‘I’l see what I can do.’ Frank chuckled before breaking into a fresh gale of laughter. ‘Come on, lad.
Let’s go for a swim.’
Alex waited at the Rock Pool on Tuesday, but Frank didn’t show. He knew Frank’s routine was a swim before lunch on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, but he waited there on Tuesday just in case Frank needed him for anything. Even though he’d given the older man his mobile phone number. And the address and phone number of his motel.
Frank showed on Wednesday. He told Alex that when he’d offered to organise for someone to finish the work on her house, Kit had accepted.
It should’ve taken a load off his mind. He knew this team would do a good job. But, as he and Frank swam, it was al Alex could do to keep afloat.
On Friday, Frank told him the painting should be finished by the close of business that day.
On the fol owing Monday, Frank handed him the bil for the shower unit. ‘Arrived on Saturday,’ he said gruffly.
Not once did he tel Alex how Kit and the baby were doing—if she was eating wel , if her last doctor’s visit had gone without a hitch…if she was happy. He ached with the need to know, but he didn’t ask. He appreciated al Frank had done and was continuing to do. He would not stretch the older man’s loyalties any more than he already had.
‘Guess once you pay that—’ Frank nodded at the bil ‘—you can head back to Sydney.’
His words punched Alex in the gut. Leave? But…
‘You’ve achieved what you set out to, Alex. Kit’s house is coming along. The bathroom wil be finished by the end of the week.’
So soon? Alex stuck out his jaw. ‘I’m staying til it’s completely finished. In case there are any snags.’
Frank opened his mouth but with a shake of his head he shut it. ‘Let’s go for a swim.’
‘It’s al done. Completely finished.’
Alex stared at Frank, a bal of heaviness growing in his chest. It was Friday. ‘But…they said they didn’t think they’d be finished til tomorrow.’
‘They stayed late yesterday to finish up.’
The older man stretched his legs out in front of him. Alex couldn’t stretch anything. He ground a fist into the sand.
‘It looks grand.’
He was fiercely glad about that. He wanted Kit’s house perfect. But finished…?
Was Frank sure? ‘So the external painting is…?’
‘White with blue trim.’
Just like Kit wanted. ‘The guttering is replaced?’
‘Tick.’
‘The internal painting is al done?’
‘It’s lovely and fresh inside now.’
‘And the bathroom is new and clean and functional?’
‘Complete with that fancy shower unit.’
As each item was ticked off the list, Alex’s heart grew heavier. He wanted to ask what Kit thought of it. Did she like it? ‘What about the nursery?’ He latched onto that as a last straw.
‘She wants to decorate the nursery herself.’
She’d asked him to help her. His shoulders sagged. She didn’t want his help any more. She didn’t want to clap eyes on him ever again.
Not that he could blame her.
‘So your job here is done.’
‘I guess so.’ The words emerged slowly, reluctantly. So why didn’t it feel done?
‘Did you know that Doreen and I lost a child?’
Alex swung around.
‘It was a long time ago. Benji—he was nine. The sweetest little kid. Cancer.’
Alex stared. Final y he shook himself. ‘Frank, I had no idea.’ At least Chad was playing somewhere, happy, with his whole life to look forward to. ‘Mate, I’m real y sorry.’
Frank nodded. ‘That kind of thing, it can tear your life apart, you know?’
He nodded. He knew.
‘I’m ashamed to admit it, but I took to drinking for a while.’
Alex’s lips twisted. ‘They cal it self-medication these days.’
Frank snorted. ‘That’s just rot!’
They both stared out at the golden curve of beach spread out before them, at the clear water in the Rock Pool with its tiny waves breaking right on the shoreline. So calm, so peaceful, belying the swirl of emotions that slugged through Alex. ‘What got you through it?’ he final y asked.
