“No, I can’t do this,” he said quietly, looking directly into her dark eyes. “I can’t stay here with you knowing that…it’s ripping me up and I…ah, damn it, Heather, I love you. I’ve fallen in love with you and because I have I have to leave…now.
“My loving you doesn’t change who I am, the kind of life I need to lead to be content. I’ll never be a tree with roots.
“But I have a dream now, just as Emma wanted me to have. A dream of being your husband, the twins’ father, spending the rest of my life with you and…but my dream will never come true because I am who I am. Do you understand?”
Of course she did, Heather thought. She understood what she had always known…to love was to lose, to be abandoned, left to cry in the night alone.
She got to her feet and wrapped her arms around herself, her hands gripping her elbows.
“Yes, I understand perfectly,” she said, her voice trembling. “For the record, Mack, I love you, too. I do. I certainly didn’t intend to fall in love with you, but…” She shrugged. “I did. Aren’t we a pair? We’re in love with each other and it’s a terrible and heartbreaking mistake.” She shrugged again. “So it goes.”
“You…you love me?” he said.
“Oh, yes,” she said, nodding jerkily, “but that’s of little importance under the circumstances.” She paused. “Well, the doctors are going to have a fit that you’re taking that long plane ride, but…would you like me to call and make a reservation for you?”
“Wait just a damn minute here,” Mack said, his voice rising. “We just declared our love for each other and you’re hustling me onto a plane so I can get the hell out of here, out of your bed, your home, your life?”
“Do you have a better plan?” she said, matching his volume. “Want to marry me, Mack? Settle in and stay put? Become the ever-famous tree with roots that will keep you with me until death parts us? Want to do that, Mack Marshall?”
“I can’t!” he yelled.
“I know! So…so go, just go and let me get on with my life.” Tears filled her eyes. “My love can’t hold you here with me. My love has never had that kind of power and never will. Leave, Mack. The sooner the better.”
“You sound so cold, so harsh,” Mack said, shaking his head.
“I sound like a woman who is facing the truth.” She lifted her chin. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe this conversation is over and I have a great deal of work to do.”
“Go for it,” Mack said, a rough edge to his voice as he got to his feet. “I have some telephone calls to make.”
“Fine.”
Mack strode from the room and Heather reached out one hand to grip the back of the computer chair, her other hand covering her mouth to stifle a sob that caught in her throat. She stumbled to the front of the chair and sank onto it, dropping her face into her hands.
Heather was unable to concentrate on her work during the next two hours, but she stayed in the bedroom. Mack did not return to rest on the bed. When she heard the sound of Melissa’s and Emma’s voices in the distance, she got to her feet, took a steadying breath and went into the living room, where she found not only the twins, but Susie and Buzzy, as well.
“Well, this is convenient,” she said, hoping she sounded bright and cheerful but seriously doubting it. “Susie, Buzzy, I’m glad you’re still here. You can say goodbye to Mack. Melissa, Emma, Uncle Mack is flying back to New York City. When is your flight, Mack?”
“Midnight,” he said quietly from where he sat on the sofa.
“Ah, the Cinderella hour,” Heather said, “when the fantasy is over and reality sets in.”
“You’re leaving?” Emma said, more in the form of a wail. “How come?”
“I, um, I need to see the specialist who is tending to my shoulder, Emma,” Mack said. “It’s important that I do that.”
“But…” Melissa said, her bottom lip quivering. “I don’t want you to go. Mommy, can’t you tell Uncle Mack not to leave us?”
“No, sweetheart,” Heather said, her heart aching, “I can’t keep him here. We knew he’d be leaving…and…and now he is.”
Susie narrowed her eyes, looked at Heather, then Mack, then back at Heather.
“There’s something fishy going on here,” Susie said.
“We had tuna fish sandwiches for lunch,” Emma said. “Uncle Mack, don’t you want to stay with us?”
