“Always so wet for me.” He moved his mouth to her throat, nipping at her skin, and continued moving his fingers inside her.
Halfway lost in the madness of his touch, she managed to push his shirt up past his pecs. He took over from there and pulled it off. Sonja ran her nails down his chest and rode the high swamping her mind and making her body hum. She scraped over his nipples, then pinched them.
He groaned and ground his thick erection against her hip. “Why the fuck aren’t you wearing a skirt so I could fuck you right now?”
“You didn’t ask me—” He sank his fingers deeper and Sonja cried out. “Oh God…you didn’t ask me to wear a skirt.”
Raising his head, he locked eyes with her. “Push your pants down. Now.”
A shiver rocketed through her from head to toe at his authoritative tone. It brooked no argument. He’d be in control tonight, and she found no issue with it. Emotions were running too high, and although holding the reins in the past had allowed her to keep James at arm’s length and keep her feelings in check, she didn’t have the energy to hold them at bay tonight.
Fury and desire pulsed through Jimmy’s veins in time with his racing heart. He couldn’t believe she’d slapped him. Worse, he couldn’t believe how fucking granite hard it made his cock. Fire and ice… He should’ve known she had a few different versions of how that side of her surfaced. Good thing he was okay with all of it, but the slapping would need to be put in check. And he planned to take care of that immediately.
Sonja pushed her pants down her long legs, and kicked them off. Holding her gaze, he slid his fingers out of her tight cunt and then pressed them into her mouth. “Panties too. Now. Or so help me, I’ll fucking rip them right off.”
Her eyes rolled back in her head and she whimpered, wrapped her tongue around his digits and sucked.
“Dirty bitch, you love it, don’t you?” Sonja nodded with a low moan, sucked harder and slid her panties off. Goddamn, his lust was in overdrive. He couldn’t wait to get his dick inside her. Taking his fingers from her hot mouth, he shoved his pants down his hips. Fisting his cock, he stroked from base to tip before rubbing the head over her swollen clit. “Yeah, I know you do. Spread your legs for me.”
“Please. I need you.” She bit her bottom lip.
“Shirt and bra.” He slid the head past her clit, grazing the wet mouth of her pussy, then pulled back, only to repeat the motion, teasing her more. It was a bittersweet torture. With each pass, her wetness coated the tip and shaft, tormenting him, but it was too delicious to resist.
Sonja did as he asked, stripping off the remaining garments. Her little moans and pants for breath, the way her body swayed a little and her eyes glazed over—every damn reaction made his balls grow tighter and his prick grow thicker. Sonja had no idea how she affected him. And not because he hadn’t been clear with telling her or showing her. He had.
But she refused to see it.
Jimmy zeroed in on the pale flesh of her breasts and her taut, pink nipples. All thoughts of their difficulties fled his brain and his mouth watered. “Play with your tits, mo chroí.”
With a nod, she raised her hands to her breasts, cupped them and pinched the tight peaks. Jimmy’s head spun and his cock twitched in his palm. For fuck’s sake, she was so fucking beautiful, he could barely stand to look at her. Even more once his cock was buried balls-deep in her with his name bursting past her lips.
She thrust her hips forward. “I need you, James.”
“Need what?” He cupped her chin in his hand. “Tell me.”
She tugged on her nipples and gasped. “I need your cock inside me.”
“Magic fucking words.” Keeping his dick against the mouth of her cunt, Jimmy moved his hand to her thigh and raised it off the ground. Thrusting his hips forward, he slipped inside her heat.
“Oh God, yes. More.”
“Greedy.” He moved deeper inside her.
“You make me this way.” Her channel clenched around him and he gritted his teeth.
“Yeah, I know, mo chroí.” Jimmy grabbed her other leg and raised her off the ground, pressing her back against the door. He rolled his pelvis, plunging deeper into heaven. “Fuck yes. So hot.”
“James!”
