IN THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

by Bechtel, Julie

  Chapter 1

  Ashley washes the sleep out of her puffy blood shot eyes. She couldn’t help but notice how she looked more like thirty five than the twenty years old that she was. She had been up all night with her parent’s bickering back and forth. Her father was an alcoholic. Not just a regular alcoholic he was a mean drunk much to her mom’s dismay. Ashley’s mother hated it when her father would drink and she left her opinion be known all of the time. It was mornings like this that made Ashley wonder why she hadn’t accepted the scholarship she had received. At least it would have gotten her away from all of her parents’ craziness. The truth was that she knew why she hadn’t accepted the scholarship. It was because of her mother. Ashley had never been as excited about anything as she was the day she got the acceptance letter to Yale. She couldn’t wait to tell her parents. Her parents however didn’t share her enthusiasm. Her father was drinking which wasn’t anything new and her mom was chopping up onions when she gave them the news. She remembers every detail as though it was yesterday. Her mom stopped chopping the onions and shook her head in disbelief. “I don’t know what you are so excited about. You start things all of the time that you never see through. Besides you had a hard time fitting in in high school. What makes you think that college will be any different?” her mom said as she started chopping onions again. Ashley had hoped that her dad would have said something in her defense, but he didn’t. He just sat there staring at his beer bottle.

  It was then that she decided not to go to college, but to find a job instead. She worked at the deli forty plus hours a week making minimum wage. The money didn’t matter much anyway. Because her dad would go on one of his drinking binges and spend their rent money. Then Ashley would sign over her paycheck so they wouldn’t lose the only house that she had ever known. Ashley applied the last of her makeup to cover up her sleep deprived face. She hoped that her dad would still be sleeping off the night before when she had to leave. She knew that if he wasn’t it would just lead to another confrontation. He didn’t like it when she wore makeup. Ashley always thought that he treated her more like a child than a grown woman. She held her breath and walked out of the bathroom and down the steps. Much to her dismay her father was wide awake sitting at the kitchen table. He hadn’t seen her yet, but he had heard her come downstairs. “Don’t you want some breakfast before work?” He asked as he stared at his coffee cup. Ashley could feel the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that she was in a lose lose situation. If she refused to eat he would pitch a fit, but if she accepted he would see the makeup. “I’m just going to grab something at the deli if that’s okay?” she replied wishing that she could just disappear. “No that’s not okay. Your mother spent all morning slaving over a hot stove to make us a nice meal. Now get your ass over here and eat.” He screamed pounding his fist on the table making Ashley just about jump out of her skin. She grabbed a hat and pulled it down over her eyes hoping that he wouldn’t notice. She walked over to the table and sat down on the farthest side of her father. “There is no need to try and hide your face under that cap. I already know you are that damn makeup. It doesn’t bother me though. If you want to be a whore you just go right ahead. Obviously that’s all you are anyway.” He said as he continued to stare at the eggs on his plate that had gotten cold. Ashley could feel the tear welling up in eyes. As much as she tried she couldn’t stop them from streaming down her cheeks. She tried not to take it personally she knew that he just didn’t feel well. That didn’t make his words hurt any less though.

  CHAPTER:2

  He gave her one last disapproving look then he threw his plate across the kitchen smashing it on the floor. On normal circumstances Ashley would have gotten up to clean it up, but not today. She just got up away from the table and walked out the door. By now she was crying uncontrollably at his cold and callused attitude. She walked to walk that was three block away extra slow to try and regain her composure. About a block away from work she had finally started to calm down enough that she could catch her breath. She must look a mess she thought to herself. Her only hope was that she could sneak into the bathroom before her shift and fix up her face before anyone saw her. Things didn’t work out that way though.

