by Laura Ward
I slipped my fingers into the waistband of his board shorts, pulling his body against mine. “I want you. I always have.”
He groaned, and then his lips were on mine, our tongues and lips and hands fighting for purchase. I retreated toward the bed, pulling him with me, and when the backs of my knees hit the mattress, he reached around me and yanked the covers down before gently lowering me to the cool sheets.
My fingers found the tie on his shorts and pulled it loose. My hands hungrily pushed the fabric down, but I didn’t get too far before his fingers were on the button of my shorts, snapping them open. He continued to kiss me as he deftly and efficiently had my clothes removed and on the floor before I managed to even get his shorts past his hips or his shirt off.
His lips left mine just long enough for him to sit back on his knees and look down at me, spread out naked underneath him. “Fuck,” he groaned. “My memory is shit. I forgot how beautiful you were.” He ran his hand back through his hair. “My dreams couldn’t even do you justice.”
“You dreamed about me?” I grinned, happy to know that no matter how many girls he might have met while away, I still had a spot somewhere in his thoughts.
He huffed. “Dreamed? More like obsessed. Thought about this every fucking night.” He ran the backs of his fingers along the side of my breast and then down my side until his hand rested on my hip. With his other hand he yanked his shirt off and tossed it away. “Sometimes during the day too.” He leaned down over top of me, and his lips pressed against mine, salty and hot.
My hips lifted automatically, seeking him. He pushed back against me, the thin fabric of his board shorts no match for the hard bulge underneath. I moaned and grasped for the waistband of his pants again, trying to get them out of the way.
“Hold that thought, angel.” Liam pushed up off the mattress and reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet before dropping his pants to the ground. My jaw nearly hit the ground when I saw him naked. And ready. For me. Because of me.
Desire flared through me, touching every nerve ending, scorching every inch of my needy skin. I wanted to launch out of the bed and climb his body.
When he found what he’d been searching for, he crawled back on the bed, holding the condom between us. “You sure about this?” he asked, showing me the package. “I can wait.”
“Too bad.” I grabbed the packet out of his hand and used my teeth to tear the edge off with a flare of confidence I hadn’t expected. “I can’t.” I handed it back to him because I didn’t trust my fingers to get it on right. His eyes held mine for a moment, wanting to believe me but expecting me to take the statement back.
When I didn’t, he growled. “I’m trying to do the right thing. You could tempt a fucking saint you know.”
“I don’t want you to be a saint,” I told him. “I just want you. In every way.”
He closed his eyes tightly, but then his mouth crashed into mine, two years of pent-up need exploding between us. Hunger. That’s the only way I could describe it. We were starving for each other.
When his fingers brushed between us and down the center of me, dragging along the slick warmth between my legs, my hips bucked up into him. He slipped a finger into me, and I pushed myself back against him, my body remembering his touch, craving more.
“Liam,” I moaned. His lips came down on mine again, catching the end of his name, sucking away the small sounds of pleasure that I couldn’t hold back.
His free hand was in my hair, his fingers buried in the tangled strands, binding us together. He hovered over me, every hard, sculpted part of his body just barely touching the soft curves of mine. He was driving me crazy. “You ready?”
“Yes.” My hands were on his hips, pulling him down to me as I arched up into him. I felt the tip of him nudge against where I was wet and aching for him. I wanted to mold myself against his skin, wrap myself around his body. Make us one.
He pushed inside slowly, and my hips started to circle and pull him deeper, begging him for more. “Please…”
He gripped my hair harder, and my head tilted back. When his mouth found my throat, his teeth grazed along my skin, and he thrust the rest of the way in until he was flush against me. I felt like I was on fire.
And I wanted to burn until I was nothing but a pile of ashes.
“Angel,” he groaned, moving gently. Lovingly.
“Don’t just love me, Liam. Don’t be gentle.” I hooked one foot around his leg and then used my other leg to push myself up into him so he was buried even deeper inside me. “I need you unleashed. I want you to lose control.”
I rubbed myself against him, and he started to move with me, sliding in and out with more force.
