“Do you always kiss your patients? It’s not very professional.”
“Dad!” I start to laugh. “What do you think?”
“I just don’t know what you see in that guy. He’s all money and bravado. What’s attractive about that?”
“Dad, look at this house! What’s not to see in Simon? He takes care of everything. I like that in a guy. I know that I can rely on him.”
“Reliable is something you want in a mechanic, not a husband.”
“Actually, I think I want both a reliable mechanic and a husband. I’m particular that way.”
“What about passion? Does he move your senses at all?”
“Dad!” I’m so not having this conversation.
“Sharon and I knew from the first moment. She looked at me, and I knew everything would be okay.”
That might be because you’d just lost your wife.
“What about Mom? How did you know with her?”
“Your mom was a good woman, Poppy, but she was too practical for real passion in many ways.”
It breaks my heart to hear this, because I don’t think for one moment that it’s true. My mother bore and bred passion. I think about her giggles at the beach, and her spinning me around in the house, and our sewing together, and her passion for art. Everything she did was done with zeal: the garden, her dancing, her baking. I think about my dad’s statement and I realize he doesn’t really remember my mom before Aura died. He just couldn’t and think she wasn’t passionate.
At the same time, I imagine my father forced the practical in her. Though my daddy may be passionate about a lot of things, work was never one of them. Don’t get me wrong—I love my father deeply, but I know his weaknesses well. He never grew up. When my mother finally died in her coma, Sharon helped serve food at the funeral.
I’ll never forget seeing her in the kitchen, wearing my mother’s apron, as though the interloper had made herself at home no shortage of time. Later she told me, “Men need to be married, Poppy, and I wasn’t about to let another woman get her hands on a good man like your father. In those cases, one must move quickly. Let mourning protocol be saved for kings and queens. You needed a mother.”
Yeah, I was her top concern. But of course, Sharon was a good mother to me; she just wasn’t my mother. And it’s time I remembered the good in that.
“What are you doing here, Dad?” These memories temporarily wipe the empathy from my voice.
“I drove all night. I just felt there was unfinished business here. Something drew me back, and Sharon tried to talk me out of it. She’s worried about nesting for the kids before they get there. But I don’t know, Poppy, I just had to come.” He looks at the house. “It looks good, doesn’t it? Hard to believe we lived in it the way we did all those years.”
I nod.
“We have to get your mother’s things out of storage. It’s time. I’ll be back in a month for the wedding, but I didn’t think this could wait.”
Yes, it was time twenty years ago, but facing things head on is not something either me or my father is good at—unless we’re talking someone’s health issues. I can take all the conflict in the world for a bad kidney.
“Sharon didn’t come with you?”
He shakes his head. “She feels we should have done this ten years ago. She offered to.”
“Maybe we should have let her.”
“Come on, I’ll drive you to the storage locker. Simon said the key was in the left-hand kitchen drawer.”
I watch my father go into the house and schmooze with the plaster guy. He really could charm a snake from its hole, and this makes me smile. My daddy was the man every girl wanted in school, and I feel lucky to have him. Though money disappears in his presence, he’s worth every penny to those he delights.
He jangles the key in his hand. “Let’s go.”
Let’s go. My thoughts exactly, but somehow I’m picturing white sandy beaches and a burly hero at the end of my travels. Simon’s picture invades my thoughts, but it’s a good thing because somehow going through my mother’s things doesn’t feel nearly as unpalatable as I might have thought.
My cell phone trills, and I pick it up hopefully. It’s Morgan.
“The bride is calling me? What did I do to be so special?”
“Lilly and I are worried about you, Poppy.”
Oh my goodness, how sweet is that?
“Worried about me? What’s to be worried about?”
“You’re dating a plastic surgeon who looks like he’s straight off Dr. 90210, you’re in a cast from over-exercising, you’re telling us you might lose your office lease, and you have the nerve to ask that question?”
