“You have to be very careful,” Katy told her younger friends.
“You can burn yourself,” Paddie nodded. “Bad.”
Mack held up a finger with a Band-Aid wrapped around it where he’d been burned. Everyone nodded. Maggie wiggled to be let down. She let Sam help her put on her apron and went to Paddie’s side. Shyer, Jackie appeared a moment later next to Katy. Jackie slipped her hand into Katy’s left hand for comfort. Katy smiled at Jackie and squeezed her hand. Sam led Mack away from the danger to help him clean and dry the jars.
“I think we’ve got this,” Delphie said.
Edie appeared out of nowhere with two heavy bags of sugar.
“Why don’t you head upstairs?” Delphie asked. “Make some lunch.”
Jill looked at Heather, and she shrugged. The two friends went upstairs to make lunch.
~~~~~~~~
Sunday mid-day — 10:10 p.m.
Between New York City and Denver
“How is he?” Aden asked in a low voice.
Sandy nodded. Nash had fallen apart after leaving Nadia. The late nights and long days had caught up with the young man. He’d started to cry the moment Nadia walked away from him and hadn’t stopped until he fell asleep with his head on Sandy’s lap an hour into their flight home.
“How’s Noelle?” Sandy asked.
Aden gestured to the seats where Noelle and Sissy were playing “Go Fish” and laughing. Mike and Ivan were looking through the pictures from the park with Teddy. Dale and Charlie were playing video games in the back with one of Bernice’s grandsons, Elijah, who was taking a campus tour at University of Colorado at Boulder the next day. Overall, everyone on board was tired but happy. Nash was the only one who’d succumbed to overwhelming emotions. So far.
Sandy patted the empty seat next to her, and Aden sat down. Knowing she would speak softly, he leaned into her. Her perfume and warmth comforted him after a long few days.
“How did it go with Nuala this morning?” Sandy asked.
“Oh,” Aden said. He seemed to deflate a little bit. “I was glad Allister was there.”
“You’ll have to tell me all about it,” Sandy said.
Aden launched into meeting Allister. He laughed when he told her that he’d thought Allister wanted to purchase Nash. He told Sandy about how Allister’s parents hadn’t named him Bertram or Bertie. Sandy smiled. It was rare for Aden to make new friends, but it had been clear at the party that Allister and his partner were now a part of their pack. She waited for Aden to finish telling her about how they met.
Smiling, he fell silent.
“And Nuala?” Sandy asked, gently.
Aden’s eyes flicked to her face. His head went up and down for a moment, and then he looked away.
“That bad?” Sandy asked.
Aden’s head went up and down.
“She’s getting married again,” Aden said. “Wants more kids.”
“Good Lord,” Sandy said. “How many has she had taken away from her?”
“Six,” Aden said. “Not counting Nash and Noelle.”
“How old is she?” Sandy asked.
“My age,” Aden said. “Forty, this year. She’s pretty excited about this guy. Seems he has a good job, with chances for advancement. She met him at an AA meeting before she went to prison, and he’s hung in there with her. He knows about everything and has been sober a while. She wants . . .”
Sandy nodded. When Aden didn’t say anything, she nudged him.
“Sorry,” he said. “I guess I just don’t know where to start, what to say, how to . . .”
He looked so sad that Sandy reached over. She turned his head toward her face. She scanned his face while she stroked his features.
“What is it?” Sandy asked.
“We’ve . . . I mean, I . . .” Aden started again. “Well . . . Allister said that Nuala wants what I have — children, wife, home, money — the whole nine yards. He said — Allister, I mean — that she can’t see the struggle, the risk, the lack of sleep, and hard work. From the outside, you know. She can’t see the cost of all . . .”
Sandy nodded. Her eyes watched his face. She put her hand on his heart.
“How am I?” Aden asked. He shook his head. “I feel . . . guilty, I guess. We — Nuala and I — started at the same place, at the same time, and . . . I mean — look around us. It’s more than I could have ever imagined and . . . It’s not like I deserve any of this.”
