Forbidden Paths

by Belden, P. J.

I see out of the corner of my eye, him ball his fist up. Please hit me you sick, fucking bastard, I scream inside my head.

  “Hit me you fucking coward. Hit me! I can see from your fists you want to. Hit me! Nothing’s ever stopped you for hitting or raping me before.”

  He laughs. “You call that rape? You’re mine.”

  “I’m not yours. Never have been yours. And yes I call that rape. It was not a consensual act.”

  “You’re reaching…”

  “And you’re a rapist,” I hiss.

  It was after that he left claiming a business trip. My father tried to lock me in my room, but when all the staff there hated all of them, it didn’t take long for me to get out. I’ve been away from the house for two weeks now.

  Lia has been so nice to let me crash with her. It’s a construction site. Most rooms were under renovation leaving only one bedroom usable at the moment, but we share the bed no problem… Well, until she starts playing with herself in her sleep. Yeah, I high tail it out of there and sleep on the couch. My guess is it’s the mystery guy she’s hooked on.

  Thankfully, Lia has also been coming with me to my appointments because being alone for these is a scary thought. I’m now twelve weeks along. Lia has yet to tell me the name of the guy. She said after this.

  “Lia!” I call. “You home?”

  “Yeah. In your new bedroom.”

  I walk in the direction her voice is coming from to find Lia going through clothes. “What are you doing?”

  “Trying to find something sexy, but will hide that slight bump you have going on,” she nods to my belly.

  Looking down, I run my hands over it. “You can hardly tell. Unless you know what you’re looking for.”

  “Trust me a man will notice right away.”

  “So, what time is it?”

  “In two hours. We need to hurry because I still need to swing by and pick up Hazel.”

  We begin a mad dash to get ready for tonight. Tonight’s theme is Masked Choice basically we start out in masks and as the night progresses we choose whether to stay masked or reveal ourselves to our partners.

  Like the masked party we did a couple months ago, we have been assigned letters to correspond with our partner. She has hosted eight of these since my first, but thankfully I hadn’t been included in any of them but this one. My last one.

  It’s as we are headed for Hazel’s, we were talking about how my appointment went, that she lays the bomb on me.

  “It’s what!” I stare at her in shock.

  “It’s the same guys from the last masked party we had.”

  “You mean the one where I got pregnant,” I hiss.

  “Yes, I figure if you want to tell him you can do it tonight. I’ve assigned you guys together, again.”

  Closing my eyes, I try to count to ten and calm down. But since I’ve been pregnant, calming down has been slim to none lately.

  “You didn’t think to tell me this before now. You’ve known about this for how long now?” I force out through clenched teeth.

  “Oh, I thought about it, but then I figured it’d be best done like this. You’d have less time to freak out like you always do. You want to be mad at me, but you know it’s true. Besides the guy requested you.”

  Well, that knocks the wind out of my angry sails. “He did?”

  “Yeah according to the other guy that booked the party, he can’t shut up about you.”

  A small smile forms on my lips. He can’t stop talking about me. Maybe there’s hope here yet?

  Before long we had Hazel in the car and headed in the direction of the ‘party’. Hazel often attends the same parties as I do. She’s beautiful. She’s older than both Lia and I, but not too old. She longs to meet Mr. Right and believes she’ll find him and have her family that she’s always dreamed of.

  Many times Hazel would lecture me about Logan. She’d tell me that if I ever got the chance to meet Logan again, to grasp it for all it’s worth.

  Hazel’s story breaks my heart. She got into performing private parties after she was abused by her ex-husband. He beat her so bad that she was in a coma for three months, leaving her family unsure if she’d live or die.

  When she woke from her coma, her recovery was long and hard. Because of the work that went into her recovery all her family turned against her and walked away without looking back. She’s been trying to pick up the pieces of her life since that moment.

  I pray that she’ll find her true love because if anyone deserves a happily ever after she did. Hazel was the kindest person I’ve ever met, but no one seems to see the heart she has beneath the skin they ravage and pay for.

