The question surprised him, but he just shrugged. “No more than if someone tore my heart out.”
“It’s just that you hide your grieving well,” she said.
“I don’t deal the cards in this life,” he pointed out and went around to open her door. “All I can do is play them. It’s all any of us can do. It’s what you had to do after your boyfriend left you and the baby.”
She didn’t meet his eyes as she got out of the car, as if the subject was too painful for her. “It wasn’t exactly like that,” she said. Her voice was brusque, her manner stiff. “He wasn’t my boyfriend. He was more like an...an experiment.”
“An experiment?”
She’d started across the parking garage, keeping her back to him so he couldn’t see her face. Just the rigid set of her shoulders.
He caught up with her. “What kind of experiment?”
She stopped and turned to face him. “If you must know,” she said quietly. “I wanted to see if I had a heart.”
Chapter Six
“If you had a heart?” Jed repeated. “What in the world are you talking about?”
Karin had started walking again. “Growing up I was teased that I didn’t have a heart. After a while I began to wonder if people were right. I never fell in love like all the other girls, like other women.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” he said on a hiss. There was something so fragile about the way she held herself. “Maybe you never met the right person.”
They’d reached a door and he opened it for her. They were in a hallway of the hospital, lined with offices and the emergency room farther down. The smell of sickness and death and despair came rushing out toward him. On one level they brought back those long hours after Wendy’s accident, but on another he was feeling that same despair from Karin at his side.
“There’s no timetable for falling in love,” he pointed out quietly. “Just because you haven’t, it doesn’t mean you can’t.”
“Oh, come on,” she said. “Didn’t you fall in love about a dozen times a year in grade school and have some major crushes in high school?”
“So what if I did?”
“I didn’t,” she said, stopping at a desk to sign in, before continuing down the hall. “It’s really kind of funny. I’d be much more suited to play the Tinman than Glinda at the festival.”
“That’s the craziest thing you’ve said yet,” he snapped.
She stopped at an elevator. “The red line on the floor will take you to the lobby. I’ll meet you there when I’m done. I’ll be a good couple of hours if you want to take a walk or something.”
“I’ll plan out the highlights of our torrid romance,” he said.
She made a face and got into the elevator. “If I’m going to be later than I expect, I’ll leave a message with the lobby receptionist and you could go back to Chesterton.”
“I’m not going anywhere without you,” he said.
The elevator doors, closed on his words and he stood there staring at the smooth metal. The reflection that stared back at him was blurry and indistinct, just the vague hint of a man.
It was true that one of them didn’t have a heart, but it wasn’t Karin. It was him. He’d given it to Wendy and it had broken when she died. One to a customer and he’d used his up. Karin had hers buried deep underneath a mountain of fears. One day she’d find it and give it away. Hopefully, the jerk she gave it to would appreciate the rarity of the gift.
Karin didn’t want Jed to stay. In fact, she should have told him outright to leave. She could take the South Shore back home when she was done. The train station wasn’t far from her mother’s place. It would be much better than knowing he was waiting for her.
She even went down to the lobby after checking on her first two patients. She meant to tell him to leave, but somehow it didn’t work.
“I’m going to be a while longer,” she told him. “Why don’t you go?”
He lowered his magazine. “I think I’ll just wait here a spell,” he said. “No telling how lost I’d get trying to find my way back to Chesterton.”
She wasn’t fooled by that shucks, ma’am cowboy drawl. “I can draw you a map.”
“Why don’t we just wait a bit?” he said with a smile. “I’m needing to finish this here article anyway so I’m in no hurry.”
She looked at what he was reading. Worldwide News. “Are you fascinated by the story of Jupiter people landing in New York or the article about the potato that looks like Elvis?”
“Actually, I’m reading this fascinating article about a woman with no heart,” he said. “The medical community is astounded.”
She was torn between laughing at him and hitting him, but chose neither. “I might have an emergency surgery,” she said. “If so, you’re going to be stuck here a long time.”
“I’ll call your mom,” he said. “And tell her we’ll be late.”
The man was so infuriating! She wished she had never met him. As she went stomping back to the elevator, though, she thought about how he had pulled her away from the door at the tollway restaurant the other day, saving her from serious injury. The knowledge made her feel guilty for being rude to him. She would be nicer to him the next time.
Except that was impossible. When she came down an hour later—around lunchtime—he was sitting on the floor, surrounded by a half-dozen kids of all ages. They were enraptured by some rodeo story he was telling . them. One little girl was even wearing his cowboy hat.
Karin had to look away and blink back a sudden rush of tears. So what if he was a good and kind man? A great father while her baby wouldn’t even have a mediocre one.
She took a deep breath and marched over to where he was holding court. “I’m going to be in surgery for several hours at least. The doctor who was supposed to operate is ill,” she told him. “I won’t know how long the procedure will take until I get inside. You really should go.”
He looked up at her. “And what’ll you do?”
“I can take the train.”
“It runs all night?”
“I can go to my condo for the night,” she pointed out.
He shook his head and playfully pulled the brim of his hat down over the little girl’s face. “Nope. I think I’ll stay. Lucy here’s mom is sick and we want to stay with her until we find out she’s okay.” He turned to the other kids. “Right, guys?”
