Shaking with outrage, Owyn took the small piece of the billet with him while he searched for Sir Bryan. He found him at the corral, working with one of the horses. Owyn didn’t wait for the man to acknowledge him before opening the gate and striding inside.
Sir Bryan halted his horse. “What is the meaning of this?”
Owyn just stood there, too upset to speak and holding the strap in the air. He shook it and finally said, “This was cut.”
Sir Bryan tilted his head, his expression questioning. Then he jumped down from the horse and strode to Owyn, grabbing the leather and scrutinizing it. He cursed, something Owyn had never heard from the man before.
“This is from Keifer’s saddle?”
“Aye, my laird.”
“Dear Lord,” he prayed. “Do you have any idea who might have done this?” They both knew that a bad fall from the high-cantled saddles often killed or maimed.
“My father must have done it—he wanted Keifer dead.”
Sir Bryan stared at the leather. “What happened back there at the river, Owyn? Between you and Angus?”
Owyn told Sir Bryan of Angus’s desire to kill Keifer, of the land and Aunt Eveleen. “He blamed Keifer for all his troubles.”
“Is there anyone else who might benefit from Keifer’s death?”
Owyn shifted from one foot to the other. “Me. It could have been me. I have the leadership of a clan to gain.”
Sir Bryan shook his head. “No man who did for his comrade what you have done for Keifer these past days . . . no, I don’t believe you wish him harm.”
“Maybe I’m caring for him out of guilt.” Owyn couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice.
“Others may think that, Owyn, but I do not. And I think Keifer and Nola will come to that same conclusion soon enough.”
Sir Bryan glanced at the leather strap again. “There is no way to prove or disprove it, Owyn, but it does seem likely that your father was entirely responsible for cutting the saddle. But let us not speak of this to Keifer until he is better.”
“He will get better, won’t he, my laird?” Owyn asked.
Sir Bryan didn’t answer, but Owyn saw him swallow. Hard. “We must pray without ceasing, Owyn. All things are possible with God.” He handed the strap back. “Nola will arrive yet today. Will you tell her the extent of Keifer’s injury, or shall I?”
Though he dreaded it, Owyn knew he must do this. He had failed to protect his laird; he would not fail him again. “’Tis my duty as his squire.”
Sir Bryan laid his hand on Owyn’s shoulder. “God give you strength.” The knight began to unsaddle his horse.
Owyn started back to the keep to check on Keifer. As he rounded the corner of the stable, he saw three riders enter the bailey. Nola, her father, and Will Macpherson. Dread gnawed at Owyn. Dread and suspicion. Who else might benefit from Keifer’s death?
Will Macpherson.
Nola saw Owyn and jumped from her horse before anyone could help her dismount. She rushed to him. “Owyn! You did not come to harm, thank goodness. How . . . where is Keifer?”
“I will take ye to him, my lady. But first tell me how it is that yer father and Will have brought ye here. They rode south with us.”
Sir Adam dismounted and joined them in time to hear Owyn’s query. “Aye, we did. Will’s horse came up lame and there was no other for him to ride. By the time we found him a mount, the rest of you were long gone, so we went back to Edinburgh to wait. Now, how is my foster son?”
Owyn would check this story later. Not that he doubted Sir Adam’s word. But a horse could easily be made to come up lame by pounding a rock into the soft tissue on the underside of the hoof. He didn’t want to believe it of Will, and now was not the time to bring up his suspicions.
Owyn brought himself back to the earl’s question. “Keifer is not good, my laird. He cannot move his legs and he is refusing to eat.”
Owyn turned to Nola. “Perhaps ye will have more success at feeding him.”
Adam said, “Aye, Nola. Go to him. I’ll visit with him later.”
KEIFER LAY ON HIS BACK in the dimly lit room. Owyn had turned him earlier, and he’d cursed him in his pain. Lady Kathryn had assured him the pain was a good sign before she’d given him some tea to ease him, and now he was fairly comfortable.