‘I had Doreen and three other kiddies, al who needed me. When I realized I was letting them down, I…’ The older man’s voice broke. Alex found his eyes burning. ‘I suddenly realized that Benji, if he knew how I was behaving, he would’ve been ashamed of me.’
Alex raised his knees, rested his elbows on them and dropped his head to his hands. Sand from his hands ground against his forehead but he didn’t care. He ached for Frank and for al the other man had been through, but their situations were not the same.
‘You going to join me for one last swim, lad?’
Alex nodded and fol owed Frank down to the water. He grimaced at the term Frank had used
— last swim. It sounded like a condemned man’s last supper. When his feet hit the water he had to admit that it felt that way too. He didn’t bother waiting for his body to adjust to the change of temperature. He dived straight in and started slicing through the water, pushing his body harder and faster. No matter how fast he went, his thoughts raced faster.
Kit’s house was finished. There was nothing more he could do here. It was time to return to Sydney, or…
Or what? Stay holed up in his hotel room like some damn hideaway?
He kicked his legs harder, pumped his arms faster, did lap after lap along the net of the Rock Pool until eventual y he thought his lungs would burst.
Pool until eventual y he thought his lungs would burst.
Halting, he shook the water out of his eyes and dragged an agonised breath into his body. Frank stroked up and down not too far away.
Given
Frank
and
Doreen’s
unrelenting
cheerfulness, the way they were always eager for a chat, Alex would never have guessed that they had met with such tragedy in their lives.
Frank’s voice sounded through him. ‘I had Doreen and three other kiddies, all who needed me.’
If his grandfather had taken Frank’s attitude when Alex’s mother had left home and married against his wishes instead of shoring himself up with bitterness and anger, he’d have gained a son-in-law and a grandchild who’d have loved him unconditional y.
Instead, he died with al his wealth, but not a soul at his bedside.
Alex shook his head, turned to rest against the net and stare out towards the channel. He couldn’t see Kit’s rock from here, but—
He froze.
In his mind he’d just given his grandfather a choice. That same choice was open to him too.
His stomach rol ed over and over as if he’d swal owed a gal on of saltwater. In his hurt, his grandfather had turned his back on the people he loved and had cut himself off. Frank had turned towards the people he loved. In providing them with the support and care—the love—that they needed, it had mended his heart.
He glanced at Frank and the message Kit had been trying to impart suddenly hit him. Love made a person stronger, not weaker. He pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose, his mind spinning. Turning away from love was the easy thing to do, but a real man didn’t turn away from the people who needed him.
The knowledge poured into him, making him feel ful er and more real than he had in weeks. Than he had in two years.
Memories of Chad pounded through him—Chad,
hot and grumpy from teething. Chad, tearing the Christmas wrapping from his presents one Christmas morning. Chad, completely absorbed watching a Labrador puppy. His chest cramped, a groan broke from him, but he didn’t push the memories away. He readied himself for crashing waves of grief, but…
The pain didn’t get any worse. It didn’t take him over, bury him or send him mad. It didn’t cover him in d
espair. And as he fol owed the memories as they flitted through his mind, he even found himself starting to smile. Chad had been a great little kid.
He’d brought laughter and love and tenderness into al the lives he’d touched. Into Alex’s life.
The answer to Kit’s last question came to him bright and shining and ful of promise then. He wouldn’t give back a single moment he’d had with Chad. If he’d known that one day Chad would be whisked away from him, he’d have done al he could to have spent more time with him, not less.
He couldn’t walk away from Kit and their baby.
They needed him. They loved him. Such a gift should be treasured. He should be giving thanks for it every day, not walking away from it. He should be doing everything in his power to make them happy—to make them feel as loved and blessed as he was.
He swore and scrambled for the shore and then swung back to grab Frank. ‘Frank, I’ve gotta go! I’l talk to you later, al right?’
‘Rightio, lad.’
Alex turned and bolted for the shore. When he reached the beach he bolted towards the car park, half-fal ing in the soft sand in his haste. Al he had to do now was convince Kit to take a chance on him.