“You feel like heaven,” he murmured into the curve of my neck. And then he was moving, plunging into me, driving the breath out of me, forcing my body to spark like a live wire.
I smiled as his lips claimed mine again. My bad boy was still there. And he was wild for me.
***
Liam’s fingers toyed with the rainbow on my bracelet. “You still wear this?”
I snuggled against him and kissed under his jaw. “Every day.”
“Because it reminds you of Sam?”
I nodded. “And you.”
He pulled me closer and ran his hand down my hair. “I like that. I was worried you might have forgotten all about me with all those fancy college boys.”
Guilt tugged at me, and I paused a moment before I said, “Impossible. There was no comparison.”
He exhaled in relief. “I was so worried I’d come back and find out someone had swept you off your feet. That you’d found out that I wasn’t good enough for you.”
I pulled myself up onto his chest so I could look at him. “I told you over and over again it wasn’t about you not being good enough. You were always more than good enough.”
He reached up and twisted a piece of my hair around his finger. “I was so terrified you’d fall in love.”
I shook my head. “I’d already given my heart to you. There was no getting you out of my system.”
His hand stilled, and he looked deeply into my eyes. “You tried.”
I bit my lip, knowing that I had to tell him about Asher. “I knew I’d made a mistake as soon as I woke up in my dorm room and you were gone the next morning. I called and texted. I tried to apologize. You never answered.”
Liam stared long and hard at me. “I didn’t take my phone with me. I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t?” I couldn’t decipher the feeling that was flooding my chest. Was it relief that he hadn’t been mad and had never ignored me? Or was it guilt that I didn’t take his letter seriously and had turned to Asher to try to wipe out the memory of the one boy I loved who I thought didn’t want me anymore?
The sick feeling in my stomach told me it was the latter.
Liam reached up and rubbed his thumb along the corner of my mouth, attempting to erase the frown that had appeared. “All this time you thought I had turned my back on you.”
My eyes burned with shame and tears. “I tried to call you on the anniversary. Of the accident. You…” I didn’t finish because we both knew he didn’t answer.
His expression was one of pain, like he couldn’t believe he’d hurt me by not being available. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I should have tried harder.” His fingers were running through my hair and down my back, comforting me.
I shook my head. “I should have tried harder. I should have known better. I should never have tried to get you out of my system.” I chewed on my lip again. “I kissed someone else,” I finally blurted out.
Liam’s hand stilled against my hair, and I felt his muscles go rigid beneath me. “Oh?”
“His name was Asher. He was just a friend. A guy from a fraternity that our sorority often does mixers with. When you… when you didn’t respond, I thought you’d given up on me. I knew I didn’t want to give my heart to anyone else, but I thought Asher might help me forget how s
ad I was. And I kissed him. I hung out with him. I went to parties with him.” I couldn’t stop rambling. Oh God. I was going to throw up. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Liam took a deep breath, and then his hand slowly stroked along my hair again. “It’s okay.”
I shook my head. Because he should be mad. I broke up with him and then kissed another guy. A lot. And he was just being so understanding, which made me feel dirty and awful and unworthy.
“Oh fuck.” His thumb swiped across my eyes. “Don’t cry. Please don’t fucking cry over this.” He pulled my face up to his and kissed the tracks of tears on my cheeks. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I want to tear his fucking head off at just the thought of him with you. But…” Liam’s jaw twitched, and then he asked, “Did you have sex with him?”
My eyes flew wide in horror. “No!” I shook my head wildly. “No. You’re the only one. Ever. I—”
“Shh. Shh,” Liam said, kissing my arguments into silence. He pulled me into his embrace, tucking my head against his shoulder. “That’s good news. I won’t have to rip out his beating heart and light it on fire. I won’t have to go to jail over this,” he joked.
I let out a nervous laugh and loved him even more that he was comforting me even though I could tell I’d hurt him. “What about you?” I asked, keeping my face tucked against him where I wouldn’t have to meet his eyes. I wanted to know the answer, but I was dreading it at the same time. “Have you… with anyone?” My fingers traced circles over his chest as I waited.
