by Taryn Steele
Forty-five minutes in to our shopping excursion Lily’s cell phone starts ringing. The conversation is quick. All I hear her say is “we’ll be right there.” She hangs up, grabs my hand and starts pulling me towards the escalator. “Come on. That was Bevan. He and Jameson are in Wilson’s Leather. Jameson has been trying on jackets. Said he always wanted one.”
Bingo!
As we are walking towards Wilson’s we spot Bevan and Jameson walking out. They see us and start walking towards us.
“Hey guys. What were you checking out in Wilson’s?” Lily asks.
“Nothing really. We were just looking around.” Jameson says.
“Actually I think I might go back and get that wallet I saw. Mine is really falling apart. Hillary, didn’t you say you wanted to get your dad a new wallet?” Bevan says, gesturing his head towards the store.
“Perfect!” Lily shouts. “Jameson you can come with me then to Sears because my dad was talking about some tool that he needed for the garage and I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. You two meets us back in Sears when you’re done.” Lily says as she pulls Jameson the away from us.
Bevan is moving in stealth mode through Wilson’s and I am right behind him every step. He stops at a rack in the back corner of the store and, pulls a jacket from the rack to hand it to me. “This is the one.” It was a hot looking jacket. I wish I had seen Jameson in it. It was genuine leather, zip out thinsulate lining for those extra chilly days, and a notch collar. It was perfect. The only problem was there was no way I could get it today.
As I’m walking up to the counter I pass by a woman’s jacket which catches my eye. “Wow! This is a really nice jacket. It’s so soft. I get the attraction people have to these.” I say.
“Try it on.” Bevan tells me.
I flip through the rack to find a large or an extra-large to accommodate my healthy bosom. I find one, slip my arms through and I melt. I love it.
“It looks good, Hil. You should buy both of them.”
I look at the price tag and can practically feel my eyes bulge out of my head. “It’s three hundred dollars! No way dude.” I tell him.
I put it back on the rack and head back to the counter with the jacket for Jameson and explain my predicament to the sales associate. He told me he could only hold the jacket for Jameson for twenty-four hours.
“What if I purchase it or put down a deposit? Can you hold it for me until Tuesday night? That’s only three days and the earliest I can come back.” I plead with him.
He agrees to hold it for me until Tuesday night but I have to pay for it in full. I don’t have to think twice about it. While I’m making my payment Bevan keeps an eye on the front of the store to make sure Lily and Jameson don’t come back. As the sales associate hands my paperwork to me a thought comes to mind.
“Bevan, what about the wallet? That’s why we were supposed to be coming in here.” I remind him.
“Shit. I’ll just say I changed my mind. Couldn’t spend the money on myself this close to Christmas.”
“Okay, that’s credible. I’ll say my dad would kill me if he found out I bought him a genuine leather wallet, and I’m getting him one from Walmart.”
“Cool. Let’s go find them in Sears.”
After wandering around Sears for almost twenty minutes we finally found them in the electronics section playing Super Mario Brothers with their gaming stations. No one ever said at what age you technically had to grow up. You can never pass up Super Mario Brothers.
“I hope someday you get stuck with a wicked mother-in-law who doesn’t like you; just like mine.”
Christmas Day, 2002
ANOTHER YEAR TOGETHER AND ANOTHER Christmas morning with Marcie. She gets her way again this year. Another day of driving hundreds of miles and limited time with family. We are one stop short of Thanksgiving though. Jameson was with his dad last night, so we won’t be seeing him today. I’m bummed I’ll be missing out, but it is what it is.
As I lay in Jameson’s bed I think about his gift. I’m really excited about it and I can’t wait to share that moment with him when he opens it. I can’t help but want to be selfish about it and have it just be me and him. I don’t want to share that moment with Marcie. Before I can stop myself I let out very audible sigh.
“Something wrong?” Jameson asks, in a groggy tone.
“Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” I admit.
“It’s Christmas. No one should be sighing like that when they first wake up. What’s on your brain?”
