by Lexi Ryan
“This amulet is too weak to work over such distances.” Finn shakes his head. “He won’t know you went to Mordeus—at least not from this.” He heads to the window. “I’ll have Pretha take you back to the palace soon. Sebastian will be looking for you now that he suspects you’ve been with us, and I can’t risk him knowing about our alliance. Pretha will glamour one of the other tutors to make them believe they’ve been working with you all this time.”
I nod. Of course. We have to address this. But will that be enough to convince Sebastian?
“Don’t come looking for us. We’ll need to relocate. Pretha will come to you when it’s safe.”
He’s going to have to move. To uproot his people and Lark. All because of me. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugs, but I don’t miss the weariness in his expression. “This was a temporary home anyway. It’s part of a life in exile. Nothing we haven’t done before.”
“You and Sebastian . . . you didn’t fight.”
When he turns, exhaustion tugs at his shoulders. “You think that was a friendly encounter?”
“No, but I was under the impression that you hated each other. I thought you might try to kill each other if you were ever in the same place.”
He studies the amulet in his palm. “I don’t know what he’s told you about me, but I don’t wish your prince any ill will. His mother, on the other hand—” He tilts his head side to side, stretching his neck. Anger washes over his face, but then it’s gone just as fast. “Sebastian isn’t my enemy.”
It’s a relief to hear, and as I return to the palace, I can almost convince myself that everything will be okay.
But when I open the door to my chambers, Sebastian is waiting by the windows. “How is Prince Finnian?”
Chapter Twenty-Five
I CAN TELL BY THE SET of his shoulders that he’s angry. “Bash?” I say softly. Guilt and shame wash over me. They’re always there, lapping at my feet, trying to slow me down, but now they’re a rising tide threatening to drown me. “Wha—what do you . . .”
“Prince. Finnian. I know you’ve been spending time with him.” His voice is raw—as if he’s been screaming.
I wrap my arms around myself. “I . . .” Do I try to deny it, or would that make it worse? “Does it matter? He’s a friend.”
Sebastian’s eyes are red, his jaw set. How long has he been waiting in here in my empty bedroom, knowing the truth about where I was? “Are you in love with him?”
“What?” I gasp. “Why would you even ask me that?” But maybe the question hits too close to home because it makes me want to run away. From Sebastian. From those sea-green eyes that seem to see too much. From my own confused feelings. I love Sebastian. I might not ever be able to marry him, but I do love him. It kills me to think that he feels like he has to stand before me and ask me if I’m in love with another male. It kills me because even if I don’t love Finn, I do feel something. I feel more than I should.
“He is my enemy, Abriella.”
“Well, you’re not his, so maybe you should rethink that,” I snap. Part of me knows that now isn’t the time for this, but I don’t want the secrets anymore. I don’t want to feel like I’m betraying one prince for the other when they are both good males who want what’s best for their people.
“Is that what he’s been telling you? Is that how he convinced you to trust him? By pretending that we’re friends?”
“I didn’t say you were friends. I’m not that naïve. But he’s not the monster Mordeus is, and if you want what’s best for your people, you should do everything you can to put Finn on the Throne of Shadows where he belongs.”
He flinches. Flinches.
“Sebastian.” He doesn’t look at me, and I move slowly as I cross the room to him. When I put my hand on his arm, he closes his eyes—relishing my touch or enduring it? I can’t tell. “Look at me. Please.”
“I can’t.” His jaw hardens. “You’ve been spending your time with my enemy while living under my roof and making me believe . . .” He shakes his head and keeps his gaze averted when he asks, “Are you even considering my proposal, or are you just pretending to so you can feed him information to bring down my court?”
“No.” I shake my head. I may be awful, I may be guilty of deceiving Sebastian and betraying him, but I would never try to help Finn destroy the Seelie Court. “I wouldn’t. But that’s not what Finn wants.” My voice shakes.
“Then what are you doing with him?”
He’s so wrecked, and it breaks my heart. You don’t know the worst of my betrayals, Sebastian. I don’t deserve you.