“I…I can’t, Emma,” he said, his voice raspy. “Believe me, I would if I could, but…” He shook his head. “It’s impossible. I, um, waited until you got back so I could say goodbye, but I’m going to the airport in a few minutes and I’ll wait for my flight in the executive lounge. I can rest there and…it’s better this way. You know, instead of us all sitting around being gloomy all evening.”
“Fishier and fishier,” Susie said, tapping one finger against her chin. “Heather, I need to see you out front for a minute. There’s some weird-looking bugs on the leaves of your mulberry tree. Maybe they’re planning on gobbling it up and it would be a shame to lose a lovely old tree like that one.”
“Can’t it wait, Susie?” Heather said.
“Heavens no,” Susie said. “We don’t know how fast those little guys can eat. We’d better take a closer look at them, then decide if you need to call the landlord about having the tree sprayed or whatever. Come on.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” Heather said, stomping across the room. “This is all I need. Tree-eating bugs.”
As Heather and Susie left the house, Heather could hear the twins begging their uncle Mack not to leave for New York City. Heather sighed and marched to the tree, peering up at the leaves.
“I don’t see any bugs, Susie,” she said.
“There aren’t any,” Susie said. “I wanted to get you alone. Talk to me, Heather. What’s going on here? You and Mack both look like you just found out you’re scheduled to have four root canals. You two are not happy campers. Why is he leaving in such a rush?”
Heather sniffled. “Because…because he loves me.”
“Huh?”
“He does, Susie, he honest-to-goodness loves me and I love him and…but it’s hopeless because Mack just can’t be a tree, you know what I mean? He doesn’t want roots, can’t stay in one place, can’t be a husband and father.”
“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” Susie said, planting her hands on her hips.
“It’s true,” Heather said, blinking away her tears. “I’ve known that from conversations we had. I didn’t mean to fall in love with him, because I knew he’d leave and now he is and…there’s nothing I can do about it. Nothing can be changed. Not who Mack is, nor the fact that I was born under the wrong star or something and when I love, I lose, except for having the forever love of my daughters. There’s no point in discussing this further, Susie. Facts are facts.”
“People can change, Heather Marshall,” Susie said none too quietly.
“Not this time.” Heather turned and headed back toward the house.
“I don’t believe this,” Susie said, shaking her head as she followed Heather. “This is so sad, and…oh, I don’t believe this.”
Back in the living room Melissa was finishing buttoning Mack’s shirt for him.
“There,” she said, then kissed him on the cheek. “I’m really going to miss you, Uncle Mack.”
“I’ll miss you too, Melissa, and you, Emma. And Maxine and Buzzy and Susie and—”
“Our mom?” Emma said, hugging her kitten. “Are you going to miss our mommy?”
“Yes, Mack, do tell us,” Susie said. “Are you going to miss Heather?”
Mack’s head snapped up and he looked at Susie who was glaring at him.
“More than you know,” he said, meeting her gaze directly.
“Oh, I know, but do you?” Susie said. “Don’t you two realize what you’re throwing away and—”
“Susie, please,” Heather said. “Don’t.”
“I want to see the bugs on the tree,” Buzzy said.
“It was a false alarm, sweetie,” Susie said. “I thought there was something important happening around here, but I was wrong. It’s obviously no big deal.”
“Susie,” Heather said, a warning tone to her voice, “that’s enough.”
“Fine. Okay. We’re gone,” Susie said, holding up her hands. “It was nice meeting you, Mack, and I hope your brain heals along with your shoulder. Goodbye. Buzzy say goodbye to Mack.”
“’Bye, Mack,” Buzzy said. “You’re a cool guy.”
“’Bye,” Mack said quietly.
As Susie and Buzzy went out the front door, Mack announced that he was going to telephone for a taxi. Heather nodded and said she had work to do, and the twins plopped down on the floor in front of Mack, producing the saddest expressions they could muster, along with deep, dramatic sighs.
Twenty long minutes later, Heather shivered as she heard Emma yell that Uncle Mack’s taxi had arrived.
No! Heather thought, getting to her feet. How was she going to find the strength to get through the next five minutes?
She walked slowly down the hall and into the living room. The taxi driver was collecting Mack’s suitcases and the twins were crying.
