she was scared, after all these years alone, that she’d be taken advantage of? That everything that felt so amazing would turn out to be too good to be true?
No, she didn’t know what to say. Or if he’d even want to see her. Or where he was living. He’d always come to get her, not the other way around.
She sat back down with a huff. Then she heard another knock at the door. She got up hesitantly to look through the peephole, and when she saw the blond douchebag from before, she rolled her eyes and did the deadbolt.
“Undo it,” a sharp voice called out.
She gasped as she felt her body move against her will, unlocking the deadbolt, no matter how much she tried to resist.
“Ah, so now you’re seeing one of my powers,” the voice said. “Now unlock the other lock and open the door.”
She did as he asked, her heart hammering against her chest like a woodpecker.
“Invite me in,” he said smoothly, his green eyes glowing like a snake’s.
“Come in,” she said shakily.
He did so, looking around.
“Where are your goons?” she asked.
He rubbed his hands together. “I only needed them if I was dealing with Sapphire. With you, I can just ask.”
She frowned. “What do you want?”
He shrugged. “I just need Sapphire to come with me. Unfortunately, I saw he took off for Zach’s place, and I just can’t have that. Not when he could be so good with us.” He eyed her. “So I’ve come to the conclusion there is only one way to get Luc to come to us. And that’s taking you.”
She tried to let out a squeak of shock as he reached for her, but he held up a finger.
“Shut up. Follow me,” he said, leading her out of the house. She followed, feeling like invisible strings were threaded through her, controlling her motions.
He opened the door to his car. “Get in.”
She did, looking at him with fear.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake, I won’t hurt you.” He went around and got in on his side, doing up his seatbelt. “Now text him. Beg him for help
. Make it sound bad.” He grinned. “Let him know I have you.”
She pulled out her phone, gritting her teeth in frustration as her fingers moved on their own, flying over the keyboard, tapping out a message that would surely terrify Luc.
“Good,” he said. “Now, we’ve got a long drive, so I want you to just be quiet. And no freaking out.”
She would have scoffed at that if she could have. Ugh. Who did this guy think he was?
“The emerald dragon,” he said, answering her silent thoughts. “The biggest, baddest dragon of all.” He winked at her. “At least for now.”
She rolled her eyes and leaned against the window, hoping whatever happened when Luc got the message, he would be careful and safe.
16
Luc and Zach were eating, trying to get Erin’s opinion on what he should do as far as winning Hallie back, when his phone beeped.
He absentmindedly brought out the phone, wondering who would be texting him, since he never used his phone, and he saw a message from Hallie that made his blood ice over almost instantly.
“Need help. Taken by Emerald.”
He slammed the phone down on the counter and started for the door, pulling on a jacket.
Zach ran after him, trying to stop him by jerking on his arm. Luc glared at him, rage in his eyes.
“Emerald has Hallie,” he said, angry with himself as much as he was with Emerald. He shook his head. “I really thought he was only after me. Waiting for me to come to him. With his powers, I don’t want to think about what he could do.”
“Hold on,” Zach said. “He’s a jerk right now, yes, but he’s not going to hurt your mate. He has never had any beef with you, unlike with me.”
Luc sighed. “I’m not betting on anything when it comes to Hallie. I need her back. I need to make things right.”
“You won’t be able to make things right if you walk into a straight-up trap,” Zach reminded him. “You have no idea who Emerald is working for or with. There could be many, many people helping him.”
“I don’t care. He has my mate,” Luc said.
“All right, but I’m going with you,” Zach said.
Sapphire Dragon (Awakened Dragons Book 2) Page 11