Chapter 13
Eventually he drove into a layby beside a dark, two lane road, he turned off the engine.
“I think we should eat something and I need to have a kip.”
Sylvie was relieved, she had been drifting in and out of sleep for a while, her nodding head whipping forward each time wakening her with a start and she was hungry.
Normally she would have whined about the hunger, bemoaned the endless boring miles and the lack of entertainment but she didn’t know this man. Yes, they had enjoyed some sex but more than that, they had seen a man die, had made a man die. She knew nothing more about him but that he could be roused to terrifying physical violence. Her life had been hard and the choices she had made had oftentimes been stupid but this situation now went beyond anything she could have imagined.
All day she had spent in a haze of indecision and confusion, when she hadn’t been curled in a ball on her bed crying she had paced round and round the small living room of the flat. What should she do? Phil was dead, he couldn’t come and hurt her, not anymore and she was honest enough with herself to admit she was glad of it. His mates, Benny and the others didn’t frighten her. They were just bullies and big mouths. Without Phil to lead them they wouldn’t bother her. She was his girl anyway and until they knew he was gone they wouldn’t dare approach her.
That was only part of it though, the easy part, the good part really. She was so very afraid the police would come, that somehow the body had been found, Samuel in custody and her implicated. Every car that slowed outside the window caused her heart to pound and she spent hours peering from behind the curtains, straining to see one way and then the other, sure that at any moment there would be a knock on the door and her life would tumble into the hell she knew prison would be.
Samuel had asked about her parents and she had lied to him then, through shame and because she had lied about them so much she had lost touch with the truth. Her dad had spent most of her childhood in and out of prison. She could remember with shocking clarity her mother screaming at the police cars as they carted him away again and again. He had been a petty criminal, a thug and a loser and when he died in a prison riot she had felt nothing but relief. Her mum had very quickly taken up with another dead loss and that had been the parting of the ways.
Bar work and waitressing, along with what she could draw from Social Services, paid for the crappy little two room flat and then when Phil came along he had given her the odd hand out. Usually it had to be paid for, carrying packages for him, occasionally having sex with some puffed up old bloke and of course with Phil himself.
Thankfully he had liked her enough to keep her mostly to himself, she had never been sure she would have the strength to fight it if he had wanted her to go on the streets, like some of the other girls he ran.
Briefly she had wondered about them, her sisters in torment, who would look out for them now, would they be better or worse off. Some of them would be stuck for drugs without Phil’s supply and so would have to get out and about on their own. Many would, in the end, be picked up by the police and that in itself presented a risk to her. It was the thought of the police that had made up her mind to pack her stuff and head for the car park and Samuel. He had actually been kind to her and though the fury and the violence, when he had killed Phil, had shaken her beyond belief she didn’t think he would hurt her.
In truth she liked him and so here she was for the second time in so many days, in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with this man she didn’t know. She shook her head in despair, Oh Sylvie where will it all end. A great wave of sadness and hopelessness swept through her and she found she was just too worn out and too tired to care.
“I didn’t bring much to eat Samuel. I had some cheese and a loaf, I put them in here.”
She indicated the pack she had thrown on the floor of the car.
“There’s some crisps as well.”
“I’ve got a box, there’s a bottle of water and some coffee, I have a stove. We’ll be fine. Do you want some coffee?”
“Oh yeah, please. But, well do you have tea?.”
He laughed aloud, it sounded odd to his ears, he hadn’t laughed for such a long time and it took him by surprise. He bit it back but it had felt good and he knew there was a smile on his face.
“Yeah, I got tea bags.”
She grinned at him now.
“I hope there’s milk though, I never could take it without.”
“There’s milk, it’s long life but it’s okay. Come on.”
They walked to the back of the Land Rover and he opened the rear doors. A box stowed under the rear seat held a small camping stove, a tin kettle with a folding handle and an enamel mug. He rooted around in the bottom for a while and came up with a plastic cup, he peered inside, poured a drop of water into it, swilled it round and then wiped it on a piece of paper towel.
Once the stove was lit, standing on the kerb edge and the water was hissing and singing he dragged out the cardboard box he had packed back at the shack. He had pretty much emptied the kitchen cupboard into it. They made sandwiches with tinned ham and cheese slices, he brewed tea for her and coffee for himself and they sat on the back seat of the car so they could put the food between them.
For a while they ate in silence, worn down by the travelling and the things that had brought them here and each lost in thoughts they couldn’t share and didn’t know what to do with.
It was peaceful though, it was calm and there was a gentle companionship between them the like of which Sylvie had never known and Samuel had thought never to experience again.
