by June Francis
‘She told me Ben was there at the birth, that Annie’s mother delivered me – that the maid Hannah went for her despite there being a raid on. That I was premature and born in the basement because of a raid. She seemed to know everything! About the bomb – how I was put in a drawer and wrapped up in cotton wool. She even told me she was moved up into the dining room and a bed brought down from upstairs.’
‘I suppose she said I wasn’t even there?’ There was an angry flush on Kitty’s face.
Katherine shook her head. ‘She said you kept her spirits up when she was terrified that she was going to die.’
‘Clever of her,’ said Kitty grimly. ‘I should have given her more credit. Still, all you’ve got to do is ask Ben if she’s telling the truth. Would you take his word for it that you’re my daughter?’
Katherine hesitated and Kitty’s expression tightened. ‘I don’t believe this! Are you saying you don’t even trust Ben? Hasn’t he been the best brother a girl could have?’
‘Yes, damn you!’ Katherine’s voice broke and her eyes filled with tears as she leant against the table holding the typewriter. ‘But that doesn’t prove a thing! He’s kind and generous and I love him to bits, just like I love Pops, but he’d say what you wanted him to say. You’re his mother and he loves you very much.’
‘Pops?’ Kitty was visibly trembling now. ‘Would you believe him?’
‘He’d say anything to please you too!’ The tears were rolling down Katherine’s cheeks and she had to swallow before she could continue, ‘He wants you to retire so he can go to Scotland and walk the hills. You said so the other day. He’ll be able to be near Jack then. So it’s in his interest to keep me here.’
‘And what’s wrong with that? Don’t you want to stay here?’ Kitty held out her arms to her. ‘You have a future here! From the moment I held you in my arms, I planned for you to take over the Arcadia. What girl could ask for more?’
‘I know. You’ve given me a lot.’ Katherine sniffed back her tears. ‘But you vet all my friends and you chased Patrick away.’
‘He wasn’t right for you! He wouldn’t fit in here. Besides, you hardly know him. I was looking out for you. Isn’t that a natural feeling for a mother?’
‘Yes, but – I don’t believe you’re my natural mother. I remember girls at school saying you were old enough to be my grandmother.’
‘So you think I’m your grandmother now?’ Kitty stared at her and there was hope in her eyes. ‘Perhaps you think Mick …?’
‘I did.’ Katherine wiped her hand across her wet face. ‘But I asked Celia and she told me I wasn’t his child.’
For a moment Kitty was completely stunned. Deep down she had always believed Katie was Mick’s child. ‘She’s lying,’ she gasped. ‘She’s bloody lying! She left you here because she knew –’ Her voice faltered and she felt terribly sick.
There was silence.
‘So you admit it?’ said Katherine at last in a faint voice.
Kitty nodded. ‘I admit it. Even so, this was where you belonged. Celia didn’t bother with you until a few days ago. We’ve loved you for years.’
‘She tried to see me,’ Katherine found herself defending Celia. ‘She came back here but it was boarded up and we were in Scotland. She wouldn’t have known that if she hadn’t been here.’
That knowledge was a body blow to Kitty. ‘I never knew,’ she whispered, feeling as if the room had tilted.
‘She’s had such an unhappy life,’ said Katherine, voice trembling. ‘She lost both her parents early, had no money and nearly died from TB herself. Couldn’t you have welcomed her? Why did you have to push her out in the rain? Why did you lie to me? Why couldn’t you have trusted me with the truth when she was here? You were cruel. I hardly recognised you. I feel as if I don’t know who you are any more. I feel as if I don’t know who I am any more – Katie or Katherine or even “Katie girl” as Mick calls me. I need to be with her. I need to get to know her.’
‘No, you don’t,’ said Kitty desperately. ‘She can’t improve on the girl you are. You’re Katherine Mcleod. You were never Katherine Mcdonald.’
‘I never had the chance to be! I could have been if I’d known the truth. I could have grown up knowing I was Katherine Mcdonald. She calls me Katherine. I could have got used to it.’
‘You’d have grown up a bastard in that case,’ said Kitty with brutal candour.
