She giggled. “Okay? That was incredible.”
And, with that, his thoughts returned to Valerie, and he felt guilty.
He shouldn’t, though. If she had her choice, she’d choose Ethan every time over him. He was starting to realize that. So he shouldn’t feel guilty about taking care of himself.
And yet, even while he drove the girls home early the next morning, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d betrayed Val.
Chapter Eighteen
THE NEXT AFTERNOON, Fully Automatic was back on the road, heading toward Winchester. Brad was feeling a little better about the night before. The guilt was gone, replaced by the realization that he had to learn to look out for number one.
This show was the same as the night before, even down to the bands. So they got to the venue—a biker bar called Bad Boys—and set up. A while before show time, he got a text from Val saying she was almost there. He texted her back, telling her to come to the back of the building.
He was leaning against the wall, trying to look casual, trying not to be upset with her. First and foremost, they were friends, and she’d never promised him a thing. In fact, he was the fool who kept trying to win her over. The sooner he realized it was a losing battle, the sooner he could get on with his life and be happy.
She rounded the corner, and he stuck his phone in his back pocket. Fuck. He’d never seen her dressed like that. It wasn’t fair. How was he supposed to get her out of his head when she looked like that? He’d been smiling, but he was pretty sure he looked ravenous now. He caught his breath and let out a long whistle to let her know he appreciated what he saw. A short black leather skirt and red t-shirt, and they highlighted every asset she had. She grinned at him as he said, “I do believe this is the first time I’ve seen your legs, young lady.” He stood up, ready to lead her inside the building. “Sure I can’t talk you into singing with me again tonight? You kicked ass doing it on the fly last night.”
She was giving it some thought. He wasn’t going to push her, but he hoped she’d give in to her passion. After several long seconds, she said, “Yeah, okay.”
“Good. Now I can take Worrying that Valerie’s gonna kill me off my list. Seriously, you won’t have to worry about being underage in there then, because you’re part of us.” He started walking, showing her inside. “Maybe we could have you do two songs. Maybe you should sing ‘Metal Forever.’ I fucking love that song.”
“Oh, no. I’m not stepping on Ethan’s toes.”
They started walking through the hallway, and he lowered his voice. He was a little pissed that she didn’t feel like she could sing it. “You wrote the goddamned song, Val. It should be your choice.”
She stopped walking and after a few seconds, he turned to face her. “I wrote it for him. He sings it. End of story.”
He smiled. Sometimes she was exasperating, but he could appreciate where she was coming from. “Fine. But you’re cool with a duet again?” She nodded, but he decided to try going one step further. “Or would you rather sing it solo this time?”
“What would you rather do?”
“I asked you.”
She was quiet for a few moments, but then she said, “As tempting as it is, Brad, the audience is here to see Fully Automatic, not Fully Automatic and some unknown named Valerie Quinn. I would be cheating your audience if I sang it solo.”
“That’s cool.”
They started walking toward the stage and Val said, “Besides, we sound good together.”
Yeah, he thought they could do a lot of good things together, but no way was he gonna say that. Val would have to realize it herself.
They made it to the stage where Zane was helping Nick set up his drum kit and Ethan was messing around with his guitar. He saw Valerie give Ethan a hopeful look, but his friend never looked up. Brad looked at Zane and Nick and asked, “Got this?”
“Almost done.”
When he turned around, he saw Val looking out over the bar. It was about the same size as the venue the night before, but it was closed to packed already. He draped an arm over Val’s shoulders. “Sure I can’t talk you into singing one more song?” He knew she was going to turn him down again, but he had to give it a shot.
“Yes, I’m sure. So, where do I hang until then? Can I join the audience?”
“Maybe you could, but I’m not sure how we’d get you back up here in a smooth fashion. You wanna just hang out over there by the side of the stage, kinda out of the way? Maybe we could get a chair out of one of the rooms in back.”
“I guess that would be okay.” She started looking around the stage.