He heard the door to his chamber open and quickly closed his eyes, but not before he saw Nola and Owyn enter the room. He gritted his jaw in frustration. Hadn’t he told the man not to bring her here?
Nola, this wife who could never just leave things be, came to his side and took his hand in hers. “Has he awakened at all?” she asked Owyn the traitor.
“Aye, several times, but never for long.”
Keifer heard the concern in Owyn’s voice, in both their voices, and he felt a moment of guilt for deceiving them into thinking he was asleep. But he just wanted to be left alone until God came for him.
“And you have offered food which he declines?”
“Aye. He doesn’t want to live, Nola, if ye’ll pardon my saying so. And he accuses me of trying to kill him.”
He heard her intake of breath. Owyn couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Keifer had half a mind to end Owyn’s service as his squire, if not his life, for trying to take his.
“You must tell me what happened later. But I say to you now—I do not believe you harmed Keifer.”
“Thank ye, my lady.”
He felt Nola’s soft hand upon his forehead. “There is no fever. And no injury except to his back?”
“So far as we can see.”
Keifer’s heart beat quicker at his wife’s touch. ’Twas very difficult to feel dead or even close to it under the circumstances. He might as well pretend to awaken.
He stirred and she took his hand again. “Keifer?”
He opened his eyes. From the disheveled appearance of her hair, Nola must have come to him as soon as she arrived.
“Can you talk?” she asked.
Reluctantly he said, “Aye.” Yes, he could talk. But it was the only thing he could do unassisted. As soon as Nola understood how badly he was injured, she wouldn’t want to stay with such a man. And if she didn’t or wouldn’t understand, he must make her see the futility of continuing this marriage to him. He would send her away, drive her away if he had to.
“Why are you not eating?”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Nonsense. Owyn, go ask Lady Kathryn for some broth, please.”
“Of course. Just the thing.” Owyn was smiling, the turncoat.
Owyn left, and Nola said, “Keifer. Talk to me.”
He turned away from her eager face. “What is there to say?”
She took her fingers and turned his face back to her. “Look at me.”
He did and his heart nearly broke at the pain and the disappointment he had caused her, would continue to bring to her.
Owyn returned with a bowl of broth and some bread. He set it on the table by the bed and left again.
Nola added a pillow under Keifer’s head, then picked up the bowl and spoon.
“I don’t want that.”
“Aye, but you’ll have it anyway, to please me. If you won’t eat it yourself, then I’ll feed you.” She put the spoon to Keifer’s mouth, and when he didn’t open, she pushed it against his lips. “I don’t want—”
She pushed the spoon between his opened lips and he was forced to swallow.
“—to eat.”
“You want to die, then? Is that what this is about? You face a hurdle and you quit, just like that?”
He could face this, he could! He just didn’t want her to be there.
For once in his life Keifer wanted someone to leave him, and Nola wouldn’t. “I can’t move my legs! I’ll never get out of this bed and walk again!”
“So you’ve become God while I’ve been waiting for a mere man to return to me?”
Keifer was bitter. “No, I’m very aware of my mortality, Nola. All my life—”
“Yo
u don’t appear dead to me, Keifer. And I’ll be hanged if I’ll stand by and watch you starve yourself to death!”
“Fine. I will eat. But I want you to leave Homelea, leave me.”
“And why would I do something so wrong-headed as to desert my husband?”
How could he make her understand? “I’ve tried to live a good life, obey the commandments. And this is my reward. To end my days as a cripple.”
“Don’t be foolish. Your reward for serving God is eternal life and forgiveness for your many sins.” She smiled and slipped the spoon into his mouth.
He swallowed the liquid. “Then what is this if not punishment?”
“A trial. We’ve faced others, Keifer. We’ve faced them together. Nothing has changed.”
“Everything has changed and you know it.”
“What I know is that you’ve been given a cross to bear. One that I will help you carry.”