Katherine flinched and her throat moved but she could not get any words out.
‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that.’ Kitty moved towards her with hands outstretched imploringly but Katherine backed away.
‘It’s you that couldn’t cope with that,’ she gasped. ‘It would have brought shame on you, and you’ve always worried about your reputation.’
‘No!’ Kitty’s arms dropped to her sides. ‘It was you I didn’t want to feel shame.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘Why don’t you?’
‘I’ve told you why. But if you want more – you’ve always worried about how things look. You dressed me like a little pink lady from when I was born. Well, I’m not yours, and I’m certainly no lady!’
Kitty felt wounded and utterly exhausted. ‘What are you going to do?’
‘Live with her.’ With a weary gesture Katherine pushed back her hair. ‘She almost had a nervous breakdown, you know. You brought me up to care about people and she needs someone to look after her.’
‘You can’t mean it! Let’s talk about this, Katie.’
‘I’m not Katie any more,’ she said fiercely, hugging herself. ‘I’m not a little girl with a stupid childish name.’
‘Katherine then. There must be another way. Perhaps she’d like to come and live here? She could have her old job back!’
‘As an all-purpose maid?’ Katherine laughed. ‘And what would be my job now I’m no longer one of the family – kitchen maid?’
‘Don’t be silly! We all muck in here. You change beds and wash dishes now. It’s part of the job if we’re short of money or short-handed. I do it, and I own the place.’
Katherine looked discomfited for a moment then jutted her chin and folded her arms. ‘Celia wouldn’t come and it wouldn’t work.’
‘Why wouldn’t it?’
Katherine thought about it a moment. ‘She’d resent you and you’d resent her. I’d be piggy in the middle. You’d both want a piece of me, in different ways.’
‘What do you mean?’
She thought again. ‘You’d want to carry on telling me what to do, and she – she’d want me to tell her what to do. And she’d have you telling her what to do as well!’
‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘It’s not right!’ she said emphatically. ‘She’s my mother, and it’s not what I want for her or me.’
‘What do you want?’
Katherine hesitated because she didn’t know what she wanted really. Part of her wanted to carry on living her old life and be Katie, despite what she’d said. Another part wanted to help Celia to have more go in her, and another part still wanted to run away from the whole thing and be somebody completely different. A Katie girl perhaps? She took a deep breath and stared at Kitty’s familiar features. ‘I want to do what I said and live with Celia for a while.’
Kitty’s weary blue eyes gazed into hers. ‘Where will you live?’
‘She has somewhere.’
‘What’ll you live on?’
‘I’ll get another job. You’ve trained me well.’
‘You’re only young.’
Annoyance flashed in Katherine’s eyes. ‘I’m seventeen!’
Kitty was silent but felt a tug of anguish that this child she had raised was about to go out into the world, believing what she had taught her so far was enough. Well, she would learn. ‘When are you going?’
Talking had calmed Katherine but suddenly she felt weepy again. Still, she kept a strong rein on her emotions and managed to say, ‘In about an hour and –’
‘An hour!’
‘Yes!’ Katherine pressed her lips together. Then she said, ‘I don’t want anyone knowing I’m going. I’ll keep in touch. I’ll write.’
‘You will?’
‘Of course I will.’ There was a quiver in her voice when she added, ‘I owe you a lot. This isn’t goodbye, you know.’
‘No.’ Kitty blinked back the tears and took a firm grip on herself. What had John said years ago when her own boys had wanted to go their way? ‘Let them.’
‘Well, you go upstairs then and take what you need. You can always come back for anything you forget.’
Katherine nodded because she couldn’t trust her voice and went out, hoping Ma wouldn’t follow her upstairs or even wave her off at the door.
Kitty did neither because she could not bear to. Instead she did what she had always done at painful times. She got on with her work.
Chapter Eight
When Ben came in and was on his way upstairs it was Eileen who told him Katie had gone.
‘What do you mean, gone?’ he demanded, letting his rucksack slide from his shoulders and on to the landing.
