by Gina Ranalli
Atropos holds my hands in a death grip. I don’t think I could pull away even if I used all my strength, which is pretty unnerving. Her eyes remain closed and she gives no indication she’s heard a word I’ve said.
Circe comes over and sits on the sofa behind her. His eyes are red and watery and even though I think he’s a douche, I avert my gaze, feeling kind of bad for the dude.
Luna, however, has no such qualms.
-And you! How the hell did you manage to let Hoop get the upper hand on you? Where was he? Where’s Halleck?
-Not now.
Atropos interrupts Luna, her voice a lower octave than normal.
-When Mr. Eon and I return we will discuss this at length.
I’m still mystified by everything but for just a moment the fog clears and I see the truth as clearly as I can see Atropos’s face.
-You’re not human, are you?
The question doesn’t faze her in the slightest.
-Of course not.
CHAPTER TWENTY—The Woman
I’m having another spaz attack and it’s no joke. There is simply not enough time in the day for me to be able to make my deadline. No matter that the deadline is self-imposed. I take this shit seriously and if I’m not finished with this book in a week I may as well just give it all up. And that means, no more writing.
But who the fuck am I kidding? I’ll write no matter what. It’s what I’m driven to do, even if no one ever reads it but me, and let’s face it, I have manuscripts that even I don’t ever want to read again and this current one could very well be included in that sad, sorry group.
Time to buck up and make more coffee.
I can do this.
Once I have a fresh mug of espresso, I return to my desk and read over the last few paragraphs of my latest paranormal romance novel featuring vampires, tentatively titled Night of Dread.
This is my third novel featuring the same characters and I’m looking forward to selling the series to a major publisher once I’m finished with this last one. Ha. That was a joke, of course. But, hey, I can dream.
The cursor blinks at me and I’m reminded of a heart monitor in a hospital. If it’s still blinking, I’m alive, yes?
A sip of coffee and I set the mug down, cracking my knuckles. I begin to type, moving gracefully to the next part of the story without a hitch. Being such an anal outliner, I’m able to finish my novels at a speed most writers envy and I’m approaching the climax of the book so my enthusiasm makes me go that much faster.
But the next time I pause for more coffee, I look at what I’m doing and the enthusiasm is suddenly gone.
This isn’t what I should be doing right now. I need to go outside.
A quick glance at the clock on the wall tells me it’s almost 9 PM but that’s irrelevant. I push my desk chair back and leave my office, part of my mind knowing I forgot to hit save on my work in progress, hoping there isn’t a power surge and I lose my work, but that’s not important right now.
I’m driven to find out what’s happening in the world.
In the living room, my husband is on the sofa, curled beneath a blanket and watching a crime show on television. The rest of the room is dark and blue ghosts chase each other across the walls, shadows cast by the TV.
He looks up at me with surprise.
-Hey. You’re out early.
It’s true. I have a strict schedule. Every night I’m in my office writing from eight to eleven, no exceptions, and I’m not to be disturbed for any reason except a dire emergency and as far as I’m concerned, there are no emergencies dire enough.
-I’m going out.
I pass through the living room and into the kitchen. Part of me knows I should be grabbing a coat—last I knew, it was only 32 degrees outside—but I don’t bother. I open the door and step out into the night, walk down the stoop and out to the sidewalk, ignoring the car completely.
-Honey?
My husband again, calling after me from the open door.
-Are you okay?
I can’t be bothered to reply. I’m looking around the neighborhood, at each house I pass, the sky, the traffic.
There’s nothing unusual about anything. Just a quiet autumn night in Berlin where I came to live with the man I married after I got my surgery.
He’s a good man, indifferent to the fact that I was born a man myself, but…it just wasn’t right. I always knew it wasn’t right and though I’ve had some tough relationships, Scott just got it right away. He understood. Or at least he seemed to. He didn’t judge me for it. Told me he loved me. That was nice.
He’s coming after me now, calling me by name, but I can’t think about him at this moment. I have to take in the night.
Berlin.
Such an extraordinary city. Such history here. So different from Alabama where I grew up, always getting called a faggot, even though I knew it wasn’t true. No one believed me. Not even my family. It took moving away to New York for me to finally get the courage to do what I knew needed to be done.
-Jess! Where are you going? Will you please stop for a minute?
Scott grabs my arm and spins me around. He looks scared and he’s still in his bare feet, wearing just sweats and a t-shirt, just like me. We’re both in our comfy night clothes.
He demands an answer from me.
-Where are you going? What’s wrong?
-I have to see it.
-See what?
I think about the question for a minute but it’s so all encompassing, so hard to grasp.
-Everything.
I pull my arm away and continue on with my exploration but he is not easily dissuaded. He follows, almost jogging to keep up because I’m walking so fast. Much faster than my usual pace.
-Everything looks okay here.
It does and for some reason this pleases me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it was…something. War, maybe? Famine? Destruction of some kind. A world in ruins.
