by AJ Riley
Amanda’s bravado lasted until the elevator dinged signaling she had reached the lobby. Who was she kidding? First of all, her grandfather would be proud of who ever she chose as long as she was happy. Secondly, she loved him, even if it was hard to admit to herself right now. She seemed to be walking on autopilot. Even when most people were heading to the restaurant for lunch, she headed to the bar. She needed to steel her nerves because she knew she would have to deal with Russ and Janice eventually.
Amanda walked in the bar surprised to find quite a few people already there. Guess they got tired of the sand and surf. Walking up she sat in an empty stool and motioned for Steph.
“What can I get you?”
“A shot of southern and keep them coming.” Amanda noticed the eyebrow that Steph raised but refused to answer the unasked question. She could feel Steph’s eyes on her as she set the drink in front of Amanda.
“If you’re still looking for Russ I think I saw him head to the manager’s office a few minutes ago.”
“Where he is or what he’s doing is no longer any concern of mine.” Amanda lifted the shot of Whiskey in a salute to Steph and drank it. She would sit here and get a happy little buzz going, flirt and prove to Russ and herself that she was not in love with him. She was confusing sex with love. She was just happy and giddy from all the sex they were having with each other. She was confusing the two emotions, that had to be the most likely explanation.
Luckily for Amanda, Steph took the hint and left her alone. Amanda watched as Steph helped another customer, gave her another shot, and then picked up the phone. Steph turned her back and Amanda lost interest in the bartender. She let her eyes wonder around to the rest of the customers and tried to keep her mind off the scene in the hallway.
It was a losing battle and it kept playing repeatedly. She had her drink refilled by the nice man that sat down beside her. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t pick up some random guy in a bar and use him to forget Russ or try to make him jealous. That wasn’t who she was. Just as she was going to give the man next to her an excuse and leave she saw Janice enter the bar and stride over to her.
“Well I can’t believe that you are still here.” Janice said smirking. She seemed to take satisfaction in talking loud enough to gather the attention of a few people sitting close to the bar.
“Why wouldn’t I be? I have a few days left before I have to be back at the office.” Amanda turned to get Steph’s attention and motioned for another drink.
Ignoring Janice was a sure-fire way to get her worked up and she almost grimaced when she saw her flip her hair back over her shoulder and lean over so she was eye level with Amanda. Janice was not even trying to keep her voice down as she said, “I tried to warn you that he was only after your money. You didn’t believe me. I did you a favor. Now you know what kind of man he really is.”
She knew that Janice was just trying to get under her skin and she tried really hard not to rise to the bait but numbed by the alcohol and embarrassed by the disbelief that flashed across Steph’s face Amanda couldn’t stop herself.
Turning to look Janice in the eye she let her emotions spill out. She couldn’t have stemmed the flow of words if she had wanted to and right now stopping to worry about someone else’s feelings was not on her to-do list.
“I know what kind of a man he is, but I also know what kind of a bitch you are. I knew the minute that I left, you would make a move. Had I hoped he would be smart enough not to fall for it? Yep, sure did, but I knew you would do whatever it took to have him. Well now, you can have him. Seconds aren’t my style unlike you who have been grasping for my seconds all your life haven’t you. Well one thing is for sure, you can have this one. Hope he was worth it because you will never be welcome around me again. I’m done trying to keep the peace you two face whore. Now get out of my face.”
With that, Amanda returned her attention back to the glass in front of her, ignored the shocked looks of the people around her, and picked up her drink. She felt the whoosh of air as Janice stomped off. Catching Steph’s motion as if she was going to walk over to check on her had Amanda holding up her hand and giving a slight had of her head. Steph took the hint and turned toward the other side of the bar to speak to another guest.
It was a good thing that no one was looking too closely at Amanda. Her hands were shaking, and it was taking everything she had not to burst into tears. She had never spoken to anyone like she had just spoken to Janice. Even though the names she had called her fit she couldn’t believe they had come out of her mouth. What was she thinking? She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t sit here and pretend that this wasn’t killing her.