Because of my agreement with Mordeus, I can never tell Sebastian the full truth of what I’m doing with Finn—the how and the why of his help. Even if I could, I don’t know if I would. Sometimes I believe Sebastian would do anything to help me get Jas to safety, but other times . . . Nights like Litha, when I saw him throw Jalek around in that cell, I realize there’s still so much I don’t know about this world and the role Sebastian plays here. There’s so much I still don’t understand about the dynamics between the courts and within them.
Sebastian spins to me, and anger and desperation flash in equal measure in those beautiful eyes. “Answer me.”
“He’s training me,” I blurt. “He’s helping me learn to use the powers that manifested when I came to Faerie.”
“Powers.” Some of the anguish leaves his face. “Tell me what you mean.”
I lick my lips, eager to explain in a way that will allow him to forgive me for spending my time with his enemy. “You know I’ve always been good in the dark, but when I came here, I could suddenly become the darkness and the shadows. I could disappear into them.”
He searches my face, his expression unreadable. “Do you know where these powers came from?”
I shake my head. “No. They’re just there, though I’m not very good at wielding them. Finn offered to help.”
“In exchange for what?”
I close my eyes. I can’t answer that question without forfeiting my bargain. “I don’t know,” I whisper, and as the lie slips past my lips, I realize there is no lie I won’t tell, no object I won’t steal to save my sister.
“Why didn’t you ask me?”
Because I didn’t want you knowing about my powers. I didn’t want you knowing that I have abilities that let me sneak around your palace, that let me steal and spy and free prisoners. I bow my head. “I’m sorry.”
He strokes my cheek and nudges my chin up until I’m looking at him again. “I am mad with jealousy. I’ve been losing my mind here thinking he might be stealing your heart. I tried to tell myself that all I really care about is the security of my kingdom, when in truth”—he bends over and touches his forehead to mine—“in truth, I’ve put you before my kingdom for a long time now.” He traces the line of my jaw with the rough pad of his thumb, and I lean into that touch—the warmth and comfort of it. “Can I truly trust you, Abriella?”
If he could, he wouldn’t be asking again. But nothing’s changed. I need Sebastian’s trust. I need him to take me to the summer palace, and I need him to continue allowing me to stay here so I can retrieve the third artifact. “Of course.”
“Really?” He sighs heavily. “Maybe you don’t understand what it’s like between Finn and me, what it’s like between our families, the centuries of animosity. I’ve been protecting you all this time, and meanwhile, you’ve been spending your time with him. I can’t pretend this isn’t a betrayal.”
“Bash, you can trust me. How can I prove that?” How can I make you believe this awful lie?
“You—we could—” Swallowing, he seems to consider his words, but then he shakes his head. “I won’t rush you into anything you’re not ready for.”
I slide both hands behind his neck and lift onto my toes to press my lips to his. If I ever questioned what I feel for Sebastian, this kiss is the answer. A simple brush of his lips and I want to wrap myself around him.
But again, Sebastia
n is the one who pulls away. His eyes are hazy with desire, but he takes a deep breath, steeling himself, then steps back.
I grab his hand. “Where are you going?”
His lips quirk into a crooked smile. “If I stay here, I’m going to kiss you again.”
I step closer. “That sounds nice.”
His eyes darken. “Don’t play games with me, Brie. I can’t handle it.”
I take another step and press my palm to his chest. “I’m not playing games.” And maybe at any other moment that would be a lie, but in this one, right now, it’s true. All I want is his kiss, his touch, his affection. I want to soak in as much of him as I can before he learns the truth about me and pushes me away.
Slowly, he lowers his mouth to mine. “My heart is in your hands, Abriella,” he says, a breath before our lips meet.
I don’t know if it’s his words or the gentle way he parts my lips with his, but I let everything else go in that moment. My mind goes fuzzy and my body comes alive. Sebastian’s hands stroke down my arms and back up, and every pass of his callused fingers sends an electric pulse through me. It would be so nice to hand everything over to him. He’s doing everything in his power to get Jas back, to protect me. I don’t want to deceive him anymore or sneak around. I don’t want to carry this weight alone.
