by Lila Rose
“And when it doesn’t?”
His eyes met mine. “If it can bring peace within yourself, then it’s still worth risking.”
Fuck. I went to a bar and I ended up gettin’ Dr Philled.
Still, it was worth it. Damien patted my arm and went back over to his man and woman. I watched, realising I could be missin’ out on something special. They seemed to have found it, so why couldn’t I?
My somethin’ special could be with Beast, and even if it wasn’t, I reckon I’d enjoy the figuring out part.
Only how in the hell did I go about changing shit?
Then a thought popped into my head. Maybe it was time to see if I liked my mouth on Beast’s.
Chapter Thirteen
Beast
Knife came outta his room earlier than I thought he would. When Vin woke lettin’ me know Nevaeh was crying, I could smell the alcohol in the house. Thought Knife wouldn’t be faring well in the morning and couldn’t believe I was wrong. He strolled into the living room smiling. Actually, he looked refreshed so the night out must have been good to him.
Jesus, motherfuckin’ Christ.
Did he have sex? Was that why he seemed in such a good mood as he swung Nevaeh up in his arms and kissed her?
I wanted to punch him in the nose for being so sickly happy.
Glaring, I signed, once I had his eyes. Have a good night?
He shrugged and tickled his girl’s belly. I watched as her mouth opened and she giggled. He gave her one last kiss before he stuck her back in her walker. Wasn’t bad. Good to catch up with everyone.
Yeah, I’m sure it was.
Christ. I had no right to feel like there was a hole in my heart.
No right what so fuckin’ ever.
He claimed a seat next to me on the couch. Thinking of watching that new alien movie I bought tonight. You in for it?
Alone time with Knife while my mind festered over what he got up to the night before? No, thank you.
Busy. Not that I was. I had no plans. Still, I could find something to do. I was sure the brothers could use extra eyes for patrolling. I shifted my eyes to Vin, who lay on the floor next to the couch near me. He was watching Nevaeh scoot around in her walker.
What the fuck? My head jerked sideways as my hair was tugged on. Clenching my jaw, I looked to Knife, who was grinning. Come on. Don’t be busy. Watch it with me. We watched all the others together.
Shit, we had.
Still, I wasn’t in the mood to be around happy Knife. The way he used to be before…
Can’t, sorry.
Some of the cheer left his face. If you change your mind, I’ll have it on at eight, after Nevaeh is down for the night.
My brows rose at him. Thought you’d want an earlier night after having such a late one?”
He answered immediately. “Wasn’t that late. Home by one.”
Nevaeh had slept through the night, like Knife had told me she’d been doing for the last couple’a weeks, so I couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. That hadn’t left him much time to catch up with the brothers and fuck a woman since he’d left the house at nine.
Jesus. I had to remember who I was talkin’ about.
It was Knife.
He could fuck in the bathroom for all he cared. He didn’t need a private place. If someone caught him, he just kept at it until he was finished. I knew that from experience when we’d been out clubbin’ in our younger years, and I’d caught him in the male toilet with some bird.
Many out? I queried.
“Packed.”
So being the good-looking prick he was, he would have had a pick of any woman he wanted. Hell, I’d seen them throw themselves at him, and with just a look from a woman, he was eager and ready.
Fuck me. I had to stop thinking about it.
Glad you had a good night, but now you’re up, I’ve got to get to the garage.
He nodded and then smiled, his normal old smile at me. The dick. See you later.
Not if I could help it he wouldn’t, or else I would punch him in the mouth if he kept smiling like that. Hell, he must have gotten a lotta pussy to make him act like himself again.
Motherfucker.
My mind jacked me around all goddamn day. One second I was thinkin’ I should go and watch the movie with him, then next I was tellin’ myself it was a bloody stupid idea. All the conflicted thoughts caused me to be in a fuckin’ foul mood. Brothers steered clear of me, and I didn’t blame them. Even though I couldn’t hear it, I knew I was banging loudly around the garage while fixing up the cars I had. Even had Vin flinching a few times. Mitch had already been by to see how we were going and showed me more commands to use, even at work.