Again. He swal owed and hoped he hadn’t stretched her love so far that it had snapped.
He hoped she would agree to see him.
‘Kit!’ Caro slammed her hands to her hips. ‘Get down from there at once! Pregnant women should not climb ladders.’
Kit tried to find a grin, but from the expression on her friend’s face it wasn’t a very successful one. ‘It’s only a stepladder. I’m only on the second rung. I’m barely two feet off the ground.’ She was trying to attach the wal paper frieze to the wal . She’d thought decorating the nursery might lift her spirits.
She’d thought wrong.
The wal paper frieze fluttered to the floor.
Decorating a nursery should be a joyous occasion. She hadn’t found much occasion for joy since Alex had left, though.
She pushed the thought away. She’d made a pact with herself to stop thinking about Alex. So she forced herself to grin again at Caro. ‘Ooh, look, pregnant woman on a stepladder! Must mean she’s going to fal .’ She gave a mock wobble, back-pedaling with her arms as if fighting to find her balance.
Caro rol ed her eyes. ‘In al the movies the woman only fal s when the hero storms into the room, so he can catch her in his arms and kiss her.’
‘Yeah, wel , not going to happen here.’ Her socal ed hero had roared out of town so fast they hadn’t seen him for dust. He hadn’t phoned, he hadn’t emailed, he hadn’t nothing! She bit her lip. She had been pretty adamant, though, and for once it seemed that Alex had listened.
She thrust out her chin. Darn man!
‘Jeez, Kit!’ A large shape loomed in the doorway and her heart hammered al the way up into her throat. ‘What the hel are you doing on a stepladder?’
Alex!
This time her wobble wasn’t feigned. She recovered herself and clambered down before she real y did fal . She wouldn’t let him catch her.
She couldn’t let him touch her.
‘What on earth are you doing here?’ She wasn’t dreaming, was she? She hadn’t conjured him up through the sheer force of her longing?
But, as his dark malt scent hit her, she knew she wasn’t dreaming. She wanted to cry. She’d just about rid her house of that scent.
‘Alex?’ She did al she could to make her voice hard and demanding, which was difficult given that she could hardly breathe.
He looked delightful y and deliciously adrift.
No! He wasn’t delightful y and deliciously anything.
‘Find me a meat cleaver,’ Caro muttered.
Decision suddenly stamped itself al over his face.
It took her breath away.
‘Caro—’ his hands descended to her friend’s shoulders ‘—if I can’t make this right I’l meat cleaver myself. You have my word on it. But until then—’ he propel ed Caro out of the door ‘—I need you to give me and Kit ten.’
‘Kit?’
It hurt her to see him. It was wonderful too. ‘It’s okay.’
Caro shrugged and held her right hand up to her ear as if holding a phone. ‘Cal me.’
Kit swal owed and nodded. ‘I wil .’
Caro left before Alex could close the door on her.
‘Leave the door open,’ Kit said as Alex went to close it.
Shadows chased themselves across his face. ‘So you can cal for Caro?’
No, so she could breathe! His scent beat at her, making her light-headed. Not that she had any intention of confessing that.
She cursed her weakness for this man. And then She cursed her weakness for this man. And then had to swal ow at the baby’s sudden activity. As if it too sensed Alex in the room and couldn’t contain its excitement. The thought sent pain shooting through her heart.
She folded her arms and lifted her chin, stared at his throat. ‘What are you doing here, Alex? As you can see, the work on the house is done.’ Except for the nursery. And Alex wasn’t interested in the nursery.
He wasn’t interested in the baby.
He wasn’t interested in her.
Final y, she lifted her eyes to his and her heart started to pound as loud and hard as their baby’s kicks. The expression in his eyes, it said otherwise
—that he was interested. Real y, truly, seriously interested.
She swal owed, stuck out a hip. She’d been wrong about him before.