Sandy nodded and looked away. Lost in thought, he looked down at his hands.
“I can’t solve her problems,” Aden said. “I can’t solve my own. I just put one foot in front of the other, and . . .”
Aden looked at Sandy. He held her eyes for a moment before looking down again.
“She didn’t like it when I said that,” Aden said. “She wants the whole package, but she wants it in one step. She thinks I can give it to her — that I owe it to her because . . . Well, I don’t know why.”
“Let’s get stupid simple,” Sandy said, softly. “What exactly did she ask for?”
“Everything,” Aden said.
“Everything?” Surprised, Sandy raised her eyebrows. Aden nodded.
“She wants to live at the Castle with us,” Aden said. Sandy opened her mouth to protest, but Aden pressed on. “Or she wants me — or, really, you — to pay for her to stay in the facility she’s in. She wants us to pay for extended rehab, like six months, because that’s the ‘only way’ she can really get sober. She wants us — to pay for her wedding, and, trust me, she has big wedding plans. She wants me to remove the restraining order on Nash and Noelle. She wants me to talk to her probation officer so that birth control is no longer a part of her probation. She says that the restraining order blocks her from her true profession of being a school-teacher. Because she can’t work in her true calling, she wants me to pay for everything. Oh, and she did see that you made all that money with your mom’s symphony.”
Aden took a deep breath and blew it out his mouth. Sandy waited to see if there was anything else. When he didn’t say anything else, she spoke.
“What did Allister say?” Sandy asked.
“I let him do the talking,” Aden said. “He told Nuala that, while life is not necessarily fair, we live in a cause-and-effect universe. If she proves, through her actions, that she’s able to stay sober longer than a few days, then we will discuss any of her demands.”
“How did she take that?” Sandy asked.
“Not well,” Aden said. “And she didn’t like that I let Allister do all of the talking. She didn’t like that she might have to prove herself. She doesn’t feel like she should have to prove herself to anyone, especially me.”
“Why ‘especially you’?” Sandy asked.
“She feels like I owe her because she’s stayed away from Nash and Noelle,” Aden said. “Because she gave me custody of them.”
Sandy gave an indignant snort, which woke Nash. He looked at Sandy and then at Aden.
“What did my mom do now?” Nash asked.
“Nothing,” Aden said. “Don’t worry, Nash.”
“How am I supposed to . . . when she’s . . . awful.” Nash’s eyes welled with exhausted tears. “Awful. I’m her son, which means I’m awful . . . I’m never going to be good enough . . . for . . .”
Sandy looked at Aden, and he nodded. They would table this until they were alone. The video game console froze, and Aden went to help Charlie, Dale, and Elijah.
“What did she do?” Nash whispered to Sandy.
“Let’s let the lawyers sort it out,” Sandy said. “For now, she’s in New York. She can’t leave.”
Nash blew out a breath and settled back in. Sandy smoothed his hair until he was breathing deeply and asleep again. As they flew through the sky in an aluminum tube, Sandy contemplated the entire mess.
Chapter Four Hundred and Fifty-six
Tricky parts
Monday morning — 7:05 a.m.
New York City, New York
Tane
sha slipped back into bed after using the bathroom. She pulled the crisp white hotel sheets up over her shoulders and lay down on her back.
“How is it?” Jeraine asked.
“The bathroom?” Tanesha asked with a grin. She rolled onto her side to look at him.
He was lying on his side, looking at her.
“Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?” Jeraine asked.
“You are very much like your son,” Tanesha said. “Mornings, with a side of questions.”
Jeraine smiled. The private funeral for Big Daddy had happened after the big concert. They’d been in bed for only a few hours.
“We get up early to get the kids to school,” Tanesha said. “Blane’s been working at Lipson this week, so everything’s shifted to earlier. I get up to help them and help Jabari get ready.”
“Do you go back to bed?” Jeraine asked.
