by Rina Kent
“It’s going to be okay. You’re a strong woman, you always have been.”
A sob erupts from her throat and she abruptly turns around. Her arms wrap around my middle and she buries her face in my chest, crying softly, so softly, it’s barely audible even in the silence.
“It hurts…” She sniffles. “It hurts so much.”
I stroke her hair, pushing it from her face and murmuring soothing words in her ear, like it’s going to be okay, I’m here for her.
She cries harder for what seems like hours, wrapping all her limbs around me and lets the dress pool to the ground.
It’s hard to concentrate when her naked body is molded to mine, and I’m only separated from her by her panties. Her bare tits push against my chest, but I manage to hold her through it.
We end up on the bed, me sitting down and her wrapped all over my lap.
Her face is hidden in my neck as she breathes against my skin and wets it with her tears.
After long minutes of crying, with me patting her back, she finally calms down and sniffles against me.
“It still hurts,” she says through hiccups.
I want to tell her that it’ll get better, but it won’t. She’ll always think of this loss and everything that came with it.
“It’ll continue hurting for a while,” I murmur in the silence. “But you somehow learn to live with it, Petal, because life goes on and you don’t have a choice.”
Her grip tightens around my neck as she murmurs. “M-make me forget, Jas.”
She doesn’t have to ask twice. In one swift movement, I get rid of my pants and boxers and then her panties.
“Look at me, Pet.”
“No, I look bad.”
“I don’t care how you look. Come on, show me that face.”
She slowly peels herself from my neck and stares at me with her puffed gray eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks and her lips parted.
I hold her by the back of her neck and seal my lips to hers as I slam inside her.
Warmth. Belonging.
That’s what my little Petal is, was, and always will be.
She moans against my mouth, her nails digging into my back as she kisses me back with a passion that leaves me mindless with want for her.
My hips jerk forward, marking her, wanting her to feel me as much as I feel her.
“Oh, Jas…” she moans, her hips working with mine. “More.”
“More?” I smirk as I wrap my hand around her throat, squeezing.
“Mmmm,” she gasps, her mouth falling in an O as she grips my hand, nails digging into my skin.
“You want to be fucked by me, Pet?”
She nods.
“Choked by me?”
“Yes,” she manages to get out.
“Owned by me?”
Her head bobs up and down frantically.
I squeeze harder as I ram inside her with the urgency of a madman. I fuck her fast and out of control until she screams through her orgasm.
I don’t stop.
I loosen my grip around her neck and slow my pace until those tears rim her eyes again.
My little Petal always gets emotional whenever I fuck her slowly, taking my time with her body, and worshipping every inch of her.
She clutches me harder too as if afraid she’ll fall if I let her go.
If it were up to me, I’d never let her go. I’ll never let her leave my sights again.
She kisses me then, her lips brushing against mine before I open up and claim her.
“Jas...oh, Jas…” she moans my name over and over again.
I’m a goner.
My pace picks up, hitting her deep and hard in this position. She whimpers as I tease her clit with every thrust. Soon enough, she’s falling all over me again and again.
I bite her lower lip as I spill inside her, coating her with my cum — no, my seed.
We’re panting after as I continue holding her against me. I remove my hand from her neck and she sighs in delight as her head rests against my shoulder in a way where she looks up at me.
For a moment, she appears delighted, satisfied, and I stroke her cheek, then her collar.
Tears rim her eyes, and I can tell it’s not because she was fucked so good. I made her forget for a while, but it’s coming back to her.
She pulls away from me, grabbing a sheet on the way and wrapping it around her torso.
“Petal…” I reach out for her, but she wiggles free, not facing me.
All I see is her back and the sheet that’s covering her nakedness. “My father is gone.”
“I know that,” I say slowly.
“More like you planned it. You got what you wanted, Jas. Papa is dead.”
“Petal…”
“Am I wrong? Isn’t that what you wanted?” Her voice breaks. “After I finally found my father, I lost him again as if he were never there. None of this would’ve happened if you weren’t there.”
She goes silent as if realizing what she said.
As if it gutted her as hard as it gutted me.
She’s right. Even if I weren’t the one who personally ended Paolo’s life, I would’ve done it, and a part of me is glad he’s dead. A part of me feels triumphant that I got revenge for my family, for mom’s vacant eyes and the blood that marred her chest.
I reach for Petal, and this time she doesn’t pull away, but she doesn’t face me either.
All the better.
I don’t think I can stare at her gray eyes and do this.
Finding the collar’s combination, I put it in and then it clicks open. A small sound leaves my little Petal’s mouth as the collar disconnects from her pale neck.
“You’re free, Pet,” I whisper against her neck.
And then, I’m gone.
24
Georgina
It’s scary how life can go on.
One moment, Dad is dead and the next, I’m the only Costa alive and I have to take care of the business.
One moment, I was alone in the world, then Jasper found me, and I found my dad, only for it to all disappear.
