“Meaning?”
“I saw you and the bassist the other day…kissing.”
He had no idea why, but he got the idea that Gracie didn’t approve. At all. The look on her face was pretty neutral, as was her tone of voice, but it was a feeling. Yeah, he and Gracie hadn’t even been friends for a whole year, but he felt like he knew her well, better even than he knew himself. She had done nothing to indicate her displeasure, but he felt it just the same. He needed to tread lightly. “Nothin’ to worry about.”
She shook her head and peeked in through the window on the microwave door. She didn’t look at him but she answered. “Looked pretty serious to me.”
He knew he’d just need to be straight up with her and tell her as much of the truth as she’d need to know to alleviate her fears. “She has a girlfriend, Gracie. No chance of anything serious happening there.” No way in hell was he going to divulge to her the potential for a threesome. God, that was a dream scenario for him, but the good news was it would be a one-time thing. Sabrina acted like she was pretty serious about the woman in her life, and continuing a relationship with Nick, both of them together or not, might prove to be a pain in the ass. The way Brina talked, her girlfriend would have to be talked into it, which meant there was no way it was her dream situation. She probably loved Sabrina and would be doing it for her.
Lucky Nick.
But Gracie didn’t need to know that. If she happened to find out after that he slept with Brina and her girlfriend, he’d just shrug and he knew she’d get over it. Telling her before, though, especially when she was acting like a harbinger…well, now was definitely not the time.
Gracie pulled the popcorn out of the microwave and shook the bag several times. “Well, good. Don’t take this wrong, Nick, but I have a really bad feeling about her.”
Oh, shit. Was it because they’d slept together? Was Gracie feeling jealous? Man…that was not good, and he’d have to nip that in the bud if she started acting all freaky. For now, she was playing the worried friend, and that was okay, but more than this and he’d be irritated. “Duly noted.” He wasn’t going to say anything more.
Fortunately, neither did she. “Let’s go finish this movie. I need to get back because I’m watching the kids early.”
“So no drinking.”
“Yeah.” She walked past him, carrying the bowl of popcorn and grinning from ear to ear. That was the Gracie he loved to see.
* * *
Motherfucker. If there was one thing Nick despised, it was shooting videos. How many fucking takes did they need anyway? He found it doubly aggravating that they cared more about Val anyway, so why he needed to pretend to play the same goddamn song twenty or thirty times was beyond him. Made no damn sense.
And, he loved Val and all and thought she deserved some of the spotlight, but the dumb asses directing the video were missing sweet, hot Brina. She could attract a crowd of her own, too. One thing he did know, in spite of his irritation, was that any videos he’d ever appeared in always turned out better than he expected. This one would no doubt be the same. The first one was amazing and he’d been surprised that, in just one month, that little video had garnered over five hundred thousand views. Part of that might have been because of him and Brad, but he suspected the rest of it was because the world was discovering Val. She really was a hell of a singer and songwriter. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed working with her and hearing her sing. Only now, since her surgery, her voice seemed to have even more depth. Maybe, though, it was the vocal training she’d undergone since the surgery. She didn’t want to ruin her voice again, so she took steps to make sure she took good care of it. Today, even though her voice didn’t have that raw, hungry quality to it, it somehow felt more infused with emotion. It was amazing.
That said, he was already fucking sick and tired of hearing this damn song. It wouldn’t be so bad live, but hearing the mixed version played over and over and over again was getting old. He mentioned something to that effect when Brina sat on a stool next to where he leaned against the wall, bored to tears. If they hadn’t said they might need him again, he would have left.
The guy was a new director. Nick would try to find it in his heart to forgive the guy.
In the meantime, Brina was texting but she said, “Yeah…enough already.”
“I don’t know how good an idea this is anyway.”
Brina’s brow wrinkled. “Why? Videos are always a decent enough marketing tool. And Val definitely knows how to work the camera.” She smiled and her mood was warm, definitely unlike her usual self. “I feel like a real rock star nowadays.”
Nick laughed. “One video and you feel like a real rock star?” He made sure she stopped watching Val and looked at him when he said, “And I thought your music spoke for itself.”
“Fuck off.” She flipped him off, but her mood was still light. He appreciated that. Then she said, “Seriously. Have you checked out the Val Hella Facebook page?”
“Not recently. Facebook sucks.”
“Nick, you’re crazy. We have over one hundred thousand fans already. Already! And we haven’t even released the single yet—just the fucking video. That’s insane.” Nick shrugged. He wasn’t going to say it, but Fully Automatic had millions of fans, and he was pretty certain that was where the initial fan base surge for Val Hella was coming from. But when they’d first hit the million mark on Facebook—hell, when they’d experienced a video getting that many views the first time—it was an incredible feeling. It was what Brina was experiencing right now, and he needed to let her enjoy it. “And this past week, my page, Sinna, already has over fifty thousand likes. I had under two thousand before that. That’s completely crazy!”
Her uncharacteristic enthusiasm was contagious. “It is.” She had turned the phone so he could see her page. Holy shit. The outfit she was wearing in her profile picture left little to the imagination. “Which brings me to my point. Look at what you’re wearing.”
