Super Fly vs. Furious Flea!

by Todd H. Doodler

  During lunch, Fred devoured his blood sausage sandwich before Eugene even came off the line with his tray. Then Fred rushed off to the gym to do some stretches before his next class.

  Fred savored his father’s praise of “taking it to the next level.” He bent deeper into the stretch and thought, “You bet I am. I’m one fantastic flea!”

  Eugene spent yet another busy Friday as Brown Barge’s Student of the Season. Everywhere he went bugs wanted him for something.

  Did Eugene know the math answers? What were his plans for the weekend? Had he found out about the Chess Club field trip yet? Had he tried the new poopsicles in the cafeteria yet?

  Questions and greetings bounced around Eugene as fast as the Ping-Pong balls bouncing all over the halls. Yet he felt bothered by the strange sensation that something was missing.

  Eugene didn’t even know what until he and Elle were riding the bus back home. Elle asked, “How’s Fred?”

  Eugene blinked.

  A Ping-Pong ball flew past his eyeglasses.

  Elle started to repeat her question, but Eugene interrupted her. “I know what you asked. I just don’t know the answer.” Then he explained, “I haven’t spoken to Fred all day!”

  Elle looked alarmed. “When was the last time that happened?”

  Eugene’s super-enhanced memory swiftly recalled every one of his days at Brown Barge Elementary School—from that fateful first day when he met Fred to this.

  Elle answered her own question before Eugene did. She said, “Never.”

  Eugene suggested, “Maybe he went home sick or something.”

  Elle shook her head. She’d seen Fred several times, but he’d always been too far away to hear her voice. Eugene recalled seeing Fred walking fast, with a purpose, standing tall—and not the least bit interested in his pest friend.

  Eugene sighed. “That’s weird.”

  Elle echoed, “Very.”

  The Flysteins were so busy puzzling over Fred’s strange behavior that they failed to notice the big bug sitting behind them. Cornelius C. Roach found their conversation extremely interesting.

  The roach lived in an agony of anger, flinching at every Ping-Pong ball flying by and every paddle’s slap because they reminded him of his defeat by Super Fly.

  Cornelius rubbed his forefeet with evil glee. So Fantastic Flea and Super Fly were on the outs . . . Crazy Cockroach’s 9,000-times-enhanced brain processed this exciting data.

  A Ping-Pong ball sailed past the bully. Without thinking, Cornelius seized the annoying sphere and crushed it into powder finer than pollen.

  As Andy Ant and his friend Ted Tarantula puzzled over their missing ball, a new plan for revenge reared its ugly head—an ugly roach head!

  About Fiona

  Saturday morning seemed like a good time to meet the new neighbors. So Fred strolled across Compost Drive with some poodle-blood pudding his mother had made.

  He knocked on the door. As he waited, the suspense grew. Would the neighbors be nice? Would there be any bugs Fred’s age? Would they like poodle-blood pudding? Fred wouldn’t mind taking the delicious dessert back home.

  Then suddenly the door flew open to reveal . . . one of the prettiest young fleas Fred had ever seen! She said, “Hi.”

  Fred replied, “Hi.”

  Then came an awkward silence. After which both Fred and the pretty flea started talking at the same time.

  Both stopped, started again, and then burst out laughing. When their giggles died down, Fred said, “Welcome to Stinkopolis.”

  The girl said, “Thanks. I’m Fiona.”

  “I’m Fred Flea—and this is my mom’s poodle-blood pudding. I hope you like it,” Fred replied.

  Fiona squealed. “Poodle pudding’s my favorite!”

  “Mine too!” Fred exclaimed.

  “Why don’t you come inside and have some?” Fiona offered.

  Soon Fred was sharing pudding with Fiona and the rest of the Biteswell clan, even though he’d already sneaked some while waiting outside. Fred tried to remember the names of all of Fiona’s fifty-seven brothers and sisters. But mostly he just enjoyed being the center of attention.

  Fiona laughed at all of Fred’s jokes. She thought his circus tricks were amazing.

  “We should hang out sometime,” Fiona suggested.

  Fred smiled. “What about now? I can show you the neighborhood.”

