And I was sick of wondering whether or not I could trust her. I figured I’d been better off how I was before I’d met her. Sure, it could be a fucking lonely and depressing life. But I didn’t have to explain anything to anyone. And I didn’t have to listen to their pathetic attempts to explain anything about their own life and their own choices to me.
Suddenly an SUV pulls up and Monica and James get out. Jensen’s wife Riley and their son Drew is with them.
“Daddy!” James says, running into the garage and throwing his arms around Ramsey.
“James Bowie,” Ramsey says, using James’ full name— they named their kid after a fucking rock star— sternly, but tousling his hair gently at the same time. “What did Daddy tell you about interrupting his band practice?”
“Stay out of the garage,” James parrots. “Adults only.”
He points at the beer in my hand and says, “Uh oh.”
“Honey, you can’t exactly leave the door wide open and expect him not to want to run in and see his daddy,” Monica says, with a frown.
Riley adds, “That’s called an attractive nuisance.”
She holds Drew’s hand in one of her hands and a bag of groceries in the other.
“I know, Darling,” Ramsey agrees. “So come here and let me apologize properly. And hello, Riley.”
“Hello Ramsey. And Blaze. And Larson,” Riley says. “Monica was just helping me do some shopping for our big Thanksgiving dinner. You guys in? Larson?”
“I don’t think so.” I tell her. “But thank you.”
The way that James is hugging Ramsey’s legs as Ramsey wraps his arms around Monica is really pulling at my heartstrings. I don’t think I could bear any big happy multiple family Thanksgiving get- togethers. Especially not with Brynn and Caleb there.
“Well, you know you’re always welcome,” Riley says. “I’m helping Monica bring in some things she bought to the house and then I need to take off but I just wanted to make sure to personally invite you before I leave. And you don’t even need to let me know if you change your mind. Just stop on by. We have plenty for everyone.”
“I appreciate that,” I tell her.
“All right, new song up now,” Ramsey’s band mate Blaze says. “Break time’s over. We need to work on this song before all you lazy bastards take Thanksgiving through Christmas off.”
“Oh, look at the poor lonely bachelor complaining that everyone else has family obligations over the holidays,” Ramsey says, in a mock whine.
“You’re welcome at our house for Thanksgiving too, Blaze,” Riley chimes in. “Everyone is welcome, as I said. It’s not just for couples or families.”
“Maybe you’ll find a mate at our come on come all Thanksgiving dinner party,” Ramsey jokes.
I look at this pretty boy asshole’s slicked- back hair and skinny jeans and imagine him sitting down across the table from Brynn.
Fuck.
Maybe I should go.
I’m mad at her, sure. But I don’t want his greasy emo hipster paws anywhere near her.
“Come on inside, James,” Monica says, as she and Riley and Drew start to head into the house.
“Uh uh,” James insists, still grasping Ramsey’s legs.
Ramsey looks torn and frustrated: wanting to be with his son but also needing to practice with his band.
“Come here,” I tell him, patting the empty seat beside me that Ramsey had left open. I toss my empty beer can into the trash can by the amp. “Let’s listen to Daddy’s band play their new song and then you can go in with Mommy, okay?”
“O-tay,” James says, climbing up on the couch.
“Thanks, Larson,” Monica says, as they go inside.
Ramsey flashes me a grateful look and then goes to join the band.
“This is not going to be some perfect polished song you’re about to listen to,” Blaze warns James and me. “It’s brand new and rough around the edges.”
“That’s fine,” I tell him. “We’re honored to be the first to hear it. Aren’t we, bud?”
James nods and says, “Daddy’s song!”
“Yeah, I wrote this song about your mommy and me,” Ramsey says. “And how sometimes the right woman, even in what seems like the wrong circumstances, can be worth giving a second chance.”
He looks at me when he says this and I want to tell him to leave me the fuck alone, but I don’t, since James is right here next to me. And because I understand what he’s trying to do. He’s just looking out for me and wanting the best for me, like he’s found with Monica.
As they start playing, James rests his head on my chest. I put my arm around him and can’t help but think of Caleb and his bunny song.
I am a fighter, Ramsey sings.
I fight for our love.
Our love is worth fighting for.
Fucking Ramsey. And Riley too.
Trying to set me up yet again with Brynn.
Just when I thought we were over.
Now I’m not quite sure.
Because all signals seem to be pointing towards fighting for the one I love, even though she royally pissed me the fuck off.
Chapter 37 – Brynn
In a weird case of déjà vu, I'm staring at myself in Riley's bathroom mirror once again. Only this time I'm not wearing a cheerleading outfit, thank goodness. I tug on the maroon sweater that had ridden up along my torso as I was fixing my hair, until it falls back into place over my black pants.
"I can't believe I'm back here again so soon," I tell Riley, wondering why I'm going to all the effort to try to look good when I doubt that Larson will even be coming. It’s Thanksgiving, so I suppose I should look decent, but I certainly shouldn’t worry about getting all dolled up.
Despite my many attempts to contact Larson that had started to border on desperate, he never called me back. And I can't say I blame him. So I stopped calling him.