She arched an eyebrow. Damn it. She had no idea how weak that little action made him feel, every single time she did it. It made him want to get down on his knees and beg for attention. “I thought you of all people would like it.”
“Hell, yes, I like it. I’m a hot-blooded American male. What straight guy in the country wouldn’t like knowing exactly what you look like under those tiny ribbons you’re wearing that pass for clothing?” She smirked, but he could tell she appreciated his admiration. “But do you know what’s been going on with Val lately?”
Brina’s eyebrows lifted once more. “Uh…she’s growing a fan base. Duh.”
Nick couldn’t help the serious tone that entered his voice. “Yeah, but she has her first bona fide stalker, too.”
She looked up from the phone. “You serious?”
It was Nick’s turn to raise his eyebrows. “Yeah. She’s had a few online dudes creeping on her over the past couple of weeks, and that was starting to bother her, but yesterday she was doing some Christmas shopping, and when she got back to her car, she had some weird note on her windshield.”
“Note?”
“Yeah, on her windshield. I can’t remember exactly what Brad said was on it, but they called the cops and it’s now in evidence, whatever the fuck that means. It really rattled Val, so I don’t get why she’s doing another provocative video.”
Brina shrugged. “Nick, there are some sick fucks out there. They would still be sick fucks, whether or not Val was showing some skin and being sexy. They’ve just stepped up their game, but trust me. It has nothing to do with her starring in a hot video.”
“Nothing?”
“Okay, maybe not nothing, but a creeper who’s in love with her enough to stalk her would do it whether she was dressed like this or like an Elizabethan peasant.” Brina smirked once more and looked back down at her phone. “Besides, Val’s fucking hot. She needs to show that shit off.”
Oh, yeah. Brina appreciated women too. How the hell could he keep forgetting that? And, yeah, Val was pretty, bu
t he’d never thought of her as hot or sexy—probably because he’d drawn a line a long time ago. It had first started upon introduction. Ethan had said Val was just a friend, but Nick was no idiot. Val was all doe-eyed for the guy, and it was just a matter of time before he responded. But, even before that, she and Brad had been engaged in a little kiss and grab that he’d stumbled upon, and there was no fucking way he’d get involved in that. He thought of Val as a good friend—a sister, even—but he was not going to look upon her as an object of sexual adoration. He had enough strikes against him in this life. He wasn’t going to add Val to the list.
Objectively, yeah. She was gorgeous. A rare beauty, and what made her all the more beautiful was that she didn’t see herself that way at all. And once they’d begun performing steadily as an indie band back in the day, she’d begun showing off her assets, much like she was doing now, and she’d honed her body to make it that much more desirable. She also wore heavy makeup onstage, emphasizing her striking eyes and full lips, and the tats and piercings she’d added over the years had made her a metal goddess.
Brina was serious competition, though. He couldn’t wait for the rest of the world to see her sling her bass live. Hot damn.
In the meantime, though, he had to convince Brina that caution was in order. “Maybe so, but I think she’s gonna have to step up her bodyguard detail.”
“You serious?”
“Dead serious. She shouldn’t fuck around. Not anymore. Online is one thing, but in person? She’s lucky she wasn’t kidnapped or raped…or even killed.” Finally, he got the reaction he’d expected from her—a reverent fear of the situation.
“Yeah. If that happened to me, I think I’d want a full-time bodyguard too.”
He nodded. “You’re right, though. It was probably inevitable. She might have had the same issues if she’d been in Fully Automatic when we got picked up by a label.”
“Why’d you guys kick her out of the band anyway? The woman’s got some serious vocal chops.”
Nick smiled. “We didn’t kick her out. You don’t know the whole story?”
“What do you think, genius?”
God, he loved her sassiness. “I’ll tell you then. She started having vocal problems and had to have surgery. The label was getting pretty antsy for us to record and Val just couldn’t do it. Plus, at the time, she wouldn’t have been able to afford surgery, even if she’d wanted it. So she dropped out, not wanting us to blow our chance, and—as you know—Brad sang most of the vocals. On the last album, they let Val do a guest spot, but everyone involved was against bringing Val back in, even though she was an original member.” Well, not completely original. But she’d been there in the beginning and pressed them. Their lyrics before had simply been something they’d thrown in to make a song. Val wrote words with meaning, making the band whole. She’d had such a strong influence on them that it was no different today, even though Brad wrote most of the lyrics, and Ethan wrote a few. “So Brad negotiated with the talking heads and got Val a deal. This deal. And, yeah—maybe she would have had the same problems if she’d been with us from the beginning, but I don’t know. Fully Automatic is about the entire band. Val Hella…well, it’s Val. You, me, Brad? We’re decoration.”
“Oh, fuck that, Nick. You really feel that way?”
He rolled his eyes. “I’m here to support a good friend. I don’t feel particularly invested in it, though.”
“Well, maybe you don’t. See, this goes right back to what we talked about the other day. Your attitude sucks. Do you remember when I said this band isn’t about you or me…or even Val, even though her name’s all over it? No…it’s about the music. It’s about what we do together. Not just me on my bass or you at the drums or Brad shredding. It’s us as a team.” He saw her nostrils flare, even though she wasn’t acting particularly angry. “I hope you don’t feel the same way about Fully Automatic.”