  Fiona told her mother, “I’ll do my chores later.”

  Then she ran out the door before Mrs. Biteswell could respond.

  Since Fred had already done his chores, his mother didn’t mind him going to the park with the new neighbor.

  A few minutes later, Eugene knocked on the Flea family’s door.

  “I’m sorry, Eugene. Fred just went out with another friend,” Mrs. Flea said.

  “Will you tell him I stopped by?” Eugene asked.

  Mrs. Flea agreed, but she hadn’t felt like herself since she’d bitten a sick hamster. By the time Fred came home, she’d forgotten all about Eugene’s visit.

  On his way back to Rumbling Rock Road, Eugene told himself he didn’t care. He had better things to do than chase Fred. Eugene could play Sewer Invaders by himself. And wouldn’t Fred be mad if Eugene made it to level three on his own?

  For the first time in weeks, Fred wasn’t thinking about Eugene at all. He was too busy looking for a neighborhood dog to ride with Fiona.

  Eugene didn’t even like dogs much, just their droppings. But as a fellow flea, Fiona understood the wonder of canines. One common animal combined swift transportation, comfort, warmth, and a tasty meal! No wonder dogs were considered a flea’s best friend. Or is it meal?

  Fred sighed. “I’m sorry there aren’t any dogs around this morning.”

  Fiona shrugged. “That’s okay. I’m still full from all that yummy poodle-blood pudding.”

  Fred smiled. He liked this girl! Fiona was fun and easygoing.

  Then he saw a large figure coming toward them. Two smaller bugs flanked the bigger one. Fred knew that treacherous trio. His heart pounded with dread.

  Cornelius C. Roach wasn’t just the meanest bully at Brown Barge Elementary School. He was, of course, also the super villain Crazy Cockroach! And his henchbugs, Dee and Doo Dung, weren’t exactly Bug Scouts either.

  Would these boys cause trouble for Fred and his new friend? Fred braced for a possible attack.

  Instead, he heard a friendly, “Hello, Fred!”

  Had Cornelius actually called Fred by his correct name?

  Then Cornelius said, “Want to play a game? Five spiders from Grungeberg just challenged us to some bugball.”

  Fred loved bugball, but how could he play with his and Super Fly’s mortal enemy? Before Fred could frame a proper refusal, Fiona said, “Sure!”

  The next thing Fred knew he was playing bugball— and having a great time! Eugene never wanted to play bugball. But Fiona seemed to love the game as much as Fred did. Even when the spiders started cheating by throwing silk, she stayed right on the ball. When they weren’t tripping over each other, Dee and Doo were pretty good players too. Add in the fact that Cornelius was 9,000 times stronger than a normal cockroach and it’s easy to understand why their team won.

  “That was fun!” Fiona declared.

  Fred agreed. “Totally!” He hadn’t enjoyed himself that much since the opening night of his family’s flea circus.

  Then the shock set in. Had Fred really just played a fun game with . . . Cornelius and the nasty Dung twins? Was he dreaming? Was he in a food coma from eating too much pudding?

  “We should play again sometime soon,” Cornelius suggested.

  Across the playing field Elle spotted her brother’s pest friend talking to his worst enemy, his henchbugs Number 1 and Number 2, and a girl she didn’t recognize. Using her 9,000-times-enhanced hearing, Elle heard Fred say, “Um, yeah, let’s do this again, I guess.”

  “Cool,” Cornelius concluded. “Catch you later, buddy!”

  As Cornelius and th
e twins walked away, Elle heard Fred remark to Fiona, “This is so weird! Cornelius and the Dungs used to bully me and my friend Eugene.”

  “Really? He seemed so nice,” Fiona said. Then she added, “Where’s Eugene?”

  Fred didn’t know—and he was trying very hard not to care.

  Then someone tapped Fred on the shoulder. He turned around, hoping to see Eugene. But it was Cornelius!

  The big roach smiled as he handed Fred the bugball. “Game ball, Fred. You earned it!”

  Fred held the ball and muttered, “Thanks.”

  He felt almost too confused to speak. Once Cornelius was out of normal hearing range, Fred whispered, “So I guess Cornelius and I are friends now?”