“Right, Jed.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Cowboys don’t mind waiting.”
He smiled at her as if that settled the matter. “I will call your mom again though and let her know.”
“Fine.” He just didn’t understand she didn’t want him here. She turned to go back upstairs.
“Darlin’.”
She turned at his soft voice even as she was telling herself that he wasn’t talking to her, that he should call her by name. That she was nobody’s darling. He was on his feet, his eyes serious.
“You work some magic for your emergency, okay?”
She couldn’t have spoken to save her life. The belief in her that shone in his eyes overwhelmed her. All she could do was nod and leave.
Luck was with her patient. He only needed double bypass surgery, not triple as they first thought and the surgery went well, no complications. Still, she didn’t feel it was safe to leave until he was settled in the cardiac intensive care unit and he was awake.
When she dragged herself down to the lobby, it was dark outside. She was suddenly glad that she didn’t have to face the night alone. And that she didn’t have to make herself be strong so she could drive home.
She went into the lobby. The kids were gone and a handful of people were sitting in the chairs, staring at the television or reading. Jed was slouched down in a chair by the far wall, legs stretched out in front of him and his hat over his face. It looked as if he was sleeping. She felt so guilty for keeping him here.
“Jed?” she said softly.
He was awake and on his feet in an instant. His eyes looked too alert
for someone who just got woken up. Maybe he had been pretending and peeking out at her as she approached. The idea irritated her slightly.
“You look beat, darlin’,” he said and slipped an arm around her shoulders. “How’d it go?”
“Fine. I think he’s out of danger.” She knew she sounded stiff and unfriendly. And his arm around her did feel awfully reassuring. Maybe she was overreacting. She looked around at the sparse crowd in the room. “How’s Lucy’s mom?”
“Doing better.” His voice was thoughtful, as though he really cared. “You ready to go?”
She nodded, suddenly feeling too confused to think. She was tired, but it was more than that. His arm around her shoulders felt just too right. His understanding, his trust, his concern all were somehow vital to her. And what she really wanted was to lie in his arms and let the world disappear for a few hours. Her silly mind was wondering what it would be like to be kissed by him, really and thoroughly kissed.
Heavens, where was she letting her thoughts go? She let him lead her out to the car and sank into the passenger seat with a slow sigh. She was tired, that was all. It was those hormones. They were running amok again. If she stayed quiet and kept her thoughts to herself, this fit would pass. She would lean her head back, close her eyes and—
She sat upright. He’d pulled out of the garage and was driving back to the expressway, finding his way through the maze of one-way streets like a native.
“I thought you couldn’t go home because you’d get lost,” she said.
“It’s dark out now. Cowboys can find their way by the stars.”
She groaned and leaned back again. It wasn’t worth trying to fight him. He had an answer for everything. She closed her eyes and...and the next thing she knew they were home, pulling into the small parking lot behind the bar.
No, not home. She blinked, trying to wash the sleepy fog from her brain. Back at her mother’s place. It hadn’t been her home for years now and it certainly never was—and never would be—Jed’s home.
“You awake?” Jed asked.
“Of course,” she said and proved it by getting out of the car before he could come open her door. “I was just reviewing my day.”
“Ah, exactly what I suspected.”
She didn’t acknowledge his mockery, but slowly went up the stairs to the second floor apartment. The long day had gotten to her more than she wanted to admit. Or was it Jed’s presence that had gotten to her? No, it couldn’t be that.
“This was actually an easy day,” she told him as she reached the back porch. “I’ve had much worse ones. Ones where I was in surgery all day.”
“But that was before,” he said. “The further along you get in your pregnancy, the more tired you’re going to get.”
He was right behind her. So close that his breath tickled the back of her neck. No, it was just her awareness of him, of his nearness. She had to stop imagining things like that!
“Not necessarily. Some women feel fine until they go into labor.”
She couldn’t afford to let pregnancy weaken her. Just as she couldn’t afford to dream there was some attraction between her and Jed. That idea was a demon that needed to be stared down fast.
She turned around. He was closer than she had thought and the backlight more golden and magical. His eyes seemed to be dark pools of longing that she could drown in. His mouth seemed to invite her touch.
She had all sorts of things to say, all sorts of clever remarks to keep him—and her fanciful thoughts—at a distance. But they vanished like dew under the summer sun. She was only conscious of the need of her lips, the hunger in her hands, the desire of her body to rest against him.
He took a step closer then and she was in his arms. His lips took hers and the moment came alive. She felt a warmth, a wonder explode inside her that spread through every inch of her. His lips wove magic around them both while his hands pulled her closer and closer still.
He was hard and lean and all man. Her softness seemed to fit against him perfectly. Her body—at the beginnings of awkwardness—felt like pure woman. There was a rightness in their embrace, a meeting of opposites, a melding of two puzzle pieces. His lips were whispering the song of the stars to her, lighting a fire within her that wanted no containing. Her hands were bringing a—
The kitchen door swung open and they moved apart as the light from inside flooded over the porch. It brought sanity with a thud. What in the world was she thinking?