“I’m really excited about a certain gift I have for you and I want it to just be you and me in the room when you open it. I’m feeling a tad bit selfish and I do and don’t feel bad about it.” I tell him.
“What kind of certain gift? Like sex toy gift? Something naughty or kinky? Is it handcuffs? Edible panties? Should I keep guessing?”
I can’t help but laugh. I love how he can get me out of my funk so quickly. “It’s nothing kinky you horny pig.”
“Well let’s see it. I’ll open it now.”
I flip over on my stomach lifting the bed skirt and grab the box I hid it under his bed late last night. Before I sit up I feel the bed shift. I feel a tickle on my legs, then I feel Jameson’s lips pressing kisses up my body. I can’t help but squeal when he kisses on the back of my knee. I feel his hand grab at the top of my panties. He pulls one side down and takes a nibble at my butt cheek then gives it a light slap. The mixture of pleasure and pain sends a delightful jolt through my body. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” I warn him. I sit up and hand him the heavy box. “Jesus woman! What do you have in here, bricks?”
I sit up straight, cross my legs Indian style and fold my hands in my lap saying a silent prayer he’s happy with the gift. He starts tearing the wrapping paper, and flipping the box over he sees the print on the box. He pauses, a look of shock on his face. He looks back to me.
“You didn’t…” I don’t respond with words, just a smile. He pulls the lid of the box off, places it next to him on the bed, and removes the top layer of tissue paper.
“Oh-my-god, Hillary!” He exclaims. He gets off of the bed to stand over the box and pull the leather jacket out. He’s smiling. Thank you God! He puts on the jacket and starts fumbling with the buttons and pockets. “I can’t believe you did this. How did you know?”
“I had a little help from a mutual friend.” I say with a wink. “Do you like it?”
“I love it! Thank you!” He crawls over the bed over to me, and plants me with a thank you kiss.
“Since we’re exchanging special gifts, I think it’s my turn then.” He tells me. “I told you I didn’t want anything Jameson. You bought a ring and that was expensive enough.”
“I told you that doesn’t count so knock it off and close your eyes.” He rebuts. Sitting in the same position I sit quietly as I’m told while I listen to him rustling around the room.
“Okay, open them.” I see him before me holding a large, wrapped box with a red bow on the top. He places it on the bed in front of me. I can’t help but wonder what could possibly be in here. I refused to give him any ideas on what to get me.
“Open it.” He demands.
I pull the wrapping off carefully and slowly to torture him a bit. When the name on the box reveals his secret gift I gasp. I gasp like I’ve never gasped before. I gasp like a classic movie actress gasp. “Jameson! This says Wilson’s Leather on it.”
“It does? I had no idea.” He says with a huge grin on his face. I take the lid off of the box, move over the top layer of tissue paper and see a leather jacket inside. I stand up off of the bed and pull it out of the box. It’s the exact same one I tried on at the store with Bevan when I was purchasing Jameson’s jacket.
“Jameson, I can’t accept this. This is way too much. I was just trying this on for fun.”
“If I have to take yours back then you have to take mine back.” He demands.
“That’s not fair!” I pl
ead.
“Seems pretty fair to me.” He snarls back. “Either we both keep them or we both send them back and I don’t know where I put the receipt so—”
“You play dirty Jameson Michaels.”
“In more ways than one baby. Now let me see you in nothing but that jacket and those heels over there.”
WE OPENED PRESENTS WITH MARCIE at the apartment in the morning. She argued with us for twenty minutes over driving to her parent’s house. After we spent four hours there she still gave us dirty looks and attitude not caring that my family was holding dinner for us.
I wish I could dismiss her comments as easily as Jameson seemed to be able to do. It was just like Thanksgiving all over again. Everyone hugged us goodbye, thanked us for spending the day with them and driving so far. She only gave us grief. Jameson didn’t say a word. He just smiled, waved goodbye and walked out the door. Why was he so unaffected? Why did she think her behavior was acceptable? Is every holiday going to be like this? What have I gotten myself in to?