If she had any confidence in her legs being able to support her she would have gotten up and left. She just couldn’t. It had all been too much for her. So, she did the only thing she could. She motioned for another round. At least it was numbing the pain in her chest and her humiliation. Damn him for doing this to her. Damn him for making her fall in love with him. She swiped at a stray tear that started to leak down her cheek.
Russ felt his stomach start to roll as if he was going to throw up. Not just from all the scotch that he had drank the night before but because he couldn’t get the look of betrayal on Amanda’s face out of his mind. He was in a mess and he didn’t know how to fix it. What could he do?
He pushed back from his desk and started to pace his office hoping a great idea would come to him, but nothing was coming to mind on how to fix this mess. He ran his fingers through his hair at least a dozen times as he traced a path in the carpet of his office. Logically he knew he needed a shower and food. Maybe if he tried to pull himself together he would be able to think logically. Maybe he should go shower and see if his brain started to work any better. Just as he was reaching for the door, it opened, and Greg burst in.
“Damn man you look like shit.” Greg said with a smile.
Russ turned and stomped to his desk and sat on the edge. He was not in the mood for any of Greg’s jokes or his judgement. “What do you want? When did you get back anyways?”
Greg chuckled. “Dude you stink. Is that a new perfume you’re wearing? What is that ode de shame?”
When Russ didn’t say anything, he noticed that Greg looked at him in disbelief. “Wait are you playing games, or do you not remember last night? Cause let me tell you that pleading the fifth right now isn’t such a bad idea.” Greg said shaking his head.
“I’ve got pieces. Why don’t you tell me what you think I can’t remember?”
“Do you remember being in the bar with a hot red head?”
“Yeah but she wasn’t that hot.” He wanted to hurl something at the wall for being so stupid. He knew it was stupid and he was going to regret it, but his ego last night didn’t care one bit. Unfortunately, the moment he laid eyes on Amanda his pride kicked in. Why should he feel ashamed? She was the one that left him. She’s to blame not him. He could tell Greg was starting to get irritated by the pacing.
“This is not the time to make jokes. You my friend are in terrible trouble. You have all kinds of hell just waiting for you and you don’t even know it.”
“If I was getting out of hand why didn’t you stop me?”
Before Greg’s words left his mouth, Russ took note of the fury that was written across his face. He had never seen Greg so upset. “I tried, and you told me to fuck off. I told you, you were making a huge mistake. Hell, even Steph tried to stop you and you brushed her off. I sure hope that the sister was worth it. Cause if the other one finds out you are screwed my friend.”
“Well I’d say she knows. She caught me coming out of her sister’s room this morning. Wait how do you know they are sisters?”
“I tried to tell you last night, but you wouldn’t listen. I should just let this blow up in your face, you stupid ass. You deserve at least that much. I tried to tell you that I knew how to find Amanda...”
Russ swore as the phone started ringing. He wanted to let it go to voicemail that way he could
find Amanda but knew it must be important. With his mood the last few days, no one called him unless they absolutely had to.
“Bassett.” He barked into the phone.
“You jerk!” he heard Steph whisper. “I don’t know what happened, but your girl just walked into the bar and she looks pissed.”
“Steph, I don’t have time for this I have Greg in here and he has some news about Amanda.”
Steph cut him off in mid-sentence. “I know, I’ve already talked to Greg but Amanda, blonde hair, blue eyes spitting fire at anyone who looks her way, is sitting in the bar.”
Russ slammed the phone down. He had to get to the bar and explain what she saw. Pray that she understands and forgives him. Then try to figure out why she skipped out and then showed back up. So many things were going through his mind that he completely forgot that Greg was still in his office.
“That was Steph, Amanda’s in the bar. I have to go talk to her. Try and get her to listen to me.”