Soon. It’s a promise I’m making to myself. One I’m secretly, silently making to Sebastian. As soon as my bargain with Mordeus is complete and my sister is safe, I won’t keep any more secrets. I’ll find a way to be worthy of this love he offers me. If he’ll have me.
I plunge my fingers into his hair, and the leather tie that binds it comes loose. I stroke my tongue against his, and he groans into my mouth—the vibration of the sound sending lightning flicks of pleasure down my spine. The kiss goes rough, deeper, and claiming.
He kisses his way down my neck, kisses the swell of my breasts, dips his tongue beneath the fabric of my dress. My skin burns with the need for more, the need for him.
He backs me up until the back of my thighs hit the side of the bed. I lower down onto it, my hands at his hips guiding him to follow.
“I can’t think straight when it comes to you, Brie,” he says, his breath hot against my neck. “I have duties to my family and to my people, but one taste of you and I want to forget everything.”
I hold his face between both hands and guide him to look at me. His eyes are dark and foggy with pleasure, his lips parted as he searches my face. “Then let’s forget. Just for these moments. Let’s pretend nothing else exists.”
His nostrils flare, and he lowers his mouth and sucks my bottom lip between his teeth. Groaning, he grabs the hem of my skirt, and I lift my hips to help him drag it up until it’s bunched around my waist. He settles between my legs and I can feel how much he wants me. I lose myself in the sweet weight of his body on mine, in the aching pleasure of his hand on my hip, his thumb brushing maddeningly over my skin.
He dips his head to suck at my breasts right through the fabric. I cry out and arch into him. My hands are everywhere—on his shoulders, then against his powerful chest and down his sides, then to his belt. I can’t feel enough of him at once.
He draws back and meets my eyes again. “Tell me you’ll be mine,” he murmurs. “Tell me you’ll stay here with me.”
“I’m here with you now.” Sadness muddles with passion, and my words crack as I offer the only promise I can. “I’m yours tonight.”
He tears himself away, and suddenly he’s off me and sitting on the side of the bed, breathing hard, head hanging. “I’m sorry.”
I prop myself up on my elbows. “Why? What’s wrong?”
He swallows hard and stands. “That was too fast. We’re moving too fast.”
Are we? It didn’t feel too fast. In fact, it felt right. Easy. And I know if he hadn’t stopped, I would have let him keep going as long as he wanted. Would that be so bad?
I push off the bed and straighten my dress before standing in front of him. “Hey.” I press a hand to his cheek, and he turns his head to press a kiss to my palm. “I didn’t mind. Come back to bed.”
He looks into my eyes for so long I’m sure he can see all my secrets. All my betrayals. “I want more than your kisses, Brie.”
I bite back a smile. “I’m positive if you climb back into that bed with me, I will offer you much, much more than my kisses.”
His nostrils flare, and his eyes go dark. “Gods above and below, you tempt me, woman.”
I sigh. “Not enough, if you’re going to walk out of here.”
He looks to the door, then back to me. “I don’t want to go, but I have a meeting.” I try not to let the disappointment show on my face, but it must because he says, “I’m sorry I’m always so busy. I’ll make it up to you.” He pinches my chin between his thumb and index finger. “How about we take that getaway to the summer palace you want so badly.”
My mind is fuzzy from his kisses, and it takes me a moment to remember why I want to go to the summer palace and what I need to do there. “Really?”
“Really. I think you’re right. It would be good for us to get away and have time for just the two of us.” He sweeps a sweet kiss across my lips. “When I finally lie with you, I won’t be rushed.”
My stomach flips, then twists miserably. He wants time with just the two of us, wants to spend our time at the summer palace making love and connecting, when I’ll need it to search for and steal a sacred item from his mother’s library.
Sebastian must see the torment on my face. He frowns. “If you’ve changed your mind about the palace . . . or about . . . us being together—”
“No,” I blurt. “Neither. I’m . . . impatient, but you have things to do. It’s fine. Thank you.” For Jas, I will deceive him a little longer. For Jas, I will be less than the woman he thinks I am.