There’d been only one brother in there brave enough to approach me. Pick walked up, matching my glare with his own. What’s crawled up your arse?
Hell, seein’ him sign got me in the chest every fuckin’ time. He hadn’t been the only one to attend Mena’s class. All the brothers had. As in all of them. Some I wasn’t even close to took time out to learn. Then again, they could have done it so they’d know if I was talkin’ about them. I would have done the same.
Still, the fuckin’ thought to do it, in case they wanted to communicate with me, even when they knew I had it nearly down to read lips, got me to feel shit I shouldn’t’ve been in a biker compound.
Nothin’. I signed back to Pick.
Bullshit. You’re making everyone on edge. Either get over whatever it is or go the fuck home. Not real sure you’re gettin’ much work done anyway. Then he bent, patted Vin, and walked off.
There lay the problem. I wasn’t sure if I should go home. Nodding, I leaned back under the hood of the car and realised I’d fixed the fan belt twice.
Pick was right. I was useless at work. Hell, what was a movie among friends? I’d just have to give up obsessing over what Knife got up to at the bar. Then again, I could just text Ben. I was sure he’d be interested in seeing me.
Not that I really wanted to see him.
Not when Knife was on my mind. Fuck, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
Wiping my hands on a rag, I pulled my phone out and texted: I’ll grab pizza on the way home. Just about finished here.
Saying home and thinkin’ of Knife being in that home was dangerous. I liked it way too much. Fuckin’ hell, I had to get over him.
Knife: Awesome. You know what I like.
Yeah, I did. I knew too much about the guy.
The car I was fixing took longer than I thought it would. Mainly because I checked over what I’d already done before making the decision to watch a movie with him.
Anyway, it was only a movie.
At least watching it could fill my mind instead of him and the bar and club sluts.
Fuck.
It was around eight by the time Vin and I got outta there, and then I had to grab the pizza before I made it home, which had me showing at ten to nine. I should have left earlier. At least then Nevaeh would have occupied my mind. Poor Vin was no doubt starvin’ too. He eyed the pizza from the back seat the whole drive home.
Walkin’ through the front door, with Vin at my side, I found Knife on the couch as his eyes met mine. Stupidly I raised the pizza, as if he hadn’t already seen it, then placed it on the coffee table he’d got the other day. I’m gonna shower. Leave some pizza for me.
He smiled wide. I’ll try.
There went my dick. Why couldn’t it be so responsive for Ben?
Fucking stupid cock.
The shower was quick because I wanted the night over. Vin lay on the floor in the bathroom and then in the bedroom while I dressed in a tank and track pants. The house was warm since the heater was on and I always ran hot anyway.
Entering the living room, Knife already had the pizza box open and had eaten half of it. Bloody lucky I’d bought a family-sized one.
How was work? Knife asked as I sat on the couch next to him, too close for comfort despite being as far away from him as possible.
; Good. I signed, then picked up a slice and bit into it. With my free hand, I gestured to the TV.
Knife nodded and did some shit to the remotes to get the movie started. As I ate, I watched the movie, read the captions and also glanced at Knife every now and then because the fucker wouldn’t stop fidgeting.
About halfway through the movie, I finally turned to him and asked. What the fuck?
His head jerked back. “What?” he voiced and signed.
First, you don’t need to sign, I can read your lips. At least I could mostly. Second, can you sit the fuck still? You got ants in your pants or something?
“No, I… ah, can’t get comfortable, that’s all.”
Rolling my eyes, I said back. Well, find a way because you’re getting on my nerves.
“Can I ask you somethin’?” he blurted quickly, nearly making it hard for me to catch.
Yes.
My eyes flicked to his neck to watch him swallow. It was then I noticed a slight gleam on his forehead and how his eyes wandered the room and didn’t stay on me long. He was nervous about something. My eyes narrowed when he didn’t answer, I leaned in and shoved his leg. What?
