“Would you like a twelve-year-olds advice, J?” I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling nauseated and light headed.
“Pretend,” she said clearly, like it was the most obvious idea. “Pretend you have control.”
“Right,” I repeated out loud, “Pretend.” I looked at her as she threw her leg over her bike.
“How long do I pretend?” She grinned at my question.
“You pretend until you don’t have to pretend anymore. Until you are what you pretend to be.” She turned around after that and disappeared under the streetlights. Her departure was slow and drawn out, and I wanted to stop her, take her, and protect her. I waited for her to turn around to see if I was still there, but she never did. Once I couldn’t see her anymore, I made my way to my vehicle. I sat in the driver’s seat squeezing my eyes shut, trying to remove the sight of her battered body from my mind.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I woke up after that, my body stiffly wrapped around hers. I peeled myself off her and put on some running shorts. I ran hard and fast until all the aggression in my body disappeared and I was weak. I ran until my legs were trembling. I walked back to the house with Bo breathing heavily at my side. I didn’t stop until I was in the shower. I took a cold one, trying to forget those sad eyes that bored a hole into mine. I remembered going to her house after that, never able to get past the gate. I went to all her shows, paying extra to sit towards the front. She moved about a year later, but I followed her movement on the internet. I did my homework and made it to every performance she was in. I did try to get close to her on more than one occasion, but her bodyguards always intercepted me. I wanted to tell her that pretending never made the bad things that happened disappear. They never went away, no matter how hard I tried or how good the pretending was.
I needed to tell her. I needed her to know that I knew her, and that I watched her for years. I dried my body and dressed, my thoughts of coming clean about everything weighing heavily on my mind. I am not sure if it was everything I was keeping from her or the dream I just had, but I was more than unsettled. The feelings of doubt and uncertainty were like a dark cloud hanging over my head. I made my way to the bed where she was sleeping. She was talking in her sleep, and I watched the expressions on her face change from peaceful to tormented. “No, I don’t want to…please.” Her voice was small and her breathing deepened. “I don’t want to be alone.” My heart ached from those words. It was too much to handle. I woke her, wanting to scoop her up in my arms, but I didn’t. I kissed her on her temple, leaving my face against hers for a long moment.
“My family will be here soon; you need to wake up.” I left the room and for the first time in almost a decade, I felt tears in the corner of my eyes. I didn’t let myself cry, but I wanted to. My heart felt like someone had punched me directly in it. I walked slowly downstairs in a daze. I stood in my newly furnished house, and there was a single knock at the door before my family started walking in. I felt overwhelmed and tired. My sister Janie was the first to reach me.
“We missed you at church today. How are you doing, little brother?” All I heard was underlying guilt and pressure to be someone who attends church. I needed a strong drink. Her words were rubbing me the wrong way, causing me to grind my teeth in an effort not to respond to her words.
My mom reached me next and said, “I am so happy to finally be invited to your home.” What did she mean finally? Does she think she isn’t welcome? Guilt…guilt and more guilt. She hugged me, and her words hit me wrong too. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise and my defensive side kicked in, but fought it in my head. I heard Katarina on the stairs behind me. I turned to face her. She was stunning in a sleeveless green dress baring the lines of her neck and shoulders. The white knitted sweater she wore was see-through and opened in the front. I moved to the side, letting her take her place beside me. My father moved in to give her a hug and she glanced at me for the okay. I nodded taking pleasure in being the one she turned to, also wanting her to be completely comfortable with my family. He hugged her and she pulled away, peering up at me and giving me a sweet smile.
“So, how is Jason treating you, Katarina?” All right, this was a mistake having them here. I was going to lose it. How was I treating her? Fuck you too, Dad.
“Jason is great. I am still trying to smooth out the rough edges.” Her smile was breathtaking, and she just gave it to my dad. That was my smile. He didn’t notice though because he was too busy laughing at her words.
“Rough edges is putting it lightly, sweetheart.” He continued his laughing as he said it, and that was my tipping point.