She knew that before long it would all need to come out, her life with Phil, the truth about her mum and dad and then he’d probably dump her, and she wouldn’t blame him. For now though it was enough, to sit in the dark and the quiet, to sip the warm tea and watch the dark shadow of Samuel outlined against the rain specked window.
Chapter 14
After the food they settled down in the darkness, Samuel stretched across the rear seat, as much as the confined space would allow, and Sylvie curled in the front, covered with her coat. It was cosy with only the distant swish of cars on the road and the patter of the rain on the roof…
When Sylvie opened her eyes it was still dark but the sky was paler and she guessed it must be almost dawn. Samuel was outside, the little stove was lit and the kettle was on, he was using a torch to find his way around. She pushed open the door and jumped out into the damp and dreary morning.
“Alright?”
“Mm, I slept well, surprised myself really. Did you?”
“Yes, no problem, I’m used to dossing down here and there.”
It was the first time he had given any sort of information about his life and she waited to see if he would continue, but he turned back to the rear of the car where he had opened the food box. He dragged out a box of biscuits and offered her one.
“I think we can go for some breakfast in a little while, so this is just a good morning sugar treat.”
“Thanks. Will it be okay, safe I mean?”
“Oh, I think so, the best thing we can do is just act normally. Nobody here has any reason to look at us twice. Even when his mates find Phil is missing and it shouldn’t be for a while yet, I don’t believe it will cause us any problems. A low life like him, they disappear, nobody cares, some people just breathe a sigh of relief and everyone carries on. Did he have family, do you know?”
She shook her head, she wasn’t ready, not yet, oh please not yet. Later today, she would tell him about herself, but when she had seen him, through the car window, she had felt such a rush of warmth and she didn’t want to spoil it.
She shivered now though in the damp air and Samuel walked to the front of the Land Rover and dragged her jacket out, it still held some of the night warmth and he draped it around her shoulders. She needed to pee and she needed to clean her teeth. It was time to stop being so wimpy.
“I’m going in the bushes for a mo.”
He reached into the box and brought out a roll of kitchen towel. She stared at him for a minute and then with a little giggle, part embarrassment, part genuine amusement she tore off a piece and fought her way through the shrubs bordering the lay by.
While she was gone he’d packed up the stove, but her cup was still there, steam rising into the damp morning and she cupped her hands around the heat. He had made them coffee and added milk and sugar, she didn’t normally add sugar but the sweetness was comforting.
“We can drive into town this morning, for breakfast. If we pick a fast food place we’ll be able to use their bathrooms for a quick wash and stuff. Okay?”
She nodded at him. He was so very different from the way she thought he would be. His size was intimidating and his previous surly manner had been a bit scary. In the bar when she had first decided to approach him, she had been a little afraid but the thought of easy money had made her brave. Now though on this dim, quiet morning she saw a big man with a kind manner. His thick, brown hair was touched with a little grey and his face was rugged and weather worn. A shadow of stubble hinted at the beard that would grow were he to give it a chance and above it the dark blue eyes twinkled now and again as the moisture glinted in a stray gleam of light from passing cars or his torch.
He had a calmness about him that was comforting and she detected nothing but friendship in the way he was treating her. How could it be, she had gone to hell and back in his presence and yet he was behaving as if they were on any old road trip, almost a holiday.
He turned to her and as their eyes met, something, a frisson, a connection passed between them. She had to turn away and her hands had begun to shake. She gulped back the last of her cooling coffee and then wiped out the plastic cup with more of the kitchen roll.
He packed away the last of their stuff, slammed the back door and climbed into the driving seat. Sylvie was still shaken, she was sure that in his eyes, she had seen something, a glimpse of feeling, just a hint of softening and maybe even of desire.
She told herself it was the circumstances, nothing more than a male, female interaction. She knew she wasn’t bad looking and was used to blokes coming on to her, but him, now? She shook her head slightly, she couldn’t deal with any more complications right now and there was still the difficult conversation facing her. Once they had it, then probably the parting of the ways would come very quickly. She slid into the car and closed her eyes as the vehicle nosed its way back onto the main road and headed for the town.
Chapter 15
“Samuel, can I explain about Phil? I don’t know what you think, thought about us, him and me.”
“You told me he was your boyfriend, I saw a thug beating you up. I think you should pick better boyfriends. You don’t need to tell me anything. Your life is your concern.”
The sharpness of the answer brought tears to her eyes and for a moment she simply sat quietly, willing them not to roll down her face. She didn’t want him to know he could upset her so easily. After a minute she cleared her throat and started speaking again.
“He wasn’t my pimp, I suppose you think that.”
She saw he was about to speak and raised a hand to still him.
“We got it on now and again and he gave me money, but he didn’t make me turn tricks, well not regularly. He did with quite a few girls. The ones he supplied with drugs were stuck with it but not me. Now and again there were friends.” She let it go now, she heard what she was saying and saw it for what it was, feeble excuses for things that shamed her.