Why would I think that? Did I have a nightmare? Maybe I’m dreaming right now. It certainly feels like it could be a dream. I’m tired and feel spacey, not sure where I’m going but still with a burning need to get there.
-Jess!
My husband is shouting now, and people will probably begin to take notice, which I can’t let happen. I stop and turn to him.
-Everything is fine, Scott. Go back home. I’ll return shortly.
His gray eyes widen.
-You’ll return shortly? Where are you going? It’s freezing out here.
-I need to check on something.
-What?
I ponder it, but don’t have an answer for him, which is strange. What do I need to check on?
-Stop following me.
Even I’m surprised at the harshness in my voice but I don’t have time to think about it. I keep going down the street, observing everything I can.
Nothing is out of the ordinary. All is peaceful. But this is such a small part of one city and there is an entire world to think about. I need to find a reliable news source. Should I go back to the house and watch TV?
I sniff the cold air and pay attention to how it feels in my lungs. Everything is important—even the smallest detail.
Walking for several blocks, completely absorbed in my study of the environment, I barely notice when a police car pulls up alongside me.
Two police officers emerge, as well as my husband. One of the cops stops me by blocking my path. He says something in German but my German isn’t very good.
My husband’s German however, is outstanding, and he starts talking to the officers. He gestures at me a lot and both the cops are watching me as if I might suddenly do something irrational.
I interrupt them all.
-Is walking at night illegal?
They ignore me, so I repeat the question, much louder.
-Is walking at night illegal?
Scott and the one officer, the older of the two, stop talking finally.
-You know it’s not illegal, Jess.
My husband says.
-But you’re going to freeze. And why won’t you just tell me what’s going on? Is this research for your book?
Good, I think. Very good.
-Yes, I’m researching for my book.
-Well, why didn’t you just say that? Why didn’t you get dressed and put on a coat? What’s gotten into you? You know I would have come with you if you’d just asked.
-But it’s not necessary for you to come with me. Unless…
Why am I being so stupid?
The truth is, I’m not sure exactly what I’m doing or what I’m hoping to find or not find.
The older cop says something to me in German and gestures towards the police car.
Scott translates for me.
-He’s offering us a ride home.
I shiver and wrap my arms around myself, realizing that, like Scott, I’m not dressed for a cold night walk.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I allow myself to be escorted into the back of the police car, Scott climbing in after me.
There is a lot of talk between the officers and my husband, but since I can’t understand hardly anything they’re saying, I tune them out and gaze at the passing scenery.
When we arrive back at the house and go inside, Scott tells me the cops believed I was on drugs and there was nothing he could say to convince them otherwise.
-They also asked me if we’ve been fighting. They wanted to know if I’d hit you.
I sit down at the kitchen table and realize my hands are trembling but I don’t think it’s because of the cold. The fact is, I do feel drugged. Overly caffeinated perhaps. My mind is racing, flittering from one topic to the next, wondering about the economy of all things, the state of world politics, who is fighting with who, which country is on the verge of economic collapse, how powerful is the United States?
I grip my head in both hands and scream, scaring not only myself but Scott as well. He turns away from the cupboard where he was getting down mugs for tea, dropping one to the floor where it shatters.
-It’s too tight! Loosen it!
The words coming out of my mouth make no sense to me, but I yell them anyway.
-Loosen your grip!
Squeezing my eyes shut, I begin to sob. I’m terrified. I don’t know why my emotions are not aligning with my words and thoughts. Is this what going crazy means? Were my asshole parents, so homophobic and racist and nasty, right all along? Am I mentally ill?
And that’s the most painful of all. What if they were right?
What if I truly am an insane abomination?
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE—The Junkie (11)
In the parlor again. Or still. Whatever.
-Well, that sucked.
Atropos’s face tells me she agrees, though she doesn’t say anything.
-Not only did it suck but it was fucking weird. I was a transwoman. What the hell?
Circe, apparently already recovered from his brush with death, snorts.
-Did you feel yourself up? Man, if I had tits, I’d never leave the house.
-Christ. Shut up, man.
Luna, standing by the fireplace with her arms crossed, looks at Atropos.
-Any luck?
-It seemed fine.
Atropos gets to her feet and stretches.
-I need to lie down for a while.
She exits the room, the three of us silent until the door closes behind her.
Still smiling, Circe nods at me with his chin.
-How did you like your first ride along?
-Are you deaf? I said it sucked. That… woman… thought she was going crazy. Atropos was… I don’t know… steering her, I guess.
Luna nods.
-That’s the point.
-But what was she looking for?
-A suitable dimension. You’re really not very bright, are you?
Telling her to fuck off is on the tip of my tongue but I hold back. She’s pretty hot and if I’ve learned anything at all about women in my years on planet earth, it’s that they don’t take kindly to being told to fuck off.
Instead, I stand up.
-I’m starving. Is there anything to eat in this joint?
Circe does his standard chuckle.
-He gets to ride with Atropos and he’s hungry. Dude. I have never gotten to ride with her. You have to give us more details than ‘it sucked.’