‘You ask your ma. It’s not for me to tell tales,’ she said virtuously, glad she hadn’t let the cat out of the bag about Katie because Aunt Kitty was real upset. ‘But it’s to do with that woman who came here the other day – that Celia Mcdonald.’
Ben’s heart sank. ‘Where’s Ma?’
‘Where d’you think she is?’ said Eileen in her lilting Irish brogue. ‘Doing her duty. This place isn’t going to fall down just because that miss who isn’t related to any one of us has gone.’
‘Who told you she wasn’t related to us?’ he said irascibly.
Eileen flushed. ‘I’ve got ears, haven’t I? I’m not saying any more. People are waiting for their pudding and I should be in the kitchen. So could you be getting out of my way, please?’
Ben moved aside and climbed the rest of the stairs without any sign of haste. He would get washed and changed and then he and Ma were going to have a talk.
When he came downstairs he found only Eileen and one of the maids in the kitchen. So he went into the basement where he found Kitty with a cup of tea set in front of her on an occasional table and one hand clasped in John’s large fist. Mick, still in his customs officer uniform, stood by the fireplace, an elbow on the mantelshelf, staring at them both. Ben thought his mother had aged ten years since they had both left for work that morning. He went over and rested a hand on her shoulder. ‘What happened?’
‘That’s what I’ve asked,’ said Mick irritably. ‘I’ve only just come in and all I know is Katie’s gone.’
Ben ignored him and addressed his mother. ‘She knows?’
Kitty nodded. ‘Celia wrote and told her … worked on her sympathy. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have sent Celia out in the rain.’
‘No, it’s mine,’ said Ben. ‘I should never have gone looking for her.’
Kitty covered his hand with her free one. ‘You did it from the best intentions. It was my stupid fault, thinking that Rita Turner could be Celia.’
‘They work at the same hotel. I would have told you sooner about that if you hadn’t been so worked up about Celia’s having been here. Rita told me she’d told Celia about you inviting her in for a cuppa. It wasn’t until they were talking the next day that she remembered Celia mentioning having worked here. Until then Celia thought we’d left and gone to live in Scotland.’
‘We know that now, laddie. It’s just a damn pity we didn’t know it years ago for I never liked your mother not telling the girl the truth.’ John’s words seemed to resonate from deep inside his chest.
Mick slammed a fist down on the mantelshelf. ‘I wish someone would tell me what the bloody hell is going on! I know I’ve been away at sea for years but I am part of this family. What is this about Celia and Katie? For God’s sake, someone tell me!’
John’s hand tightened on his wife’s and Ben stared at them. ‘You haven’t told him?’ He glanced at his brother in dismay.
‘Well?’ Mick demanded, feeling as if they were all ranged against him.
A pulse beat visibly in Kitty’s neck and the words were just a thread of sound when she spoke. ‘Katie – Katherine, I should say – is Celia’s daughter and she’s just found out.’
Mick could not believe it. ‘Say that again?’
Ben repeated Kitty’s words.
‘You knew?’ With a growing sense of outrage, Mick assimilated that information. ‘How could you keep this from me all these years?’ His voice shook and he had to pause to get a grip on himself. His mind was in turmoil as the memory of that day in the field with Celia came to him as clear as a picture. ‘Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t get you all! Katie has to be mine! You must have known that!’
‘We thought so,’ said John heavily, ‘but we didn’t know for sure and now Celia says not.’
‘She just went off and left the baby!’ cried Kitty. ‘We all thought you were dead at the time. Celia was in a state about you being missing, no doubt about it, and it hurt her to mention your name.’
Mick sank on to a chair and put his head in his hands. ‘Katie has to be mine,’ he repeated in muffled tones.
‘You’re admitting it’s a possibility?’ said Ben.
Mick lifted his head and there was a desolate expression on his face. ‘What the hell does it sound like to you?’
‘OK, keep yer hair on! How were we to know for sure? You never mentioned her name for years.’
‘That’s because I thought she was dead or didn’t want to have anything to do with me. I wrote to her after … it happened but she never answered my letter.’
