His voice is close. Close enough that if I turn around, I’m sure I’ll be able to reach out and touch him.
“What are you doing here, Ian?” I ask, attempting to sound unaffected by his presence.
“I came to talk to you. You never answered my text.”
“I told you I would call you when I was ready to talk.”
Taking a few deep breaths, I turn to find Ian leaning against my trunk, arms crossed over his chest. Anger radiates off him in waves. His eyes, dark and narrowed in my direction, filled with hatred.
“I’m ready to talk now. If you won’t even respond to a text message—”
“I didn’t get your message!”
“Were you too busy with your new boyfriend?”
“Oh my god, Ian. Grow up. We’re done. What I do and who I do it with is no longer your business. Now, get the hell off my car so I can go home.” A mixture of fear and anger pulses through my veins as I storm past him. Reaching for my door handle, I feel Ian grab my shoulder and quickly turn me around, pushing me back against my car.
“We’re not done talking,” he says, the stench of alcohol on his breath causing me to cringe.
Just like the night before I left him.
When he came home and wanted to have sex.
The night I realized that it was over between us.
“Get your hands off her.”
Ian releases me and turns to face Ryder. Ryder towers over Ian, looking past him and directly at me. There’s a look of concern in his eyes. I nod, letting him know I’m okay.
“This is none of your business. I suggest you move along,” Ian retorts, taking a step away from me and toward Ryder.
What is he thinking?
Ryder could overpower him with one hand. He has the size and strength advantage. On top of that, if Ian is as drunk as I assume he is, it won’t take more than one swing to bring him down.
“Get in the car, Emerson,” Ryder says, ignoring Ian.
Quickly doing as he says, I slam the door behind me and lock my doors. Turning in my seat, I watch as Ian takes another step toward Ryder, poking him in the chest with his finger repeatedly. Ryder’s fists are clenched at his side, the only sign he’s not completely in control of himself right now.
Ryder’s lips work into a snarl as he begins to speak. Their voices are low enough that I can’t hear what they’re saying. After only a few minutes, Ian is walking away, flipping Ryder off as he watches him go. As soon as Ian’s car speeds past, I open my door and run into Ryder’s waiting arms.
“I’m so glad you were here,” I say as he wraps his arms around me.
“If you hadn’t kept waving I wouldn’t have seen him.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was watching you wave at me, feeling bad for letting the night end the way it did. He stepped out from behind another car as I was rounding the corner. I didn’t know it was him, but I knew you were in trouble. I parked and made my way back up here as fast as I could. You had it under control, so I didn’t intervene until necessary. When he laid his hands on you…”
“I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He’s never been like this before. He was drunk and out of control. I’ve never been scared of him until tonight.”
Squeezing me tighter, he pushes my car door closed and takes my keys. “I’m driving you home.”
Ryder waits with me until Angela gets home. Against my wishes, he makes me tell her what happened. Of course, she remains composed in front of Ryder, but the moment he leaves, all hell breaks loose.
“You need a restraining order on him, Em. He’s losing his shit!” she screams as she follows me into my bedroom. All I want to do is go to sleep, but she’s not going to let me until we have this conversation. Ryder mentioned the same thing.
“What’s that going to do but piss him off more?”
“I don’t care if it makes him angry or not. I want you to be safe. I don’t want to have to worry about you all the time.” Crossing her arms over her chest, I can see the worry in her eyes. She’s putting up a strong front, anger her most prominent emotion right now, but lurking behind the surface is her fear.
“Well, if Ryder has his way, I won’t be going anywhere alone again until I’m dead,” I reply, my voice heavy with sarcasm.
“I can live with that,” she says as she leans against the door frame. The thought seems to relax her. “Seriously, though, you need to be careful. He’s obviously lost it.”
“That wasn’t him, Ang. That’s what I don’t get. He was drunk and angry, that’s all. He’s not taking this well. I don’t know if he wants me back or wants answers. Maybe I should just talk to him.”
“That’s the last thing you should do. Think about it, Em. He’s going to try and convince you breaking up with him was a mistake. After today, I hope you realize it wasn’t.”
“Even if today hadn’t happened, I know I did the right thing. Things weren’t moving in the right direction for us. It was time to end things before they got bad. I was hoping we could still be friends, though.”
“I think we both know that’s not going to be an option. It never was. Ian has always been possessive. If he can’t have you, no one can. The fact that you are seeing Ryder is bringing out the worst in him. He’s showing is true colors, Em. You have to see that.”
Angela’s voice is pleading with me to see what she sees. I do, but I don’t want to admit it out loud. It’s my fault that he’s acting this way. It’s my fault he’s gone off the deep end.
If I hadn’t left him. If there hadn’t been rumors floating around, putting ideas in his head. If I had resisted Ryder’s charms. If, if, if… there are so many things I could have done differently.
“I can’t think about it anymore right now. All I want is to crawl in bed and go to sleep. That’s the only thing I care about at the moment.”