“You two giving the neighbors a show?” Marge asked with a laugh. “Sharing a bedroom isn’t enough now?”
Oh, Lordy. Karin gulped back the panic rising in her throat. How had she forgotten? She was spending all night with him!
“Are you sure you don’t mind, Daddy?”
Jed was trying to think coherently after another sleepless night. Maybe it was a little selfish, but he’d been counting on a full day of doing things with Lissa to keep him away from Karin—both in his thoughts and in reality. He needed some breathing room. But Lissa wasn’t going to provide him with it. He’d found out this morning that she had plans of her own.
“I’m just worried you’re going to be recognized,” he said. “You know what happened at Albany.”
“It’s different here,” Lissa told him. “I don’t think anyone eats Crunchy Flakes or saw me on ‘Kid’s Korner’ last year. And Betsy didn’t even know her jeans were ‘Lissa’s Line’ jeans.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I took my hat off yesterday and nobody recognized me. It’s safe here.”
Marge was on the phone, talking to someone from her Yellow Brick Road painting crew. Karin was still sleeping. And Lissa was sitting next to Jed at the kitchen table, carrying such a load of pleading in her face that it near to broke his heart. He reached out and pulled his daughter into a big bear hug on his lap. Like yesterday, she was all dressed up, ready and rarin’ to go. And like yesterday, she had a full schedule planned.
“Okay,” he said. “You go have a good time. We can do something later.”
“But after school we’re painting bricks on the library parking lot for the start of the Yellow Brick Road,” Lissa pointed out, her voice wobbly with worry. “And then Ginger wants me to come over after dinner to work on our costumes. She was Dorothy last year and said her mom can fix the dress so it fits me, but her shoes are too small so we have to make one of my pairs of shoes all glittery and magic.”
Jed smiled at her. “The only problem I see is that you’re so busy, I’m gonna forget what you look like.”
Lissa wrapped her arms around his neck. “Don’t worry, Daddy,” she said. “I won’t be doing so much stuff when we get back to Los Angeles.”
Concern flared up, twisting his stomach. Why did Lissa say “back to Los Angeles” instead of “back home”? Was this a new complication? Or was he overreacting? “Yeah,” Jed agreed slowly, letting his worries out in a slow exhale. “You can’t go so many places on your own in a big city.”
“I suppose,” Lissa said, slipping off his lap. “But mostly I don’t want you to be alone all the time. You don’t have anyone to play with in L.A., Daddy. But here you’ve got Karin.”
Another concern hit him with a sucker punch to the gut. “You know that’s only make-believe, honey. Just pretend for while we’re here. Then we go back home to just the two of us.” Jed cleared his throat. “Even Dorothy had to go back to Kansas.”
“I know. But before she went back, she had a lot of adventures in Emerald City.”
Marge came into the kitchen. “You ready, Lissa?”
“Sure, Grandma,” Lissa said. “Just let me give Shilah a kiss.”
Lissa ran off to find Marge’s cat and Marge sank into a chair.
“Having problems with your brick-painting crew?” Jed asked.
She nodded. “Not that I’m complaining, mind you. George got called out to fly a kidney from Muncie to Philadelphia so a little kid can have a transplant. It’s a hell of a lot more important than painting bricks, but his go
ing does leave us shorthanded today.”
“Why don’t I take his place on the crew?” he said. “Might be a way for me to earn my keep.”
Lissa came bouncing back into the kitchen, so Marge got to her feet, but her eyes were still on Jed. “Land sakes, cowboy. Just by making my little girl happy, you’ve more than earned your keep.”
“You just tell me what I need to do,” he said. He reached down and pulled Lissa into a bear hug. “You have a good day, darlin.”’
“You too, Daddy.”
Then she skipped out the door. Marge followed her, not exactly skipping too, but there was a definite bounce in her step. Jed sighed.
“Something the matter?”
Jed turned. Karin was in the bedroom doorway. There was something about her in the morning that pulled at his heart. It was a vulnerability in her eyes, a softness in her mouth. It was as if she hadn’t put up all her defenses yet and he was catching a glimpse of the real her, feeling as if it was a rare gift she didn’t show just anybody. And maybe didn’t even mean to show him. Why did that sadden him so?
“No, nothing’s wrong,” he said. “How are you? Sleep well?”
“Yes, fine.” Her eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”
Maybe because he had hardly slept at all and could have sworn she was tossing and turning just as much. “No reason. You need to go back into Chicago to check on your patients?”
She hesitated a flickering moment, then went over to make a cup of tea. “No, my partner’s going to check on them for me. I’ve got a bunch of errands I need to run today.” She put her cup of water in the microwave, then turned to face him. “If you want the Jeep for something, I’ll borrow Mom’s car.”
He ought to be relieved that they were finally getting some breathing room, but somehow his silly heart was pretending otherwise. “No, I’m going to help your mother on one of the brick-painting crews,” he said. “I don’t think I’ll need a car for anything.”
“Okay.” The microwave beeped and she got her cup out, plopped a tea bag into it and headed toward the bathroom. “I’m going to shower and get started then. See you later.”
Pregnant & Practically Married (The Bridal Circle #3) Page 10