“Shh,” Heather said, going to her daughters and wrapping her arms around them. “Don’t you want Uncle Mack to remember you as smiling, happy girls?”
“No,” Melissa said.
“I guess so,” Emma said.
“Heather,” Mack said, not looking directly at her, “I left a bunch of photographs for you on the kitchen table. I was planning on putting them in a really nice album first, but I didn’t get the chance.”
“Thank you,” Heather said to the top of Melissa’s head. “I’m sure we’ll enjoy them.”
“Ready, mister?” the taxi driver said.
No! Mack’s mind hollered. He’d never be ready to leave this house, these kids, the only woman he’d ever loved. Hell, no!
“Yeah,” he said. “Sure. Let’s do it.”
Mack closed the distance between Heather and the girls, tilted each twin’s head up with one finger and kissed her on the forehead. Then he looked directly into Heather’s tear-filled eyes.
“Goodbye, Heather,” he said, his voice gritty. Goodbye, my love. “I’m…I’m sorry. I…thank you for everything.”
Unable to speak past the sob in her throat, Heather nodded.
And then he was gone.
With a bang of the door and the rumble of a taxi that needed a new muffler, Mack Marshall was gone.
Emma burst into fresh tears and ran down the hall with Maxine in her arms. Melissa stomped her foot, sniffled a few times, then said she was going to play ball with Buzzy and wasn’t going to think about Uncle Mack for even one second, so there.
Heather stood in the silent, empty room, and stared at the door. She simply stood there, miserable…and alone.
During the following hours Heather felt like a robot performing her duties without thinking. She joined the twins in gushing over the wonderful photographs Mack had given them, finished an income tax return, prepared dinner, cleaned the kitchen, then listened to the girls’ prayers at bedtime. Prayers that included the request to please bless Uncle Mack.
The twins went to sleep quickly, being physically and emotionally exhausted, and Heather wandered around the small living room, feeling restless, edgy and so unhappy she was sure she could cry for a week without stopping.
She sank onto the sofa, leaned her head on the top and stared at the ceiling.
“To love is to lose,” she whispered. “I know that. That doesn’t include Melissa and Emma, of course, because…”
Heather stopped speaking and sat up straight, her mind racing.
Because she had been determined to keep her babies, no matter what, she thought suddenly. She loved them with her whole heart and nothing, or no one, would ever separate her from them. She’d known that from the moment she’d seen them being born. They were hers and she was theirs…forever.
There had been a well-intentioned social worker who had visited her in the hospital when the girls were born, a woman who gently suggested that the best thing for Heather’s babies might be to give them up for adoption. Heather was a young woman alone with no money or marketable skills that would produce the income she would need to raise her babies.
No, no, no, she had told the woman. She intended to keep her daughters, make whatever sacrifices were necessary to have them with her. They were hers, a part of who she was, and they belonged with her. Oh, yes, her babies were worth fighting for, no matter what.
Heather got slowly to her feet, her heart racing. “And…and so is Mack Marshall.”
So what was she going to do about it?
Mack sat on a plush sofa in the executive lounge at the airport, rotating his injured shoulder as he held the telephone receiver in his other hand.
“No, Marilyn, I’m not interested in contracting to go to Ireland after my shoulder gets its act together.”
“It’s big bucks, Mack,” Marilyn said. “As your agent…” She laughed. “I want my cut of that money pie.”
“Nope. Sorry.”
“Well, how about an assignment in Alaska?” Marilyn asked. “The offer isn’t as good, but I think I can jack them up a bit to meet our price. Or throw a dart at a world map and just go. I can sell whatever you produce. So? Where? Africa? China? Spain?”
“No,” Mack said.
“Well, cripe, Mack, what do you want to do when you’re back on your feet?”
“My feet,” he said, “would like to stay in one place for a stretch of time. I’m going to do another book. I just decided that in the last few hours as I’ve been sitting here. I’m going to call it ‘Faces of War…Faces of Peace.’” Images of the photographs he’d taken of Heather, the twins and the people on their block flashed before Mack’s eyes. “I’ve got some great stuff already.”