Liam hooked his finger under my chin and lifted my face up until our gazes locked on one another. “I only want to be inside you. And I only want to taste you. I only want to love you. You’re the only one for me. And you’ve been the only one since I met you.”
My heart was nearly bursting it was so full. “I love you.”
He let out a sigh of contentment and pulled me tighter against his chest. “That’s all I need.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Time was slipping through my fingers once again. Liam was leaving tomorrow. The past two weeks were a blur. Between the wake, funeral, our trip to the beach, and time with his mom and mine, the days were filled.
The nights, however, were ours, and we didn’t waste a minute. Our hands rediscovered our favorite curves and angles, and our hearts committed everything to memory so we’d have something to hold on to when he went away.
“Here we are.” Liam turned off the ignition at the College Park bowling alley. He was going to spend time with the whole crew today.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something. You don’t smoke anymore, right?” The scent of cigarettes was one I had always associated with Liam. At first I hadn’t noticed the absence of his bad habit, but over the past few days, I’d expected him to smoke in front of me. He hadn’t.
Liam moved to face me. “Quit cold turkey the day I left you and went to Georgia.” He skimmed his thumb down my cheek, my neck, and rested it over my pulse point. “I decided if I was going to become stronger, I’d be stronger in every way. You were losing one man to cancer, you didn’t need to lose another.”
My pulse quickened, and he smirked. His eyes dropped to my lips, and I licked them in anticipation. His mouth met mine, and I kissed him back, hard.
When I pulled back, I dragged in a deep breath. “Thank you, Liam. I can’t bear to lose anyone else.” I placed my hand over his heart. “Remember that when you’re gone, because I need you back.”
He frowned but then winked. “You think now that I got you back, I’d do anything stupid? I’m coming back to you. Count on it.”
We held hands as we walked into the dark, cool bowling alley. Summer in Maryland meant high humidity so the chilly room, even though it smelled of stale beer and pizza, was a welcome respite.
“Lex!” Stacy walked up to me with a huge smile on her face. “Is this your hunky man?” She wore an orange spandex skirt and a yellow tank. The skirt was so short I was positive it was one that her mom hadn’t seen her leave the house in. Along her waist was a wide peach-colored belt. I thought she looked like a sunset.
Liam chuckled and held out his hand. “I’m Liam. You must be Stacy.”
Stacy ignored his hand and hugged him. From my position I could see Liam’s face morph from shock to genuine happiness.
Stacy pulled away and led us over to a small table. “I ordered pizza. My treat.” Liam shook his head, but Stacy held up a finger. “Next time you buy. When you get home from your trip. Where are you going?”
Liam shrugged. “I can’t talk about that. Top secret stuff.” He winked at Stacy, and she nodded with a grin.
“I’m so happy you came back home. Lex needed you. She was sad, and I was her rainbow, but she really just needed you. You are her love, and love is what makes us strong.” Stacy patted Liam’s arm and then bent down to tie her bowling shoes.
Liam stared at me. He mouthed “Whoa.”
I nodded, a smile breaking out in return. “She’s pretty great, isn’t she?”
“I can hear you,” Stacy shouted from her crouched position.
We were so caught up in our laughter that I didn’t see Julie approach. She was pushing a man in a wheelchair.
“Hey, everybody. This is Darren, my new buddy.” Julie applied the brakes to the wheelchair and stood next to Darren.
Last year when buddies were assigned, Julie was left without one. Her volunteer assignment was paperwork, and to say she wasn’t pleased would be the understatement of the century. Kate, our sorority sister in charge of the Good Buddies volunteer program, had promised to find her a buddy during junior year.
“Helllooooo there.” Darren looked me up and down and whistled. “You got a boyfriend, pretty girl?” Darren gestured at me, the fingers of his hand curled in an awkward fist.
Liam moved to stand next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He wasn’t wearing his uniform, but even in cargo shorts and a black T-shirt, he looked threatening.