“All right, everyone, this was a mistake. I need everyone out.” I moved towards the front door. Everyone stood shocked and immobile. “Now!” I yelled, my patience officially broken. My sisters jumped and scrambled to get their salad dishes. I looked over at Katarina, who was not fazed by my outburst. She walked slowly towards me and stopped when she stood directly in front of me.
“Jason,” she said quickly, her voice filled with concern. She grabbed my face with both of her hands. “Look at me.” I did and her expression was soft. She held only love in her eyes. “Focus on me, only me. I don’t know what just happened, but it doesn’t matter. It’s just you and me right now.” I grabbed her hand on my face, still lost in her deep blue eyes. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against hers. She waited a moment before talking again. “Your family is here because they love you; let them love you.” I inhaled her scent before opening my eyes and pulling away from her. I turned, grabbing her hand tightly. I walked into the kitchen, all eyes on me.
“Sorry,” I said as I glanced around at everyone. “Who wants a beer?” I didn’t wait for any answers just turned and stalked to the garage, still dragging Katarina with me. I opened the fridge and took out a Corona, and then I closed the door and pressed her up against it. I let go of her hand and placed my hand next to her face, and then without warning I smashed my lips against hers. I was rough, taking the comfort from her. She placed her hand over my heart, reminding me of the tight hold she had on me there. I slowed my aggressive actions, letting her comfort me. She swept her wet tongue over my lips and then into my mouth. It was calming and very sexy. Her hand found its way to my hair and she gently dug her nails into my scalp, deepening her kiss. My hand slid down her body to just under her dress, pushing it up and wrapping her leg around my hip. I held her ass as I grinded into her, and she kissed me, moaning into my mouth. The door to the garage opened from inside of the house, and I heard my nephew Jake yell to everyone, “They’re out here kissing against the fridge!”
I pulled away from her laughing. She was breathing heavy, and scrambling to adjust her dress.
“I can’t do that in front of your family. They will think I am a floozy,” she said and her eyes narrowed in a silent warning, and it only made me laugh harder. She’s fucking adorable when she threatens me.
I gently slid my fingers through hers, lightly kissed her forehead, and strolled together back into the house, all eyes still on me. I opened my beer and took a long drink.
“Just so you don’t think Katarina’s a floozy, she was only working out those rough edges that you were talking about earlier.” I felt her hand make hard contact with my arm and I laughed.
“Real funny, Mr. Riggs.” I peeked at her giving her my classic winning smile, receiving one of hers in return. I watched her for a moment longer and I could swear I saw her eyes twinkled at me. Shit. Was I losing my mind? Do eyes twinkle?
“I can be funny, Juliet.” It was my best romantic gesture. I was her Romeo, and she was my Juliet. I think she got it with the stare we still held, until my sister Jessie broke in.
“Don’t call her that, Jason. You remember how that story ends, right? She kills herself, and then he kills himself to be with her. Or something like that.” I took another long drink of my beer. I really sucked at being romantic.
I leaned over and whispered into her ear, “Eve, then. I
will call you Eve. We both know how that story ends.” I pulled back, and the dark pink color in her cheek told me everything I needed to know. I walked outside and the men in the family followed. Everyone talked as I tried to think of more endearing terms to call my princess.
After that, I started the barbeque. Katarina got the hamburger patties ready while my sisters talked her ears off. I watched her from my spot on the back deck. She was laughing and talking. She looked happy. My dad stood next to me talking with my brothers-in-law. Katarina walked out to hand me the plate of hamburgers and hot dogs.
“Hey, honey, can you get me another beer?” I said, and her eyes shifted up in addition to the sides of her very delicious mouth and asked, “Did you call me honey?” My face broke into a devilish grin. “Maybe I should call you strawberry.” She gave me a wide-eyed look through her gorgeous eyes before disappearing. “I need a fork too, blue eyes,” I yelled after her.