“I don’t want to be a burden. I want my life back.”
“You have life, Keifer. The question is, what will you do with it? Will you accept this and move on, or whine and complain for the rest of your life?”
“I’m tired, Nola. Leave me be.”
“I’m not leaving. Not this room, not Homelea. Not without my husband.”
“Husband? I can’t be a husband now, Nola. How will you feel a year from now without a child, without the joys that we shared in our marriage bed?”
“How do you know that I am not already with child?”
He felt his face drain of color. “Are you? With child?”
“I don’t know, but it is possible, Keifer. Will you abandon us both?
I thought you didn’t want to be like your father?”
Only Nola knew the points that would hurt the most. That she would say such a thing gave him an indication of just how desperate she was. He softened his voice, hoping that by being reasonable, she would listen better. “The man you loved doesn’t exist anymore, Nola.”
“You are still my husband and friend.”
“Some husband. I can’t provide for you, nor can I give you children.”
“I still love you, Keifer. That will never change.”
Why wouldn’t she listen? “What do you want of me?” he shouted.
A tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. Another followed from the other eye. “I want it to be the way it was when you loved me.”
He put his head in his hands, close to tears himself. “Don’t you understand? That is over for us. I cannot be your husband.”
She swiped at the tears on her cheek and raised her voice. “We don’t know that, do we? Who can tell what might happen as you heal? And a marriage is more than a bed! It is a sacred bond between man and woman that connects our hearts, our minds.”
She would not listen to reason. The time had come to send her away. “If I live, I want you to petition the church to dissolve our marriage, Nola. Go on with your life.”
She stood so fast she tipped the bowl and spilled the broth. “I will not abandon you! God never promised that life would be easy. His promise is that he will help us bear our pain and welcome us home when he calls us to him.”
“Who’s to say he isn’t calling me, Nola? At least we’ve had a chance to say good-bye—”
He sputtered as Nola shoved a hunk of bread in his mouth. “You will eat. You will get better. We will live to have gray hair together.” Tears began to fall in earnest. “And you will pray, Keifer. Do you hear me? You will pray and stop this nonsense about dying and about me leaving you if you don’t!”
She spun away, knocking over the stool she’d been sitting on, then whirled back to face him. “I believe if you were standing, I’d kick you in the shins again, Keifer Macnab!”
Sparks danced in her eyes, and he didn’t remember ever seeing her so angry. But anger was better than pity any day. And if she was angry enough, she just might do as he wanted her to. He took the bread from his mouth. “Well, there’s the crux of it, Nola. I’m not going to stand again now, am I?”
She fled the room and slammed the door so hard he thought it would bounce off its hinges.
Well, he’d succeeded—she was gone. Why didn’t he feel relieved to have his way?
NOLA RAN, HEAD DOWN, right into Will. When his arms came up to catch her, she just stayed there, caught fast to his chest as the tears poured from her eyes. Will had been unusually kind to her as they rode here from Edinburgh, and she was grateful now for his willingness to comfort her.
He patted her back, and when she’d finished crying he handed her a small cloth to dry her eyes and nose. He took her to sit in a corner of the great hall, away from prying eyes. When they were seated, he said, “Is he so bad, then, Nola?”
She drew a breath and exhaled, fearing the tears would start again. “He wants to die, Will. And worse, if he lives, he expects me to desert him.”
Will took her hands in his and she allowed it. “Is there no hope he’ll walk again?”
“Lady Kathryn says it’s possible, though none of us is truly hopeful.”
Will dropped her hands into her lap and stood, walking a short distance away. He stood with his back to her for several minutes, and she began to fidget in her seat.
He must have heard her, because he was smiling gently when he turned back to face her. “You love him very much, don’t you?”
She didn’t know what to say except the truth. “Aye. I’ve loved him since we were children. I’m sorry, Will. I—”
“Stop. I know that, have always known it but chose to ignore it. I never took Keifer for a fool, but he is one if he won’t accept your love.” He came back to her and pulled her to her feet. “I’ll speak with him, shall I? Maybe I can talk some sense into him.”