RIGHT BEFORE WE WERE ABOUT TO TURN on to the highway I asked Jameson to stop at the gas station so I could get some aspirin and a drink.
“You okay? Headache?” He asks.
“Yeah, you could say that.” I tell him.
I don’t even wait for him to put the car in park before I take off my seatbelt, grab my purse and open the door. I don’t look behind me but I hear his car door close, so I know he’s on my tail. I stomp over to where I see the coolers with beverages and look for the ginger ale. My stomach is already in knots. Jameson is standing near me but I walk right passed him. I see the trial size aspirin on my way to the counter, grab a pack and put it on the counter. Jameson reaches over me, puts a bottle of soda on the counter.
“I got this.” He tells me. I keep my head down and step aside so the cashier can scan our items.
Once Jameson pays he hands me my ginger ale and aspirin, puts his arm out as if to tell me “after you”, so I walk back to the car still with my head down.
“You wanna tell me what the hell that was all about?” He asks sternly.
“Nope.”
“Well, I don’t fucking care. Tell me what the fuck happened because I obviously missed something.”
“Your mom.” I admit.
“Oh Christ. What did she do now?”
“It was just the way she was when we said we were leaving. It’s the same shit as Thanksgiving. We spent the morning with her, then spent all day with her and her family and she’s gonna give us shit about leaving to see my family… on fucking Christmas. It’s bullshit! I will not put up with this every fucking holiday Jameson.”
“I’m sorry Hillary. I guess I’m just used to letting things she says go in one ear and out the other. I’m so used to running around to different houses on holidays since being a child of divorce. I didn’t take you into consideration.”
I can feel my face reddening, the tears welling up, my hands shaking. Why am I so scared about being honest with my feelings? I have every right to feel. “I said it once and I’ll say it again Jameson. I’ll be damned if I get a God damn guilt trip about spending time with my fucking family for the holidays.”
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I’ll take care of it. Let’s get on the road and go see your family.”
“You dirty cunt! You’re gonna get it now!”
December 31, 2002
JAMESON LOVES THE NEW YEAR’S HOLIDAY. When he told me Marcie was going to the party in the community room at their apartment complex I suggested inviting Bevan and Lily, and Karolyn and her husband, Joe over. Jameson loved the idea of keeping it low key at the apartment. We don’t have to worry about drinking and driving, spending a ridiculous amount of money or dealing with crowds. We laughed about Karolyn telling us she was coming in her pajamas.
At seven o’clock on the dot all four of our guests showed up wine and beer in hand. We all sat at the dining room table playing board games and sharing laughs. Joe spent most of his time yelling about us not upping our game during cards. Karolyn and Lily only wanted to talk about our wedding plans, and Bevan just sat there and laughed at all of us.
We kept the television on in the connecting living room so we could hear and see Dick Clark for the countdown. At 11:55 p.m., we decided to get up and move in to the living room. We all stood watching and waiting for the ball to drop. Two minutes later we heard a key in the door and in came Marcie.
“Hey everybody! I made it just in time!” She exclaimed.
She made it in time for what? Why is she here? Why isn’t she at her party downstairs?
She dropped her purse on the end table, walked around saying hello to everyone and stood next to Jameson at the far left end of the living room. Ten seconds left. Everyone starts counting down.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turn to my right to hug and kiss Jameson and just as soon as I do that Marcie pulls at his elbow turning him to her. She grabs him in a hug. I stood there, completely in shock. I look around the room. Bevan and Lily are hugging and kissing. Karolyn and Joe are hugging and kissing. I’m standing in the middle of the living room with no one.
After what felt like an eternity Jameson pulls me in to a hug and whispers Happy New Year in my ear. I didn’t respond. I couldn’t respond. I was in complete shock as to what just happened. The night was so perfect. How did it just come to such a horrible crash landing?
I turn the other way and see my four friends just standing there with their mouths gaping open, understanding the bullshit that just occurred.
“Let’s have a toast!” Marcie exclaims and exits the room.