  Right before she made it to the deli she walked right into Joe. In Ashley’s mind Joe was the most adorable man that walked the earth. With his curly blonde hair, his beautiful brown eyes, and his muscular build. He was the last person she would want to see her looking like this. “Can this day get any worse?” she thought to herself as she tried to hide her face. “Are you okay?” Joe asked noticing that her makeup had been smeared. He knew without a doubt that her makeup had been smeared from her tears. There was no question that she had been crying. “I’m fine.” She replied as he studied her face for any kind of emotion one way or another. “If you don’t mind me saying, you don’t look okay. Tell me who was stupid enough to make such a beautiful woman cry?” he said with a smile. Ashley was speechless by his compliment. No one had ever said she was pretty before let alone call her a woman. Everyone around her treated her like a little girl. She thought for a second on what to say then she responded. “I just had a fight with my boyfriend.” She lied not wanting to tell him about her dad. She knew that if she told Joe about her dad’s rants he wouldn’t like him. As upset as she was at him. She still loved him and the thought of anyone saying anything bad about her made her sick to her stomach.

  After thinking about her comment she started to feel ill all over again. She had just told the most wonderful man in the world that she had a boyfriend. Any chance as slim as they may have been to be with him was now out the window. Why had she been so stupid? She thought to herself. “Well do me a favor. Tell that boyfriend of yours that he’s an idiot for making you cry.” He said as he stuck his hand in his pocket in search of something. Ashley was too distracted by what he had said to pay any attention to what he was doing. He then pulled out a piece of paper out of his pocket.

  CHAPTER:3

  “Do you have a pen?” he asked with half a smile. Ashley fumbled around in her purse for what seemed like forever in desperate search of a pen. Just when she was about to give up she found one and handed it to him. He took the pen and jotted something down on the piece of paper. Then he handed it to her. “This is my phone number. Call me if things don’t work out between you two. I’m just going to keep this to make sure I hear from you.” He said as he stuck the pen in his pocket with an evil grin. “Besides it will give me something to remember you by if I don’t hear from you.” He said as he waited for a response. Ashley stood there for a moment like a deer caught in the headlights desperately searching for the right words to say. At this point they didn’t have to be the right words. Any words at all would have done just fine. However she seemed to forget how to speak. The truth is no man had ever paid her any kind of attention. Not because she was ugly. She was anything but ugly. With her long blonde hair, her baby blue eyes, her height of 5’7 weighing 120 pounds. It was just that her self-esteem had been beaten out of her at a very young age leaving her self-conscience and painfully shy. Joe could tell that about her from the moment that he saw her. That was one of the things that drew him to her. After what seemed like a lifetime Ashley finally spoke. ‘I’m not sure if things will work out between us or not, but if they don’t I will call you.” She said staring at the phone number. Joe could tell by the look on her face that she would never call. That was inconceivable to him. There was no way that he was willing to take no for an answer. He was used to getting what he wanted when he wanted it. No one had ever told him no before and they were not going to start doing it now. He stood there a moment thinking about it. Not seeing her again
wasn’t an option. He then reached out and grabbed the paper back out of Ashley’s hand. When he did that he startled her. That wasn’t his intention. He tore a piece of paper off and dug the pen back at of his pocket. “I’m never going to hear from you again. I’m not willing to except that. Give me your phone number and I’ll call you.” He demanded. Ashley couldn’t believe how demanding he had become in a matter of minutes. At first it frightened her, but after thinking about it. She thought it was kind of flattering to have a man so emanate to see her again. She gave him her number and then went into her job before she was late. She knew that if she was Neil certainly wouldn’t be happy. Neil was the owner of the deli and a little cranky to say the least. He wasn’t always like that. It was only since the death of his wife of 50 years that his attitude had changed.

  Ashley could remember when she first started working there that Neil always had a smile on his face. He would joke around about everything. Now just to see him smile even a little was far and few between. She couldn’t help but notice how he seemed to have aged ten years since the death of his beloved Anna. His grey hair was now more silver than gray. He walked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. A man that was once considered plump was now skin and bones. His blue eyes that once had a spark were now dull and lifeless.

