by Jay McLean
We ate cake.
He told me about how it took him and Tiny two hours to pick one. Not because they were fussy, but because Tiny wanted to taste every single one. Three times each.
It made me laugh, something I hadn’t known I’d been missing, and his eyes lit up at the sound of it. And just like that, my life didn’t seem so dark anymore.
14
Bailey
I was two steps away from his doorway when my legs gave out, along with the rest of me. I collapsed on the floor of the hallway with a loud thud, and I blinked back the fog, my fingers gripping the carpet as I tried to move forward. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything.
I was too weak to stand, so I did my best to crawl while my entire body suffered an ache I’d never felt before. My head dropped forward while the walls spun around me. “Nate,” I tried to yell, but nothing came out. My mouth was dry, though my body was covered in sweat. “Nate,” I choked out.
His bedroom door swung open, and it took all my energy to lift my gaze.
His gun was pointed at me.
I squealed.
Right before I lost all my strength, all my will, and all my fight.
And I succumbed to the darkness.
Nate
A loud thud startled me awake. My first thought was Bailey. My only thought was Bailey. Without hesitation, I reached for the gun under my pillow and tried to settle my heart, just long enough to be able to hear what was happening on the other side of my bedroom door.
I thought about Bailey and what she was like when I’d taken her; her silence was deafening. Would she scream for help?
It was silent.
No footsteps.
No whispers.
Nothing.
I opened my door; my gun held firmly in my hands.
I looked toward her open bedroom door, and then down the hall.
Nothing.
But then I heard it, a small whimper that elevated my fear, and my eyes snapped to the sound, to the girl lying on the floor, her shallow breaths amplified in my eardrums. “Bailey!” I dropped to my knees and moved her hair, trying to see her face. She was pale, her entire body covered in sweat. “Bailey!” I shook her gently, but she didn’t respond. “Bailey!”
My heart raced, aching with every beat.
Then she inhaled sharply, gasping for air. “Nate,” she whispered.
She hadn’t even seen me, but she was saying my name… calling out to me.
“I’m here. Just hang on, okay?”
I ran back to my room and dialed Tiny’s number. “Get Doctor Polizi here. Now!”
“Are you okay?” he asked, panic clear in his voice.
“It’s Bailey.”
I hung up and dashed back out to Bailey. She hadn’t moved. Without speaking, I picked her up, just like I did the first night I found her and carried her to her room. “What happened?”
She groaned in response, her head resting on my shoulder with one arm around my neck. I held her in my arms as I sat down on the bed. She leaned into me, a single, almost silent sob escaping her.
My phone rang. “We’ll be there in ten,” Tiny said when I answered. “What happened?”
“I don’t know.”
“But she’s safe, right?”
“Yes,” I rushed out, forgetting how this must’ve seemed to Tiny. “She’s safe.”
I hung up and shuffled back on the bed until I was leaning against the wall. Placing my hand on her forehead, I asked, “Can you open your eyes?”
She struggled, but she managed to do it. And it was in that split second, when I saw the honey brown of her eyes, that I finally let myself breathe. “You’re okay,” I assured her, my dry lips finding her warm temple. I tasted her sweat on my lips and kissed her again.
“Nate,” she whispered, her head lolling back as she attempted to look at me. Her eyes opened fully just long enough so she could see me watching her. “Thank you.”
*
Tiny and Polizi showed up in under ten minutes. Tiny let them both in with his key and deactivated the alarm at the front door. He called out my name. I kept my eyes on her when I told him where to find us.
“What happened?” Polizi asked as he walked into the room, dropping his bag and rushing toward us.
I shook my head, wishing to hell I fucking knew. “I don’t know. I found her like this.”
“Where did you find her?”
“In the hallway… she was trying to get to me. I didn’t know and—”
“Nate,” Tiny cut in. “This isn’t your fault.”
“What’s her name?” Polizi asked.
“Bailey.”
He sat on the edge of the bed and checked her pulse on her wrist.
“Bailey,” I whispered in her ear. She reacted by opening her eyes, just slightly. “This is Doctor Polizi. He’s here to check on you, okay?”
She nodded slowly and attempted to sit up a little, her arm curling tighter around my neck.
Polizi’s eyes moved to mine for a second, and I could see the confusion, the list of questions he wanted to ask. But he wouldn’t. Not yet. Polizi was The Family’s doctor. He kept our secrets and in return, he got paid more than any doctor in the entire state. Gunshots, stab wounds, overdoses, anything we needed from him, he was there. Like the rest of us, he kept this side of him private, away from his home, and away from his wife and kids. I’d known him my entire life, and I trusted him with it, so it surprised me that I was questioning whether I trusted him with hers. “I’m going to need you to try to speak to me, okay, Bailey?” he said.
Bailey nodded and tried to form a “Yes,” but her voice cracked and she looked down at her lap. “Water,” she whispered.
“I got it,” Tiny said, already halfway out of the room. A few seconds later he returned with a glass of water. She almost inhaled the drink, the sounds of her swallows filling the room.