Greg made a grab for his arm as Russ rushed by “No you have to wait until you hear what I have to tell you. It’s important. You will mess everything up if you don’t listen to me.”
“I don’t have time.” And with that, he wrenched his arm out of Greg’s grasp and made a beeline for the bar. He got there just in time to see Janice make a hasty exit.
Amanda knew the minute that Russ entered the bar. It wasn’t just the fact that she always got this warm tingle at the base of her skull whenever he was near. It was the fact that he reeked of Janice’s perfume. Amanda wanted to put it down to the fact that she had just left but she knew better. This smelled like perfume and alcohol.
After her little show down with Janice, she didn’t know if she could keep it together long enough to deal with Russ, her control was slipping. The fact that she was in love with him made this worse. She wanted to fling herself into his arms, but she had to be strong, she couldn’t cave in. Right now, she wasn’t certain if she would ever forgive him, so when he stood in the exact spot that Janice had occupied just moments before she snapped.
The anger and self-pity that she had been feeling made her turn to face him. She would not talk first. Childish, but hell he had hurt her not the other way around. She was prepared for excuses, begging, pleading but not for his question.
In almost a whisper, she heard him ask, “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”
Amanda drew in a breath. She could almost believe he felt something. “It was very late, and I didn’t have a way to reach you. I left you a note at the front desk before I left.”
Amanda watched transfixed as the fire lit in his eyes and was stunned by the fierceness of his voice.
“A note? A note? You expect me to believe that you left a note and I didn’t get it. It was all a misunderstanding. Some big cosmic joke? I don’t buy it. It was pretty convenient that you just happen to leave and then come back. What kind of games are you playing?”
Calmly Amanda replied, “I did. I don’t know why you didn’t get it, but it doesn’t matter now. You slept with my sister. I want so badly to be mad at you. I want to feel betrayed and used. I want to feel something other than this deep disappointment in you.”
He scoffed. “What difference could it possibly make to feel all that?”
“Because if I felt even one of those feelings then I would know that there was still a chance for us. That I would one day be able to forgive you. That I would get past the fact that I hadn’t even been gone a day before you jumped in bed with Janice. If I felt anything, anything at all, that would mean that there was still hope, but I don’t and there isn’t.”
She felt the tear slide down her cheek as she looked at Russ. If she didn’t get out of there now she would break down. She had already made a spectacle of herself twice today; she didn’t want to go for a third. Looking over at Steph who seemed to be rooted to the floor, she gave her a sad smile, and swiped the tear from her face. Turning her back on Russ she tried to leave but just when she thought she had made her escape, he grabbed her arm and hauled her into his arms.
His kiss was rough and punishing. She could feel his mixed-up emotions in that kiss. His anger, regret. No, she had to be strong. She broke the kiss and even though he deserved to be slapped she meet his eyes and told him to stay away from her.
CHAPTER 22
Amanda sat in her black leather chair and stared unseeing out of her office window. No matter how hard she tried her mind always wondered back to Russ and while she wondered exactly how she had read the signs wrong, she mostly wondered how Russ had become so important to her in such a short amount of time. She missed him more than she thought was possible. She missed his smile and the way she felt when his arms were wrapped around her. She just missed how she got to be with him.
When she was with him, she got to be herself. She didn’t have to worry that her every word was under scrutiny. She didn’t have to be thinking three steps ahead of him at every turn. Afraid that if she said the wrong thing he could and would use it against her. She just got to relax and let go. She missed that part of herself. Back here in the real world she had to put that carefree part of herself back on lock down.
She had spent the last few days after the blow up in the bar hiding out in her hotel room. Too stubborn to leave but not strong enough to walk around like everything was fine. Every time she thought she heard someone in the hall, she hoped it was Russ. Hoped he was coming to try to apologize again. Hoped he was going to try to make contact before she left.
