by Mark Twain
AT EVE’S GRAVE
ADAM: Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
1893, 1905
THE ESQUIMAU MAIDEN’S ROMANCE
YES, I will tell you anything about my life that you would like to know, Mr. Twain,” she said, in her soft voice, and letting her honest eyes rest placidly upon my face, “for it is kind and good of you to like me and care to know about me.”
She had been absently scraping blubber-grease from her cheeks with a small bone-knife and transferring it to her fur sleeve, while she watched the Aurora Borealis swing its flaming streamers out of the sky and wash the lonely snow-plain and the templed icebergs with the rich hues of the prism, a spectacle of almost intolerable splendor and beauty; but now she shook off her reverie and prepared to give me the humble little history I had asked for.
She settled herself comfortably on the block of ice which we were using as a sofa, and I made ready to listen.
She was a beautiful creature. I speak from the Esquimau point of view. Others would have thought her a trifle over-plump. She was just twenty years old, and was held to be by far the most bewitching girl in her tribe. Even now, in the open air, with her cumbersome and shapeless fur coat and trousers and boots and vast hood, the beauty of her face at least was apparent; but her figure had to be taken on trust. Among all the guests who came and went, I had seen no girl at her father’s hospitable trough who could be called her equal. Yet she was not spoiled. She was sweet and natural and sincere, and if she was aware that she was a belle, there was nothing about her ways to show that she possessed that knowledge.
She had been my daily comrade for a week now, and the better I knew her the better I liked her. She had been tenderly and carefully brought up, in an atmosphere of singularly rare refinement for the polar regions, for her father was the most important man of his tribe and ranked at the top of Esquimau cultivation. I made long dog-sledge trips across the mighty ice-floes with Lasca—that was her name—and found her company always pleasant and her conversation agreeable. I went fishing with her, but not in her perilous boat: I merely followed along on the ice and watched her strike her game with her fatally accurate spear. We went sealing together; several times I stood by while she and the family dug blubber from a stranded whale, and once I went part of the way when she was hunting a bear, but turned back before the finish, because at bottom I am afraid of bears.
However, she was ready to begin her story now, and this is what she said:
“Our tribe had always been used to wander about from place to place over the frozen seas, like the other tribes, but my father got tired of that two years ago, and built this great mansion of frozen snow-blocks—look at it; it is seven feet high and three or four times as long as any of the others—and here we have stayed ever since. He was very proud of his house, and that was reasonable; for if you have examined it with care you must have noticed how much finer and completer it is than houses usually are. But if you have not, you must, for you will find it has luxurious appointments that are quite beyond the common. For instance, in that end of it which you have called the ‘parlor,’ the raised platform for the accommodation of guests and the family at meals is the largest you have ever seen in any house—is it not so?”
“Yes, you are quite right, Lasca; it is the largest; we have nothing resembling it in even the finest houses in the United States.” This admission made her eyes sparkle with pride and pleasure. I noted that, and took my cue.
“I thought it must have surprised you,” she said. “And another thing: it is bedded far deeper in furs than is usual; all kinds of furs—seal, sea-otter, silver-gray fox, bear, marten, sable—every kind of fur in profusion; and the same with the ice-block sleeping-benches along the walls, which you call ‘beds.’ Are your platforms and sleeping-benches better provided at home?”
“Indeed, they are not, Lasca—they do not begin to be.” That pleased her again. All she was thinking of was the number of furs her esthetic father took the trouble to keep on hand, not their value. I could have told her that those masses of rich furs constituted wealth—or would in my country—but she would not have understood that; those were not the kind of things that ranked as riches with her people. I could have told her that the clothes she had on, or the every-day clothes of the commonest person about her, were worth twelve or fifteen hundred dollars, and that I was not acquainted with anybody at home who wore twelve-hundred-dollar toilets to go fishing in; but she would not have understood it, so I said nothing. She resumed:
“And then the slop-tubs. We have two in the parlor, and two in the rest of the house. It is very seldom that one has two in the parlor. Have you two in the parlor at home?”
The memory of those tubs made me gasp, but I recovered myself before she noticed, and said with effusion:
“Why, Lasca, it is a shame of me to expose my country, and you must not let it go further, for I am speaking to you in confidence; but I give you my word of honor that not even the richest man in the city of New York has two slop-tubs in his drawing-room.”