Polizi gave his standard doctor smile when she was done and took the glass from her hands, setting it on the nightstand. She curled back into herself, her head on my shoulder again. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling?” Polizi asked.
“Weak,” she said. “And my vision’s blurry. I’m hot. And I’m cold. I don’t know…”
The doc continued to ask her questions, and she answered each one as best as she could. “Are you allergic to any foods?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Not that I know of.”
“Have you had anything to eat today that you don’t normally?”
“Cake,” she said. “It was my birthday.” She removed her arm from around my neck and shoved it under Polizi’s nose, twisting her wrist a little to shift the bracelet in its place. “Nate got me this.” She sounded so young, so innocent.
Polizi smiled. “It’s beautiful.”
“I know,” she responded.
Polizi moved toward his medicine bag. “I’m going to have to run some tests so we can find out what happened to you tonight. Have you felt like this before?”
She looked up at me as if questioning how much she should tell him.
“Be honest, Bailey. You can trust Doctor Polizi. Tell him the truth.”
She nodded and moved her gaze back to him. “When I’d go days without food, I’d feel like this. But never this bad. The last few days—”
“Days?” I interrupted. “Why didn’t you say something?”
Her gaze dropped again. “I didn’t know I was allowed to.”
My heart sank. “You felt like you couldn’t tell me you felt sick?”
Before she could respond, Doctor Polizi spoke. “I’ll need to get a blood and urine sample and get it sent off to a lab.”
Bailey’s eyes widened. “Do I need to go anywhere? Can you do it all here?” Swear to God, there was more fear in her eyes in that moment than the night I found her.
Polizi pinned me with his gaze. “Can I talk to you?”
I nodded.
“I’ll be back,” I told Bailey, kissing her temple again.
; I saw Tiny’s eyebrows lift from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t care. In that moment, I only cared for Bailey.
*
“I need full disclosure, Nate. I can’t give her the best treatment if I don’t know what’s going on,” Polizi said, arms crossed.
I sighed and leaned against the wall in the hallway. I hadn’t thought things through properly when I’d asked Tiny to bring him here.
“She’s here under my protection. Just mine,” I said, making sure he understood that no one else was to know about it, not even Benny or The Family. I added, “She witnessed something, and I’m hiding her out here until it’s safe. That’s all.” That was far from all, and he knew it.
He pulled a small notepad and pen from his pocket. “So when you say she’s hiding out… does she get any sunlight? Fresh air?”
I shook my head as I stared down at the floor. “Nothing.”
“Food?”
“Of course I feed her. I’m not—”
“What kind of meals is she having?”
I shrugged. “Takeout… leftover takeout.” And even as the words left my mouth I knew it wasn’t good enough. I should’ve been taking better care of her.
“Are you… I mean is she… are you… sexually active?”
“What? No.”
“So you’re not having relations?”
“No.”
“Is there a chance she could be pregnant?”
I opened my mouth, the word no on the tip of my tongue. But then I realized… I had no clue what she was doing before I found her, or how far Pauly went. “I don’t think so. She’s had her period, and we haven’t done anything.”
Polizi scribbled a few notes and replaced the notepad and pen back in his pocket. “It’s not always a sign of a negative pregnancy result. I guess that’s something we should rule out.”
I nodded, though the thought of her being with someone like that had bile rising to my throat. I didn’t even want to think about the wrath of what would happen if Pauly or PJ had anything to do with it. I’d kill PJ. Daylight. Cold blood. Bare hands. I wouldn’t give a fuck.
I walked in after the doc and resumed my position on the bed, my shoulders tense and my fists balled. “Nate?” she whispered, but I couldn’t look at her.
If this was her fate then fuck it all to hell.
“I’ll be able to do the blood and urine tests here. The results may take longer than usual due to your circumstance,” Polizi told her. “But I think it’s best we rule out one possibility while I’m here. Bailey, is there any way you could be pregnant?”
I saw Tiny step forward, Polizi step back. It felt like a vice had surrounded my chest, squeezing the air out of me while my head pounded.
She was taking too long to answer.
Why the fuck wasn’t she answering?
Finally, I got the nerve to face her.
She was watching me, a perfect frown on her beautiful face. “No,” she whispered. “I’m still a virgin.”
*
The doc took the tests he needed, assuring her the entire time that it would in no way put her in danger. Tiny stayed quiet, his back pressed against the corner of the room. But his eyebrows were drawn, watching me intently. Not just me… but me with Bailey.
Polizi’s voice pulled me out of my daze. “I’ll be back tomorrow to check on you,” he said, zipping his bag closed. “Have lots of water, and have Nate close in case it gets worse.” He turned to me. “A word?”
I nodded and walked him to the front door.
His voice was a quiet murmur when he asked, “How are you holding up?”
“Fine,” I lied.
“It’s a lot to take on. All of this. Especially in your condition.”
“I said I’m fine,” I clipped.
He pressed his lips tight and nodded once. “And your meds? Do you need another script?”
I rubbed my jaw as I looked down the hallway to Bailey’s closed door. “Yeah. I’m low.”
“I’ll bring it by tomorrow when I check in on her. Keep an eye on your stress level, Nate. It’s not good for your heart.”