  “How’d your appointment go?” She hugs me.

  “Uh, good I think. I’m measuring well and I’ve gained ten pounds already,” I shudder.

  Hazel laughs, her eyes sad. “That’s great. I’m going to make my guess and say it’s a girl,” she teases.

  “What? No way! It’s a boy,” Lia objects.

  Laughing, I close my eyes to hide the panic. “We’ll know in a couple months, if I find out. I may make you guys wait until he or she is born.”

  “You would be that cruel,” Lia mutters.

  “So Lia, is it the same guys from last time,” Hazel asks, changing the subject.

  “Yes. You’ll have A again. Apparently they all enjoyed themselves immensely last time.”

  “Ah, so did I. That A made me feel things I’ve never felt before,” she sighs.

  I turn in my seat and look back at her. “Do you think he could be your one?”

  “Oh honey, I’ve given up that hope. Maybe I was made to be shared,” she smirks.

  Lia and I laugh, but deep down I really believe she thinks she’s not worthy. Well, I may have to intervene with that one. She deserves to be cherished, treasured and desired by someone that see’s past a release. Even if it isn’t this A character, I’ll find her someone.

  We pull up outside the two story country house. It’s white with green shutters and door. A small porch, big enough for a porch swing and two chairs and a side table, greets you at the end of a long cobble stone path. It was serene out here. Private.

  Nerves plague me and I can’t get myself to move out of the car. Lia exits and moves around to my side. Squatting down, she takes my hands in hers.

  “You can do this. Remember you are in full control of what you say and what you show. If you don’t want him to know then don’t remove the mask. Okay?”

  I nod my head. Sliding on my mask, I take a deep breath and climb from the car. “The only other time I’ve felt the way I did with him was with Logan. To lose two men that have given me that feeling…”

  “It’s going to be just fine, sweets.”

  “What makes you so sure?” I look at her, pleadingly.

  “Hey, it’s me. When have I ever been wrong?”

  I laugh despite the overwhelming urge I have to run. Not run because of something bad, but because of starting a family with someone other than Logan. That is what kills me the most. The love I have for Logan will never dissipate. It will always be there. This guy that I’m about to let know he’s going to be a father, though he brings my body alive like no one else has aside from Logan, he’ll never have the full me because my heart will forever remain with Logan.

  “Let’s do this,” Hazel says, trying to energize us like she always does.

  I swallow the lump in my throat and put one shaky foot in front of the other. Lia is the one that knocks this time. I stand behind her and try to get my bearings. I hear rumbles of voices inside before I hear the door open. I stop breathing.

  “Well hello again, Miss BB and Miss AA and… oh,” I almost hear a sad tone to his voice.

  Lia steps out of the way and I’m instantly drawn to his eyes again. A smile erupts on his face.

  “Miss CC, you’ve made it,” he grins at me.

  My whole body warms at the pure sexiness of his smile. Damn! He was sex personified.

  “I did. Did you no
t want me here? I can leave,” I say suddenly nervous.

  Lia and Hazel have already gone inside leaving me in the awkwardness of this meeting.

  He quickly grabs my hand. “No, please stay. I want you here.”

  Mr. C steps forward and pulls me the rest of the distance between us. He leans slowly down and kisses me. It’s soft and tender, taking me by complete surprise.

  “Do you want to go upstairs or go for a walk?” He asks quietly, his head resting on mine.

  Too scared to be out of earshot when I tell him he’s going to be a dad, I opt for the bedroom.

  “Upstairs please,” I squeak out.

  He takes my hand and we slowly walk through the house. I notice that all pictures have been taken down off the walls. I guess that makes sense. What would be the point in the mask if you left pictures of yourself hanging around the house?

  The closer we get to the stairs the more my heart begins to pound. I’m pretty sure he can feel my unease because he keeps turning and looking at me. Each step took me closer and closer to revealing the truth… or maybe Lia’s right maybe I don’t have to. Maybe I could just leave the same way I did the last time?