Pushing off the door frame, Angela shoots me an apathetic smile before disappearing into her own room. The more I talk about Ian, the more upset I get. The more upset I get, the worse I feel. I never meant for any of this to happen. I thought if you cared enough about someone, you set them free. Apparently not Ian. He holds on tight.
Quickly stripping down, I head into the bathroom to soak in the tub. My phone chimes as I slip under the water. Reaching for it, I see two waiting texts.
RYDER: Good night.
IAN: With him in your life, you’ll never be ready to talk. Call me or I’m coming to see you.
Ian was the one I felt watching me when I was in the parking garage. He must have seen us leave together and waited for us to come back. If I had just let Ryder bring me home from dinner, none of this would have happened.
Chapter Twenty-One
I’m on edge. My mind is wandering. I’m unable to focus on simple tasks. Sleep has been elusive.
Memories of Ian haunt me in my dreams. They all start out good but then turn ugly, causing me to shoot up in bed, drenched in sweat in the wee hours of the morning. One minute we’re walking the shores of Lake Michigan hand in hand. The next he’s pinning me in the sand, yelling profanities at me. The look of pure evil on his face is what scares me the most.
Has he always been this way?
Was I blinded by my feelings for him?
Should I have seen this coming?
A million questions run through my mind as I numbly go through task after task. Work, eat, go home, help Angela nail down the final details for Tyler’s party, then lie awake in bed until the sun rises on another day.
Shower and repeat.
By Friday afternoon it’s to the point that Ryder sends me home early. There’s a ton of things left to get done today. Most of which will take me all day at the rate I’m going. I thought about arguing with him until I saw my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall in his office.
My face is pale, the makeup I applied this morning doing little to bring life to my face. There are dark circles under my eyes. My hair, although it’s been washed and styled, looks like I’ve
stuck my finger in a light socket. It’s my lipstick that really catches my eye.
I finally took Angela up on her suggestion to try red. She claimed I could rock it. And honestly, maybe I will be able to after all this is over. Right now, it looks like I tried to paint my face with blood. It’s smeared on one side.
I’m a mess. There’s no other way to describe me. Emotionally and physically I’m in a dark place, and I’m not sure how to pull myself out. I feel lost.
Two days. That’s all it’s taken to completely wreck me.
“Go, get some sleep. I’ll stop over on my way home tonight,” Ryder says, shooing me out of his office.
“You don’t need to check on me. I’m a big girl,” I retort, rolling my eyes.
He raises an eyebrow, challenging my words.
“Fine. Check on me if you must. If I don’t answer the door, don’t freak out. Hopefully I’m sleeping.”
“If you don’t answer the door, I’m going to find a way in,” he threatens.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” I mutter, turning to leave his office.
“Emerson,” he calls as I’m about to close the door. “Please be safe.”
He’s said it to me every time we’ve parted since Wednesday night. It doesn’t matter if I’m headed home or to the bathroom, he always asks me to watch out, to be safe. He’s acting more like my father than my—
Nope.
Not going there.
I have enough on my plate right now. I don’t need to add anything else complicated. Ryder is complicated. Our “relationship” would be complicated. It would also be amazing, but I think if we just give it time, let our lives settle down a little more, and get distance between our last relationships, it would be better.
For him.
For me.
A better start to something that could exceed both of our expectations. So for now, it’s friends. I haven’t told him this yet. I don’t know how to start that conversation, and I’m not sure I want to. For now, I’m not saying anything, hoping my unspoken wishes are communicated through actions.
Unfortunately, I don’t think my actions are very clear at the moment.
“Promise,” I reply, closing the door on our conversation.
“Leaving, Miss Emerson?” Helen asks as I wait for the elevator.
“I’ll be back on Monday,” I assure her.
“Are you feeling all right?”
“I’ve been better. Thanks for asking.”
“Of course, dear. Feel better,” she says, ducking back behind her desk as the elevator arrives.
Pepper spray in hand, courtesy of Angela, I make my way to my car, scanning the area as I walk feverishly. Ryder and Angela’s warnings have me more on edge than anything. If they would just let it go, I have a feeling I’d be able to sleep better.
Once I’m safely locked in my car, I text Ryder. He must have been waiting for it because he replies instantly.
RYDER: Let me know when you’re home.
ME: K
RYDER: I’m serious. And lock your doors.
ME: K
RYDER: Why do I get the feeling you are going to forget?
ME: I won’t, promise. I’m going to drive now so stop texting me.
RYDER: K
Copycat.
As soon as I’m home, I dig through my purse for my phone. I’m sure Ryder has already sent me a text wondering where I am. I had to stop for gas and didn’t tell him.
The little green light on my phone is blinking as I assumed.
RYDER: Hello? Did you forget something?
ME: Nope. Just got home. Had to get gas.
He doesn’t reply immediately, so I head into the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. Decaf. I’m jittery and nervous all the sudden. As I’m placing a mug of water in the microwave my phone chimes, bringing a smile to my face.
RYDER: Halfway to your place.
ME: Stop texting and driving.
RYDER: Red light
ME: See you soon then
Pulling a second mug from the cupboard, I heat up water for Ryder.