“Let me see if I can find a chair somewhere.” He went backstage to look for one, but it hadn’t escaped his notice that Val made a beeline for Ethan as he walked down the stairs.
Payne, you are a fucking idiot if you think she sees you as anything more than a distraction.
Yeah, he knew that—and yet he felt helpless to resist her.
When he returned with a chair, he was relieved to see Val was talking with Zane and Nick. When he got the chair in place, off stage but with a decent view of what would be happening onstage, he showed it to Val.
Not long after, they were performing once again, and Brad forced himself to keep his eyes forward, on the crowd. Yeah, he was tempted to look over at Val, but he didn’t want to set himself up for disappointment, because she’d probably be watching Ethan the whole time. When it was time to ask her to join him for the duet, it was as magical as the night before, except it seemed even smoother. It was like they’d been singing together for months. And, like the night before, Val got a lot of audience attention—cheers, applause, and general appreciation—and he hoped it would fuel her fire.
When their show was over, he asked her if she was going to party with them after the concert was over. “I promised, didn’t I?” Yeah, she had, but he wanted to make sure.
It didn’t take them long to get the equipment loaded into the van and trailer, but before they went back inside to watch the next band play, Brad wanted to show the van off to Val. She was teasing him about it, comparing it to a tour bus, and he said, “Gotta start somewhere. At least, tucked in all the right places, we can fit all of us and any extra shit we need to tote that won’t fit in the trailer. When we get more of our own amps and shit, the little trailer won’t cut it anymore. For now, though, it works.”
“Where’d you get it?”
“I bought it from a church that was upgrading to a newer model. If you look closely, you can see the old lettering I had to peel off.”
“Very cool.” She looked like she was impressed. He hoped so. He wanted to show her that anything was possible if she set her mind to it. Sure, his life was pretty much shit right now, but it didn’t feel that way. Every time he got onstage, it felt like he was doing the right thing.
They went back inside to enjoy the other two bands. He noticed that Val was trying to be subtle, but she was looking for Ethan nonetheless. She seemed to finally relax and let it go, but Brad knew what his friend was doing. He’d already started the party somewhere around the venue—it might have been backstage in one of the rooms back there or outside somewhere, but knowing Ethan, he had booze, drugs, and women in tow, and he was already having a good time. He wanted to shake Val and ask what the appeal of his friend was. Sure, the guy was disarmingly good looking, and Brad also knew he was charming as hell. He’d seen his friend talk himself out of trouble more times than not to realize he had an unnerving way of captivating people in his gaze. But he knew that Ethan had hurt Val more than once, so why was it she seemed to be begging for more?
True to form, though, his friend showed up right before it was time to leave—he was backstage, surrounded by several hot women, and he saw Val’s face drop. How was it Ethan had such a hold on her?
He couldn’t dwell on it. It made no sense, but it was what it was, and all he could do would be to bide his time…if he could hang on that long. After Ethan had pissed all over her, he woul
d have thought she’d have told him off, but she kept going back for more.
They got to the van and he unlocked it. He slid the side door open and said, “All you motherfuckers in back. Val is riding shotgun with me. You guys work out the details amongst yourselves back there.”
He opened Val’s door and helped her inside, then he got in on the driver’s side. He told everyone to “Buckle up,” refraining from adding bitches at the end. But he leaned over and whispered to Val, “There aren’t enough seats for all of ‘em. This should be fun.” He started up the van and put it into reverse. It was a feat he’d gotten better at when the trailer was attached, but he had to pay attention. He saw in the rearview mirror that Ethan had solved the problem by placing one of the blonde twins on his lap. Once he was able to put the van back in drive, he glanced over at Val. He needed to distract her. “You like being onstage, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah…”
“You should do it more often. You’re good at it.”
That was when the shenanigans in the back started getting vocal—giggling, whispering, and—for all Brad knew—possible foreplay. He didn’t want to hear that shit and he knew Val didn’t need to either, so he cranked the music on the stereo—some kick ass Betraying the Martyrs—to drown it all out. Then he headed back to the motel, wondering if both he and Val would wind up miserable this night.