  CHAPTER:4

  Life had extinguished the fire that had once burned so bright. All of the hopes and dreams that he had for the future died with Anna. Now he was nothing more than an image of a man that once was. That thought made Ashley want to cry.

  She entered the deli and made her way to the bathroom as quickly as she could. She knew that she only had a matter of minutes left to fix up her face before she was late. As she stood in front of the mirror applying the last of the cover up a smile came across her face. For the first time in her life she didn’t feel useless. She felt like someone had finally wanted her and she liked that feeling. She left the bathroom put on her apron and walked back behind the counter. Neil watched her like he never had before. He could tell there was something different about Ashley today. He knew what it was just by watching the way she seemed to be floating in the clouds rather than walking. He had been in love before so he knew it was a man that had brought Ashley to life.

  She stood behind the counter taking order after order as the sweat beaded up on her skin from the heat. She didn’t complain. Not one single time. Half way through her shift she could tell that the heat and being on his feet for that many hours had taken its toll on Neil. “I’m going to go and sit down for a bit. I aint as young as I used to be, you know.” Neil said as he shook his head and limped off to the nearest table. Things had finally slowed down to almost a crawl. Neil took that opportunity to call for Ashley. “Ashley Marie, come here a moment. I want to speak to you.” The first thought in her mind was that she had done something wrong. That was pretty much the only time that anyone noticed her at all, or at least that is how she saw it. She ignored the feeling and went over to set down by the old man.

  “I’ve been waiting here all day for a chance to talk to you. Honestly when I was younger people honestly sat down as a family in their home to eat their meals. I don’t know what has come over these young ones these days. Nobody values anything. Don’t get me wrong. It is good for business. I suppose I get to missing some of the old days on days like today.” The old man said as he wiped sweat off of his brow. Ashley fidgeted around a little and finally situated herself in the chair by him. “I know what you are probably thinking. You are thinking that you did something wrong and I’m going to scream at you.

  Rest assured little lady I’m not going to do no such thing. I know the situation you are in.” He said as he looked directly into her eyes. Ashley didn’t say a word. She just sat there uncomfortably.

  CHAPTER:5

  “I know your father has got a little problem with hitting the bottle too hard. Now I’m not saying he is a bad man or anything. He is a good man. His judgment has just gotten clouded with all of the boozing. I know that you don’t know this, but he wasn’t always a boozer. There was a time when he and your mother were as happy as I had ever seen two people in love. It wasn’t until the death of your brother that things had gotten so bad for them. When Ricky took his life it affected them more than anyone knew.” He said as he scratched his cleanly shaven chin. Ashley continued to set there in silence. She had no idea what to say. Ricky was a subject that was off limits in her home. He was ten years older than her and he took his life when she was just six years old.

  “Your mother was a wonderful woman. It’s just that she has so much to deal with having to burry one of her young and with your dad’s drinking. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging you or your family. I enjoyed a few drinks myself in my hay day. The key is moderation. Alcohol can be good for you in moderation, but like anything else too much is now more like a poison. Bare with me. I do have a point. I remember you when you were just a little girl with pig tails. All smiles all of the time. Over the years the smiles got fewer and fewer. This world will break you if you let it. That is my point; don’t let it. Your parent’s and I left the world break us down. You little lady have to be stronger than us. I have watched you over the years slowly losing the light in your eyes. You are too young for that. Your parents do love you. I know it may not seem like it but they do.” He said as forced a smile.

  “I know they do.” Ashley agreed not knowing what else to say. “I tell you what. I’m closing up early for today. These young ones will just have to fend for themselves for one night. I want you to go and have some fun. Go do what young people do. Go to the mall, or go pierce something. Whatever it is that this new generation does for kicks.” He says as he hands her the paycheck that she had busted her hump to get. As Ashley heads out the door she has another surprise. Joe had never left the deli. He waited there nine hours until she got off. “Hello beautiful, did you miss me?” he says catching her off guard. She almost jumped out of her skin being startled so badly. Then she noticed the flowers and teddy bear that he held firmly in his grip.