  We walk into his room and the click of the door being shut echoes in my head. I wring my hands in front of me.

  “So I have a question for you?” He asks.

  Turning around, I face him trying to keep my nerves in check. “A question?”

  “Yes, you know that thing where you hopefully give me an answer so I can stop thinking about it,” he smirks.

  Wow!

  “Well that’s a novel idea, but what if it’s an unanswerable question?”

  “Hmm,” he pretends to think as he sits on the edge of his bed. “Well the only way to find out is ask right?” He pats the bed next to him.

  “I suppose you’re right,” I say quietly as I move to sit next to him.

  His face turns serious, all trace of humor gone. “Why did you leave last time?”

  “Um,” I start, but unsure how to answer.

  Chapter Nine

  Logan

  Here she was again. Almost three months since I saw her last. She looks nervous. Definitely not the confident, sexy, irresistible woman from before.

  “Hey,” I take her hands in mine. “What’s wrong?”

  She looks down at our hands. “Have you ever wanted something so bad and then life steps in?” She asks in a whisper.

  I snort. “Yeah.”

  Definitely knew what she means there without her having to explain any of it. Faith is my something and her family took her away from me without even giving a thought to how Faith may or may not have felt.

  “I fell in love with the most amazing man that I’ve ever met before in my life. He made living worth it. My home life was far from glamorous. But then reality yanked him away from me taking my heart with him.”

  “And you’ve never gotten over him?”

  She shakes her head and I feel a tear hit our hands. Hmm, guess I’m not the only one in the world stuck on someone we can’t have. Nice not to be in the party alone, but sad that this vibrant woman had to suffer. If she’s nearly as bad as I am then I feel for her.

  “You probably think that I’m some sick freak to sell myself to any available man, but the thing is,” she looks up and meets my eyes.

  The sadness in her eyes broke me. Sick freak? Is that what people thought of her? Sure I may not understand her reasoning behind it, but I’ve paid for her services twice… so really we are not much different.

  “It gave me an out. A way that it might be possible to escape and…” Her voice breaks and another tear hit our hands.

  “And find him?” I guess.

  She nods sadly. “That was what I wanted at first. That was the big goal, but then the more that time has passed, I think he’s probably found someone else. He’s too incredible not to have someone amazing by his side.”

  “How long has it been?”

  “Five years, eight months, three weeks and two days, not that I’ve been counting,” she laughs, the heartbreak thick in her voice and laughter.

  “You sound like me,” I laugh cynically.

  Then the date hit me hard and fast. I stare at her, shock registers plain as day on my face.

  “Faith?” I breathe.

  Her head snaps up and our eyes meet. I see the shock, fear, and what… relief?

  With shaking hands, I reach up for her mask and slowly pull it off. There staring back at me is Faith, the woman who has owned my heart for almost six years.

  “Oh my God,” I breathe.

  Pulling my mask off my head and dropping them both to the floor. She stands and backs toward the door, shaking her head.

  “Logan…” she breathes as she continues to walk backward.

  The way my name sounds coming from her lips does the same thing that it always does to me and I shiver.

  “I’m sorry,” she almost sobs and turns and runs from the room.

  I sat there momentarily stunned. She was running again. And I was letting her.

  Fuck that!

  She wasn’t getting away from me again. I love her too much to let that happen again. I wasn’t going to spend six more years wondering what could have been. Getting my bearings, I run after her.

  “Faith!” I yell as I chase after her.

  Running quickly down the stairs, I glance into the living room, but she wasn’t there. Just faintly I hear the front door close. Hurrying around the corner, my feet slide across the rug causing me to fall to the floor smacking my head, but I quickly pull myself up and take off out the front door.

  “Faith!”

  Just ahead running down the drive, I can just make out her figure. I bolt. There’s no way I’m letting her get away this time. It was time for answers, time for… whatever lay ahead of us.