Chapter Nineteen
BRAD PULLED UP to the motel, almost embarrassed. He didn’t care about anyone else in the van, but he did care what Val thought. He opened her door while Nick opened the side one from the inside and all the passengers made their way out. Val got out and he closed her door. He nodded his head toward the building. “Yeah, I know it’s not the greatest accommodations and, yeah, we’re all sharing just one room, but we’re starving musicians, right?”
“I didn’t say a word. I’m impressed as hell at the van.”
He smiled and touched her chin with his fist. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.” It was a nice thing for her to say. He knew they were staying in a pit, but it was nice of her to not call him on it.
Everyone else was already in the room by the time Val and Brad joined them. Nick and Zane were pulling one bottle after another out of the top dresser drawer. Val looked at Brad, a shocked look on her face. “Where do you guys get all that?”
Brad wiggled his eyebrows up and down and simply said, “Connections.”
He closed the door and waved Valerie inside. Everyone sat in a circle, some on the edge of one of the beds, a couple on chairs, Ethan on the floor with his blonde twins. Brad invited Val to sit on the edge of the bed closest to the door, and he sat next to her. He felt bad that Val had to see Ethan at his sleazy worst, but maybe that was the wakeup call she needed. Brad was a good guy and he cared. He hoped she would see that.
Ethan pulled a joint out of his pocket and wasted no time lighting it and sucking the smoke down. Then he handed it to twin number one on his left. He took three other joints out of his pocket (where the fuck had he scored all the weed?) and handed them and the lighter to Nick. Nick took over lighting and passing. Zane started uncapping the liquor and passing it around too. Brad was going to wait for the rum and a puff or two. The other guys could have the shit that tasted like lighter fluid.
A joint made it to Brad first, and he sucked it down hard. He’d never been a cigarette smoker, but he liked pot. He’d forgotten how much he liked it until he took a hit. It tasted good, smelled good, and going down, it was smooth. He held the smoke in his lungs and let it out slowly, his eyes closed. Then he just needed to relax and let it hit him. He handed it to Val. He was a little surprised that she took it, because she had a horrified look on her face. She started to hand it to the girl on her right. Brad got close to Val and whispered, “Come on, Val. Just try it.”
He could tell she was considering it, but she shook her head and handed it to the girl next to her.
He nodded. He wished she’d give it a try. She looked so tense, so on edge, and he knew the pot would help her let go of it all. Still, he respected her decision. Then he could feel it. “Fuck. That’s nice.” He closed his eyes, letting the feeling overtake him. He’d tried harder stuff in the past and had decided none of it was for him, especially after seeing what it did to Ethan. Weed, though…he loved it and had no problems with it. He didn’t do it often, either, because he could see how it could easily make him a lazy slacker ass, but once in a while? It was a rare treat.
Val was totally uncomfortable. She said, “I’m gonna get some water. Do you know where the vending machines are?”
He didn’t know if she was going for the water or just to get away. He didn’t want her to go. “Don’t waste your money. There are glasses on the counter over there, and I’ll go get some ice since none of these douchebags bothered.”
She was agreeable to it, so he found the ice bucket and stepped out of the room, pulling the bar of the top lock open to keep the door from closing and locking. The night was warm, but he could barely feel it. He felt like everything was clear, but he was so mellow, and he was okay with whatever would or wouldn’t happen tonight. He just wanted Valerie to have a good time.
He found the ice machine at the end of their building and pressed a button that sent a shower of chunky ice into the bucket. Then he found his way back to the room. There was a little talk about music and the show, but Brad crooked his arms and half lay back on the bed. Val sat next to him, nursing her cup of ice water. Brad didn’t feel like talking; he just wanted to enjoy the sensation of floating, and when he had another chance to toke and drink some rum, he took them.