She clapped her fur-clad hands in innocent delight, and exclaimed:
“Oh, but you cannot mean it, you cannot mean it!”
“Indeed, I am in earnest, dear. There is Vanderbilt. Vanderbilt is almost the richest man in the whole world. Now, if I were on my dying bed, I could say to you that not even he has two in his drawing-room. Why, he hasn’t even one—I wish I may die in my tracks if it isn’t true.”
Her lovely eyes stood wide with amazement, and she said, slowly, and with a sort of awe in her voice:
“How strange—how incredible—one is not able to realize it. Is he penurious?”
“No—it isn’t that. It isn’t the expense he minds, but—er—well, you know, it would look like showing off. Yes, that is it, that is the idea; he is a plain man in his way, and shrinks from display.”
“Why, that humility is right enough,” said Lasca, “if one does not carry it too far—but what does the place look like?”
“Well, necessarily it looks pretty barren and unfinished, but—”
“I should think so! I never heard anything like it. Is it a fine house—that is, otherwise?”
“Pretty fine, yes. It is very well thought of.”
The girl was silent awhile, and sat dreamily gnawing a candle-end, apparently trying to think the thing out. At last she gave her head a little toss and spoke out her opinion with decision:
“Well, to my mind there’s a breed of humility which is itself a species of showing-off, when you get down to the marrow of it; and when a man is able to afford two slop-tubs in his parlor, and don’t do it, it may be that he is truly humble-minded, but it’s a hundred times more likely that he is just trying to strike the public eye. In my judgment, your Mr. Vanderbilt knows what he is about.”
I tried to modify this verdict, feeling that a double slop-tub standard was not a fair one to try everybody by, although a sound enough one in its own habitat; but the girl’s head was set, and she was not to be persuaded. Presently she said:
“Do the rich people, with you, have as good sleeping-benches as ours, and made out of as nice broad ice-blocks?”
“Well, they are pretty good—good enough—but they are not made of ice-blocks.”
“I want to know! Why aren’t they made of ice-blocks?”
I explained the difficulties in the way, and the expensiveness of ice in a country where you have to keep a sharp eye on your ice-man or your ice bill will weigh more than your ice. Then she cried out:
“Dear me, do you buy your ice?”
“We most surely do, dear.”
She burst into a gale of guileless laughter, and said:
“Oh, I never heard of anything so silly! My, there’s plenty of it—it isn’t worth anything. Why, there is a hundred miles of it in sight, right now. I wouldn’t give a fish-bladder for the whole of it.”
“Well, it’s because you don’t know how to value it, you little provincial muggins. If you had it in New York in mid-summer, you c
ould buy all the whales in the market with it.”
She looked at me doubtfully, and said:
“Are you speaking true?”
“Absolutely. I take my oath to it.”
This made her thoughtful. Presently she said, with a little sigh:
“I wish I could live there.”
I had merely meant to furnish her a standard of values which she could understand; but my purpose had miscarried. I had only given her the impression that whales were cheap and plenty in New York, and set her mouth to watering for them. It seemed best to try to mitigate the evil which I had done, so I said:
“But you wouldn’t care for whale-meat if you lived there. Nobody does.”
“What!”
“Indeed they don’t.”
“Why don’t they?”
“Wel-l-l, I hardly know. It’s prejudice, I think. Yes, that is it—just prejudice. I reckon somebody that hadn’t anything better to do started a prejudice against it, some time or other, and once you get a caprice like that fairly going, you know, it will last no end of time.”
“That is true—perfectly true,” said the girl, reflectively. “Like our prejudice against soap, here—our tribes had a prejudice against soap at first, you know.”
I glanced at her to see if she was in earnest. Evidently she was. I hesitated, then said, cautiously:
“But pardon me. They had a prejudice against soap? Had?”—with falling inflection.
“Yes—but that was only at first; nobody would eat it.”
“Oh—I understand. I didn’t get your idea before.”
She resumed:
“It was just a prejudice. The first time soap came here from the foreigners, nobody liked it; but as soon as it got to be fashionable, everybody liked it, and now everybody has it that can afford it. Are you fond of it?”
