by Fay Henson
Poor Joe was looking quite worried, so I decided to play him up a bit and stopped still and put on my deadly serious face.
‘Joe,’ I said. He was peering at me, waiting, and I really was keeping him waiting too, until I couldn’t hide my giggles and hold back any longer so I excitedly announced,
‘So am I.’ He cuddled me into him again and held me tight; I knew he was happy too.
A short while had passed after we’d just laid together; I’d been quite deep in thought and I guessed the same for him.
‘Caylin?’ he whispered.
‘Si?’
‘What would you say to getting unvirgined?’
Oh my god, this is it, I thought, this is it, he’s asked me, we’re going to do it. And all I could say was,
‘I think it’ll be OK.’ What was I saying? It seemed like the barricades were automatically going up. What I should’ve said was, what’s taken you so long, or come here gorgeous. I really did want to do it with him, in that room, there in pretty Siena.
‘You sure?’ he asked, ‘I’m pretty good at waiting, you know.’
‘Just joking,’ I said, ‘course I’m flipping sure, I like you very much.’ Actually, a bit more than like, I thought.
‘Just a sec,’ he said softly kissing me on my forehead, and he got up off the bed and went to the window where he pulled the shutters inwards a touch which took away the sun’s glare making the room appear much more cosy. Then he went over to the door and turned the lock ensuring there would be no interruptions. Even though I was filled with excitement of the thought that I could soon be losing my virginity to someone I was falling in love with, I couldn’t stop myself from being rigid to the spot.
Next, I watched Joe go to a side pocket in his rucksack and saw him pull out a small shiny pack of something and placed it on the little bedside table, I then realised had to be a condom. I wondered if he was as nervous as I was, after all, it was to be his first time too.
Joe was undressed down to his boxer shorts before I’d even contemplated moving myself from where I was sitting. He came over to me and held out his hands enticing me to go to him. You know, it was hard to believe that I’d even planned on how I’d act on this special occasion, and I’d gone over it in my mind time and time again, but yet, I was still pathetically slow on the uptake.
‘Come on,’ he said gently, ‘let’s get under the sheet, I want to kiss you again.’
Joe helped me slip my top up and over my head and dropped it onto the chair, then tilting his head to kiss me, he undid and removed my bra, the whole time, I was sensing his excitement. I was down to my pants and feeling quite intoxicated by my rapid heartbeat and the thrill of the unknown. He pulled me strongly to him so my smallish and firm boobs were pressing against his warm chest and whilst we were kissing passionately, we sidled clumsily together onto the bed and slid under the sheet.
I put myself on top of Joe to continue the kiss because he was a good kisser but I was also using it as a delaying tactic. You see, I was scared of how it would be, like if it’d hurt much or if we actually didn’t manage it for whatever reason. And I was also scared of spoiling it for him. I didn’t want to disappoint.
Then Joe continued to lead the way; he pulled my pants down and we both fiddled with our feet to get my pants down to the bottom of the bed where I gave them a flick with one of my feet, sending them out from under the sheet and onto the floor. And so then we awkwardly repeated this with his boxers until we were underwear-free and I was loving the final freedom on top of him.
‘You ready?’ he whispered.
‘Think so,’ I said a little anxiously, ‘yes, I am,’ I corrected myself giving Joe a warm smile.
He kissed me again on my forehead and moved to sit on the side of the bed reaching for that little shiny packet. He had his back to me so I wasn’t entirely sure if he was shaking from nervousness or eagerness whilst he was getting himself ready, but whatever it was, it hadn’t deterred him one tiny bit; that I realised when he climbed on top of me fully charged and with one desire in his mind and body: a desire I shared completely.
17
No going back
I don’t really know if that was how we’d expected our first time to be. It wasn’t the fact that it was our first time together, but our very own first time ever.
I know that Joe was trying to be gentle even though he still hurt me, and a couple of times we had to stop because it all seemed so strange and nothing like what Zoe had told me once, but when it finally happened I was dead chuffed that I’d waited until I’d met someone like Joe. And there he was, that very happy cat purring next to me and there we both were; unvirgined.
‘Do you mind if I ask you something?’
Joe smiled. ‘Feel free.’