Samuel shook his head but now she had started it had become vital that he understood.
“I was just getting by, in the flat and I met him and we liked each other, well I liked him, whether he did or not, I don’t know. Anyway for a while it was good, then he made me do things I didn’t want to and so I decided to get out and so he started to hit me. For the last year I’ve tried over and over to get rid of him but it was impossible.”
“Why didn’t you go and stay with your mum and dad?”
She took in a great breath and sighed.
“I couldn’t, my dad’s dead and I don’t know where Mum is, don’t care, don’t want to know.”
“You said they moved to be near your gran.”
“I lied. My dad was a no good loser and my mum was hopeless. I’m ashamed of them and I never tell people about them, the lies just come out. I said stuff like that about them for so long now it feels like the truth. My dad died in jail.
“I’m not like that though, I’m not Samuel. I know you probably think I was on the game but I’m not. Okay I did think I could try and lift some stuff from your house. Everyone seemed to think you were rich and I thought if I gave you a good time then I could just take some stuff and it would be fair. I didn’t though. I wouldn’t. Once I had spent some time with you, you know, at your place. I wouldn’t have taken anything. I liked you, I like you.”
By now she was sniffing and the tears which had been beaten back earlier had breached her defences and she was wiping her streaming eyes on the sleeve of her thin sweat shirt. He reached over and flipped the rag from the dash board onto her lap.
“Okay.”
As he spoke she turned and looked up at him her eyes alight with tears and hope and fear. It broke him up inside to see such raw emotion.
“Look, I woulda given you some money and don’t really care what you intended to do. It all went down a different way anyway. I don’t want to know about your parents, I know already what Phil was like, just don’t tell me any more and don’t tell me any lies. Okay.”
She sniffed loudly, rubbed at her face with the piece of cloth and again turned to him.
“You’re not going to dump me are you Samuel? please. I don’t know what I’ll do now.”
“No, I’m not going to do that but no more lies. No more stories about your past, it’s just that, yours I don’t want it.”
“Okay.”
He had turned into the car park of a McDonalds and as they strode quickly towards the golden arches and the bright, greasy world of junk food and normality she almost skipped. She had told him and he hadn’t thrown her out. For now it was enough.
They sat together on tall stools in the window and watched the day begin. No-one gave them a second glance and for a brief spell they existed in the sane, normal, humdrum world as the rest of humanity.
Just before they began gathering the garbage and sliding their feet from the stools onto the greasy floor she reached and took his hand, squeezing his fingers.
“Thank you Samuel.”
He nodded, just once and then turned from her to head for the men’s room and a quick wash. She followed and turned into the women’s toilets where she did what she could with the liquid soap and the bits and pieces of toiletries in her handbag. She felt better but wondered how long it would be before she could have a shower and change her things.
They met back outside and in moments were on the road. Now, though she felt a difference in his driving, he was more directed and more specific about the roads he followed. It seemed now he had a destination in mind. Something had happened yesterday to change his plans but she couldn’t think what it might be and in truth all she wanted to do now was hand over her future and simply be.
Chapter 16
They shopped at a huge supermarket just off the motor way and took the opportunity to buy a meal in the little cafe. It was dull, badly cooked and tasteless but it filled their bellies and gave them the energy to keep going. Sylvie had wondered if they were to share the driving but he simply kept on and on, covering the miles. They chatted now and again about incidentals on the route, but mostly they were quiet.
She was desperate to know where they were headed but he had made it plain from the very beginning that he was travelling and she was along simply because he allowed her to be. She’d packed her ipod in the bag which was unreachable in the back, and anyway she didn’t think she could just sit and listen to music with Samuel beside her quiet
and focused on the driving. The old car had a radio but he had made no move to turn it on and so she had assumed it was broken or simply that he wanted quiet. She gave him quiet.
At times though, during the day she found the atmosphere and her dark memories oppressive, twice she tried to talk about Phil. She thought she needed to know what happened to him, to his body, after she had fled in quivering panic through the early morning. Twice her words were stilled by a glance from the man beside her and a shake of his head. He spoke of it briefly just once.
“I dealt with it, it’s done. Now, all we can do is wait and hope and the longer we wait the better it will be, so you need to push it to the back of your mind. Don’t let it rule you.”
Now and again they would try to break the uneasy silence but it was strained and perfunctory. So many miles together in the little cab for two virtual strangers could be difficult in any case, but with the horrific and tormented beginning to their relationship it seemed impossible to get things onto an even keel. Like a great spectre between them, the memory of the sex and then the violence and the fact that they had seen the best and the worst of each other in quick succession had built a wall impossible to scale.
The Grave Page 4