With a tight grip on her ass, he rocked in and out of her. She rose and fell on his dick and scratched along his upper back, digging her nails into his skin. Her cries and moans grew louder—sweet music to his ears—as his orgasm coiled tight at the base of his spine.
“Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop!” She sank her teeth into his shoulder.
Jimmy wanted her to keep talking, but the words he wanted to hear were more along the lines of “I want you,” “I need you,” or, “I can’t live without you.” He slowed his pace. All Sonja wanted from him was this—just the sex. Fuck! Why couldn’t he leave it be and just take what she offered? Jimmy let out a sigh.
He only knew that he couldn’t, no matter how much he tried. It wasn’t enough.
Sonja raised her head and caught his gaze. “James, please?”
His thrusting came to a stop. Unwilling to see her baby blues, Jimmy closed his eyes and kissed her. Then he released her lips and pressed his forehead to hers. Fuuuuuck!
She cupped his cheek with her palm. “What’s wrong?”
With a hard swallow, he pressed his lips together. He was not her fucking play toy.
“James?”
Unable to speak, he shook his head. He released her legs and let her slide down to her feet, though he was still inside her. This is all I have time for. Jimmy shook his head. Yes, I’ll wait for you to quiet down. She treated him like shit, but in a polite sort of way. Just because she masked it with refined manners didn’t make it any less painful.
He couldn’t do this much longer; it was making his heart ache. But he didn’t know how to not do it anymore either. Every time he fought with her, trying to get her to see, to understand, he risked losing what he didn’t really have.
With a mental scream, Jimmy took a step back, slipping from her channel. “I think I need to go.”
“What? Why?”
Pulling up his pants, he secured them and bent for his shirt. “I’m sorry. I need to go.”
“I don’t understand.” She crossed her arms, shielding her breasts.
“I know you don’t.” He turned away, heading for the door.
“If you leave…then don’t bother coming back.”
The threat stopped him dead in his tracks. Could he walk out and call her bluff? Fuck! Letting out a deep sigh, he swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Don’t say what you don’t mean.”
“Oh, I mean it. If you go now, then this is over.”
Placing his hands on his hips, he glanced over his shoulder at her. She’d grabbed a robe and wrapped it around herself and was now moving toward him. “That easy for you, huh?”
She swept past him to her bedroom. “I don’t have time for your drama.”
Jimmy flinched at her words. The sting of them singeing his heart more than the slap she’d landed earlier. “Fuck you.” He stormed past her, out of her bedroom and continued to the front door.
As he figured, Sonja didn’t follow. Didn’t call after him. Didn’t try to stop him.
She let him go. And Jimmy let himself out.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Sonja sat in one of the high-back chairs in the study, drinking a glass of Chardonnay, stewing. The evening’s events were on perma-loop, replaying over and over again in her mind. Trying to figure out what had happened wasn’t working. James was plain impossible to understand. She was giving him what she could manage, yet it wasn’t enough. She was sure it never would be.
Picking up her phone, she checked the time. Only nine p.m. Still early. Maybe Ginny was awake or, knowing her friend, she was likely out having a good time with some handsome man
. Kind of like Sonja should be doing right now. With James. Damn. She stared blankly at her phone, resisting the urge to call or text him.
Guilt settled like a lead weight in her mind and heart. Their behavior was a clear indication of how screwed up their relationship was. For one thing, she shouldn’t have slapped him; but it hadn’t seemed to bother him. At all. How could slapping him turn him on? Worse, how could his reaction to it turn her on? Sonja shook her head and swallowed a gulp of wine.
Sick and twisted was a perfect definition of them together.
But the guilt—the guilt hung around for a different reason. She shouldn’t have been so harsh when his demeanor flipped, and he appeared to be confused and hurting. His reaction had nothing to do with the slap.
No, Sonja knew deep in her gut that James hurt because giving your heart to someone and having them treat it like it meant nothing to them hurt like hell.