“I’ll have the cast off for your wedding, and Jeff and I are just friends. The office will work out. My clients will follow me.”
“It didn’t look like friendship on the sidewalk,” Morgan says, referring to my brief lack of judgment.
“Were you spying on us?”
“Of course we were; what kind of friends do you think we are?”
I walk away from my dad so he can’t hear my conversation. “Well, I explained to Jeff all about Simon. Jeff felt sorry for me after the shower.”
“Simon? The guy you told Lilly about? The patient?”
“Not anymore. He’s moving to Hawaii. He was a patient for three years though.”
“And you’re telling me I shouldn’t worry. You finally have a crush on someone and he’s going to Hawaii and it took you three years to realize you had a crush?”
“Yes,” I answer. “But Hawaii’s just a plane ride away, and I easily enough when I get the new office settled.”
“What on earth? Poppy, you’re not thinking clearly. What supplements are you on now?”
“I’m on nothing, just a little kefir in the mornings. Listen, have a plan, Morgan.”
“Oh no, Poppy. A plan? It doesn’t include some magic potion you’ve concocted in your office, does it?”
“Ahem.”
“You’re not going to think this is romantic to have unrequited love scene, are you? You didn’t watch Wuthering Heights lately, did you?”
“Simon!” I shout with all the passion of Heathcliff on moors. But Morgan doesn’t laugh.
“That is not funny.”
“Come on, it was sort of funny.”
“Let me see if I have this straight,” Morgan says. “Jeff your date for the wedding. The guy you were snuggling with Lilly’s sidewalk, and the guy who you got a nearly perfect score on The Newlywed Game with, right?”
“Right.”
“But he’s not the guy you want.”
“That makes me sound flaky, Morgan. It’s not like that. needs a place to expand his business, and our landlord is going kick us all out, so Jeff hired a lawyer, but I’m not into that lawyer/lawsuit thing. Oh, no offense to George. But anyway, made Jeff a deal—”
“Poppy?”
“Yeah?”
“How does this have anything to do with the guy you supposedly want?”
“I’m getting to that. Okay, Simon, the man I want, comes but really never did anything about it because I was his doctor, he was my patient, that kind of thing. Then, Simon was in my office when my dad was there—”
“Oh, your dad likes him.”
“No, not really. So Simon overheard my dad say that I had this house in Santa Cruz that needed a lot of work.”
“Poppy, you’re making my head spin. If you want Simon, but he’s moved to Hawaii, explain to me how you think this is going to play out.”
“Okay, well, I don’t exactly know that yet. I just know that Simon is the man I want to marry. I’m going to pray about it, and you know, God says he can move a mountain, so Simon shouldn’t be all that difficult.”
Morgan sighs again. She seems to be doing a lot of that lately.
“So will Simon come to the wedding now as your date?”
“No, he’s going to be in Hawaii, aren’t you listening? Besides, he says he’s not serious about me,
but I know he’s lying about it because when he kissed me— Oh well, just never you mind. But wow! This is it, Morgan. This is it.”
“I’m glad I called. Lilly reserved the spa for the weekend because she was worried about you, and I told her she was full of it, but now I think I must have been blind. Lilly thought we hadn’t spent enough time with you and wanted to get together just the three of us before the wedding.”
“Don’t you have a million things to do?”
“Poppy, you forget. I used to plan these parties weekly. George will be home for the weekend with Georgie, and this is our last chance to play free and clear.”
“That would be great.” I hold up a finger to my dad, who is tapping his foot outside his Lexus and ready to get this errand over. “I’ll explain about Simon then.”
We hang up, and I have a big smile on my face. Today, I remembered who my mother really was, and I learned how a broken heart damages everything. If Simon thinks he’s any match for my zeal, he’s got a lot to learn. I did not figure this all out for nothing.
I get into my dad’s Lexus and he dashes us to a nearby storage unit that looks like a good place for a murder. The metal cubicles are all locked, and of course I can’t help but wonder what’s inside each of them. Maybe I’ve watched too many movies of the week, but I keep hoping one won’t smell and there isn’t a body inside.