A ridiculous shyness, a ludicrous nervousness, made her hands shake and tangled her tongue.
‘The house looks great.’
It did.
He suddenly frowned. ‘May I have a look at the bathroom?’
She gestured for him to go right ahead. It was easier than saying anything. It provided her with an opportunity to feast her eyes on him as he surveyed the newly appointed bathroom.
‘Do you like the shower unit?’
That unglued her tongue. She transferred her gaze from him to it and shook her head. ‘It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever clapped eyes on, Alex.’ Its fibreglass starkness seemed at odds with the rest of the room.
‘What on earth were you thinking?’
‘If it wasn’t for that shower unit I wouldn’t be here.
It’s that shower unit that’s made me come to my senses.’
She pressed a hand to her forehead. The man had gone mad.
‘And you. And Frank.’
She pul ed her hand away, narrowed her eyes.
Frank had been wonderful these past two weeks—
solicitous and caring, offering her practical help but giving her space too when he sensed she needed it.
The turncoat! He’d known Alex was here and he hadn’t—
‘He made me realize that running away from you and our child was the worst thing I could do.’
She promptly lowered the brand new lid of the toilet and sat before she fel . She covered her face with both hands. ‘Alex, please don’t do this to me. I can’t stand it. Me and the baby, we don’t want your guilt and your sense of duty and responsibility.’ She got that, she real y did, but… ‘That’s not what we need.’
‘Tel me what you do need, Kit.’
His voice, its intensity, made her lift her head. ‘We need your joy, Alex. We need your joy and your happiness, and we need your love.’ She dragged in a breath that made her whole frame shake.
She closed her eyes and counted to three. When she opened them again, Alex was stil there. She frowned. ‘I know those things are not on offer. I understand that you don’t have them to give. But please, don’t torture me with consolation prizes. I…I can’t stand it.’
He sat on the side of the bathtub so they were eye to eye. ‘But what if they are on offer, Kit? What if I tel you I’ve found my joy, my happiness and my love?
What if I tel you I’ve found al those things?’ He reached over and flattened his hand against her baby bump. ‘What if I tel y
ou I know those things are here in this room with me? Kit, what if I tel you that you and our baby…’
She blinked. He’d said our baby. Not her baby or the baby but our baby!
‘…that you are my joy and my happiness and my love?’
She gripped her hands together. The only thing keeping her steady was his hand on her baby bump.
‘If you did by some miracle say those things to me, I’d say that you’d have a hard time convincing me of their truth.’
But his eyes, his smile, the light shining in his face and the way his hand curved against her stomach.
Al those things told her that he spoke the truth.
He leaned towards her. ‘Frank told me about Benji.’
Her jaw went slack. That meant Frank trusted Alex. Real y trusted him.
‘And that’s when I realized what you’d been trying to show me al along—that love isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. And that’s when I could final y answer that last question you asked me.’
He met her gaze—strong and steadfast. ‘I would He met her gaze—strong and steadfast. ‘I would not give up a single moment I had with Chad.’
The truth shone from every inch of his being. Hope lifted through her. She tried to keep it in check while she took in the deeper meaning of his words.
‘I don’t want to waste a single moment of the time I’m given with you and our child either. It’s too precious. I want to treasure it.’
He went down on one knee in front of her. Her hope burst free. ‘Alex! You can’t propose to me when I’m sitting on a toilet!’
His grin when it came was slow and sexy as al get out. ‘Considering I stayed in town because of that darn shower unit, I think the bathroom is the perfect place to propose to you.’
She glanced at the shower unit.
‘I’l explain it to you later,’ he promised, taking her hand. ‘What I have to say now is much more important, believe me.’
Oh, she did. When he looked at her like that she’d believe anything.
‘Kit, what happened with Jacqui and Chad, for a long time I thought that must have been my fault. I figured that if I’d been a better father and husband, they wouldn’t have left like that.’
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