“Right. You and Ben, you two, you know, serious?”
It was my turn for my head to jerk back as shock radiated through my body. For a beat there I sat dumbfounded. Rolling my shoulders, I shook it off. You seriously asking me about this?
He nodded. “Yes.”
Why?
He waved a hand around. “Just want to know.”
Not sure we should talk about this.
“Okay then. Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?”
Fuck me.
What I wanted to say was, because I was in love with my best friend and I didn’t want to freak you out, but I knew that’d have him running from the room screaming. So I shrugged instead and turned my attention back to the TV.
When the couch dipped, I glanced back to find Knife closer. “Answer one question at least,” he asked, and I saw his jaw tick.
My heart beat like a base drum in my chest. I wasn’t fuckin’ sure if it had to do with the awkward subject or the fact Knife moved closer. His knee hit against mine. I flicked my eyes down to it and then back up at him.
“Talk to me.”
Why?
“Because I want you to.”
Snorting, I shook my head. You want to talk now while we’re watchin’ a movie?
“I’ll pause the movie if you’ll answer my questions.”
Sighing, I ran a hand over my face, frustrated with how persistent he was being. Fine. I’ll answer only one. Ben and I aren’t serious. Now can we watch the movie in peace?
He grinned. “No.” He shook his head.
Groaning, I asked. Why?
“Because I want to try something.”
What was he going on about? What?
“Kiss me.”
My body froze. I had to have read his lips wrong. What in the hell? Had he said kiss me or was it piss me, or shit, hiss me? What?
He smirked. His gaze ran over my face before he said, “Fuck it.”
Chapter Fourteen
Knife
“Fuck it,” I muttered, more to myself than Beast and leaned in to touch my lips to his. He was statue still, and I worried I’d broke him from shock. I was also scared shitless that he’d throw me away and storm from the room yelling he didn’t want to mess around like that with a man who didn’t know shit about being with a guy. Because clearly I didn’t. I held my lips against his and had no clue what to do next. Usually women melted against me, and we’d be making out like pros. However, Beast was still frozen, with his hands down at his sides. They certainly weren’t on me, groping me, but at least they weren’t pushing me away. I had one arm along the back of the couch and the other splayed on the couch cushion at my side.
As my heart bottomed out in my gut from fear, I took another leap and brought my tongue out to lick Beast’s lips.
It was then he came unstuck.
He moaned against my mouth as his hands landed on my sides and he dragged me closer to him.
I smiled against his lips and thought, Well, there you have it, folks. I’m enjoying kissing a dude.
I wasn’t grossed out by it. I didn’t want to throw up in his mouth.
In fact, I fuckin’ liked it.
Moving closer still, my hand on the back of the couch came to his shoulder, and I lifted the other to the side of his neck and gripped while tilting my head to the side. Our tongues touched, tasted, and teased.
We groaned, and the kiss turned harder, and hotter. It was different than kissing a woman. His whiskers grazed me, but I even liked that.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus fuckin’ Christ.
My gut was in a swirl of feelings. My heart wanted to break free of my chest, and when I slid my hands over him, I realised they shook. My cock pulsated in my jeans, and as I ran my hand down to rest against the side of his chest, I found he was breathing as heavily as I was.
Breakin’ the kiss, I moved only inches away to see his eyes smouldering with… hell, desire. I wondered if my eyes said the same. His hands left me, and I knew he was going to sign some question. Only I didn’t let him.
Leaning back in, I touched my mouth to his, once, twice and then linked our lips together in another wild kiss.
This was Beast.
A man.
My friend.
And yet, I wanted more from him.
I wanted to touch him and him to do the same to me.
Was he as hard as I was?
The need to find out overcame me. I slid my hand from his chest slowly. His stomach quivered under my hand from my touch. I smiled against his mouth, and he knew it. He growled against my lips and gripped me tighter.