I just stand there looking down at the floor on the verge of tears.
“Dude. What the fuck?” Bevans says to Jameson. “What?” Jameson asks with a confused look on his face. “How could you not just realize the bullshit that just happened? What your mom just did pulling you away from Hillary at midnight. That’s fucked up dude.” Bevan tells him in a whispered tone so Marcie doesn’t over hear.
He didn’t even notice. Lily was right. This is never going to end. I feel a tear drip on to my cheek. I don’t want anyone, especially Marcie, to see so I excuse myself to the bathroom.
I step in, close the door behind and sit on the toilet lid. I rest my forearms on my legs, hang my head down and take slow deep breaths. If I can control my emotions, the tears will stop. I don’t want to cry. I’ve seen my over-emotional mother cry all too much. It’s a weakness and I am not weak. I try to reason my emotions. It’s just a countdown to the New Year, that’s all. Why is it such a big deal that she snagged his attention away when he should have kissed me, as is tradition? Am I being melodramatic?
I hear a quiet knock on the door and in peeks Karolyn and Lily. The looks on their faces tell me “here comes the sympathy, but we’ll be honest too”.
Karolyn kneels down in front of me, her hands on my knees. “Maybe she was just excited and it’s not because she’s evil and hates you?” I try my hardest to stifle a laugh but the suggestion is all too unbelievable.
“Oh come on Karolyn. We’ve all seen how much Marcie has changed since they got engaged. She’s so mean to Hillary, so callous. That was fucking intentional and we all know it. I just don’t understand how Jameson didn’t realize it.” Lily ponders.
There’s another knock on the door. This time it’s Jameson. Karolyn and Lily both stand up give me a hug and kiss on the cheek. “I think we’re gonna get going. Call me tomorrow okay?” Lily mentions. “Joe has to work at nine so I better get him home.” I give my two favorite girls another hug goodbye. I follow them out of the bathroom to say goodbye to Bevan and Joe as well.
Bevan rises and envelops me in a hug. He puts his lips close to my ear. “Call me if Jameson doesn’t get his head out of his ass,” he whispers to me. It makes me happy to know that someone else is looking out for me and sees the bullshit going on. Jameson and Bevan have been close friends for a while. They can talk s
traight up, no bullshit and get shit aired out. If I tell Bevan Jameson is being a dick and Marcie is being a manipulative twat he’ll bring it to Jameson’s attention.
As our friends exit the apartment I turn to head towards Jameson’s room and I see Marcie walking out of her bedroom with a towel in hand. She looks at me with squinted eyes and a sour look on her face. She goes in to the bathroom, closes the door and starts the shower. I don’t look back at Jameson. I keep marching forward toward his room. If he’s behind me, fine, if not I’m closing the door.
As I walk through the doorway, I pause, look over my shoulder and he’s not there. I sulk, then close the door behind me. At this point I don’t even want to talk anyway. I change into my pajamas, grab the TV remote control and get under the covers. After about four minutes of flipping through the channels I stop on Sixteen Candles. An absolute favorite classic of mine. Oh-my-god, when Jake shows up at the church, and when he opens the door for her to get in the car. My heart just melts. I love a happy ending.
At least twenty minutes have gone by and Jameson still has not come to bed. My eyes are getting heavy. I’m not going to be able to stay up much longer. I recount the moment again in my head – 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… HAPPY NEW YEAR! I turn and she pulls him away. Devastation fills my heart.
I continue to toss and turn in bed for what feels like forever. My head is throbbing with pain from replaying the night over in my head, wondering where Jameson is and what he’s doing but I’m too chicken shit to venture out of the bedroom to find him for fear of running in to Marcie. It would be messy if I did. I would scream at her. I would yell at her. I might even slap her across the face; but I won’t. I don’t want to add any more frustration to what Jameson already has to deal with.
Maybe if I close my eyes the pain in my head will lessen. Maybe it will lessen the pain in my heart too. I can only hope.
I’m feeling sleepy now.