-There are no more details. It was weird and kind of scary, like being on a runaway train or something. It wasn’t a good experience.
Luna starts for the door.
-I’m pretty hungry myself. We should eat and then check on Hoop. Maybe by now he’s had a change of heart and will be willing to tell us more about Halleck.
I run a hand through my hair, following her out of the room and towards the kitchen.
-Why doesn’t Atropos just…uh…possess him? Dig around in his brain to find out about Halleck?
She shrugs.
-I don’t know. Maybe she already has. Or maybe Hoop doesn’t know where Halleck is. Or at least, he doesn’t know he knows.
Bringing up the rear, Circe is hurrying to catch up to us.
-I have a good mind to skull fuck him with the fucking gun he put to my head.
As we enter the kitchen, I shouldn’t be amazed by the size of it, given the rest of the mansion, but I am just the same. Everything is state of the art and unlike anything I’ve ever encountered before. Shiny and new. In other words, nothing like the world I’m used to.
Luna opens the refrigerator.
-What do you guys feel like having?
Joking around, I peer over her shoulder into the appliance.
-Where’s Pennyworth?
-Who?
-Never mind.
She clearly doesn’t care enough to question me further.
-Vegetable stew it is.
Seated at the horseshoe shaped counter, Circe groans.
-I need meat, woman.
-Then make your own damn food.
He sighs heavily, as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders.
-Luna here doesn’t eat meat, so we can’t either.
Luna turns to him.
-Do you know how few animals are left? If it wasn’t for selfish pricks like you there might be more.
He doesn’t react until she turns away and then, making a show of it, he gives the finger to her back.
I clear my throat.
-Well, at least I’ve joined a nice big happy family.
-You haven’t joined shit.
Circe’s face is no longer amused.
-You have to prove yourself worthy.
-Atropos thinks he’s worthy.
Luna’s words give me a slight satisfaction, even though she pretty much called me a dumbass not five minutes ago. I’m beginning to think she thinks all guys are douchebags, which doesn’t bode well for me and my nefarious intentions towards her.
To make up for it, I offer to help her make our meal, which she accepts. Circe disappears for a while, saying he’ll be back soon, and I wonder if he’s going to pay a visit to Hoop but ultimately I think he might be a bit too cowardly to do it on his own.
While I’m chopping vegetables at the counter, I figure now is as good a time as any to try and get a better feel for Luna.
-So, Luna. You got a boyfriend?
She gives me a quick smirk but I can’t tell if it’s real or she’s being sarcastic.
-Don’t be an idiot, Eon.
I let that sit for a second, but only a second.
-A girlfriend?
-I’m holding a sharp object.
She warms me, but I sense she’s just being playful. At least, I hope she’s just being playful.
I decide to press my luck, regardless.
-If you had to choose between a boyfriend and a girlfriend, which would it be?
She puts down the knife she’s using to do her own chopping and glowers at me.
-How’s this for an answer? If you think you have a sin
gle prayer in the world of having a shot at me, you will go to your grave a very disappointed man.
I raise a brow at her.
-So…girlfriend, then?
-I’m not kidding, Eon. Drop it.
-Fine.
Under my breath, I do a little muttering.
-Shit. Just an innocent question. Making conversation.
We prepare the rest of the meal in silence, as I’m pretty sure I’ve managed to piss her off and I’m even more sure she could easily kick my ass if she wanted to, judging by the way she busted me out of the basement at Sennacherib’s.
When it’s time to eat, we move into a dining room that seems like it’s from a different era than the kitchen. While the kitchen was uber modern, the dining room is more 19th century chic. Decorated in hues of blue and bronze with elegant arched windows, it is the airiest of the rooms I’ve been in so far.
The windows look out on the western grounds and far in the distance, mountain peaks can be seen just over the tops of the bordering forest.
Circe must have been able to smell the food because he enters a minute after it’s been placed on a table large enough to seat ten people quite comfortably.
-I’m ready to get my veggie on!
He helps himself to a bowl and begins serving the stew to himself, sniffing it loudly.
My stomach grows mightily and I realize just how hungry I am. All this spinning throughout the galaxy can evidently work up a person’s appetite.
It has been a long time since I ate fresh vegetables and I say as much after the first spoonful.
Luna smiles and for once I don’t doubt it’s genuine.
-There’s a greenhouse on the property and we have a very good gardener.
-And lots of guards guarding the gardener.
Circe laughs at his joke with his mouth full.
Ignoring him, Luna tells me I should probably eat fast.
This is not welcomed news.
-Fuck. Am I gonna spin again?
-I give you less than an hour, tops. Probably closer to forty-five minutes.
-Fucking-A!
I’m starting to get really pissed off about this shit. I don’t even get a high from it. I get nothing but a headache and I still haven’t gotten back into the head—and life!—of the rock star I was the first time, which is what I really want. If I have to move to a different dimension, that’s the one I want to be in. I don’t even care that he wasn’t (or isn’t) very happy. He just didn’t appreciate what he had. If I were him, I’d be a lot happier. I’d make him happy.