“Poppy, what are you doing lollygagging?”
“I was just thinking about something. Do you think anyone’s ever been murdered here?” I hop quickly to catch up to him, and he looks at me strangely and gets to the number Simon has marked. He opens the door, and whew, talk about smells! “Oh, Dad! What died in here?”
“I think it’s the sofa. It was out in the rain.” He shrugs. “I should have taken it to the dump, but I guess Simon didn’t know to throw it out.”
The good news is Simon values used items. The bad news is he may be a pack rat like my father.
Dad starts to pull out the items. My mom’s old sewing box. “Oh, Dad, I want that.”
He nods. “Everything in here is yours. There’s only one thing I came back for. I used to keep it hidden from Sharon. It made her feel bad.”
“You kept something hidden from Sharon?” This intrigues me.
He pulls out a wooden frame with the family picture in it. My eyes well up seeing the photograph of me at nine beside my father, and baby Aura in my mom’s arms. “Sharon thinks it’s morbid to have this around since half our family is gone, but it makes me happy to remember what we were.” He holds up the frame. “Do you remember when we took this?”
“I fought over the green dress. You wanted me to get the pink one.”
He laughs. “That’s right. Your mother wanted to sew matching dresses for you and Aura, but you said you were too old to dress like a baby.”
“Where are you going to hide it now in Arizona?”
“I’m not going to hide it anymore, Poppy. This is my first family. Yeah, we’re not the same and we’ve added Sharon to our mix, but it doesn’t make your mother or Aura obsolete.” He dusts off the photo. “You know why I’m here?”
“I haven’t a clue.” But I feel my tears at the sight of all my mother’s things. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. You never forget. You just never forget what it feels like when your heart has been broken.
“We’re going to do foster care for Sharon’s nieces and nephews. I told you that, right?”
“You did.”
“God really nudged me the other night that I hadn’t finished my first job as a father. I left you with this house and all it entails, and even though that man Simon helped you, it wasn’t his place to do so.” My dad looks down at the photo in his hands. “That Simon’s a good man, Poppy. I still think he’s not for you, but what father ever thinks a man is good enough for his daughter?”
“Daddy, I love you, but I want you to know, I’m strong enough to do this alone. I want to take my time and go through everything methodically.”
“I know you are, Poppy. You always were. But sometimes it’s about not having to be strong enough. Sometimes, it’s about knowing that you can be weak and someone else will pick up the slack. That’s been you far more than it’s been me.”
“Dad, you’re a good father. We just got dealt a raw deal, and we didn’t handle it all that well.”
“I wanted to be the best father. I think I was better before Aura came along. I suppose that’s a cop-out, but somehow everything fell apart after that. Once your mom lost her, nothing was ever the same. She ate her pain, and the rest of us suffered right along with her.”
“You’ve got a new life now, Dad. Someone else will benefit from the lessons learned.” I hug him and realize how grateful I am for all he is—and, really, all Sharon is too. She really walked into no bargain, and I’ve forgotten that. All this time I acted like my father and I were the prize, the reward for a life well lived. Hello? No wonder Sharon thought I was nuts.
No, my father’s never been the kind of dad who made sure my shoes didn’t have holes in them. But more important, he was the kind who supported me in whatever I wanted. Even when that meant dropping out of medical school. “Yeah, Dad. God broke the mold with you. You’re the perfect daddy.”
“And you’re the perfect daughter.”
We continue to sort through the many things in the storage unit, and there are quite a few more gauze skirts. I’ll have fun with those this weekend. Lilly will completely lose it, and just the thought of it makes me laugh out loud.