‘How come you were still a virgin? I mean, by twenty-one I would’ve thought most guys had done it.’
He traced his finger around my shoulder like he was sketching. ‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘Well, for years my parents had always gone on about stupid boys, their words by the way, who get girls pregnant and since I was a teenager, they’d made it very clear that if I did anything like that, I’d be a disgrace and they’d disown me, shame me even, so basically they scared me into not getting too involved with girls.’
‘Cor you poor thing.’
‘Yes, well, I think you saw they’re quite old fashioned with old attitudes, and anyway, they’ve never had much time for me; I’ve been a bit of an inconvenience for them.’
I kissed his chest and cuddled into him.
‘But you’ve had girlfriends, right?’
‘A couple,’ he said, ‘but I kept it as casual as I could, and basically kept myself busy with studying languages and a bit of jogging, etcetera so I didn’t have to get too serious with them. Of course they got fed up in the end and went off with guys who were more romantic.’
‘And how about you, you’ve had boyfriends?’
‘One or two.’ I could tell he was itching to know more.
‘Most of the girls in my class aren’t virgins anymore,’ I said. ‘One or two I know didn’t wait til they were sixteen and some I heard did it, like the day after their birthdays, but for me, I just hadn’t felt ready to do it, not until now.’
‘Similar for the guys I think,’ he said, ‘I remember in school hearing them brag to each other about what they’d done, or with who they did it with.’
‘Yeah, the girls who’d done it showed off about it too, and tried to make the rest of us feel inferior,’ I said.
‘Girls are confusing creatures,’ he said, ‘one minute you’re being snubbed in a coffee bar and the next, it’s yahoo.’ He was laughing and I knew exactly who he was referring to, so I pinched his skin in a sensitive place around the side of his chest making him wince a bit.
‘You know, I’m starving hungry,’ he said, ‘how about you?’
‘Don’t think I can face pasta since seeing it again this morning.’
Joe laughed with me.
‘How about going to the Conad supermarket, the one near the cinema and getting a sandwich and some fruit, then we could eat in the gardens. What do you think?’
‘Sounds cool to me.’
We picked ourselves up some things to eat and drink then crossed the square next to it called Piazza Giacomo Matteotti where on the far side were hundreds of scooters and motorbikes parked in neat lines, I guessed were belonging to the city workers. Then we arrived at another square, Piazza Gramsci which I recognised from having past the other day which was really busy with people getting on and off the buses and coaches.
We were just about to step out and cross over to the gardens when we were compelled to wait to see exactly what was coming along the road. There must have been about six or seven cars speeding through the streets with what looked like a white ribbon flower stuck to their aerials. And the drivers were honkin
g their horns and even the passengers were shouting, but they didn’t look like they were trying to warn us of something; more like they were celebrating. Whatever that was about.
Once they’d passed and it was safe to cross, we found ourselves a shaded seat in the gardens. There were other people sitting on seats chatting or eating and others walking through the gardens to the bus stops. If we’d come earlier, we would’ve been able to look around the open air market, but we were too late, most of the traders were packing away their stuff into their big white vans, and already, some council men were going around cleaning up the paths.
I was still feeling a bit hung-over from the night before, and struggling to eat my sandwich when Joe nudged me.
‘Isn’t that someone from the pub?’ He nodded towards a couple of girls walking in our direction.
‘Wasn’t one of them talking to the guy with the goatee when you came out?’
‘Sure is,’ I replied. ‘That’s Stefania, the one who believed I was a thief, I don’t know the other one.’ It looked like they’d been buying some things at the market going by the plain flimsy bags they were holding.
There wasn’t anywhere I could hide my face behind in time, not that I was afraid of her, I just couldn’t be bothered with speaking to her after having felt so humiliated the other night. I could tell that she hadn’t noticed me, she was looking towards the horse and military rider statue but she was definitely going to see me sooner or later, as it looked like they were heading to the bus stops which would mean they’d pass where we were sitting.
‘Caylin,’ she blurted out. I looked directly at her without saying anything, thought I’d let her spit out whatever drivel was going to come.
‘I saw the paper this morning, she take the money, not you.’
My stomach turned as she reminded me about the girl I’d completely forgotten about and who was now dead, lying somewhere alone in a morgue. Then I thought about how sad her brother must’ve been, thinking of his sister who was doing what she could to help him and his family.