“I’m the boyfriend. Nice to meet you, Darren.” Liam extended his hand, and Darren shook it as best he could.
“Fist bump, bro. I’ve got the palsy, man. Hard to shake hands,” Darren explained.
Liam nodded and bumped his fist against the back of Darren’s. I had never met someone with cerebral palsy, and I was fairly certain that Liam hadn’t either.
Darren had moved his attention to Stacy. “Hey, girl. Do you have a boyfriend?”
Stacy shook her head. “Not allowed. My dad’s kind of a jerk about it.”
“Lemme get your number.” Darren picked up a cell phone and handed it to Stacy. She bent over and entered her number in the contacts.
“He’s a bit of a flirt.” Julie walked over to where Liam and I stood. “I picked him up ten minutes ago on campus, and he’s asked me out three times since then. I’d be flattered if it wasn’t for the fact that he propositions anything with a set of ovaries.”
“I love it,” I whispered. “Only you would get assigned a buddy as flirtatious as you are.”
“Right?” Julie looked over her shoulder. Darren wheeled himself over to the waitress and was leaning to his side in what appeared to be an attempt to see up her skirt. “By the way, Taren and Alec can’t make it. They have a family party with William.”
“Okay.” I rubbed my hands together. “Then let’s get started. I’m ready to crush Liam in bowling.”
“Crush me?” Liam lifted me off my feet, kissing my cheek and then my neck. His stubble tickled the soft skin, and I giggled.
“Wow,” Julie said after Liam had placed me back on my feet. “Happy looks real good on you, Lex.”
I looked up at Liam and grinned. “It feels pretty darn good too.”
Bowling turned out to be a great way to spend the afternoon. Darren used a ramp that we pulled up to his chair that allowed him to roll the ball down and onto the alley.
This was not his first rodeo, and he beat all of us. Stacy was a close second. She wasn’t fibbing about playing every we
ek. But despite the loss, Liam got to see a part of my world, and that part of my world got to see my love.
I realized that all the times I’d felt alone, I was surrounded by people who loved me. And because of their unconditional love, I finally felt like I was starting to heal. I had all the parts that were helping to make me whole again.
***
My hands fisted his fatigue jacket. “Don’t go, Liam. I’m not ready.” I heard myself begging, and it pissed me off. I couldn’t get control over my emotions.
We stood next to his Jeep in the drop-off zone of the departure gate and clung to one another with desperation. Liam leaned down and rested his forehead against mine. While he no longer smelled like leather and cigarettes, he still smelled like Liam.
Like home.
“You’ve got this. We’re going to talk, FaceTime, e-mail…” He pressed his mouth to mine, and I moved my lips against his, needing him to open up. I couldn’t miss any chance, not one, to taste him.
His lips parted, and his tongue met mine. I moaned and clutched him tighter to me.
Liam had made the rounds. He’d said good-bye to his mom and stepdad and to my mom. My mom cried, surprising both of us. She asked him to come home safely. She told him that we both needed a man like him in our lives. Gruff, tough Liam had been shaken up saying good-bye to my mom. Afterward, I drove him in his Jeep to the airport. He wouldn’t let me park and walk him in. He insisted it was easier if I dropped him off and pulled away.
He was wrong. Nothing was easy about any of this.
Liam cleared his throat and stiffened. “I’ve got to go. I’m sorry, but I can’t miss my flight.” He held up his phone. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” Liam kissed my lips, my nose, my cheeks, and then my forehead.
I nodded, tears falling down my face. I took a shaky breath. “I love you.”
Liam closed his eyes for a moment. “I love you too.”
And then he was gone. He walked through the airport doors and out of my life.
Again.
I climbed back into the driver’s seat, the insistent click of the Jeep’s emergency blinkers and the blare of car horns filling my ears. I thought about the past few minutes and was disgusted with myself. That was not how I wanted to say good-bye. I hadn’t meant to beg him to stay. He needed me to tell him everything was going to be all right. That we’d see each other soon. I’d been weak when he needed me to be strong.