“Sometimes,” Tanesha said. “I usually have things to do — school work, housework, whatever.”
Jeraine grunted and rolled onto his back.
“How is it?” Jeraine asked. His head turned to look at her. “Being on the mobile unit.”
“Are you going to stay awake long enough to hear?” Tanesha asked.
“Hey,” Jeraine said as he leaned up on one elbow. “I’m awake.”
He flopped back down on the bed and pretend-snored. She laughed. He rolled back onto his side to look at her.
“I have only one day with you,” he said. “I don’t want to waste it sleeping.”
His words made her smile. They had had many arguments about how he could stay up all night with his girlfriends but slept the entire time he was with Tanesha.
“I’m glad you came,” Jeraine said. He reached over and touched her shoulder. “Really glad.”
Tanesha smiled.
“So . . .” Jeraine said.
“I’d answer you if I could get a word in edgewise!” Tanesha laughed.
Jeraine laughed. She leaned forward to kiss his lips.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you, too,” Tanesha said. “Let’s see . . . I’m amazed at how much I love the work. I don’t mind the late nights — which you know, in general, I hate. I don’t mind the cramped space — which you know, in general, I hate. I don’t even mind the smelly bodies.”
“Which the whole world knows you hate!” Jeraine laughed.
Tanesha nodded.
“I don’t feel like I’m doing anything, because I’m not, really,” Tanesha said. “Just taking blood pressure, talking to people. And it’s volunteer. But I really love it. I know I told you this on the phone, but a lady from my Gran’s church came to see the doctor just because I was there. Amazing.”
Tanesha beamed at him.
“How is it for you to be on the road without us?” Tanesha asked.
“I . . . I’m embarrassed at how much fun I’m having,” Jeraine said.
“Embarrassed?” Tanesha asked. “Why?”
“Oh . . . I don’t know,” Jeraine said.
His eyes went vague. Tanesha reached over and stroked his face.
“I have always loved music,” Jeraine said. “Always. I mean — you know.”
“You’ve spent most of your life studying music — piano lessons, singing lessons, learning how to write songs,” Tanesha said. “You were always running from school to some special music thing.”
Jeraine nodded.
“You and music,” Jeraine said. “My only true loves.”
Tanesha smiled and kissed him again.
“I screwed it all up with the drugs and the women,” Jeraine said. “I had every little thing I could have ever wanted — everything I ever wanted — hell, everything I want now! And I . . .”
Jeraine paused while he gathered his thoughts. Tanesha watched his face.
“I thought that the drugs made music better, but they stole it all away from me,” Jeraine said. “I thought the women made my life more fun, freer. I was so mad at you for trying to ‘steal my life.’”
“I remember,” Tanesha said. “I was your controlling bitch.”
Jeraine wrinkled up his face.
“Sorry,” he said.
“I know,” Tanesha said.
“It wasn’t ever you,” Jeraine said. “The drugs and the women stole my life away from me. It was like, while I was focused on the high, the drugs and women snuck behind my back and robbed me. Most days, I didn’t even notice. Every once in a while, I’d wake up and see that everything was a mess. But . . .”
Jeraine shook his head.
“I don’t want that to happen again,” Jeraine said.
“I don’t want that to happen again, either,” Tanesha said. “Why would it?”
“I don’t know,” Jeraine said. “It seems like I’m susceptible to tricky things that lie to me, tell me what I want to hear, and then take everything and slink away.”
“I think we all are,” Tanesha said.
“You’re not,” Jeraine said. “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve wanted to pursue being a doctor. Now, here you are — becoming a doctor.”
“Ever wonder why I keep drinking that tea and never purposely use this ‘fairy power’ Fin says that I have?” Tanesha asked.
Jeraine nodded.
“I think it’s a slippery slope,” Tanesha said. “A short cut — like drugs. The only real way to get ahead is through my own actions and choices.”
“But you could choose to use your fairy power,” Jeraine said.