But soon I will be better. Soon.
He studies my face as if he’s trying to piece together what he sees there. “Maybe the wait will give you a chance to think about . . . us. To think about the future.”
“Sebastian . . .” I bite my lip. Tell me you’ll be mine. I don’t want to tell him no. I don’t even want to tell him I don’t know. Because I know what I want to say, but it’s at odds with what I need to do. So I can’t say yes. Not yet.
Soon.
With a stifled wince he puts a finger to my lips. “You don’t need to say anything. I know you’re not ready.” He leaves my room, shutting the door behind him.
* * *
Sebastian is going to take me to the summer palace, and until then there’s nothing I can do . . . nothing but train.
After Sebastian’s gone, I shift into the shadows and explore the palace like I’ve done so many times before. I pass Riaan and a few members of the royal guard arguing about something in low tones. I consider stopping, but I’m not interested in spying on Sebastian’s sentinels tonight, not when I my guilt is gnawing at my gut. But I do need to test my ability.
I never go to the east wing of the castle, where the royal family’s chambers are. They’re always too brightly lit, but I need to push myself and try using my gifts in brighter areas. If I can darken the brightly lit corridor that leads to Sebastian’s rooms, I might find the courage to try something even harder.
I smile as I pass a second guard and slink closer to his door. Then I smile even more when I remember that Sebastian knows about my powers now. One less secret. Maybe I’ll leave him a little note to let him know I was there. Maybe I’ll suggest that I can meet him when he returns from his court business.
I hear voices inside and slip through the door without opening it. Or I’ll just surprise him now.
Just as I inch into the room, female laughter greets me, and a matching voice says, “Prince Ronan, you’re a devil.”
The sight before me slams into my chest. I gasp but can’t breathe. There’s no room for my lungs to expand when they’re surrounded by the shrapnel of my shattered heart. Sebastian and a human girl are tangled up togeth
er. His voice is low and husky as he murmurs something into her ear. Her skirt is hitched around her waist, and one of her pale legs is wrapped around his hips. His mouth opens on her neck, and she moans in pleasure.
“No.” The word blurts out before I can stop myself, but they’re too focused on each other to hear. I back away and slam into the door I never opened.
I’ve lost my grip on my shadows, and it takes all my focus to turn to shadow again and slip back into the corridor, all my control to hold on to my magic as I race back to my chambers. I barely make it to the guest hallway before I’m corporeal again, and when I get inside my room, I don’t bother shutting the door behind me before I sink to the floor, shaking.
It couldn’t be. He wouldn’t. That wasn’t Sebastian.
Maybe some shape-shifting faerie is pretending to be him to get to the girls—or maybe . . . maybe . . .
Maybe Sebastian doesn’t think I’m going to agree to marry him, and he’s doing exactly as he told me he would. Maybe he’s trying to find a bride. Trying to do his duty to his kingdom.
But somehow . . . somehow it never occurred to me that when he’s not with me, wooing and kissing me, he’s with one of them. Is he sleeping with the other girls? Was I so incredibly naïve to think he wouldn’t? I knew he’d be preparing for the possibility of another bride, but this ache I feel isn’t because he was kissing her, but because he looked like he didn’t want to stop. What I witnessed wasn’t some duty of the crown, but passion and pleasure—the very thing I was offering him when he left me for a “meeting.”
My heart feels like it’s been eviscerated, and I can’t decide if I want to cry or storm back into his room and scream at him. All I know is that I can’t do nothing. I cannot just sit here and be a sad little girl until he comes back to explain why he lied and why he ran from my bed to meet with another woman.
It hurts. I press a balled fist to my chest, wishing I could tear out the organ inside, desperate for a way to be done with this pain. I don’t want to be a girl who falls apart over a male, but I don’t know how to feel okay with what I just saw. I draw in one gulping breath after another. I won’t let Sebastian turn me into a sniveling idiot. I thought he wanted me. I was such a fool, thinking I was special.