Shit. This was what I was missing.
Should never have run. Freaked.
I fuckin’ loved what I was feeling at that moment and wanted it to last forever.
Only it didn’t.
Beast flung me aside. I bounced on the couch cushion and saw him swivel his head down to the floor. I spotted Vin bouncing around, jumping at Beast and then back facing the hall. Beast was up off his seat in seconds and running for the hall. I knew it wasn’t Nevaeh. I couldn’t hear her cry and I’d come accustomed to even hearing her grizzle. Yet something was wrong.
Standing quickly, I bolted after Vin and Beast. He was in her room and then, fuck, I heard a crash, barking from Vin, and screaming from my girl.
Fear bombarded my senses. I ran, slipping, but got to the door in time to see Beast take a man to the ground and sit on him. Vin, down on all fours, growled low. Beast’s wild, angry eyes looked to me and lifted his chin to Nevaeh. Stalkin’ in, I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her close.
“It’s okay, baby. Daddy’s here. It’s okay,” I cooed, gently pressing her head into my chest. My eyes flicked to the window to see it open. The fucker had broken in. Why? What in the hell did he want? “Who are you?” I questioned, my voice filled with steel.
The man grunted but said nothing.
Stepping up, I kicked his head. “Who are you? What you think you’re doin’ breakin’ in here?” Nevaeh started crying again. She didn’t like her dad’s tone. I had to get her outta that room. Meeting Beast’s eyes, I ordered, “Stay here. I’ll call in the brothers.” After I had got a nod from him, I walked outta the room, found my phone and called in some help.
Fury built higher and higher inside of me.
If the skinny motherfucker thought he could fuck with my girl, he was dead wrong, and he was going to find out how much trouble he was in soon.
Mena showed with Dive. She took Nevaeh back to their place, with Dallas following. Low was already at Mena’s minding Koda while he slept. I paced the living room just after she’d left with my girl, while my brothers stood around me.
“This is fucked up,” I said.
“It is,” Dodge agreed.
“No one breaks into Hawks and gets away with
it.”
“Agreed,” Pick replied.
“He pays after we get what we need,” I demanded.
“Yes,” Billy agreed.
“Bring him to the shed out back. Beast made it soundproof.” Billy took off to tell Beast, who’d been stuck with the motherfucker while I took care of getting Nevaeh outta there and the brothers in. As I walked through the house and then out the back, I knew I didn’t have to look behind me to see my brothers were there. They’d be in this because it was Hawks’ business. We took care of our business as one.
Dodge, Pick, and I stood to the back of the small shed and waited. I only knew it was soundproof because I’d helped Beast install the stuff myself, so he could play the drums, which were off to the side, without annoyin’ the neighbours.
The door crashed open. Billy and Beast entered with a struggling man. It was then I noticed Beast had a red mark on the side of his face and he also had his tank off. The man had obviously tried to fight when I’d left the room, but Beast had the better of him. Still, the dickhead would pay for marking Beast.
What was also in the back of my head, which was fucked up in that type of situation, was the need to find a top for Beast. No one had the right to look over his body. Hell, even if they weren’t, I still wanted to cover him. That shit would be for my eyes only.
Running a hand at the back of my neck, I asked, “He said anything yet?”
Beast shook his head and Billy said, “Nope.”
My smile was gleeful. “Good. Means I get to work it out of him.” Glancing to Dodge, I jutted my chin up and ordered, “Get the shears off the wall. Both of them.” Dodge moved off to do as I asked. “Lay him out,” I ordered Billy and Beast.
Billy smiled. Beast, when in business mode, or most of the time actually, expressed nothing on his face. They threw the guy to the floor and each brother kneeled on an arm after they’d flattened his limbs out at his sides. The man kicked out and up, trying to throw them off, until Pick came forward and stood on each of his shins.
Dodge came back over and handed me the first shear. Tapping it in my hand, I stood behind the guy’s head and looked down at his red face. “You got somethin’ to say?”