  Fiona grinned. “Sure looks like it! He did call you ‘buddy!’”

  The roach with the 9,000-times-enhanced hearing also smiled. This was all part of his plan! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

  Thelma and Louise

  That evening Fred’s aunts, Thelma and Louise Flea, came for dinner. The last time they’d visited, Eugene had been with Fred. So Thelma asked, “How is that fly friend of yours?”

  Louise added, “The nerdy one with the eyeglasses. What was his name?”

  “Eugene,” Fred said. “He’s fine—Student of the Season at Brown Barge Elementary, in fact. But we haven’t been hanging out as much lately.”

  “That’s good,” Thelma declared. “I mean, you shouldn’t be spending so much time with a fly.”

  Louise bristled. “I thought Eugene was a nice, bright kid, if shy. There’s nothing wrong with flies. Some of my best friends are flies.”

  “Name one,” Thelma challenged.

  “Buzz Flywheel, Buzzy Stenchhopper, and Flyette Garbageberg,” Louise answered.

  Thelma was skeptical. “Oh, please. You haven’t seen them since we stopped going to the Steaming Pile Club in Kenneltown ages ago.”

  Louise argued, “Friends are friends whether you’re with them all the time or not.”

  Fred wondered. Wasn’t a big part of friendship hanging out together?

  “Fred shouldn’t have one pest friend anyway,” Thelma stated. “It’s better to have lots of friends than just one. Not safe to take all your bites from one dog.”

  Just then the doorbell rang. Fred raced to answer, hoping to see Eugene. Instead, he found Fiona.

  Since the Fleas had finished dinner, Fred went outside to play with her. As they left, Fred heard Thelma tell Louise, “Fiona’s a much better friend for Fred.”

  Meanwhile, at the Flystein home, Elle knocked on her brother’s door.

  “Come in,” Eugene grunted.

  The corner of the room that served as Eugene’s lab was a mess. He sighed. “I got frustrated with the invisibility formula, so I went back to the problem robot. And it’s still a problem!”

  Elle suggested, “Maybe Fred could help.”

  Eugene smiled. “Good idea! I’ll call Fred.” It’d be nice to hang out with his good buddy again. Maybe Eugene had been working too hard.

  Mrs. Flea answered the phone. “Fred’s outside playing with his new friend. Should I call him in?”

  Eugene said, “No.” He didn’t want to interrupt a game. He told himself he wasn’t jealous. He almost believed that. “Please tell him I called. Bye.”

  Elle studied her brother’s unhappy face. “Why don’t you join Fred and his new friends?”

  Eugene shook his head. “I should really get this work done. The world needs a robot that can tie shoelaces.”

  Fred was having a great time playing kick the can with Fiona when Cornelius and the Dung twins came down Compost Drive. Fred tensed at their approach. Game ball or not, he still wasn’t used to thinking of the bully as a pal.

  Before Fred could even begin to invent an excuse, Fiona agreed to let Cornelius and the twins join their game.

  Once again, Fred found himself having fun with his former foe. Between Fred’s natural speed and Cornelius’s 9,000-times-enhanced abilities they enjoyed quite a game!

  Cornelius got so excited he kicked the can into orbit. “Oops! Guess we’ll have to find another can,” he exclaimed, adding, “Or we could sneak into a movie.”

  Fiona shouted, “YES! I’m dying to see Fart Wars.”

  “We are too!” the Dungs declared in unison. “Fart Vader is our idol!”

  Fred had never sneaked into a movie before. He wanted to say, “We should buy tickets.” But he didn’t want to seem like a party pooper. Besides, if the others couldn’t pay, then maybe this fun evening would end. So Fred said, “Let’s go!”

  He followed Cornelius and the Dungs through a tiny side entrance that said Employees Only. An usher saw Fiona, but she ran so fast they didn’t get caught.

  Fiona giggled. Fred did too.

  She said, “That was awesome!”

  Fred had to agree. “Totally awesome!” He was beginning to suspect that being bad was . . . fun!

  Fred thought back on all the time he and Eugene had spent trying so hard to become heroes. Maybe they’d had it all wrong. Maybe Fred should just kick back and be a kid sometimes.