  “My legs got tired from standing so long so I walked to the mall. I was walking around aimlessly when this little guy spoke to me.” He said referring to the teddy bear. “He said that he could help me win over the most beautiful woman in the world. I knew that I needed all the help I could get so I brought him with me.

  The flowers were his idea. He said that every woman deserves a dozen roses after a grueling day at work.” He explained with a chuckle. Ashley was speechless once again. No one had ever been so sweet to her.

  CHAPTER:6

  “So what do you think? Did my friend here convince you to dump the loser and go out with me yet?” he asked with a smile. Ashley knew after all of his attempts to win her affection, she couldn’t possibly tell him no. “Okay I’ll go out with you.” She said laughing and shaking her head at his boyish charm.

  “Yes; I was hoping that you would say that. I was fully prepared to come back here tomorrow and wisk you away to Italy if you would have said no.” he said with a smile. “You would have taken me to Italy? Well in that case sir I’m going to have to decline the offer to take me out until I get my trip.” Ashley joked. Joe’s jaw dropped to the ground until he realized that she had been joking. “Just for that I’m keeping the bear. If you ever want to see him again you’ll have to see me too.” Joe said with a grin. Just then his cell phone rang and his mood seemed to change in the blink of an eye. He went from not being able to wait to see her to not being able to get away from her fast enough. “Sorry honey that was my work. I got to go. I’ll see you tomorrow night for dinner though right?” he said as he tossed the bear to her. “Sure I guess.” Ashley said and then he was gone almost as though he had never been there at all. Had that been it? Had she never really met him? Was he some part of her imagination that was desperately seeking affection? She would have believed that if she didn’t have the bear and flowers to prove otherwise.
/>
  No matter how strange her day was turning out to be; she had no intention of going home. After all if she went home it would just be more of the same old same old. Her dad would drink himself into oblivion while her mom would nap and complain about everything. Ashley was in way too good of mood for any of that. Instead she decided to go to the mall. Walking around by herself would be better than going home and dealing with her dysfunctional family any day. Her only intention was to pass as much time as she possibly could. With any luck she could hang out long enough for her parents to be in bed when she got home. She fumbled through some of the clothes that were in style. She didn’t see anything that was really too appealing to her; except for a beautiful black sweater. She would have loved to been able to buy it, but it was out of her price range. She couldn’t imagine spending a hundred and fifty dollars for any article of clothing let alone a sweater.

  After overpowering the compulsive urge to just buy it. She put it neatly back on the rack were it had been hanging. Sometimes she wished that she allow herself to be compulsive just one. However she knew that if she did. It would cost her and her parents there home that she had come to love. It wasn’t a mansion or anything. It was a ranch house with a white picket fence. It was red brick.

  The front of house was covered with every kind of flowers imaginable. Her mother used to love to garden. That was until her mental illness started to get the best of her.

  CHAPTER:7

  Her mother was a paranoid schizophrenic. She had it under control for a little while. That was until her father lost the job that had health coverage. He found another job, but he wasn’t lucky enough to find one with health care. After a while her disease got to the point that she could no longer control it. She just refused to leave the house anymore. All the things that she had once loved had no meaning anymore.

  She spent all evening wondering aimlessly through the mall. Looking at everything from clothes to music Ashley finally felt confident enough to go home. She walked as slowly as she could the two miles that it was back to her house. She wanted to make sure that her parents would be in bed when she got home. It was a gorgeous summer night. She could feel a warm breeze blowing across her skin. It was nights like this that made her not mind that she hadn’t bought herself a car yet. She could hear the saccades humming a song off in the distance. It was a completely peaceful night except for the occasional hoot of a screech owl. She found herself wishing that she didn’t have to go home at all. If only she could just stay in that peaceful tranquil moment forever her life would have been perfect.