It’s been a few weeks since that bloody night, but I still can’t get it out of my head. I still have nightmares about it.
I’ve been forced out of grief too soon, though. Because people are after my family’s business, and I promised Dad I’d continue his legacy.
Enzo has stayed with me, and since he’s been working with my family since the beginning, it’s been going well for the most part.
I had a talk with him soon after the funeral and asked him if he wanted to talk business or grudges. If it was business, he would get a partner in me. If it was a grudge, then Dad and Lucio’s deaths should pay for any wrongful deeds they carried against his and Jasper’s family. Enzo shook my hand and said he’d help me if I gave him a few shares.
He has such a manipulative streak. It’s like he can’t get anything done unless he has some sort of benefit from it.
I reconnected with Dinah and Katya and offered them positions in Costa’s private clinics. They’ve been there for me when I told them some of what happened since I disappeared. They hugged me and consoled me.
I didn’t tell them about the pain I felt every night when I went to sleep. During the day, I act as the new Costa leader, putting rebels in place and trying to keep the power Dad entrusted to me, but at night, all the pain returns.
At night, I touch my neck and when I don’t find the collar, I cry in my pillow.
You’re free.
His words still echo like doom in my head. He didn’t only tell me I’m free but he also left. For Good.
Every day, I watch my surroundings, trying to see him or conjure him in people.
Every day, I resist the urge to ask Enzo about him. Is he eating well? Living well? Does he think about me as much as I think about him?
There’s so much pain between Jasper and me. So many grudges. So much family history and murders.
The loss of my father is still like a bl
ack hole inside me. I want to believe that time will heal it and that maybe I’ll wake up one day and forget, but I know that’s not the case.
However, all those feelings disappear when I dream of him, of his hands, of his damn touch.
His absence is an entirely different pain altogether. His absence makes me feel as if I’m Joseph again, all alone and with no one to help me.
Yes, I have the power, the money, the family name, but does it matter if he’s not here?
Before he left, Jasper sent me a gift. Phoebe — the stray black cat I used to feed on my way to the hospital. She’s grown now. The man who delivered her said he’s from a special animal shelter and they’ve been taking care of her for months.
Jasper made me the crazy cat lady he always said I am. Mrs. Hudson accepted her immediately, but Mr. Bingly is still wary of her.
“Do you go back to Sicily?” I ask Enzo after our legal teams leave the conference room.
He leans over in his chair and interlaces his hands on the table. “Why? You want something from there?”
I straighten in my chair and clear my throat. “I’m just asking about everyone there.”
“Salli and Francesco are fine. Angelo and everyone else, too. If that’s what you mean.” His mismatched green-gray eyes gleam with devious amusement as if he knows that’s not what I mean.
Fine. I’m done pretending I don’t want to hear about him.
“How is he doing?” I murmur.
“He?”
“You know. Stop playing with me,” I snap.
Enzo smiles. “Working, like you. Looking for potential spouses, like you.”
“I’m not looking for potential spouses. They keep pestering me to be the next Costa leader, and I always said no.” My voice lowers. “He’s looking for a wife?”
“Sicily is traditional, Costa. He needs a wife.”
I tell myself that Jasper isn’t the marrying type, but is that true? Maybe he’ll give in to fulfill his duties.
The idea of another woman sharing his bed, of him fucking her, owning her, and bringing her that type of pleasure makes my blood boil.
He told me I’m free, but am I? Really?
25
Jasper
Whoever said it’s easy to move on should get a bullet to the head.
No, that’s lenient, a knife, and not to the heart. They should die by a thousand cuts.
Time heals everything is the lie of all lies. It’s the fucking epitome of lies.
There’s no such thing as fucking healing. It’s an open wound that just keeps getting infected the more time passes.
That’s what’s been happening since I told my little Petal goodbye. For real. No stalking, no lingering about.
It’s been a couple of weeks since I returned to Sicily and took over the family. Now that no Costa threat looms in the distance, everyone was able to pick up their lives and start anew.
The lands have flourished and everyone is expecting a great season. The parties and drinking fests have been lively and full of food and laughter.
I stood there with them amidst all the joy and I felt none of it. I smiled with them and ate and drank, but I was dead inside.
Every time I walk into the house like now, I can almost see her ghost, smell her strawberry shit in the air.
But she’s not here.
It’s quiet, eerie even. There’s no trace of her slight humming or even of the fucking cats’ sounds. I never thought I would think about those two fuckers, but here we are.
Salli offers to make me coffee, but I tell her to call it a night and have fun with the others outside.
Angelo has brought Rebecca and her daughter, and he’s been taking care of the people here with me. No idea if he’ll marry Serrano’s widow, but from the way he made her apologize to me, I guess he intends to keep her here for some time.
Inside the bedroom, I throw my jacket on the chair and slump on the bed — the bed on which she slept.
Her scent has disappeared with time. Now, it’s only a mimicking of her ghost and emptiness.