“Fantastic,” Marilyn said. “I’ve got an editor waiting with baited breath and a blank check. Top-of-the-line cruise, here I come.” She paused. “I thought for sure you were a goner in the heart department out there, but you’re coming back to New York and settling in for a spell here, huh?”
“Yes, staying put is what feels right,” Mack said, nodding. “I’ve had enough of living out of a suitcase and…and…not having any sense of really belonging anywhere…not having any roots. I want to buy a house too, with a yard, grass and…” Mack’s eyes widened and his heart beat so wildly he could hear the echo of it in his ears. “Oh…my…God.”
“What? What?” Marilyn said. “Is someone hijacking the airport? What’s wrong? Mack? Are you there?”
“I’ve been so busy making it clear who I’ve always been,” he said, an incredulous tone to his voice, “that I didn’t pay enough attention to who I’ve become. I’m a tree, Marilyn. I’m a tree!”
“Is that one of those trick answers?” Marilyn said. “Please tell me I’m not supposed to understand what you’re talking about, because I don’t have a clue.”
“I’ve got to go.”
“I thought your flight didn’t leave until midnight,” Marilyn said.
“It doesn’t,” Mack said, “but if I’m not too late, I won’t be on it.”
“Now that,” Marilyn said, “really didn’t make sense, Mack Marshall. Not too late for what?”
“My dream,” Mack said. “Wish me luck. ’Bye.”
“Right. Get lots of rest on the flight home. You definitely need it. See you soon, Mack.”
Mack dropped the receiver back into place and got to his feet, gripping his left arm as he rose. He strode across the large, lushly furnished room that he’d had all to himself since arriving at the airport hours before.
As he extended his right arm to push open the door, someone pulled it from the other side, causing Mack to snap his hand to the side just before smacking the head of the person attempting to enter.
“Heather,” Mack said, staring at her. “Heather? What are you doing here? I was ju
st leaving to…”
“Excuse me, ma’am,” a man said, coming up behind Heather, “but I need to see your membership card before you can enter the executive suite.”
“Oh,” Heather said. “Oh, dear, I don’t…”
“It’s fine,” Mack said, taking Heather’s hand and pulling her forward. “She’s with me. No problem.”
The man nodded and closed the door, leaving the pair alone in the large room with Mack still holding Heather’s hand.
“You’re here,” Mack said, frowning slightly. “Heather, why are you here?”
“May I sit down, please?” Heather said, afraid her trembling legs would refuse to support her much longer.
“Oh, yeah, sure. Do you want something to drink? Eat? They have all kinds of stuff in here and… Can I get you a soda, sandwich, potato chips or…why are you here?” Mack paused. “Wait a minute. It’s past the twins’ bedtime. What did you do with them?”
“Becky is with the girls.” Heather crossed the room and sat in an easy chair. “I called and told her I had an emergency meeting with one of my accounting clients and she agreed to spend the night on the sofa if I got back later than when she’d go to bed on a school night.”
Mack pulled another easy chair in front of Heather’s and sat, their knees almost touching.
“You said…you said you were just leaving,” Heather said. “Am I keeping you from something?”
“No, no, forget that,” Mack said. “I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but why are you here?”
Heather clutched her hands tightly in her lap, lifted her chin and looked directly into Mack’s dark eyes.
“Mack,” she said, wishing her voice was steadier, “I love you. When I realized the depths of my feelings for you, I was devastated because I believed that to love is to lose, to cry, to be lonely, instead of just alone. That’s the way love has always been for me and, sure enough, there you were, saying you were leaving, just as I knew you would.”
“But…”
“Please, hear me out.”
Mack nodded.
“But then,” Heather went on, “I remembered how fiercely determined I was to keep my babies when they were born, to fight for them, to make whatever sacrifices were necessary to keep them with me. And they are with me, and we share forever love. I broke the heartbreaking cycle of loving and losing when I gathered my daughters close and held on tightly to them.
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