Nola wasn’t sure if Keifer would listen to Will. He certainly hadn’t listened to anyone else. He needed to rest, to heal. Of course, no amount of rest would do any good if the stubborn fool wouldn’t eat. “Aye, Will. Talk to him. It can’t hurt.”
“All right. Now, you go and find yourself something to eat—keep up your strength, Nola. He needs you.”
She stared at Will. “You have changed.”
He smiled, and it was genuine, not cynical as it might have been in the past. “Your father and I have spent a good deal of time together recently. He pointed out that I had two choices—I could stay mad and jealous the rest of my life, or I could grow up and find a woman to love me the way you love Keifer.”
Relief filled her as if a weight had been lifted from her heart. She smiled at him, felt genuine affection despite—or perhaps because of—their past. “And have you? Found someone?”
“Not yet. But I’d like to think I’ve grown up a bit.”
She stared at him. “I believe you have. Thank you, Will.”
They stood, and Will put his finger under her chin, making it jut out in the way she knew she did when she was determined. “That’s better, ”Will said. “I’ll talk to him.”
NINETEEN
KEIFER HEARD THE DOOR TO HIS ROOM OPEN. Now who had come to disturb him? Why couldn’t they just let him go to his rest without all the fuss?
He sensed someone standing over the bed. It wasn’t Nola—he could tell with his eyes closed that this person smelled of saddles and leather. Why didn’t they say something? Minutes passed, and Keifer grew tired of pretending to sleep. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Will Macpherson sitting in the chair by the bed.
“What do you want?” he growled.
“Hello, Keifer.”
“Say your piece and leave me alone. You’ve got what you wanted.”
Will looked surprised but said nothing.
Was the man that thick-headed that he didn’t understand Keifer’s meaning? “You’ll soon have Nola.” Keifer closed his eyes, hoping the man would go away.
“Really,” Will said mildly. “That’s going to present a problem since I no longer want her.”
Keifer opened his eyes. “Of course you do.”
�
��Why are you trying to push your wife off on me, Macnab?”
Will’s behavior was confusing. He should be jumping at the opportunity to call Nola his. “I want to know that Nola will be taken care of when I’m gone.”
“Where are you planning to go? You can’t walk.”
Keifer sat up, angry, and then in pain from the quick movement.
He leaned on an elbow. “Come to rub it in, did you?”
“No, you fool. I came to tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Don’t count on me to take care of your wife. I don’t want someone else’s woman. I want one who loves me the way Nola loves you, you blind, pig-headed fool!” Will jumped to his feet, and Keifer could see the man was genuinely angry.
Then Will walked to the end of the bed and touched Keifer’s big toe. “Can you move your toes, Keifer? Have you even tried?”
Keifer refused to try to move the digit. Hadn’t he laid here in the dark and tried to do so in vain? It was better to simply give in to death than live as a cripple. “Go away, Will.”
“Fine. I will. But Nola is your responsibility, not mine. Not her father’s. Be a man, Keifer, and accept what you cannot change.”
“And what would you know about acceptance of such things?”
Keifer shouted.
Will came around the bed and stood close, so close Keifer felt himself shrink back into the bedding.
“I learned it well the day the woman I loved married another man.” Will spun on his heel and strode out of the room, banging the door just as Nola had before him.
Keifer wept. Wept for the future that would no longer be his.
Wept for the pain he would cause Nola. Wept for being a coward who would rather die than face whatever God had planned for him.
Exhausted from the tears and the emotions of the past few hours, Keifer fell into a troubled asleep.
IN A PIQUE OF TEMPER Nola stayed away from Keifer’s room the rest of the day and all of the next. She would not go to him unless he sent for her. Furthermore, she considered returning home to Moy with her father.
She said as much to Owyn when she sat next to him to break her fast.
The Promise of Peace Page 21