Kitty moved aside her cup and saucer and leant across the table towards him. ‘Was it that time you were home on leave and your ship had been damaged and was in dock?’
‘Yes, August 1940. We were nearly blown up by the Luftwaffe and were out of our heads with relief.’ He stared at his mother and there was a tinge of red in his cheeks. ‘I’d swear there was nobody else before me.’
‘She told me you’d visited her.’ There was a tremor in Kitty’s voice. ‘Katie was premature. The dates would be about right. She has to be yours. Celia even named her after me! Doesn’t that prove something?’
‘Then why say now that Katie’s not mine?’ he demanded.
‘She’s sick in the head, that’s why,’ said Ben glumly. ‘She sent Ma an anonymous letter saying she’d stolen Katie and was coming for her.’
‘What?’ Mick gave a sharp laugh. ‘Celia did that? I can’t believe it! She was –’
‘She almost had a nervous breakdown,’ said Kitty, pleating the embroidered tablecloth with an unsteady hand.
‘Rita said her nerves were bad,’ confirmed Ben.
Mick stared at him. ‘Who the hell is this Rita you keep mentioning?’
Kitty told him, with Ben throwing in extra information. ‘Katie was right when she said Celia’s had a hard life,’ she finished.
‘Whose side are you on?’ said Ben, sitting down and gripping his hands together until his knuckles gleamed white. ‘She’s taken her away from us.’
‘I know. But I can feel sorry for her now I know she’s probably lied about Mick not being the father.’ Kitty gazed at her eldest son. ‘Katie’s all confused. She thought it possible you were her father because she knew you’d been sweethearts, but after Celia’s saying you weren’t, she doesn’t know who she is and has to find out.’
‘Well, who did Celia say was her father?’ said Mick, filled with sudden doubt.
‘She didn’t!’ Kitty groaned, and put her cheek against John’s hand. ‘I should have told her the truth like Pops said.’
‘That must be the understatement of the century!’ said Mick with a touch of bitterness. ‘And now we don’t even know where Katie is! Only that she’s with Celia whom you say is crazy.’
‘I didn’t say she was crazy,’ protested Kitty. ‘Anyway, Katie’s a big strong gir
l.’
‘We can get her back,’ said Ben, lighting a cigarette. ‘Rita knows where Celia lives.’
‘Let’s go then.’ Mick got to his feet.
Ben flashed him a startled glance. ‘Give us a chance! I haven’t even had me tea.’
‘What’s more important?’ said Mick, eyes glinting. ‘Katie or your bloody stomach?’
‘He needs something to eat after working hard all day,’ said Kitty, whisking herself out of the room into the back basement where she kept an extra fridge and some treats for the family. ‘I’ll make you a butty, son, and you can take it with you.’
Ben thanked her and five minutes later the brothers were on their way to Southport.
‘I could knock your block off for not telling me about Katie,’ said Mick, frowning at Ben across the railway carriage. They had found one to themselves.
‘It was Ma’s decision.’ Ben bit into a ham sandwich while at the same time attempting to rub a clear patch in the condensation on the window. ‘It’s supposed to be summer. Some joke.’
‘As bad a joke as you lot keeping secrets from me! When I think of the times I put myself out for you when we were kids!’ said Mick forcefully.
‘You don’t understand what it was like. You and Teddy were in the forces and Jack had been evacuated to Ireland. It was just Ma, Pops and me left at home to keep things going. I was only fifteen when Celia had Katie. There were bombs dropping overhead – I can tell you that was no joke! Ma, Pops and me became a team, and if Ma wanted things a certain way, we did it her way because she knew better than us how to keep a hotel going. It was only being hit by that bomb that stopped things for a while and you know about that.’ He took another bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtfully, reliving the excitement and terror of the blitz.
Mick stared at him, trying to imagine what it must have been like. ‘Sorry. But I still think …’
‘Jack doesn’t know,’ interrupted Ben. ‘I don’t think Ma intended it that way but the longer it was left, the easier it was to say nothing. And let’s be honest, Mick, what could you have done for Katie that we haven’t? You were at sea.’