  Then the movie began: May the Farts be with you . . .

  Furious Flea

  All Sunday Eugene thought about calling Fred, but he felt funny about it. What if Fred really was trying to avoid him?

  Fred considered calling Eugene. Then he remembered the long, hungry afternoon of waiting when Eugene didn’t show up—or even call.

  So the pest friends didn’t communicate until Eugene saw Fred at school Monday morning.

  “Hello, Fred!” Eugene said.

  Fred shrugged.

  “Where’ve you been lately?” Eugene asked.

  “I’ve been around—if you’d bother to look.” Fred added, “I have new friends.”

  Eugene felt hurt. “So I’ve heard. Your neighbor . . .”

  “Fiona,” Fred supplied the name. “And Cornelius and the Dungs too!” the flea exclaimed defiantly.

  Eugene had never seen Fred so angry before, not even the time Eugene hogged all the double-stuffed scabs. “Why are you so furious?”

  “Furious,” Fred mused. “That’s a cool name.” He walked away, leaving Eugene completely puzzled.

  After school, Fred didn’t stop by the Fortress of Doody. He went to the other side of the diaper, the evil side.

  Fred told Cornelius, “Let’s have fun, make trouble, and get into some mischief.”

  The cockroach could hardly believe his ears.

  “Are you feeling okay?” asked the nefarious roach.

  Fred explained, “I’ve had enough of trying to be Fantastic with Mr. President-of-Everything Super Nerd. My new name is Furious—Furious Flea.”

  Lucy Kaboosie Tries to Make a Trucie

  The next day at school, Lucy Kaboosie cornered Fred in the cafeteria. “Since we’re all friends, I thought I could talk to you on Eugene’s behalf.”

  Fred yawned. He, Cornelius, the Dungs, and Fiona had spent a wild night on the loose in Stinkopolis.

  Lucy went on, “You’re too nice a bug to hang out with the bully crew.”

  Fred continued to look bored.

  “You can’t trust those guys!” Lucy exclaimed. “This is probably some kind of trap.”

  Just then, Fiona put down her tray next to Fred’s lunch. Fiona took one look at the pretty ladybug and said, “You should probably bug off.”

  As the daughter of Stinkopolis’s mayor and one of the most popular bugs at Brown Barge, Lucy wasn’t used to being talked to that way. She turned her spotted back on Fiona and marched off in a huff. But not before getting in an insult of her own.

  “Bite me!” said Lucy.

  “That’s what we fleas do best!” smirked Fiona.

  Fred burst out laughing. He’d never had two pretty girls fight over him before.

  Lucy didn’t go back to her usual table. Instead, she found Elle at a table full of giggling second graders. Lucy pulled Elle aside and whispered, “Fred’s gone bad!”

  “He
wouldn’t!” Elle exclaimed.

  Lucy described her talk with Fred and Fiona, concluding, “Those fleas are after your brother. See for yourself.”

  Elle used her superpowers to both see and hear whatever she could from Fred’s table. Fred told old jokes, and Fiona laughed her head off.

  Elle wondered if she should go over there. But what would she say? Fiona seemed loud and a bit flashy, but was she really bad? More important, was Fred really being bad, or had he just decided not to bother with the Fly-steins anymore?

  Elle got her answer that night while she and Eugene watched the news. The lead story began, “Stinkopolis reeks with crime this evening as reports of vandalism and theft swamp the police station.”

  Eugene and Elle’s super senses tingled as Alexander Aphid reported live from Dog Poop Park. “As you can see, all the benches have been stacked in a giant pyramid. Police are baffled by this pointless act of vandalism. Who could’ve moved so many benches so quickly? So far, no witnesses have come forward.

  “In a possibly related incident, every candy store in Stinkopolis has been robbed, and a giant blob of bubble gum had to be removed from the entrance to Brown Barge Elementary School.”

  Elle stared at the city’s finest peeling a sticky pink patch off the school’s double front door. “Ew!”

  The earnest Aphid went on. “Candy wrappers have been found on every street in Stinkopolis. So far the only clue police have is this surveillance footage taken from outside the Doo Drop Inn.