They filled the rest of the time with bites of cake, sips of coffee and chitchat, and stayed away from the topic of meeting families and seeing homes. It made the night go smoother for sure and led the way to them ending up back at his loft. In his bed.
Her fuck-me pumps still on her feet, of course.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sonja stood before her bathroom mirror applying the last of her makeup. James had called earlier, wanting to meet for dinner. Since she’d taken care of all her cases the day prior, and Casey was off with one of her friends for the night, she’d decided to go.
They’d been seeing each other now for three months. There had been many lunches in her office or near whichever courthouse she happened to be at for the day, and several dinner dates. They were casually dating, and she liked it that way. Casual being the operative word.
However, the sex… Casual was not a word she would ever use to describe the sexual chemistry and heat between them. The sex had been downright explosive, incinerating, adventurous, mind-blowing—or any other word she could think of to describe it.
Grabbing her purse, Sonja headed out the door and grabbed a cab to meet him. He wanted steak tonight, so that’s what they were having. He’d asked her to leave her hair down. She’d done that too. Twisting to exit the taxi, she glanced at her feet—he’d also requested the red, peep-toe, four-inch pumps. James had a thing for her shoes. It worked for her because she had a thing for them too. She was no Imelda, by any stretch, but she did have an entire six-foot wall in her closet for her shoes.
Stepping onto the sidewalk, Sonja straightened her slacks and headed for the restaurant. She drew in a deep breath when she spotted him standing near the entrance. He always did that to her, made her catch her breath the moment she laid eyes on him. He was…well, he was beautiful in her opinion, and although she was reluctant to admit it when they’d first met, she’d always thought so.
He was too young for her. He wasn’t her type. The tattoos and piercings, and also his lifestyle, didn’t fit into her world. But the sex? The sex fit into her world fine and dandy. Enchanted by his gaze, she kept her feet moving, as if he’d attached an invisible thread to her and she was unable to do anything but gravitate toward him whenever he was in her line of sight.
His tempting lips curled into a knowing smile. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Her voice sounded breathless, and she’d given up trying to control it any longer.
James leaned in, threaded his fingers through the length of her hair and brushed his lips over hers. Placing her palms on his chest, Sonja shivered.
“You look beautiful. Did you—”
“Yes…” She stepped back and raised the heel of one foot off the ground, wiggling it from side to side for him to see. “Happy?”
“Mmm. Keeping those on later.” He swatted her bottom.
Sonja laughed—another thing he brought out of her. “Feed me first.” She kissed him again and turned to walk into the restaurant. James moved around her and held the door open. “Did you get a haircut?”
“I did.” He grabbed her hand and approached the hostess stand. “Yesterday. Surprised you noticed.”
She threaded her fingers through the shorter length on the side of his head. “Why wouldn’t I notice?”
The corner of his lip quirked into a small smile and he shrugged. “Dunno, just didn’t think you paid attention to that level of detail.”
Of course she noticed. Sonja noticed all sorts of things about him: his lips, his goatee, his nose with its piercing, his hazel eyes and how they changed color in the light. His tattoos. His…everything. James was not someone a woman didn’t notice. Clearly, he knew that. Smoothing her hand down his shoulder, Sonja shook her head and smiled. “How could I not?”
The hostess came up before she could say anything else and led them to a table close to the back. The restaurant was small and filled with two- and four-person tables, each with a petite oil lamp in the center. Dark paneling lined the walls and there was a small bar situated in the back. Quaint and elegant. Perfect ambiance too.
Choosing a seat that let her keep her back to the bar, Sonja sat down. “I’ll have a glass of Cabernet, please?”
James folded into the opposite chair. “Guinness, please?”
The hostess nodded and stepped away. Sonja peeked at him over the top of her menu. “Guinness again, hmm?”
James rolled his eyes and let out something akin to a snore. “Yes, dear. Guinness, again.” He opened the menu and laid it flat on the table.
“I was thinking you might want to have some wine with me.”
He chuckled. “And I was thinking Guinness.”
“It wouldn’t kill you to stray from the routine once in a while. Step outside of the box.” She pursed her lips. “Walk on the wild side.”
“I thought that was your job?” He shook his head. “Guinness works fine for my wild side.”
Sonja sighed but laughed. Such a stubborn Irishman when he wanted to be. Good thing too. Otherwise she wouldn’t be having the sex of her life right now. With some really good food in between.
“How’s Casey?”
“Casey’s fine. She’s spending the night at a friend’s house.” She glanced back to the menu. “I think I want the filet tonight.”
“Hmm.”
“Hmm?”
“Filet sounds good.” He picked up the menu, and now she couldn’t see his face.
“Yoo hoo? Psst?”
He peeked to the side at her. “Yeeeeessss?”
Sonja leaned forward. “What was the ‘hmm’ for?”
“Oh, that.” He nodded. “Hmm.”
Still leaning forward, she pulled her hair over her shoulder and ran her fingers through the ends. “Yes, that. Hmm?”
Setting the menu down, he leaned forward too, almost coming nose to nose with her. “I could do this all night, you know.”