‘You believed her.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Me too,’ I said, ‘arrivederci.’ Then I took another mouthful of water.
Stefania said something I didn’t catch and walked away by which time Joe got up off the seat and turned to face me.
‘You know, Caylin, she didn’t have to apologise to you, but she did.’
‘I know that, but you don’t understand how I felt having to let them search my bag,’ I said, ‘it was an unkind thing to do to someone.’
As I said that, I realised I was wrong, poor Joe would have known how it felt to be humiliated, and the image popped into my head of him receiving a wallop from that Vico.
‘I agree, but she was only doing what she genuinely thought was right, her friends had their money stolen.’
Which then made me think about how I might’ve reacted if Zoe and Em had had their money stolen, maybe I would’ve done the same.
‘I guess you’re right.’
I jumped up off the seat cupping my hands to my mouth and called to Stefania. It seemed like she didn’t hear me, maybe she was too far away, well at least I thought she hadn’t heard me, unless of course, she’d chosen to ignore me. I called again, but louder. That time she turned to see me waving my arm in the air and beckoning her to come back.
I watched her check her phone, and I think she said something to her friend, then they proceeded to walk back towards us where I greeted her with an apologetic smile which she returned.
‘Do you need to catch a bus?’
‘Don worry, they pass often,’ she said, then she introduced the girl with her.
‘This is Chiara.’
‘Ciao,’ me and Joe said at the same time.
‘Ciao, pleased to meet you.’
‘And this is Joe,’ I said, ‘he’s on the same tour as me.’
‘Ciao.’
We both shuffled up and gestured for them to sit on the seat next to us.
‘Who did that to your eye?’ Stefania asked Joe.
‘Oh, long story,’ he said, and shrugged it off.
I bet she’d spied the blue-green bruise which had now crept below the white gauze.
‘Stefania, we know the girl was wrong stealing money, but like we’ve read in the paper, she had a reason,’ I said. Stefania nodded.
‘I want to help raise some money for her brother and family before we have to leave Siena in a couple of days and we’ve,’ Joe coughed signalling for me to make a correction, ‘I’ve, had an idea of how to make some money for them.’
‘Me and Joe will have all our hair shaved off in public if we can find people to sponsor us, and then the money we raise can go direct to the girl’s brother. We’ve seen the little girl, she’s really cute and I bet she’d like some money for toys.’
‘I think I understand,’ she said.
Joe explained what he could in Italian and I watched her nod in agreement and then she said a few things in return.
‘Stefania says that maybe she could help us, but she needs to speak to the people at her club first.’
‘Grazie,’ I said, ‘that’ll be really cool.’
‘Come to find me at the club tonight, near nine o’clock and I hope to tell you something,’ she said. ‘We have to go, see you soon.’
‘Oh Stefania,’ I said quickly, ‘why were those people in the cars making all that noise?’
‘Ah they do that when there is a wedding,’ she said, ‘also when Italy has won a major football competition, but then it’s worse,’ she laughed.
‘Well, that was pure luck,’ I said. ‘Just think, we could be a pair of baldies sooner than we think. It’ll be a laugh.’
‘Let’s see, shall we.’
I had to admit that Joe didn’t seem too enthusiastic; surely he’s seen a lot of men with their hair shaved off, and anyway, it’ll grow back quick enough wouldn’t it? My fingers were crossed that he wouldn’t back out.
We went back to Joe’s room and basically lounged around for a while and as he was fortunate to have a small TV in his room, he spent a bit of time switching channels, he said, so that he could listen to the language and see what he was able to understand.
I opened up a box of little chocolate cakes we’d bought from the Conad and removed the cellophane and cardboard holder because I was hoping that one side of it would be plain and was ideal for me to sketch on. I was compelled to sketch Sora to see how she looked without any hair and as she was developing on the cardboard in front of me, I was beginning to feel uneasy and when I’d finally finished, I had to admit it was shocking at how stunningly different she’d become.
Sora was looking directly at me and this time her large green eyes weren’t holding back tears of resentment but instead they shone belief in her cause. She was an image of unpretentious beauty. In a way she was reminding me of some of those pretty girls I’d seen in pictures who weren’t wearing scarves on their heads, those girls who’ve had to endure that horrible cancer treatment and had lost their hair; they looked so pure.