The men were attempting to pull me into a debate on healthcare, but I knew a conversation like that would only end up dividing the two sides of the family, the business owners from the state workers. I wasn’t in the mood. I was distracted by the green dress again, but this time it was moving in a dancing twirl in front of my nephew Josh, who stuck his hand out like it was his doing. She took off her small sweater and danced for him. He was pretending to be just as proper as she was, the other kids giggling on the couch and watching. Jake stood up and did a bow before pushing Josh out of the way, and he took Katarina’s hand, moving her around the room. That’s when I heard her laughing. I slid the sliding glass door open, hearing music mixed with laughter. My heart was melting, spreading warmth throughout my entire body at the sound of her carefree laughter. She looked up at me, a full smile on her face.
“When you get a chance, twinkle toes, I need a plate.” I winked at her, and she nodded as Jake took her on a few more turns before the song ended.
She brought the empty plate to me a little breathless. “Twinkle toes isn’t really a lover’s term, you know.” Her grin was challenging me, teasing me.
“Lovers,” I repeated. “Right, well…” I cleared my throat and the conversation in the backyard was silenced immediately. “Will you take my meat inside…lover?” Again, her eyes widened and she blinked twice in complete embarrassment. “That does sound better. You’re right.” She turned around and walked back inside, her face flushed. I laughed and turned to the men who were outside with me. This was fun having a girlfriend around. My father shook his head before talking.
“You need to take a break, son. She is not going to take very much more before writing you off.” His tone was very serious and I knew it was his way of protecting me from myself.
“She’s tough, Dad. She can handle a lot more. Besides, she’s not scared of me. She’ll tell me to knock it off in her own way when she’s had enough.” I was smiling, remembering how rough I was with her and how unaffected she was by it.
At dinner, we all gathered around my new dining room table and it felt powerful and surreal to be at the head of the table with my beauty at my side. Katarina sat next to me, putting a beer in front of me next to her water. She did it casually, trying not to draw attention to what she was doing. I took it as soon as she sat it down and drank half of it. She smiled at me.
“Thanks, babe.” It was delicious. I noticed she put a lime in it. I have limes? I watched her fiddle with her napkin and silverware. She was nervous. Why in the hell would she be nervous? Throughout the day, I had watched my mom try to get Katarina alone, and I attempted to stifle it every time. My mom was incredibly smothering, and I wanted Katarina to feel at ease around my family. As we ate, she began to relax, resting her left hand on my thigh. I acted like I didn’t notice, but the truth was, her hand on my thigh grounded me. She listened to the conversation around the table, but didn’t contribute. Like always, she just smiled and nodded. I was surprised when I heard her voice speaking to the whole table.
“I wanted to invite everyone to a charity event that I will be attending. It’s November 8th in Los Angeles. It’s a formal event, but I think you will enjoy it. I mean, if you have never been, it might be fun to try it once.” She stopped talking and peered up at me through her long lashes.
“So, Katarina, is that where your family lives? Will we get to meet them?” My mom’s voice cut across the table.
“My family will be there.” She paused and took a drink of her water. “My oldest brother Luke will sit with my parents, and they sit with the other doctors.” She flashed a practiced smile and her eyes fell to her lap where she smoothed her napkin. The table was silent, not even baby Jasmine made a sound, every one hung on her words. She was a mystery that needed to be solved. “They all sit and drink together. My other brother Brian and I will be speaking at the event. So you will get to meet him.” That surprised me. My eyes studied her every breath, every blink. What was she not saying? She removed her hand from my thigh and set it on the table. “Even if Jason and I aren’t together, I would like you all to come.” Fuck that hurt, like a knife to the chest.
I reached behind her, pulled her chair so it was touching mine, reached up and snatched her hand from the table, and put it back on my thigh. Then I whispered in her ear, “It’s just better like this, princess.” She brightened up at my words.
“Katarina, what will you be speaking about?” My dad’s curious voice rang out.