Sonja kissed the tip of his nose. “I’m fine with that. I’ll keep up with no issue, Mr. Donnelly.”
He smiled and sat back, raising the menu up so she couldn’t see his face again. Lowering it once more, he peered at her over the top. “I’ve no doubt you will, Sonja-the-lawyer.”
Sonja used to hate when he called her that. As if her being an attorney was the only thing defining her. She guessed at one time, there wasn’t much more. Yes, she was a mother, and for a while a wife, but for the most part she was a lawyer. After all, that’s exactly what her father raised and expected her to be.
Things had shifted since she’d met James. It was another addition to the list of things he’d brought out of her that she hadn’t realized she’d been keeping locked up. It was the sex with him that’d done it. The chemistry. The fire. He lit her up, and she’d discovered a side of herself she hadn’t known was there.
But was that all there was to it? Was that all there was between them? She couldn’t be sure. They had some things in common, just not a lot of things. There was plenty of conversation with witty banter, and debating…always the debating. Foreplay, as he liked to call it.
Regardless, Sonja needed to keep things casual between them—keep expectations low and in check. He’d pressed a few more times regarding meeting her daughter or seeing her home, and her meeting his family, but she’d refused to even entertain the ideas. Casual worked for her. If they were to keep doing this, it needed to work for him too. Simple as that.
Jimmy wiped his hands on his napkin and pushed his plate to the side. Dinner had been delicious. Having Sonja across from him made it mouthwatering. But then again, she had that effect on everything.
“You look like you’re plotting something.” She took the last bite of her filet.
“Who, me? Never.” He grinned, waved the waitress over and ordered another Guinness.
“Mmhmm. I know that look.”
He raised a brow. “You do,
huh? I was just thinking…hmm.”
“Back to the ‘hmm’, are we?”
“Maybe.” The waitress delivered his drink; he thanked her and took a long swallow, never breaking eye contact with Sonja.
She placed her napkin on the table. “Well, are you going to enlighten me?”
“Maybe.” He laughed and she rolled her eyes.
He knew he was going to end up annoying her; it was what he did. In truth he wasn’t trying to annoy her tonight, and was more serious than she realized. He wanted to ask her a question, had been debating it since they’d arrived. He just didn’t want her to say no, like she always did.
She stood. “I’m going to head to the ladies’ room while you decide.”
He snagged her arm before she walked away. Jimmy smiled up at her before pulling her closer. “C’mere.”
Sonja bent in front of him. “Yes?”
He kissed her. Once, and then again, tasting her lips and tongue. She moaned, and he pulled away. “Thanks, needed that.”
“Mmm. You’re quite welcome.” Straightening, she swept her hair off her shoulder and walked away from the table. Her long legs in flawless motion on those incredible fucking heels.
Jimmy watched until she disappeared into the ladies’ room. The last few months had been the best of his life, and they’d also been the most frustrating. Sonja had a wall up around her he couldn’t seem to get through. No matter what he did. They’d fought plenty about the distance she kept between them too.
The line he’d gotten accustomed to hearing was how busy she was. Always claiming this was all she could give him. He’d taken it, but it hadn’t been easy. And it damn sure wasn’t enough. He wanted more.
Regarding her feelings about him? Sad truth was he wasn’t really sure how she felt. She wasn’t real big in the expressing-her-feelings department. However, in bed she was different. The walls came down, maybe because she wasn’t able to keep them up while experiencing the raw passion between them during sex. When they were naked, Jimmy could see with amazing clarity how she felt about him. There was no doubt in his mind that Sonja wanted him as much as he wanted her. He knew it in his bones.
What he didn’t know was why she continued to hold back with him where every other part of their relationship was concerned. In an effort to be patient, he hadn’t brought it up in a while, figuring she’d slowly open up. But she hadn’t, not truly. And the little patience he had was wearing out its welcome.
Sonja appeared in the hall from the restroom and strode toward him. Her heels clicked on the concrete floor in time with his pulse. Taking her seat again, she crossed her arms on the table, and leaned forward. “Well?”
Pursing his lips, Jimmy glanced away from her piercing gaze and scanned the other patrons. After a couple of beats, he met her eyes. Here goes nothin’. “You mentioned Casey won’t be home tonight?”
“No, she won’t be. Why do you ask?” The waitress brought their check, and Sonja reached for it.
Jimmy snagged it before she could. “My turn tonight.”
“All right.” She tilted her head to the side. “Why did you ask about Casey?”
Pulling out his wallet, he took out his credit card and placed it in the bill folder. “I was thinking maybe we could go back to your place tonight.”
“No.”
His head snapped up from the check. “That’s it? No discussion, just, no?”
“Yes. Just, no.” She sat back in her seat.
He shook his head and sighed. “Sonja, I don’t understand. Why won’t you let me come to your place? Like ever?”
“Because I’m not comfortable with it.”
“Still? I mean, come on. At some point you have to—”
“Let’s get this straight. I don’t have to do anything. I do not introduce people I date to my daughter. Please don’t push this.”