Five minutes later, there’s a knock at the front door.
“Coming!” I holler, unwrapping myself from the blankets I just got situated in.
Pulling the door open, I’m surprised to find Ian standing in my hallway holding a bouquet of flowers. Purple Dahlia. Just like the ones I planted last fall next to the patio at my apartment. My roommates didn’t give two shits about them and trampled them one night when they came home drunk.
“Hey,” he says, his voice weak and uncertain.
This is a side of Ian I’ve never seen before. What happened to Mr. Confident? Did he finally realize that he’s been a gigantic ass? I doubt it.
“Hey,” I say. My skin is crawling, my dreams from the last few night washing over me. Shaking the feelings away, I ask “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to apologize for the other night. I was going to leave these next to the door, but I saw your car in the parking lot.”
Handing me the flowers, I take them and step aside, silently inviting him in. Ian walks past me but stops suddenly and turns.
“I was drunk, and I have no idea what got into me. I really am sorry, Em. I would never hurt you. I hope you know that.”
He’s making eye contact and his voice is unsteady, both clear indications that his apology is heartfelt. That means something, but not as much as he’s hoping it will.
“I do,” I reply.
“I wish I had a better explanation. This whole thing has gotten so out of control.”
Nodding, I’m at a loss for words. It’s obvious that he needs to talk about it. If this is what it takes to help him get closure and move on, I can do that. After two years together, it’s the least I can do for him. Plus, maybe I’ll be able to sleep if I can close this chapter of my life.
As I’m about to shut the door, I’m met with resistance.
Shit! Ryder.
“Hey,” he says as I open the door for him. The moment his eyes find Ian, his demeanor changes. “What’s he doing here?”
“He came to apologize.”
“And you let him in?” he asks, his voice rising.
I’m not in the mood to fight right now. Not with Ian and not with Ryder. I’m exhausted and this entire situation has gone on too long. If Ryder wants to be a part of my life, he needs to let me effectively end things with Ian. Right now, my relationship with Ian still feels like it’s in limbo. Not because I’m holding on to him, but because he’s not willing to let me go.
“Ian, can we have a minute?”
Without a word, Ian disappears into the kitchen. Once I’m sure he’s out of earshot, I turn to Ryder whose attention is still focused on where Ian went.
“I thought it was you at the door.”
“He’s stalking you, Emerson. How in the hell did he even know you were home?”
“He said he was going to leave flowers for me when he saw my car.”
“And you believe him?” Ryder grinds out, his voice a low rumble.
“I don’t know what to believe anymore. I believe he really is sorry. I know the person from the other night is not the same person I was with for two years. That person is gone, forever. What’s left of him is standing in my kitchen right now, waiting to talk to me.”
“So you let him in? When you knew I was on my way. You could have waited. You promised me you would be safe.”
“I am safe. I knew you were almost here.”
Shaking his head in disapproval, my thoughts wander to the issues Ian and I were dealing with before we broke up. I’m seeing some of the same issues coming up between me and Ryder already. They both need to hear what I have to say.
“Come into the kitchen. I want you both to listen to me very closely so there’s no miscommunication. Can you do that?”
“I’m not leaving until he does.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
Once we’re all seated at the table, Ryder as close
as he can possibly be, I begin.
“Okay, so this is uncomfortable, but I’m just going to say what I need to say. Ian, I want you to know that I didn’t leave you for Ryder. He wasn’t even in the picture then. In fact, contrary to what you may have heard or believe, we still aren’t an item. We might be in the future, but before that happens, I need to get my shit together. I need to figure out who I am on my own. We were together for over two years, and I became the person I thought you wanted me to be. I don’t know who that person is. The second I tried to be me, the real me, you went caveman and tried to take control of my life. That’s why I left. Not because I didn’t love you or because I fell in love with someone else. I left because I wasn’t being true to myself.
“And Ryder,” I continue, turning my attention to him. “I like you, but this is all happening so fast. I want to be in a relationship with you, but we need to slow down a bit, get to know each other better and find out if we complement each other. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to see you outside the office or that I don’t enjoy spending time with you, because I do. It just means that we need to take a step back and I need to take some time for myself. I see myself falling into the same habits I did with Ian, trying to please you, whatever it is that you want me to do. I’m a people pleaser, just like you tend to be, and I always have been. As much as I want you to be happy, and for me to be a part of that happiness, I want the real me to be the one that brings out your smile.
“So, both of you, get out. I’m exhausted, and I don’t want to talk about this anymore with either of you.”
“Seriously?” Ryder asks.
“Yes. I’m going to drink my tea, read a book and then maybe take a nap.”
Looking to Ian, I find him smiling at me.
“What?” I ask, not in the mood for any shit from him.
“Nothing. It’s just you sound like the girl I started dating. The one I fell in love with,” he states, the smile on his face growing with each word.
“I’m still that girl. She’s just been in hibernation for a while.”
“I know,” he says. “I wish she’d stuck around. Maybe then I wouldn’t have lost her.”
Rumors: Emerson & Ryder Page 16