Oh, she knew she told him there was no hope, but she was lying through her teeth. If she had really meant anything to him, wouldn’t he have come after her? Shown some remorse? Something, anything, just to give her a clue as to how he felt.
This is ridiculous, she was just getting madder sitting here thinking about it. Luckily, for her, her intercom buzzed and interrupted her thoughts. She spun slowly in her chair to answer it.
“Yes?”
“Sorry to interrupt but Janice is here, and she said it’s important that she speak to you.”
Sighing, “Send her in.” Amanda rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. Why didn’t Janice take the hint? It had been two weeks and she hadn’t returned a phone call or an email. Janice probably thought it would all blow over and Amanda would go back to funding her vacations. Well she had another thing coming.
Amanda mentally braced as Janice pushed through the door “Amanda really, don’t you think this has gone on long enough?” she said as she sat in the chair in front of Amanda’s desk.
“What part of we’re done did you not understand?”
Janice removed the gloves she was wearing and sat them in her lap. “Really all of this over some random guy? If he had liked you even a little, he would not have come to my room with me. I did you a favor. You know you can never be too careful about who just wants you for your money.”
Amanda was fuming inside but in a calm voice told her “Get out. I know who is using me for my money and she is sitting here in front of me. We’re done. Don’t contact me; don’t come to my office any more. Just stop.”
Janice got to her feet in a huff “I knew you wouldn’t understand. I’ll give you a little more time to cool off.” And started to walk toward the door.
“Janice, wait.” Amanda said as she pushed her chair back and stood hands braced on her desk.
Janice’s smirk was not lost on Amanda. “If you come back to this office or any Garret building I will have security throw you out” Janice gasped. “If you contact me in any way I will have a restraining order filed. If you speak my name, about what happened or anything at all, I will have the corporate lawyers slaughter you in court. Have I made myself clear?” Not giving Janice a moment to reply Amanda pushed the intercom. “Ann, Janice is leaving now. Alert security that she is no longer allowed on the property.” With that, Amanda retook her seat and started shuffling paper unseeingly.
“Well if that is how you are going to be then fine. I was going to spare you how he
told me I was the better sister and how he just felt sorry for you. How he was just being nice to get close to me. That he knew all along who you were.”
Amanda didn’t even look up at the hurtful words. She wouldn’t give Janice the satisfaction of seeing how her words cut. It took a few moments, but Amanda finally heard the door close with a soft click. Once she knew the office was again empty, the first teardrop fell.
Russ slammed the drawer on his desk. How could this day get any worse? He tried to get her off his mind. He really tried but after a month, he knew that he wasn’t getting anywhere. He was frustrated and taking it out on the people around him.
He had been snapping at Greg since Amanda left. Greg swore that he knew how to get a hold of her, but Russ couldn’t do it. He had to let her go, didn’t he? Why was this tearing him up so much? He knew he made a mistake when he went with her sister. He had told himself that over and over again all the way up to her room.
He knew that he had had a lot to drink. More than any sane person should be able to drink and live to tell the tale but that still wasn’t a good enough excuse for what he did. He hurt her, and he knew that he deserved to have her walk away, but he couldn’t let her go. He had to do something.
Okay enough self-pity he was just going to Google her and see if that came up with anything. He really didn’t want to use the registration form from the front desk. It seemed, even to him, to be an ethical breach but if the internet didn’t help him he would. Screw it he had to find her. A month was just too long to go without her.
Half of him had hoped that if he gave her enough time to cool down that she would contact him. Call him and tell him, what he didn’t know, just something. So here he was being pathetic and trying to Google a woman who obviously didn’t want anything to do with him.
He was frustrated that Google didn’t help and neither did the white pages. What was he going to do? He stood up and started to pace his office. He knew all he had to do was look at the registration information and he would have her address and phone number. Hell, probably even her email address and credit card number. As he paced back and forth, he waged a silent war with himself. What would he do with the information once he had it?