“I can understand you don’t want to bring a lot of men around, but I’m not exactly a lot of men, and from what I figure you’re not seeing anyone else.”
“No, I’m not. However, that’s not the point.”
“She isn’t even home tonight, but yeah, what is the point exactly?”
She blew out a harsh breath. “The point is, why can’t you be happy with us going to your place? Keeping things casual. Why must you push this?”
“Because it’s—” The waitress appeared. Jimmy handed her the check back, and she walked away from the table. “Because it’s important to me. Because I care about you. Because I don’t understand. And you won’t fucking enlighten me. Because I don’t even know how you feel about me.” His voice had taken on a deep tone, getting lower with each statement. It was either that or he’d start yelling.
Jimmy drew in a deep breath, trying to calm himself. How did she not understand this was important? It’d been three months, for fuck’s sake, and they were no closer to being a real couple than when he’d first met her. He didn’t get why she still kept the wall up. Or how she could shut off her emotions so easily, like she felt nothing for him. At all.
Talk about feeling like shit about a situation. And half the time he avoided bringing it up for fear of losing what little time she did give him.
“Clearly I care about you.”
“Clearly? Seriously, Sonja, how do you figure it’s clear?”
“Look, let’s drop it.”
“I don’t want to drop it. I want to understand.”
Sonja leaned forward again, bracing her face in her hands. She rubbed her forehead with her fingers and then pulled them away to meet his gaze again. He was tired of letting it go. Tired of ignoring the elephant in the room between them and trying to convince himself the situation would change. “You’re not going to tell me, are you? You’re going to wait for me to drop it and simply continue on like we are. Am I right?”
“I would prefer not to discuss it here, so yes, I’ll wait for you to quiet down.”
“Fuck that.” Jimmy glanced away from her piercing icy gaze and the waitress returned, placing the bill with his credit card back on the table for him to sign. The poor girl gave him a nervous smile and walked away.
“I’ll let you finish up and meet you outside. You let me know if you’d rather go home alone when you’re done.” Sonja got up and walked out of the restaurant.
Wow. In an instant, the switch had flipped and clearly she didn’t give a flying fuck if he was upset. And hell no, he was not going to just quiet down. Shit. Damn. Fuck! Nor was he going home without her! Their conversation was nowhere near over. If she thought it was, she was in for a damn big surprise.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sonja could not believe he was behaving in this way. Fishing in her purse, she located a mint and popped it in her mouth. She had no idea why it mattered so much whether or not they were at her house or his. Spending their time together in his domain was preferable for her. In doing so, she could leave when she was ready. On her terms.
James stepped up behind her and she felt the heat of his presence before he touched her or said anything. He clasped her upper arms, pulling her back against his chest. Pressing his face to the side of her hair, he took a deep breath. “I don’t want to fight with you.”
Sonja placed her hand on his cheek. “I don’t want to fight either.”
“Why won’t you let me in?”
She exhaled slow and easy before answering him. “I have let you in. But it’s not enough for you.” Why didn’t he understand? Why must he push her…constantly?
“It’s not that it’s not…” He let go of her and the loss of his warmth was profound. Sonja glanced at him and he moved to her side and hailed a cab. “You don’t get it, and I don’t know if I can explain it to you.”
Sonja clasped his hand in hers. “James, I don’t know if I can give you what you want.”
“What is it you think I want exactly?” His words
were soft, almost too low for her to hear, and he didn’t look at her when he spoke them.
“You want more than I’m capable of giving.”
This time he did look at her. The expression in his eyes a mixture of hurt and anger. “Letting me into your life, even a little, is more than you’re capable of giving?”
“I have let you into my life.” She didn’t know what else to say to him. Or why he felt so strongly about something that shouldn’t be such a big deal.
He turned to her, confusion now mingling with the hurt and anger in his gaze. “How? Tell me, please. How have you let me in?”
Sonja raised her hand to smooth up the back of her hair and then stopped; she’d worn it down. Glancing down at her shoes—her red pumps—she searched for the words she thought he wanted to hear. She’d let him in plenty—an unavoidable consequence of giving in to him and pursuing this relationship. Sonja was doing the best she could and struggling to keep herself grounded. Each time James asked her for something else, something more, it was as though things were skittering out of her control again.
She’d been vigilant in keeping her feelings in check with him and in the process kept him at a carefully controlled distance. But he kept changing the rules on her and she didn’t like it. At all. Giving in to his wants felt like she was losing ground; losing the independence she hadn’t known existed within her.
Sonja had been giving in to men, being controlled by them her entire life. With James she’d taken back that control and she wasn’t about to lose it now.
But for God’s sake, when they were together in bed, or wherever they happened to be having sex, it was impossible to not let him in. She’d given in to him during those times, let him take her for many walks on the wild side. All of Sonja’s walls tumbled and a side of herself she hadn’t known existed emerged. Even if she’d wanted to, she wasn’t capable of keeping him at bay during those times. Nor could she deny herself when it came to taking what he offered.
Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 Page 17