"Well, I'm certainly glad you're back, and that you'll be back a lot more often," Riley says.
She pops her head out of the door to check on Caleb and Drew and James, who are all playing in the living room.
"Yeah, I'm really glad I get to work here in Albuquerque," I tell her. "And to see you guys more often. It's a little hectic though, getting established working in two places at once."
"A little" is an understatement, but I'm trying not to complain on Thanksgiving. I was already too much of a spoilsport on Halloween and I’m trying to turn over a new leaf, even if I did mess things up with Larson.
Today is a day I'm supposed to be grateful, and I am, for Caleb, and a way to make good money to support him, and for having such a good friend like Riley. But I sure wish I hadn't screwed up things with Larson.
And I wish that Steven would stop hounding me about agreeing to the parenting plan he wants. It's bullshit since I know he won't honor the timesharing plan and he just wants to get out of child support. I don't want Caleb to be with him in New York while I'm in Albuquerque. Caleb barely knows Steven.
I also wish Clay would stop being so fucking aggressive.
As if reading my mind, Riley says, "How's working for Clay going?"
"About the same as working for a giant overgrown toddler," I tell her, sighing. "He's demanding, clingy and throws a temper tantrum when I don't or can't do all the many tasks he constantly wants me to do.
She frowns.
"You must be so stressed."
"I am," I admit, although I hate fessing up to my own vulnerability. "I just don't know how this can work out for long."
"I understand," she says. "That's part of why I left big law firm life. The law is a jealous mistress. Isn't that what Voltaire said? Or someone said. I forget who."
"Well, you didn't even have a toddler," I tell her, then realized I nearly snapped.
"I'm sorry," I quickly add. "I don't mean to be so irritable. I know I’ve been grumpy often lately and I’m really trying to adjust my attitude."
It was a lot easier when I had Larson to calm me down with his big c
ock, I think. But I keep that thought to myself.
"Financially, yes, not having any children at the time made it a bit easier,” Riley says. “But change is always scary no matter what. And now that I do have a child, I think that emotionally…"
She pauses, as if not wanting to offend me.
"Emotionally it would be harder for you to work so much and never see him," I fill in for her.
"Yes, something like that," she says.
"I think of that all the time," I admit. "How much I'm missing out on with Caleb because of work. And how I'll never have any time for any kind of relationship, even if…"
Now I'm the one who trails off, afraid of where my ramblings might lead me.
"Even if it could work out with you and Larson," Riley finishes for me.
I shrug, not even wanting to entertain that thought.
"That's over," I tell her. "I can't get my hopes up about that any more. I mean, yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but we're two totally different people. And he's so closed off about whatever happened with his past and yada yada yada. He's obviously no more ready for a relationship than I am."
"Brynn, he came all the way to New York to see you," she says. "It's not like that's really his scene. He couldn't even ride his motorcycle there."
We laugh. But she does make a good point.
"He was obviously ready to take a big chance on you," she says. "But…"
"But I blew it," I tell her. "I know. I'm really mad that Clay had to choose that one weekend to come into town and ruin everything. It's almost as if he knew."
"You know…" Riley says, and she blushes a little bit in that way she has that tells me there's something she doesn't want to tell me.
"What?" I ask her. "What do you know that I don't?"
"Well nothing for sure," she says. "But I've been thinking about how strange the whole timing of all of this was. And I've had this sneaking suspicion for a while now that this might be all my fault."
"How could it be your fault?" I ask her.
"Well, I was at a pro bono charity event with some people from my old firm who had been at Clay’s Halloween party. They had seen you and Larson dancing at the party, dressed in matching costumes, and were asking about you guys."
"Oh great," I groan.
Now I'm the talk of the town. The girl who slutted it up on her trip back to Albuquerque.
"No," she insists, shaking her head. "Like, in a good way. They said you were really cute together and were wondering whether you were an item, because Clay had been asking about you. I told them you guys had just met but had hit it off so well that Larson was coming to visit you in New York that upcoming weekend."
"Oh."
Suddenly a fuller picture falls into place. I can see it now: the lawyers at this other firm telling Clay that I'm with Larson now and that it's so serious he's visiting me in— hell, they probably even said he's moving to— New York.
This business is cutthroat like that, with anyone doing whatever necessary to get clients. They were undoubtedly using Clay's crush on me and the fact that I was in a relationship with someone else as an opportunity to steal Clay away from my firm and to their firm. But Clay took it as a challenge.
"So that's why Clay came to New York that weekend," I say. And maybe it's also why he orchestrated this whole local office idea.
"Yeah, that's what I've been thinking," Riley agrees. "And I'm sorry I didn't tell you until now. I just didn't know how to say it or what you would think of me. Even though I didn't mean to say the wrong thing. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I tell her. "I can certainly understand what that's like. There's a lot of miscommunication going on these days."
"Yeah, you never got to tell Larson what happened that weekend, huh?" She asks, nodding sympathetically.
"I didn't," I tell her. "And it's too late now. Time to accept that and move on and focus on this new opportunity."
I can't help but crinkle up my nose when I say "opportunity." Because it's more like a forced opportunity than a chosen or desired one, and I think that Riley knows that.