“I’m fine,” I said for the third time.
“Ready?” Tiny called out, approaching us.
Polizi nodded and gave me one last look before opening the door and walking toward the car.
Tiny waited until Polizi was out of earshot before saying, “Take the day off tomorrow. I’ll handle everything. The day after—you and I need to talk.”
I knew the questions were there, but he’d wait. He knew better than to bring them up during such a time. But there was no possible way he could tell how I truly felt:
Bailey had become my drug.
My addiction.
My escape.
My salvation.
My curious fascination turned obsessive infatuation.
15
Bailey
I woke up the next morning to Nate sitting in a chair on the side of the bed, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of him. His eyes were downcast, focused on his thumbs circling each other.
It was the same position he was in when I fell asleep. “Have you been here the entire time?” I asked.
His eyes met mine. “Yes.”
“Why?”
He ignored my question and stood up. “Do you think you can eat?”
I nodded.
“I’ll bring you some food.”
*
The day passed, and he barely left my side. Even when I took a shower, he waited just outside the door. When I was done, he helped me back to my room and into my bed. I didn’t need the help, I was feeling a lot better, but I took it anyway. It was as if he needed to know he was doing something, anything, to save me. We didn’t talk much, and when we did, it was him asking me how I felt. At some point in the afternoon, his phone rang. Tiny and Doctor Polizi were on their way over.
The doctor asked me some questions, took some more tests and then spoke privately to Nate afterward. Tiny used the opportunity to sit on the bed with me. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Good.”
“That’s good. Make sure you tell Nate if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay.”
He got up and sat on the chair Nate had been using. Then he looked down at me; his lips curled into a sad smile. It looked strange on him, this big burly guy who had barely spoken to me. “Bailey, Nate’s a good guy. He’s my best friend and the best man I know. And he cares about you… more than he’s probably letting on.” He looked over at the door as if making sure his words couldn’t be heard. “I know it’s hard, you being in here and not knowing what’s happening out there, but some stuff went down today, and I haven’t told him yet. I’m going to need him to step out for a bit to handle it. Will you be okay without him?”
“Is the stuff about me?”
“Yes,” he said flatly. “But it’s nothing you need to worry about. We’ll take care of it. I know you’re struggling, and now’s probably not the best time to be calling in a favor from you.”
“What do you need?”
“Nate—he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. He can’t help it. And he can’t help caring about you the way he does. If there’s anything you can do to relieve some of his worries, then I need you to do it. For him, Bailey. I need you to do it for him.”
Nate
Bailey smiled up at me, a sight that made my stomach flip.
“Are you sure?” I asked her.
“Of course. I’ll be fine. Go do your thing.”
My lips pressed tight as I glanced over at Tiny, pleading with him to just take care of whatever needed to be done. Even though he said it was urgent, and something I had to deal with on my own, I knew it wouldn’t be as important as Bailey.
She added, “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll just stay in bed until you get back. I won’t move.” She drew a cross over her heart with her finger. “Swear.”
“Give us a minute,” I told Tiny.
She nudged me with her knee. “I’m sure. You’ve done so much already. I’ll be fine.”
I placed my hand on her forehead to check her temperature, or, at least, make it look that way. I just wanted a reason to touch her. “Okay.” I leaned down, seeing her eyes close just before my lips met her forehead. “I’ll be back soon.”
I left the house smiling, but the smile was wiped the second I got in Tiny’s car, and he handed me a piece of paper.
“When did this happen?” I asked, staring down at the missing persons report.
Bailey Anne Wright.
And her picture, the picture PJ had taken.
“Last night.”
My heart stopped. “Who filed it?”
“I’m working on it.”
Finally tearing my gaze away from the picture, I asked, “So where are we going?”
“To talk to PJ.”
*
We pulled up just outside Harwood’s Deli, where Tiny had gotten word that PJ was running his mouth about Bailey and dropping names that shouldn’t be dropped in the open. That’s when Jerry, the owner, called Tiny and asked him politely to get the man out of his store. Which was odd, because PJ and Jerry were friends, and they spent a lot of time together considering the deli was PJ’s territory.
Pulling my hood over my head, I stepped inside, surveying the almost empty store before eyeing Jerry. Luckily, he was on our payroll and understood what my presence meant. PJ got up from his stool at the counter. “Well, well, well. I wonder what it is that could possibly bring you to me?”
My jaw tightened as I looked him up and down. My gaze flicked over to the owner. “Close the shop, Jerry.”
He clapped his hands together. “Everyone out.”
There were only two people in the store, and they were more than happy to vacate. PJ went to sit back down, but I gripped his arm and sent a silent message to Jerry—one that he understood. He moved around the tiny deli and closed all the blinds, then locked the door from the inside. The entire time, I fought to keep my rage in check. Feeling my pulse spiking through my body, I waited until Jerry had made himself scarce in the back room before fisting PJ’s collar. I pushed him until his back hit the counter and my face was inches from his. Then I grabbed my gun and held it to his head. It took some time for him to register what was happening. It always did with me.