‘Lookie Joe,’ I called his attention holding up my sketch of a bald Sora.
‘What an artist you are, she’s strikingly beautiful.’
‘Yes she is.’
‘You OK?’
If the truth were known, no, I was becoming more and more concerned about what Mum and Dad’s immediate reaction would be like towards me. In fact, I was dreading it, and couldn’t bear to think about it and I was wanting to blank it from my mind until I returned to the hotel in a couple of days time.
‘Not really,’ I said, ‘the tattoo I’m sure I can hide for the time being, so Mum and Dad needn’t know about that, but having my head shaved I think will be a massive shock for them.’
‘You can always change your mind you know, you don’t have to go through with it.’
‘But I want to, for that girl’s brother,’ I said, ‘anyway, I’ve told Stefania now, so I need to do it.’
‘Look, I know this is going to sound a bit tough, but you realise it won’t be enough to make a difference to their lives, especially if they have to return to their own country.’
‘I know that.’
Joe got up off the little chair and stepped over to me, pulling me close to him, giving me a reassuring hug.
‘You’re a good person, I’m sure things will work out in the end.’
‘I hope so.’
I turned my face up towards his and closed my eyes as he reached his lips to mine and keeping our lips together we laid down on his bed to continue the sensational kiss.
We must’ve fallen asleep cuddled up together having both been sharing an earphone each listening to some of his downloaded music. Joe stretched his legs down along the length of the bed.
‘Doesn’t it annoy you that your feet stick over the bottom of the bed?’
‘I’ve got used to it,’ he sighed.
I wondered if I’d brought up something he didn’t like and maybe he could tell from my anxious expression that I wished I hadn’t.
‘It’s OK really, at home we were able to order one longer than the standard length.’
‘That’s lucky then.’
‘Just a bit annoying when I go on holiday or stop over at friends.’
‘Hum can imagine, you know, there’s a phrase I’ve heard,’ I said, ‘people look up to you, that’s a nice phrase isn’t it?’
‘Ha, better than some I’ve heard.’
‘Yeah, sure,’ I said and squeezed his hand.
Before we went out, I checked my phone for messages, there was one from Em and a recorded one from Mum. I listened to Mum’s first.
Hello Caylin, Mum here, but I guess you know that. Anyway, wanted to check on how you are and to say that we managed to catch a bit of the horse race on TV. Actually it isn’t difficult to catch it, because they seem to be repeating it over and over. What a strange race it was and were you able to see much from where you were? It all looked pretty chaotic if you ask me, and someone said that a girl died after being knocked down by a taxi, how terrible. Oh yes, yesterday morning we were taken to a nice place somewhere in the countryside for a cooking class but Dad didn’t want to go to that and be forced to wear a pinny so he stayed by the pool. I learnt how to make ravioli with ricotta cheese and spinach and also tiramisu; did you realise they all make it over here with a lot of raw eggs? I think at first we were all a bit apprehensive about eating it, but it really was scrumptious. That Joe’s Mum is a bit strange, she’s not really very sociable, she doesn’t really say much at all and at the cooking class she hardly spoke to anyone, although she did put filling into the ravioli, I’ll give her that. His Dad seems a bit better and what was funny, they were both wearing the exactly the same green T-shirts. I hope that Joe isn’t like them and that he’s nearby if you need him, he said he wanted to see you were OK. Oh yes, remember the food writer? Well things seem to be warming up between her and the guy with the camera. The other night before we went to bed, Dad and I took a stroll around the gardens when we saw them in the Jacuzzi kissing. I’ve an idea he’s now taking photo’s for her article she’s supposed to be writing for a national magazine whether much gets done on that. You know, she still insists on wearing those exceptionally thin high heels which she keeps getting stuck in between the flagstones. Can’t think of anything else at the mo, so will say ciao and looking forward to seeing you soon. Can you let us know when you’re returning to the hotel? Please don’t leave it til the last minute, love you. PS. Oh yes, poor Nancy, I can’t make out how she feels about it, but there’s been an older Italian man turning up at the hotel who we all think has taken a shine to her.