The expression on his face and the pain in his eyes had sliced her deep and been far too much for her to process. She’d reacted in the worst possible way. A block of ice had encased her heart and Sonja was colder than she’d ever been to anyone in her life. Even Thomas. To make matters worse, she let him walk out the door feeling like he did. She wasn’t a cruel woman, yet it was clear, she’d been cruel in that moment with James.
Sonja cringed, her stomach tying itself into a thousand little knots. Thomas had deserved her coldness and cruelty, but James hadn’t. James deserved better, but she didn’t think she was capable of giving it to him.
After filling her glass from the bottle next to her, she took another swallow and dialed Ginny. She wasn’t a person who shared, or did the “girl talk” thing. However, aside from the guilt, desperation was winning the battle in her mind. But the guilt was running a close second.
“Oh my God, is everything okay?”
Of course her friend would think something urgent had happened. Sonja laughed. “Hi, Ginny. I’m not sure.”
“You’re laughing so it can’t be all bad. Why are you…?” Ginny paused, probably checking the time. “Why are you calling me this late? I never hear from you after six at night and never on weekends. What’s up?”
As predicted, based on the amount of background noise, Ginny was out somewhere. “Do you remember the artist I met in Las Vegas?”
“James Donnelly!”
Sonja pulled the phone from her ear to escape the loud squeal and laughed. She and Ginny had been friends since law school, and although they kept in touch, they led very different lives. Ginny had never gotten married and didn’t have kids. She was a successful lawyer and had been involved with some very prominent businessmen over the years, but no one had been able to pin her down. At least not yet. If anyone could give her dating advice, it would be Ginny.
“Yes, James Donnel—”
“Ohmygodddd! Are you seeing him? Where are you? Are you home? Should I come over? Holy shit, I’m so freaking excited! You have to tell me everything! I can’t believe you’re just telling me this now!”
Sonja took another sip of wine and listened patiently. Eventually when her friend realized she wasn’t answering, she’d settle down and let Sonja get a word in edgewise. When the line finally went silent, Sonja took her opportunity. “Did you get it all out?”
“I’m coming over.”
“You don’t have to; it sounds like you’re out.”
“Whatever! No way I’m going to pass up an opportunity to hear what’s been going on with you. I’ll be there in a few.” With that, the line went dead.
Seeing as though Sonja was about to have company, she got out of her robe and into some clothes. The doorbell rang a short time later, and Sonja slid on a pair of flats. After pulling her hair up into a quick twist, she grabbed her glass of wine and made her way to the door.
Before Sonja had the door half open, Ginny blew through it, a paper sack in one hand, and her purse in another.
“Sorry it took longer than expected. I grabbed provisions.”
Sonja closed the door and followed after her friend, who was already halfway down the hall toward the kitchen. “Provisions?”
“Is Casey home? I haven’t seen that child in forever.” She glanced in Sonja’s daughter’s bedroom when she passed it. “We really do need to get together more.”
“No. Casey’s spending the night at a friend’s house.” Sonja eyed the bag Ginny had set on the island. “What did you bring?”
“I brought all things necessary for a good talk. I know you already have wine open and ready to go.” Ginny nodded her head toward the glass in Sonja’s hand. “Pour me a glass, would you? I’ll get this set up.”
“Sure.” Sonja pulled a fresh glass for her friend from the cabinet and filled it. When she turned around, Ginny had grabbed a platter and was laying out a variety of cheeses, crackers and fruit. “That looks delicious.”
“Completely agree.” Ginny smiled and popped a cheese square in her mouth.
“Let’s go into the formal living room.” Sonja held both glasses of wine. “Bring the supplies.” She smiled and led the way.
After forcing Ginny to provide the details of what she’d been up to since they’d last seen each other, Sonja was left with no other choice but to share what was happening. She was so bad at girl talk. Always had been. Growing up she was taught to keep her private affairs just that…private. Even from friends.