It wasn’t long that his bandmates started getting handsy with their “dates.” It was nothing unusual, but Brad was waking up to the fact that he’d invited Val and she was looking more and more uneasy as the evening progressed. She was looking over at Ethan again—big mistake. His blonde twins were facing each other on either side of him, and they started kissing each other. Oh, God, no. No matter what kind of epiphany Brad had wanted Val to experience, he didn’t want her heart to be broken. So he touched her arm and said, “Why don’t we go sit in the van and talk?”
She said nothing but nodded, and Brad stood and grabbed her hand. Fuck. There—it hit him, full on. Jesus…he was feeling fuckin’ fine. He hoped Val didn’t see the two girls touching each other’s breasts as they made their way out of the room. Zane was running toward second base, his hand under his girl’s t-shirt, moving upward.
When they got outside and he closed the door, he could see the relief in Val’s facial features, even in the semi-dark near the doorway. He led the way to the van. There was a big streetlight in the motel parking lot, but it wasn’t much help when Brad had to guide his key into the lock. He felt like his eyes were squinted closed, and he didn’t care. He tried several times and couldn’t get the fucking key in the lock. He started laughing, thinking about how he’d suck if he scored tonight. If he couldn’t get the key in a lock, how the hell would he be able to guide his wasted dick inside this beautiful young lady? And the more he thought about it, the more he laughed. Oh, God…that felt good. He felt for the slit in the lock and managed to maneuver the key inside.
He finally got the door open and helped Val up. He got inside too, but after a few seconds realized it wasn’t going to work. He hadn’t felt the heat earlier, but it was like a jungle in the van. They wouldn’t want to sit in there if it was uncomfortable. “We need to open the windows.” He got out and moved to the driver’s side and turned the van on so he could roll all the windows down. Val got comfortable in the passenger seat. No way. He didn’t plan to stay up front in those bucket seats. He wanted to get as close to her as she’d let him, and he was feeling a little more in control now. He looked over at her and said, “Let’s sit back there where there’s more leg room.”
She nodded and that was his cue to get his ass over to the passenger side and help her back out. She opened her door, but he put his hands on her waist and helped her slide out
of the seat back to the ground. Fuck…that skirt was killer. He took a deep breath.
He pointed to the very back seat, because it had a little more wiggle room than the middle one. He wanted to make it as comfortable as possible for her. He sat next to her, and his thoughts went back to the key again, and he lost it. He couldn’t stop laughing that time, and he hoped Val couldn’t figure out what his intentions were. He had to decide to just enjoy her company, no matter what ultimately happened. She started laughing with him, and that only made him laugh harder.
At last, he was able to get himself together, before tears started streaming down his cheeks. He looked over at her. It was mostly dark in the van, but he could see her enough. Goddamn, she was beautiful, and she seemed to grow more beautiful every time he saw her. He wanted her, wanted her badly, and he didn’t know that he’d ever wanted any other woman as much as he did her. He didn’t want to rush her, didn’t want to pressure her, but he wanted her to know that she was special. She was worth more than he could ever afford, but he damn well knew Ethan didn’t deserve her. She didn’t seem to know or appreciate that, though. And he felt bad now for putting her in such an awkward situation with his friend. He should’ve known Ethan would be an ass. He shouldn’t have subjected Val to that, and deep in the back of his mind, he wondered if he’d done that on purpose to show Val that Ethan wasn’t the guy for her. He knew he felt bad that she’d seen it, but had he done it deliberately?
He felt guilty about it, whether he’d done it intentionally or not. He looked in her eyes and stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Sorry about earlier. I guess we put you in an uncomfortable position. I didn’t know you didn’t smoke pot.”
“I was accused of being prude in high school more than once.”
Why was she acting like her behavior had been bad? It was he who should feel bad about what had transpired. And still…she had no idea. He moved his hand to her thigh. He couldn’t resist that bare leg anymore. “Oh, I don’t think you’re prude, Val. You just haven’t met your drug of choice, and you definitely haven’t met the right guy.”
Bullet Series Box Set Books 1-8 Page 104