Children.
He tried to think of what a daughter who looked like Janessa would be like, but it was too much to bear. Over various conversations, she had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want kids and that he didn’t care for family. That was farthest from the truth. He simply believed he didn’t deserve them.
“Wait a minute,” she said, drawing back from him. “Your parents died when you were fifteen. That’s when you started living on your own. How in the world could a kid have done anything to cause several people to die—”
She gasped, and covered her mouth while shaking her head. Tears welled in her eyes. He could guess where her thoughts took her.
“You didn’t cause your parents…”
“No.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness. I don’t know who could come back from that.”
“The fault lay with me and my parents. But they died, and I lived.” He spoke matter-of-factly, but he always knew when Janessa either sensed he lied or she knew he hit the deeper emotional impact of what he shared.
She sat beside him on the edge of the desk. Her thigh touched his, and his body came to life. He wanted to hold her, and the memories of when he did charged across his mind. Thinking clearly of anything other than Janessa was hard.
“Nessa.”
“Yes?”
When she skewed his head too much, he moved to the window that overlooked the street. Yes, this was a better view, and maybe he could get the words out before Roxie grew impatient waiting for him.
“Roxie understands what I went through. She was there after all.”
“From your hometown?”
“Yes.”
“What do you guys do, marry your first cousins? I noticed you all have silver eyes.”
He chuckled. “No, we don’t. That’s a strong gene from…uh…the area where we come from.”
“You think I’m stupid, that I can’t tell when you’re lying to me?”
“I don’t.”
“Then tell me plainly, Declan. Stop making crap up. You’re standing there telling me that shallow woman understands you better than I do, like our friendship all this time means nothing.”
He spun to face her. “I’m not saying that. I love you.”
She wobbled like she would fall over, and he rushed to catch her. She swatted his hands away and backed up a step. “Don’t even.”
“As my friend,” he emphasized. “I care about you, and I won’t leave you. I’ll always look after you.”
“I hear a ‘but’ in there.”
How could he give her an adequate explanation? She deserved a million times better than him. “While I’ve struggled to protect you all this time, I’ve known at my core, I’m not worthy.”
“Don’t give me that!”
“You asked for an explanation, and this is all I can give.”
“You’re going to marry Roxie.”
“She knows about me.”
Janessa made air quotes. “About your ‘brokenness’?”
“Yes.”
“And she accepts it?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you told me you will never marry and never have kids. You said you never want them.”
“I didn’t.”
She stood in silence, and he could read every emotion that flitted across her face. All of a sudden his willingness to deny the truth vanished. The words tumbled from his lips as he drew her into his arms.
“I love you as a man loves a woman, Nessa.”
She gasped.
“I’ve felt that way about you from the beginning, but I equally knew it could never be. If I could be okay with making you my wife and put my children inside you I would do it in a heartbeat.”
A choked sob escaped her. She held onto him, pressing so close, he felt her entire length and nothing felt more right. God, how he loved her. In his own head he could admit it at last, but what did it matter? Because he loved her, he couldn’t subject her to a husband like him.
Pain radiated in his mind and his body. He shook but held himself rigid to suppress the emotion. He moved a hand up her back and pressed her closer. Her muffled sobs broke him. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than to marry her, right then.
In some ways it felt good to tell her he loved her, so he said it again. “I love you, Nessa.”
“S-stop saying that.”
“It’s true.”
She looked up at him, big brown eyes watery and her face wet. He stroked a thumb across her cheek, enjoyed the softness of her cocoa skin.
“But you won’t be with me?”
“I can’t.”
“Why,” she raged and pulled out of his arms. “Get it straight. I’m not begging you to be with me, but I’m trying to understand your reasoning. What is so wrong about you that you can’t be with me if you love me? Are you saying in the short time you’ve known her that you love her?”
“No.”
“But she’s good enough for you?”
The fact was he didn’t even like Roxie. She seemed to be devoted to him and the old ways. It turned him off when she started calling him her prince. He wasn’t royalty. He wasn’t anything worthy of that much respect.
A shuddering sigh shook him, and he pinched the bridge of his nose. Okay, it was time to stop coming down on himself and feeling like a loser. He worked for years on pretending, showing a different image, but it never changed his heart.
He tried again to explain. “My people are very proud. Our identity is strongly tied to certain characteristics.”
“Which are?”
He clenched his jaw. Even if he told her a dragon shifter’s pride was in his ability to fly and his majestic appearance, she wouldn’t understand. If by chance she accepted what he was, it didn’t matter to his people. He wasn’t fit to lead, and he would remain an outcast forever. To be what he was and to marry a human—no, he couldn’t do it. They could remain friends as long as he was hidden, but now that his people had found him, everything changed. He had to do whatever was necessary to protect Janessa.
“It doesn’t matter what the characteristics are,” he told her. “What must be, must be. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not going to pretend I get you, Declan, because I don’t. You’ve hurt me more in the last few days than I ever experienced with old boyfriends. I thought at the very least we would always be together. Maybe I hoped some time in the future things would change.”