She and Ginny had been close, but Sonja never really let her in too deep. Even when she discovered Thomas was having an affair, she hadn’t called on any friends to talk it out. On occasion she’d share with Ginny, but only at a surface level. Sonja had gone through the painful mess of his affair, as well as the divorce, on her own. It was lonely, but it was what she felt comfortable with.
She wasn’t sure if she could share now, not the way Ginny shared, but she’d try. Out of all of her friends, Ginny was probably the only one she could open up with. The wine helped too. “He wants more than I can give him.” Sonja bit into a cracker coated with Brie.
“Wait a minute. Back up, please. How long have you been seeing him?”
“A little over three months.”
“Three months! God, Sonja, you really know how to keep things to yourself. Has Casey met him yet?”
“No. No way. It’s not serious, and there’s nothing wrong with keeping things to yourself, Ginny.”
Ginny took a sip of her wine. “Sure there is. It’s why you are the way you are.”
Agitation pricked at her patience. Ginny’s statement felt a lot like an insult. “The way I am?” Ginny sent her a sideways glance and bit into a cracker piled high with cheese squares. Sonja sighed and tucked a leg beneath her. “The point is, there hasn’t been much to share. Not really anyway.”
“Are you sleeping with him?”
“Ginny! That’s a pretty personal question.”
“That means, yes. Is it good?”
Sonja almost choked. Wiping her mouth with a napkin, she pursed her lips and smoothed her hand up the back of her hair.
“Look, we’ve been friends a long time. Clearly you’re sleeping with him. So just spit it out. And obviously something’s wrong now, otherwise you wouldn’t have invited me over to talk. So, talk.”
“I didn’t invite you over. You invited yourself over, but…that’s beside the point. Fine. Yes. We’re sleeping together. Whether it’s good or not is irrelevant.” The bold-faced lie left a taste in her mouth so bitter she had to take a long swallow of her wine to wash it away. The sex being good was the whole reason she was in this mess.
Ginny raised a brow. “Yeah, it’s good. So what happened?”
Annoyance burned in Sonja’s gut. “Why do you do that? I obviously don’t need to tell you anything. You make it up as you go along.”
“Am I wrong?”
Sonja let out an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes.
“Right. See? Sonja, you may not let anyone into your private life, but I lived with you long enough in law school to know you.” She raised her glass and shrugged one shoulder. “To me, you’re easier to read than a children’s book.”
Sonja knew her friend was right, but she’d lie down and die before she ever gave Ginny the satisfaction of knowing it. Spreading more cheese onto a cracker, she took a bite, chewing and…stalling. My God, this was harder than Sonja thought it would be. Could she really be this broken, this emotionally stunted? A wave of sadness washed through her, drowning her annoyance.
Her father had molded this side of her. Perfected it to his satisfaction. She didn’t want to be this way, and damn her father for instilling such a debilitating trait within her. What she wouldn’t do to be able to slap his face instead of James’s. “I’m trying, Ginny. Cut me some slack.”
“Always. But I think this is too important to let slide. So what happened?”
Sonja blew out a breath. “As I said, he wants more than I can give him.”
“More as in…?” Her friend took a sip of wine.
“I’m not sure really. I believe he’s developed feelings and wants to pursue a relationship with me.”
“And what do you want?”
Sonja grabbed the bottle of wine from the coffee table and filled both their glasses. “I want things to stay casual.”
“So you’re okay with him seeing other people?” Ginny licked some cheese spread from her fingers.
A lump rose hard and fast in Sonja’s throat, and her stomach flipped over on itself. The thought of James with another woman made her want to vomit. She stared at her friend, unable to answer. Almost unable to breathe.
“Ah, you’re not. So then why not let it be what it is? You know, go with the flow; see where it takes you.”
“Ginny, first of all, he’s too young for me. Second, he’s this free-spirited artist covered in tattoos and piercings. Hardly someone to be a role model for Casey. I don’t even want to get into what I’ve been dealing with regarding her. The last thing I need is some thirty-year-old playboy complicating my life.”
Defensive Heart: The Donnolleys, Book 2 Page 19