“Of course, I don’t.”
She shook her head, appraising him with her fiery eyes. “You asshole. You’re lucky Val considers you a friend. If she only knew how you felt about her band.” She started walking away.
Maybe she was right. He was tempted to stop her, to grab her arm and turn her around, maybe even mash his lips into hers again.
Instead, she made him feel like he had a whole lot of soul searching to do.
Chapter Eight
OVER THE NEXT couple of weeks, Nick did what Brina had inspired him to do—he searched inside himself, and he came to the conclusion that Val Hella would always be a fun side project for him, but he would never be as passionate about it as his original band. There was no getting around it. It wasn’t his baby. That said, he did take it seriously, and he would do anything for Brad and Val. Anything. So Brina could kiss his ass. She was dead wrong about his motivations.
On that note, nothing happened between them sexually, and he was starting to care less. She was too hot and cold, too high maintenance. He didn’t want to walk on eggshells every time he opened his mouth around the woman. Fuck that. There were plenty of women out there who wanted Nick Channing as he was…and he would gladly give himself to them.
Val’s stalker stepped up his game, and Brad announced all of a sudden that he and his family were leaving town for the week before Christmas. They were going to some stupid ski resort off I-70 and then they were headed over to the western slope to visit his mom and dad. On the way back, they were going to spend time with Val’s family and then hand little Chris over to Ethan and his significant other, Jenna, to spend time with them and their baby. So, the entire band was taking a two-week break from practice. The tour was all set anyway. They would be hitting the road mid-January, so they’d practice a couple of days before that and then start the tour. For now, they were going to chill and enjoy the holidays.
Nick planned on going home to visit his family on Christmas. He’d drive over on Christmas Eve and come back on the twenty-seventh. No way did he want to spend any more time than that. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his family, because he did. He cared about them very much. The problem was that they were all fucked in the head, and the day he’d left for Denver with the Fully Automatic crew was the day he’d been freed from those shackles.
When he looked at them individually, his parents were good people. Together, though, they were a nightmare. It had been apparent to Nick at an early age that his parents loathed each other, and he had no fucking idea why they stayed together. In fact, when he’d been a teenager, he and his sister had weekly bets around how long his mother and father would continue being married. They fought constantly when he was little, which might have indicated misguided passion, but by the time he was a teenager, they mostly ignored each other. When they did speak, it was usually a one-word answer. They still argued once in a while, but they avoided each other for the most part. They had separate bedrooms and different schedules and often communicated to each other through notes or the children, and it usually only involved important matters that couldn’t be avoided.
It sucked.
Nick sometimes wondered if his parents had ever loved each other. They must have. Sure, it was easy enough to fuck someone without an emotional connection, but to live with someone, spend enough time with that person to create not just one life but two should have meant something, right?
And they were still together, all these years later. His sister lived close by them and visited often. Nick wondered why she did that, and all he could figure was that she felt obligated, like she had to keep them together. Fuck that. At this point, they needed to either just deal with each other or leave, but he didn’t give much of a shit either way, because they were no longer his problem.
Yeah, the more that he thought about it, he was pretty sure that nowadays, even as individuals, he wouldn’t like them much. Back when he was a kid, they both had qualities that made him love them, but he realized now that deep down he must not feel that way anymore, because it was like pulling teeth to force himself to visit. His sister was growi
ng bitter and disillusioned too, and he just no longer wanted to be around it. He sent them all money a couple of times a year to alleviate any guilt he felt about not spending time with them and hoped it would be enough. This year, he’d spent Thanksgiving with Brad and Val and called his family, telling them his schedule was too busy to head over the mountains, spending five-plus hours on the road, just for turkey and some mediocre stuffing. He didn’t actually comment about the food, keeping those thoughts to himself, but he did apologize for not making it over.
Since moving to Denver, away from the dysfunction of his family, he’d made sure to visit at least twice a year—Christmas (or sometime during the holidays) and sometime in the summer. Every so often he’d pair that visit with the fourth of July to keep things interesting. As much as he loved the idea of his family, he couldn’t bring himself to see them more often than that. The few times he’d considered visiting more often, he’d quickly talked himself out of it. It was often because his mom would tell him over the phone how much she’d missed him, but then he’d get there, and it was like living under their roof again. Visiting as often as his mom asked would be sheer torture. Being around them made him feel miserable. It just wasn’t worth what it did to him internally. Twice a year, at least, he was able to prepare for and deal with.
So, the day before he left, he bought presents and spent the afternoon wrapping them after failing to convince his housekeeper/ assistant that she wanted to help. She wouldn’t even take the extra money he offered, because she was getting ready for her own family celebration.
The night before he left, Nick prayed for a horrible snowstorm to blanket the Rockies, rendering the roads impossible to drive on. The next day, though, he saw that the weathermen had been right—sunny skies, mild temperatures for December, and not even a few clouds. They predicted beautiful weather clear through the time he had to leave, so he couldn’t even make an excuse to leave earlier.
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