Deep, raw emptiness.
There’s something about feeling so fucking hollow you’d do anything to erase it. I drank and slept and ran and worked, but nothing filled that hole.
Even with my duty toward the people here, nothing could erase the nagging need to take the first plane and go back to her side, or at least watch from afar.
But then what?
She’ll push me away again. She’ll always look at me and see someone who killed her father, took away her family, and I’m not ready to live seeing that look on her fucking face every day.
Enzo gives me updates about her, nothing too detailed so I don’t get too obsessed. He only told me that she took over Costa’s legitimate business and is trying to weed out everything else.
He’s helping her out, considering that he was Costa’s legitimate arm. He’s basically a line between the two of us, and while I’m glad she has him, it’s not...enough.
All I think about is this need for more...for fucking everything.
I want to touch her, kiss her, fuck her or just hold her.
Yes, I miss choking her and making her fantasies come true, but what I miss the most is as simple as those days she’d wrap her limbs around me and sleep in the crook of my body like that’s where she always belonged. She does.
I stand up and head to the balcony, lighting a cigarette on the way. The moment nicotine fills my lungs, I inhale deeply and close my eyes for the slightest bit.
Come on fucking time; it’s around the moment where all this should end, no?
For some reason, I’m not even sure it will.
For some reason, I know that I’ll be old and gray and she’ll still be the last face I see before I sleep and the first one I see when I wake up.
There will be no changing that no matter how much time I spend with others or how much that fucking Enzo tries to convince me to get married, settle down.
Fuck that and fuck him.
Marriage was never on my radar, and the only person I would’ve changed my mind for will never be mine again, at least not in the way I hope.
I slide into the chair by the table and bring out a scrap of paper I’ve been scribbling on for the past two days.
Maybe Enzo should take it on his next visit there.
Maybe this will end it all.
Petal,
It’s been exactly forty-seven days and nineteen hours since we last said our goodbye.
I’m not a writer, and I never will be, so I’m not sure what’s gotten into me when I decided to write this to you. All I know is that something is perching on my chest and I need to purge it somehow.
Enzo has been telling me you’re doing well, and it makes me proud to see you taking everything in your hands. I knew you were strong.
I even knew it since you were little Joe with his chubby cheeks and girly habits of picking daisies.
I made you think you were annoying and a burden back then, but the truth is, you were the only one anchoring me to the world, and I was scared about losing you, so I pushed you sometimes and made you think you weren’t all that much.
Then, my worst nightmare came true and you left. You cried so hard that day as you hugged my legs, and I never forgot the way you buried your head against my stomach and refused to go with your new family. It made me feel shit I had no business feeling. It made me want to grab you and take you away.
Subconsciously, that thought remained with me even after we grew up. That’s why even before I recognized you, I wanted to keep you for myself, hide you for myself, and just be with you.
It’s an unhealthy obsession, I know, but aren’t all the best people flawed in some way? Aren’t we all imperfect somehow?
I know I am, because even after my vow to let you go, I can’t stop thinking about you, dreaming about you, and even your fucking cats. I hate that they have you and I don’t. I have issues, I know. Don’t tell my therapist when he starts existing.
> Anyhow, this long-winded unnecessary letter is for the sole purpose of telling you that you matter even without a family; even without anything, you matter more than you’ll ever know.
You mattered since you were little Joe. You gave purpose to my life since you were a child and that only heightened when you grew up.
Now that you’re gone, my life has no meaning anymore.
I love you, my little Petal.
You’re the only one who made me feel like life can be more than killing and existing for my next dose of blood.
Don’t forget me and don’t even think about taking a husband or a boyfriend or any fucking human company. The cats are all I approve of.
Jasper
26
Georgina
My legs are shaking as I step into the dark house. It’s empty. I found Angelo outside, but he said everyone else is at a bonfire tonight.
I haven’t been able to stop shaking since I read Jasper’s letter that Enzo gave me. It wasn’t only the letter, but also the bouquet of daisies he sent with them.
The next thing I knew, I was on a plane and heading to Sicily.
All the way here, I’ve been re-reading the letter over and over again, trying not to cry and failing.
His words hit me so deeply. I was already missing him until I thought I was going crazy and then he had to write those words.
He had to rip my heart out. Or maybe it’s been ripped out since I left Sicily that day. Maybe my heart has stayed here since then.
I climb the stairs so fast; I nearly fall on my face.
When I reach the bedroom — our bedroom — I stop in front of the door to catch my breath.
I flew here in my pants suit. I tried freshening up in the plane, but the long flight and all the crying must make me look like a cat lady on drugs.
Inhaling deep, I push the door open. There’s soft light on in the room, but there’s no trace of him.
It’s rare for Jasper to miss the bonfires and festivals. He doesn’t really like them, but he always makes sure to be there for everyone else. Although he doesn’t say it out loud, Jasper considers everyone here a second chance given to him after losing his family.