  My feet move quickly toward her. My breathing erratic and not just from the run. How could she run from me? Of course, I thought the same thing when she ran the first time. Maybe we just aren’t meant to be?

  “Faith! Stop, please!” I yell gaining on her.

  Damn she’s in heels. How the hell does she run that fast?

  She stops and turns to face me. I slow and stop just a few steps from her.

  “What? What else do you need to say? You’re shudder was pretty clear enough,” she chokes out.

  My shudder?

  “What are you talking…” Then it hit me. “No, that wasn’t a shudder.”

  She puts her hands on her hips and gives me a look of disbelief. “Then what do you fucking call it?”

  Ah! There’s my girl. The thought makes me smile. When her face hardens, I know she’s misconstruing that too.

  “Sorry. Whenever you say my name it… it…” I’m suddenly embarrassed, which is absurd.

  Faith doesn’t seem to be letting me off the hook either. “It what?”

  If I’m not mistaken there’s a bit of a smirk on her beautiful lips. Looking down at the ground, I kick an invisible rock.

  “It turns me on,” I mumble.

  I hear her gasp and it causes me to look up.

  “It does?”

  “Yes, it always has,” I say softly.

  “Wow,” she breathes.

  We stand there in an awkward silence for a moment or two before I see her shiver.

  “Can we go inside and talk? You’re cold. Please.”

  After a moment or two, she finally nods her head and we turn and start walking inside. I want to wrap my arm around her. To pull her into my arms and never let her go. But it has been six years. Six very long years. A lot has happened, probably more to her than me, but either way. We have a lot to talk about.

  Once we reach the house, I can hear the telltale signs of the others having sex. I groan inwardly. If I hadn’t been so concerned with finding out why she ran, we’d be making love again…

  Whoa, wait! Making love?

  Shaking my head, I hold the door open to my room for her. She walks in almost careful
not to touch me. I motion for her to sit on my bed and I pull the blanket around her.

  Pulling a chair over in front of her, I swallow hard. “Let’s talk.”

  She doesn’t say anything for a moment.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Are you married?” I ask bluntly.

  Her head snaps up and she glares at me.

  “Really? You think I’m that kind of person to be married and sleep around with other guys regardless of how much I hate him?”

  “I never thought you’d sell your body to begin with, so…”

  She sighs. “After you left… After I left, I was in a major depression. I didn’t care about anything anymore. My life wasn’t mine and I wasn’t allowed to have a say in it. I hated myself. Beau would check in on me constantly, afraid of my state of mind.”

  She looks up at me and my heart constricted in my chest.

  “I was heartbroken. The one thing I wanted was taken from me.”

  “Yes, but you could have stayed. We could have left together. You chose to leave me.”

  Her eyes drop down to her hands again. She’s playing with her nails.

  “Yeah I did choose. I chose to save you instead of myself. I chose to protect you, sacrificing my own heart,” she says sadly.

  “Your own heart,” I gasp. “You shattered mine into a million pieces when you ran from me. You hurt me more than your irate father ever could have. The pain you inflicted on me that day has stayed with me all these years,” I hiss unintentionally, but the pain consumes me.

  Our eyes meet again and I see what looks like loss in her eyes. Loss?

  “I know, but you don’t know much about my father. Hell, I don’t know much about my father. I’ve only been finding out bits and pieces over the years. That day, when I left, he threatened you, your life, if I didn’t walk away.”

  She lifts her hand to wipe away her tears, sighing.

  “Whether you believe me or not, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I hurt myself just as much, maybe even more because I’m the one that walked away. There’s not been a day that I’ve not relived that, saw your face, felt the pain. Beau kept me away from the river for a while.”

  I laugh sadly. “I found that out. I still went to the river for a while after that day. I guess he got tired of me showing up and told me that if I came back the next day that he’d let your dad know that I was there. So I came back and he told me that you were hurting too, but for your sake to stay away.”