"I wouldn't say that," Riley says.
"Why?" I ask her. "You said he wasn't coming today. Right?"
My body tenses in excitement, wondering if there's some chance that something has changed.
"He said that, but then I tried to talk some sense into him the other day, and left the door open for him to change his mind," Riley says.
"Oh."
My shoulders slump back down even though her statement sparks a little hope in me.
"And now I'm trying to talk some sense into you," she continues.
"Into me?" I tell her. "I don't need sense talked into me. I have all the sense in the world already."
"Usually I'd say that was true," Riley agrees. "But in this situation, I have no idea what you're doing.”
“What do you mean?”
I’m a little hurt.
“You’re only here because Clay needing you for that merger project right?” she asks.
I shrug sheepishly.
“Well, yeah. I mean, he’s the client.”
“But if he had needed you in New York— or if Paul or Jane or another partner had needed you— then you would have spent Thanksgiving there.”
I nod.
“Where do you even want to spend Thanksgiving?”
“Here,” I tell her. “With you guys.”
“But you wouldn’t have gotten the time off if Clay hadn’t arranged this deal. You can never come for Thanksgiving.”
“I have to work, Riley.”
“I know that. But it just gets to the point where you have no say so in the matter and you kind of become a victim of your own helplessness. You’re flying back and forth at Clay's whim and thinking about what everyone else wants instead of what you truly want. And not even doing everything you can to explain to Larson what happened and why."
"I've called him so many times and he clearly doesn't want to talk to me," I interject, upset that she's acting like I haven't tried hard enough.
But as she raises her eyebrows at me I realize she's right: I haven't.
"Anyway," I tell her, changing my argument and defense. I’m beginning to feel like she’s trying to be my big sister or mom instead of my best friend. I get her point and now I just have to think about what to do about it. "It's not like I'm the only one who hasn't told him what's going on. He won't even tell me what's up with his entire life situation."
"Have you asked him?" she asks.
"No," I admit. "He told me some pretty vague stuff and left it at that and said he didn’t want to say more right then so I didn’t push it. But it was supposed to be just for shits and giggles, remember? You told me not to ask unless I truly want to know."
"It sounds like you truly want to know."
Riley says it so emphatically yet gently that there's no more room for argument left. She's right. I have to do everything I can to see if there's still any chance for Larson and me.
I vow to write him an email as soon as I get the chance, explaining everything and asking him to meet with me.
"Dinner's ready!" Jensen announces, from the kitchen.
"Looks like we'll have to pick this conversation back up later," Riley says, as we begin walking out of the bathroom.
I don't see the use, when Larson's still not here. But I remember to be grateful, on Thanksgiving.
"I think you've gotten your point across," I tell her. "And I appreciate it. Really."
"Time to eat!" Caleb says, rushing up to me and taking my hand. "Gobble gobble!"
I look down at my little guy, who's so excited to start the holiday season that it's contagious.
"Yes it is!" I tell him. "We're going to gobble till we wobble."
"Gobble gobble, wobble wobble," he says, wobbling like he's going to fall over as we make our way to the dining room table.
"Happy Thanksgiving everyone," Jensen says, as we gather around the table. "We Bradford Brothers wanted to cook a
nice meal to thank our ladies for everything you do for us."
"Awww," I coo, along with Riley, Whitney and Monica.
"And you too, Brynn, Blaze and Cassidy," Riley chimes in. "You're always welcome here of course. You're all like part of our family and welcome any time."
Blaze is there with a friend of Whitney’s whom I’ve never met.
"Thank you. This looks delicious," I say to Jensen. "Everything looks perfect."
I look at the stuffed turkey, expensive wine and Caleb's beaming smile and I am truly grateful.
There's only one thing that could make it more perfect, I think, but that's not going to happen.
And then I hear the sound of an engine pulling up and cutting off.
"Mo-to-cycle!" Caleb announces. "Larson! Larson!"
I want to tell him not to get his hopes up. I want to tell myself that same thing. But before I get the chance, Larson's at the front door.
He's holding flowers, and he looks better than I even remember.
Suddenly this really is the best Thanksgiving ever. And all I want to do is eat this meal with Larson and then serve myself to him as dessert.
Chapter 38 – Larson
I'd imagined that Brynn would be happy to see me. I'd gathered that from her billion fucking phone calls. But the way her entire face lights up, the way her body arches at me as I walk through the door— that's fucking icing on the cake.
"Hello everyone," I say, as Caleb runs up to me and hugs my legs. "Hello little man."
I pick him up and swing him around.
"Sorry I'm a little late. Had to stop and get something. A couple somethings, actually."
I hand Caleb the motorcycle toy I’d found for him at a specialty shop online. You could order any kind of rider or riders that you wanted, and for him I’d ordered a man and a little boy to represent him and me.
“Thank you Larson!” he cries, squealing in delight in my arms. “Vroom vroom! Vroom vroom!”
Then I carry him over to his mom and hand her the flowers I’d brought as well.
"These are for you."
"Thank you," Brynn says, getting up from the table and hugging me. "Thank you so much."
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