“Yes, indeed! I should die if I couldn’t have it—especially here. Do you like it?”
“I just adore it! Do you like candles?”
“I regard them as an absolute necessity. Are you fond of them?”
Her eyes fairly danced, and she exclaimed:
“Oh! Don’t mention it! Candles!—and soap!—”
“And fish-interiors!—”
“And train-oil!—”
“And slush!—”
“And whale-blubber!—”
“And carrion! and sour-krout! and beeswax! and tar! and turpentine! and molasses! and—”
“Don’t—oh, don’t—I shall expire with ecstasy!—”
“And then serve it all up in a slush-bucket, and invite the neighbors and sail in!”
But this vision of an ideal feast was too much for her, and she swooned away, poor thing. I rubbed snow in her face and brought her to, and after a while got her excitement cooled down. By and by she drifted into her story again:
“So we began to live here, in the fine house. But I was not happy. The reason was this: I was born for love; for me there could be no true happiness without it. I wanted to be loved for myself alone. I wanted an idol, and I wanted to be my idol’s idol; nothing less than mutual idolatry would satisfy my fervent nature. I had suitors in plenty—in over-plenty, indeed—but in each and every case they had a fatal defect; sooner or later I discovered that defect—not one of them failed to betray it—it was not me they wanted, but my wealth.”
“Your wealth?”
“Yes; for my father is much the richest man in this tribe—or in any tribe in these regions.”
I wondered what her father’s wealth consisted of. It couldn’t be the house—anybody could build its mate. It couldn’t be the furs—they were not valued. It couldn’t be the sledge, the dogs, the harpoons, the boat, the bone fish-hooks and needles, and such things—no, these were not wealth. Then what could it be that made this man so rich and brought this swarm of sordid suitors to his house? It seemed to me, finally, that the best way to find out would be to ask. So I did it. The girl was so manifestly gratified by the question that I saw she had been aching to have me ask it. She was suffering fully as much to tell as I was to know. She snuggled confidentially up to me and said:
“Guess how much he is worth—you never can!”
I pretended to consider the matter deeply, she watching my anxious and laboring countenance with a devouring and delighted interest; and when, at last, I gave it up and begged her to appease my longing by telling me herself how much this polar Vanderbilt was worth, she put her mouth close to my ear and whispered, impressively:
“Twenty-two fish-hooks—not bone, but foreign—made out of real iron!”
Then she sprang back dramatically, to observe the effect. I did my level best not to disappoint her.
I turned pale and murmured:
“Great Scott!”
“It’s as true as you live, Mr. Twain!”
“Lasca, you are deceiving me—you cannot mean it.”
She was frightened and troubled. She exclaimed:
“Mr. Twain, every word of it is true—every word. You believe me—you do believe me, now don’t you? say you believe me—do say you believe me!”
“I—well, yes, I do—I am trying to. But it was all so sudden. So sudden and prostrating. You shouldn’t do such a thing in that sudden way. It—”
“Oh, I’m so sorry! If I had only thought—”
“Well, it’s all right, and I don’t blame you any more, for you are young and thoughtless, and of course you couldn’t foresee what an effect—”
“But oh, dear, I ought certainly to have known better. Why—”
“You see, Lasca, if you had said five or six hooks, to start with, and then gradually—”
“Oh, I see, I see—then gradually added one, and then two, and then—ah, why couldn’t I have thought of that!”
“Never mind, child, it’s all right—I am better now—I shall be over it in a little while. But—to spring the whole twenty-two on a person unprepared and not very strong anyway—”
“Oh, it was a crime! But you forgive me—say you forgive me. Do!”
After harvesting a good deal of very pleasant coaxing and petting and persuading, I forgave her and she was happy again, and by and by she got under way with her narrative once more. I presently discovered that the family treasury contained still another feature—a jewel of some sort, apparently—and that she was trying to get around speaking squarely about it, lest I get paralyzed again. But I wanted to know about that thing, too, and urged her to tell me what it was. She was afraid. But I insisted, and said I would brace myself this time and be prepared, then the shock would not hurt me. She was full of misgivings, but the temptation to reveal that marvel to me and enjoy my astonishment and admiration was too strong for her, and she confessed that she had it on her person, and said that if I was sure I was prepared—and so on and so on—and with that she reached into her bosom and brought out a battered square of brass, watching my eye anxiously the while. I fell over against her in a quite well-acted faint, which delighted her heart and nearly frightened it out of her, too, at the same time. When I came to and got calm, she was eager to know what I thought of her jewel.