“That’s the only thing I have control over,” Tanesha said. “The choice whether to use the fairy power or not. That’s all. If I start, who knows where I’ll stop? I’d blink like ‘I Dream of Jeannie’ and be done with school. Then my ignorance would probably kill someone.”
Tanesha nodded, and Jeraine scowled.
“That’s the control you have over drugs,” Tanesha said. “The devil has to be invited in the door.”
“I thought you didn’t believe in devils, demons, and the like,” Jeraine said with a smile.
“I don’t,” Tanesha said. “I think a kind of devil lives inside all of us, ready and willing to feed us lies and take away our dreams. We just have to . . .”
“Start,” Jeraine said. “The drugs let loose my own power to self-destruct.”
Tanesha nodded.
“You remember psychology,” Tanesha said.
“The inner critic is frightened and would rather stay with the evil you know rather than risk change,” Jeraine nodded.
“Or, as biology says it — the system strives for homeostasis,” Tanesha said.
“Any change is a threat to the system,” Jeraine said.
“Even a good change,” Tanesha said. “The closer you get to what you want, the harder the inner critic or your metabolism or your inner psyche works to keep it from you. You think it’s any accident that Fin arrived just as I’m finally starting med school? Or that you were presented with drugs the moment your guard was down and you were on your first tour? That’s just how it works. If we’re going to be all that we can be, we need to be vigilant against the danger that lives inside of us.”
Jeraine nodded.
“I love to see you happy, like you were yesterday,” Tanesha said. “It’s like a dream come true for me. That’s what I want.”
“I love to see you happy, too,” Jeraine said with a smile. “You positively glowed after your first night on the mobile unit.”
“So we have to work together to keep the devil at bay,” Tanesha said. “To keep that light inside of us shining bright.”
Jeraine nodded. Tanesha leaned forward and kissed him again.
“You keep doing that, and . . .”Jeraine said with a grin.
“And what?” Tanesha said defiantly.
He moved on top of her to show her exactly what he meant.
~~~~~~~~
Monday morning —8:35 a.m.
Denver, Colorado
“Heather?” an unfamiliar woman’s voice said in ru
shed tones as Heather answered the phone.
Pulling away from the Marlowe school, Heather had answered the phone without thinking. She was often called back to school to help Mack put his shoes back on or bring something Tink had forgotten. The voice came through the Subaru’s speakers.
“This is Heather,” she said.
“It’s Risa,” the woman said. Heather nodded. This was Tink’s social worker — no, her ex-social worker.
“Hey, Risa. How are you?” Heather asked.
“Uh, good,” Risa said. “I’m good.”
Knowing that Risa was often working and thinking at the same time, Heather didn’t respond, in order to give the woman’s brain enough time to catch up. When Risa didn’t say anything, Heather cleared her throat.
“Oh, sorry,” Risa said with a self-conscious chuckle. “Did you happen to see Tiffanie’s brother . . . uh . . . Chester? Yesterday?”
“No,” Heather said. “His foster parents called to cancel again at the last minute. We haven’t seen Chet in more than six months.”
“That long?” Risa asked.
“I left all of this on your voicemail,” Heather said.
“Did you?” Risa asked. “I’m sorry. I just saw that you called and called you back.”
“Oh, I do that all the time,” Heather said.
“I was supposed to do a home visit today with Chet — you know, to make sure he was ready to transition to your house,” Risa said. Heather heard the dinging of a car door in the background. “You still want that, right?”
“Of course,” Heather said.
“You’re on track with the building?” Risa asked.
“Sure,” Heather said, adding in her mind, “as far as you know.”
Risa fell silent.
“Did something happen with Chet?” Heather asked.
“He hasn’t been in school for a week,” Risa said.
“The family visit?” Heather asked. She gave Risa curious look.
“The family canceled,” Risa said.
“Did they say why?” Heather asked. “They wouldn’t tell us anything, just that Chet was otherwise occupied.”
“That’s what they told me,” Risa said. “When I threatened to remove him, they told me he’s in a therapeutic home.”
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