One thing about death: the memories go on forever, and it’s a choice to remember the good ones.
chapter 24
Miles walked: 3
Weights lifted: 60 minutes
Desperation scale: 4
Spa Del Mar has been such an important part of my history. Our history as friends. The Spa Girls started coming here during college—to get away, to study and have the quiet necessary to escape our stressful collegiate lives. Morgan tried to escape an overbearing father who choreographed her every move and saw her future as an investment. Lilly tried to escape her finance major and the life she architected for her Nana’s approval. Back then, I thought I was escaping nothing more than my routine, that I was just along for the ride to help my friends.
I was escaping more than either of them. I just had buried it so deep that I didn’t know it. As I come back to Spa Del Mar for this final soiree, I’ve emerged a new person from my carefully constructed cocoon, so light I feel like I could fly.
We get into the room with its familiar faded green walls— which get more and more faded with each trip—and it dawns on me that we’ve outgrown this place. It’s a dump. I suppose it always was, but it held so much comfort for each of us no one wanted to be the one to say out loud what we all thought. I toss my tapestry bag on the floor, and I open a brand-new Samsonite suitcase with the fancy, twirling wheels.
“Poppy, you bought something new?” Morgan asks.
I nod. “It’s for my trip to Hawaii.”
“About that trip.” Morgan and Lilly look at one another. “We think you should postpone it. Hawaii is always having triathlons. You’re not going to be able to run this one now, and we’re worried you’re going to push it. And about this Simon character—”
I shake my head. “I’m not going for the run. I haven’t run since I put this cast on. I’ve been doing weights at the gym at work. Simon will work out fine.”
“Really?” Lilly says.
“We’re not concerned about the exercise. Even if it is extreme, you’ve always been extreme, so it’s not like the obsessive-compulsive thing worries us. Poppy, we’re worried about this guy Simon. You can have any guy you want. Why do you want to chase someone?” Morgan extends her French-manicured hands to her suitcase filled with expensive couture relaxation outfits and unpacks as gracefully as possible in a plastic dresser.
“I don’t really want to chase Simon,” I say. “But if training has taught me anything, it�
�s that I can outrun him. Probably even in the cast. Which is coming off next Thursday for a removable one. That should make you happy, Morgan.”
“Men like to be the pursuers,” Morgan says like the star of the fairy tale she is.
“Do you remember that song More than Words by Extreme?” I ask.
Again, they look at each other, wondering what I’m really asking and not quite sure how to proceed.
“It’s not a trick question. I’m going to assume you remember it. Well, with Simon there’s more than words. I can’t explain it. When I’m near him, I just feel alive. He’s like this great energy source, almost like I’m plugged in! He’s the water to my houseplant.”
“Honey,” Lilly says. “That’s lust.”
“No,” I shake my head. “Dr. Jeff was lust. He’s hot and I can’t deny I thought he was completely attractive and I almost lost my head to lust. But no, Simon is different. I even learned to appreciate Jeff’s zeal for plastic surgery. But that’s different from what I feel for Simon.”
The two of them back away from the bed, as if to show me it’s again mine. They obviously feel my life is the most pathetic at the moment. Which I understand. After all, Lilly is married to a multi-millionaire living on an expensive knoll in San Francisco’s Marina District. Morgan is marrying a top tax attorney in San Francisco and becoming an instant mother to his child, Georgie, who sees in her genteel nature the mother he always needed. Likewise, Morgan sees the ready-made family she always craved. So it’s not like there’s any real competition for pathetic, but I’m glad they recognize it just the same.
I’m fixing up a decrepit house, trying to find a new office building, paying an escort for his services to the wedding (with my pledge of office space, but still), and I’m chasing a man who left me for the Aloha Spirit and golf. So I can see why they think my life is bad energy personified. But they’re wrong. Simon loves me. We just have a few kinks to work out.
“Poppy, we just want you to be happy,” Morgan says.
“And bring a decent date to your wedding. I’ve taken care of that. Simon is a little boisterous for your tastes, I’m sure, but Jeff will be fine.”
Calm, Cool, and Adjusted Page 25