“Now you’re being honest with me.”
Her laugh held no humor. “Yeah, I love you too. Imagine that. I wish I could switch it off. I don’t know why we can’t just go on as we have been and you tell Roxie where to go, but I’m assuming it has to do with the weird prince thing.”
He flushed. “Yes.”
“We can’t be friends, Declan.”
His eyes widened. “What? Why? I’m not asking you to be friends with Roxie and have barbecues at our house but—”
“I can’t watch you marry her and have kids with her. I don’t see myself not zapping out and trying to kick her tail. I can’t do it. No, I won’t do it. If you insist on this road, please just wait until I wrap up the business and get out of here. I’m going to sell everything and leave town. I’ll find somewhere else to settle and start over.”
“No!”
She hugged him, stretching to her toes to kiss his cheek. His chest constricted, and he knew his face looked like he wanted to rip something apart. Over the years he maintained a genuine looking smile, one that didn’t even begin to melt the ice in his soul. He felt chilled to the bone.
“We can’t stay together. I’m sure you can figure out how to cook for yourself,” she teased.
Pressure built in his head. Not that he was afraid to be without her. It was that he feared allowing her out of his sight. An impossible urge consumed him, to do whatever was necessary to protect her.
But no matter what he felt, he couldn’t force his way into her life. If she didn’t want him near, he h
ad to let her go. The idea tore him apart. He had decided instantly to marry Roxie as a way to keep himself under control when it came to Janessa. He thought it was the solution to the constant struggle to make her his own. Now she was saying even their friendship had come to an end.
She sniffled and smiled. The tears had stopped at last. “You don’t have to explain anymore. I’m good. I think I’m going to go home for the day. I have a migraine. If you can hold off on the wedding until I’m gone that would be great. Thanks for always looking out for me, Declan. Even if you don’t believe you’re a great guy, you are. Roxie is lucky to have you. G-goodbye.”
She kissed his cheek again and grabbed her purse to leave the office. He couldn’t bring himself to call her back. What else was there to say other than—goodbye?
Chapter 12
Janessa jerked awake in bed. Her heart pounded, and she pressed a hand against her chest. Something thumped somewhere in her house, and she jetted from the bed to land catlike on the floor. Okay, from the outside observer, she was probably far less graceful. Regardless, she crouched on hands and feet, grateful she hadn’t gotten tangled in the sheets.
The mystery sound didn’t repeat itself. Still, she was sure someone moved around in her place. She’d shut her door when she went to bed, and it remained shut. Running on tiptoe she scurried to the spot behind it and flattened her back against the wall.
Footsteps brushed over the hall carpet. Her throat went dry. She scanned the dim lighting in her room to try to find something—anything—to use as a weapon. Maybe the closet. She inched along the wall in that direction until her fingers grazed over something she hadn’t thought of.
Two years ago, she and Declan had attended an anime convention with a client. That same client had purchased Declan a wooden sword. Janessa received what she called a shinai, a kendo sword made of bamboo. The shinai looked more to Janessa like a lightweight stick, but she figured it was hard enough to do the job should she have to crack someone over the head.
She wrapped her fingers around the shinai and crept toward the door. By the time she stepped into the hall, everything around her lay in silence. Nothing stirred. She tried to sense any movement and got nothing. Maybe it was all her imagination? A dream?
Just when she started to tell herself she looked like an idiot for creeping about in the middle of the night with a kendo stick, she turned on the lights and came to the front door. Her heart stopped. The door wasn’t locked, and neither was the swing door guard engaged.
“Ms. Waverly.”
She yelped and spun around. In her living room was none other than Patrick Sevelle, standing there like he waited for her to invite him to sit down and have a glass of iced tea.
“What are you doing in my apartment in the middle of the night?” she demanded. “And how did you get in?”
“That’s not important.”
“Excuse me?”
“I thought we could leave well enough alone. My plans were in place, and everything was running smoothly. Things have changed.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
The door behind her opened, and she looked back. Another man strode inside, followed by a woman. Janessa almost fainted when she realized the man who came in was the same man who had been watching her house.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she shouted. “Get out!”
She raised the kendo stick above her head and swung hard. The man didn’t even flinch. He caught the stick, and she tumbled forward when he snatched it away. Her palms burned. She fell to her knees on the floor.
“Be careful,” Patrick told the man. “We don’t want to stir him up too much.”
The woman spoke up. “It doesn’t matter, sir? He’s crippled. What can he do?”
“Don’t underestimate him. Besides, I want everything to stay within the margins of my plans. No deviations. Got it?”
“Yes, sir.” Both the woman and the man nodded their heads with respect to Patrick.
Patrick bent toward Janessa and held out a hand to her. “Come with me, Ms. Waverly. We have a long way to go before we reach home, and I have a meeting at noon I can’t miss.”