“My grandfather ran the charity, so I am going to talk about him and the charity. He asked me to do this before he died and I promised.” Her eyes fell down towards her lap again and she began smoothing her napkin, not wanting to say more. I understood this part of her body language, but my mom, not so much.
“What did you say your grandfather’s name was?” Katarina immediately squeezed my leg. I placed my hand on hers.
“Mom, give her a break on the questions.” My voice was loud and firm, and my father shot me a wicked glance. It was like a silent duel, and he wasn’t going to come out the winner.
“It’s okay, Jason,” Katarina said to me quietly. “My grandfather’s name was James Slater. The foundation is named after my grandmother, Joseline Slater, but my grandfather called her JoJo. So it’s ‘The JoJo Slater Foundation.” The table was silent for a moment. Everyone at the table knew exactly who James Slater was. He was on the cover of every financial magazine and news channel lately because of his recent death from a massive brain tumor.
She paused and glanced around the table at all the serious faces, and a small smile appeared on her lips. I followed her gaze to Josh. He was trying to get her attention.
“Guess what, Kat? Guess what? My great-granddad was named, Jax. Then he had a son and named him Jax-son. Get it?” He pointed to his grandpa, his face proud when Katarina started giggling. “Right, Grandpa?” Josh got the confirmation he needed when my dad nodded his head.
Jessie stopped in the middle of feeding Jasmine, making her stare at me obvious, sending me the ‘we will talk about this later’ look.
I turned to Katarina after the conversation at the table resumed. “Is that why your favorite letter is J?”
She twisted in her chair to face me with a small curve in the corner of her perfect mouth. Her blue eyes glossed over, appearing sad. “Uh-huh, I adored my grandmother.”
We were interrupted by Jake this time, who was dying for Katarina’s attention. “I am just Jake. I am not named after anyone.”
“And I am just Josh.” Jake stared at Josh, giving him the shut-up look. Katarina giggled again, and both boys glanced over at the same time, pleased with their part in her laughter.
She leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I really like your family… a lot.” She pulled back and there was a huge smile stretching all the way to her eyes. I wanted to tell her how happy that made me. I wanted to tell her she could share them with me…forever, but instead, I leaned back over and whispered, “I am sorry about earlier.”
Her head shifted down again as she smoothed her dress and straightene
d her silverware. Moments later, her eyes met mine, except they were impassive. Her smile was practiced, her eyes not fully connecting with mine. She got up after that and busied herself in the kitchen. My mom and sisters helped. They cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen. It was like that part of the conversation at the table never happened. It left me to wonder if she wasn’t used to people apologizing to her or if she didn’t like the way she felt when I apologized, either way Katarina was on an avoidance path and I hated it. She spent some time in the kitchen with my mom, and I almost intercepted a hug, but Katarina didn’t look scared anymore. She was happy, and actually looked to be at peace with my clingy, emotional mom.
Katarina put a movie on, and I watched her curl up on the couch, with my three nephews and my niece climbing all over her. She still assumed we all had no idea who she was. I could feel the questions behind the eyes of all of my family members, but their lips remained sealed. I got out her computer to change the topic on everyone’s minds and showed them the pictures I took with my new camera of the day we spent at the waterfall.
Chapter Twenty-Five
My family left all at the same time, leaving Katarina and me to clean up dessert. She was being very quiet and I hated not knowing what she was thinking. I followed her to the couch and sat next to her, not feeling satisfied with our closeness. I picked her up and moved her to straddle me. She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed, definitely thinking about something. She kissed my neck, and I never wanted this moment to stop. I whispered a thank you and savored this moment in time, committing every smell and every feeling to memory.
“You are so special to me,” I told her, wanting desperately for her to stop thinking.
“Thank you,” she whispered. The sound of my phone going off behind us interrupted my thinking. I knew who it was. Jenny wanted me to come back to her family’s ranch tonight to check on the horse. She was so persistent. I couldn’t leave Katarina again, knowing how upset she was this morning.
Mister Distraction Page 26