“What do I think of it? I think it is the most exquisite thing I ever saw.”
“Do you really? How nice of you to say that! But it is a love, now isn’t it?”
“Well, I should say so! I’d rather own it than the equator.”
“I thought you would admire it,” she said. “I think it is so lovely. And there isn’t another one in all these latitudes. People have come all the way from the Open Polar Sea to look at it. Did you ever see one before?”
I said no, this was the first one I had ever seen. It cost me a pang to tell that generous lie, for I had seen a million of them in my time, this humble jewel of hers being nothing but a battered old New York Central baggage-check.
“Land!” said I, “you don’t go about with it on your person this way, alone and with no protection, not even a dog?”
“Ssh! not so loud,” she said. “Nobody knows I carry it
with me. They think it is in papa’s treasury. That is where it generally is.”
“Where is the treasury?”
It was a blunt question, and for a moment she looked startled and a little suspicious, but I said:
“Oh, come, don’t you be afraid about me. At home we have seventy millions of people, and although I say it myself that shouldn’t, there is not one person among them all but would trust me with untold fish-hooks.”
This reassured her, and she told me where the hooks were hidden in the house. Then she wandered from her course to brag a little about the size of the sheets of transparent ice that formed the windows of the mansion, and asked me if I had ever seen their like at home, and I came right out frankly and confessed that I hadn’t, which pleased her more than she could find words to dress her gratification in. It was so easy to please her, and such a pleasure to do it, that I went on and said:
“Ah, Lasca, you are a fortunate girl!—this beautiful house, this dainty jewel, that rich treasure, all this elegant snow, and sumptuous icebergs and limitless sterility, and public bears and walruses, and noble freedom and largeness, and everybody’s admiring eyes upon you, and everybody’s homage and respect at your command without the asking; young, rich, beautiful, sought, courted, envied, not a requirement unsatisfied, not a desire ungratified, nothing to wish for that you cannot have—it is immeasurable good fortune! I have seen myriads of girls, but none of whom these extraordinary things could be truthfully said but you alone. And you are worthy—worthy of it all, Lasca—I believe it in my heart.”
It made her infinitely proud and happy to hear me say this, and she thanked me over and over again for that closing remark, and her voice and eyes showed that she was touched. Presently she said:
“Still, it is not all sunshine—there is a cloudy side. The burden of wealth is a heavy one to bear. Sometimes I have doubted if it were not better to be poor—at least not inordinately rich. It pains me to see neighboring tribesmen stare as they pass by, and overhear them say, reverently, one to another, ‘There—that is she—the millionaire’s daughter!’ And sometimes they say sorrowfully, ‘She is rolling in fish-hooks, and I—I have nothing.’ It breaks my heart. When I was a child and we were poor, we slept with the door open, if we chose, but now—now we have to have a night watchman. In those days my father was gentle and courteous to all; but now he is austere and haughty, and cannot abide familiarity. Once his family were his sole thought, but now he goes about thinking of his fish-hooks all the time. And his wealth makes everybody cringing and obsequious to him. Formerly nobody laughed at his jokes, they being always stale and far-fetched and poor, and destitute of the one element that can really justify a joke—the element of humor; but now everybody laughs and cackles at those dismal things, and if any fails to do it my father is deeply displeased, and shows it. Formerly his opinion was not sought upon any matter and was not valuable when he volunteered it; it has that infirmity yet, but nevertheless it is sought by all and applauded by all—and he helps do the applauding himself, having no true delicacy and a plentiful want of tact. He has lowered the tone of all our tribe. Once they were a frank and manly race, now they are measly hypocrites, and sodden with servility. In my heart of hearts I hate all the ways of millionaires! Our tribe was once plain, simple folk, and content with the bone fish-hooks of their fathers; now they are eaten up with avarice and would sacrifice every sentiment of honor and honesty to possess themselves of the debasing iron fish-hooks of the foreigner. However, I must not dwell on these sad things. As I have said, it was my dream to be loved for myself alone.