She got to her feet on her own, ignoring his hand. “I’m not stopping you. Get out.”
“You’re coming with me.”
“No, I’m not.” She started past him, trying to hide rising panic.
He caught her arm. She jerked to try to get free, but his grip tightened.
“Get your hands off me.”
“I’m afraid I must insist.” His politeness grated on her nerves. “You see, I’ve determined that the only way I can control Declan is to control you. So while I’m against allowing an outsider into our fold, I don’t have much of a choice.”
Her blood ran cold. “What does Declan have to do with you? Wait, you were always more interested in him than finding out about your future son-in-law. Does this person even exist?”
“Of course he does. My daughter is getting married, and her future husband is one of us. When one of my people found out where Declan has been hiding all these years like the coward he is, I determined it was necessary to feel him out.”
“Declan isn’t a coward.”
Patrick smirked. He went on, not bothering to defend his opinion. “When I learned where he was, I had to find out if he posed a threat to my plans. I thought he didn’t, not with you by his side.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s not an insult. I’m simply saying you would keep him pretending to be something he’s not.”
“Wow, okay, you’re not insulting me by claiming I’m making Declan live a lie. Is that it?”
He shrugged.
Her hands ached to smack his face. Better yet, to sock him in the eye. But she wasn’t a violent person and had never been in a physical fight in her life. As much as she had vetted Patrick, she couldn’t have guessed he would stoop to breaking into her house and threatening to take her hostage. She still had no clue what he was going on about. Maybe he was high or drunk.
“Look, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking, but trust me you will regret it in the morning if you don’t just get out of here and leave me alone. You two.” She pointed her chin at Patrick’s employees or whatever they were. “You need to get ahold of your boss so he doesn’t break the law any further than he already has. If you guys leave now, I might not call the police.”
“Help her to pack some things,” Patrick ordered the woman. He looked at Janessa and smiled. “You see? I’m not a complete monster.”
The three of them chuckled like he made some type of joke. Janessa figured he should keep his day job because ‘funny’ was the last thing she thought of when it came to Patrick.
In a few moments, she had a bag packed and sat in the back seat of Patrick’s car with the woman. Janessa had thought of resisting some more, but these people were serious. She was starting to be very afraid that they might kill her if she pushed too much. It might be better if she bided her time and found a way of escape later.
Patrick didn’t live nearby, so maybe he intended for them to take a flight. There was no way he would get her on a plane. She would scream bloody murder the second she spotted airport security.
On the other hand, Patrick might intend to drive to get home. She would need to look for an opportunity if he made bathroom breaks or food stops.
As they sped along the highway, dashing her hopes for an airport rescue, she thought about Declan. They had parted saying goodbye, both expecting to have little to no influence in each other’s lives again. Now this mess came up. Could she expect him to come to her rescue? Would he do whatever it was Patrick wanted him to do?
The moon still brightened the dark sky when Patrick’s man pulled into a restaurant’s parking lot. All the lights inside were on, and people moved about. Talk about an early start.
Her door opened, and the man stepped back to wait for Janessa to exit the car. The woman slid out behind her and
grabbed her arm. Janessa jerked away. “I can walk without your assistance.”
The woman glowered at her, but she didn’t force the issue.
Janessa took in the restaurant that must be Patrick’s cousin’s place. She recalled the name from when they were supposed to meet there previously. Janessa turned to Patrick. “I thought you were taking me to your home.”
“Soon. We don’t want to get too far ahead of Declan, do we? No telling if he’s able to track after all this time—and with his issues.”
“You look for every opportunity to insult him. I thought you were a nice person, but I see I totally misjudged you. That’s why whenever Declan insisted we refuse take a client I listened to him. He was never wrong, and he pegged you. Let me tell you right now, you’re not getting away with this.”
Patrick ignored her protests and walked ahead of her into the restaurant. She was shoved into a chair to watch while Patrick consulted with a man who looked like he could be Patrick’s brother. Tall, silver eyes, strong physique, and of course the expensive suit, this must be the cousin.
Every person in the restaurant was tall, decent-looking, and from the ones who moved close enough for her see, had silver eyes. These were Patrick and Declan’s people.
The woman dropped into the seat next to Janessa while the rest of the group gathered around Patrick. They spoke in hushed enough tones that Janessa couldn’t overhear.
Janessa turned to the woman. “What’s your name?”
“Does it matter?”
“I want to give the police a name when I get out of here.”
The woman frowned. “You put on a tough act, but I smell your fear. You don’t know if that coward will come to rescue you.”
“You better watch your mouth before I make you.”
The woman snorted in amusement. “You still don’t know who you’re dealing with, do you?”
“A bunch of cultists?”
The woman sprang toward Janessa, but Janessa jerked backward. Her chair overturned, and she crashed down to the floor. Pain shot up through her butt as she bruised her tailbone. The woman landed on top of her, crouching and baring teeth that were jagged like an animal’s. Janessa screamed.
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