“Greg Wells is a city council member in Atlanta. Frank says he has potential and he’s friends with his father. I don’t know whose idea it was, but one day Frank announced I was going to marry Greg. I said no. He pushed and threatened to kick me out if I didn’t agree. It was a no brainer, I was leaving. I should’ve left right after my mom died but I didn’t.”
“Tell me about when your mom died.”
The hurt that crossed her face was maddening. I hated that I had to make her talk about something so painful, but I didn’t have a choice. Her mother had obviously played a part in the story.
“My mom was alive one day, and the next she was gone. Literally and figuratively. We hadn’t even buried her yet and Frank ordered the staff to get rid of all her belongings. I was so fucking sad and broken I didn’t have it in me to stop them when they packed up her clothes and got rid of them. In a moment of defiance, I went into my mom’s room and went through what was left of her stuff, taking things that meant something to me. Earrings she’d had before Frank, her favorite lipstick, silly stuff really. None of it had any monetary value. But I knew Frank would be mad I’d taken it. He was trying to get rid of any evidence my mother ever lived there. I also found a small box in the attic with my mom’s name on it. I should’ve moved out that day, but I couldn’t.
“If you hated him so much and Sam made you uncomfortable why would you stay in the house?”
That was the part that had me confused. She’d been over eighteen and had graduated high school, she didn’t have to stay there.
“Ethan, you’ll never know what it feels like to have no one. I had nothing. No family to help. My friends were not in the position to offer assistance, not that I would’ve asked. I had to suck it up if I wanted to finish school. I needed time to plan. After paying tuition I had no money left to move out. And as strange as this sounds, as much as I hated Frank and that house, I could still remember my mom there. Us in the kitchen, her in her sewing room, I wasn’t ready to give up the last place I’d seen or spoken to my mom.”
She was right, I didn’t know what it was like not to have my family in my corner. Mine had always been there to support and guide me. And not just my parents, my extended family as well. I couldn’t begin to imagine what I would’ve done at sixteen if my parents hadn’t been around.
“You paid your tuition? Harris is loaded, why didn’t he pay?”
“Control. He would’ve, but there were strings, and lots of them. I wanted no part of his demands. So, I paid, and he and Sam sat back and laughed as I struggled, dangling money in front of me, trying to get me to cave. I never did. The only thing I took from Frank was the roof over my head.”
“Why did you finally leave?”
A look of disgust crossed her face, and I braced for the answer.
“One night, Frank came home red-hot pissed and said he was tired of me stalling. Greg wanted to announce our engagement, and I had twenty-four hours to get my shit together and meet with the Wells family. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he had a contract outlining my wifely duties.”
“I’m afraid to ask what the contract said.”
“It listed, in detail, what my duties were as a wife.” Her voice had gone flat. “How many times a week I was to provide sex, oral and vaginal. Birth control was at Greg’s discretion. The list was disgusting. Who the fuck has to order their wife to have sex with them? I would be given a monthly allowance; however all bookkeeping was to be done by the family’s accountant and every penny was to be accounted for. I had no right to exit the marriage. Reading it made my skin crawl.”
“What the fuck?”
I wished I could turn back time and beat the holy shit out of them both. Witnesses be damned.
If I’d thought this situation was bad before, it had just crossed the line to fucked.
14
My head was spinning from seeing Frank and Sam. Adding to my discomfort and embarrassment was having to tell Ethan about Frank’s plan. To Frank I was nothing more than a whore he could trade for political gain. And Sam, desperate for Frank’s approval, went along with anything his father said.
“What did they say when you told them you wouldn’t agree to marry Greg?”
“The same thing he said in the restaurant. It was my obligation to my family.”
“What did he say when you left?”
“Nothing. I just packed my stuff and drove off. I had no reason to say goodbye. I’d already given him an answer and I didn’t owe him any further explanation. I only took what belonged to me and my mom and walked out the door.”
“The bed,” he mumbled.
Shit on a shingle he was putting it together. I supposed it didn’t make a difference at this point, I’d already been completely humiliated, but it still stung having him know how destitute I’d been. Not that I was that much better off now, but I did own a bed, nightstand, and dresser. Furniture I’d purchased with money I’d earned. I was able to pay my rent and still save money. I wasn’t swimming in it, however, my prints were selling and my design business was growing. I was proud of what I’d accomplished.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hurt shone on his face and I didn’t know how to explain it had nothing to do with me not trusting him and everything to do with me not wanting to admit I was worthless. According to Frank and Sam my only value as a person was an indentured sex slave for Greg. That was what they thought of me. Frank thought I owed him a debt and he was going to collect.
“Because I never wanted to think about it again. I didn’t think it was a big deal.”
“A big deal? Did you really think Frank was going to let it go?”
“Yes. I figured he’d move on.”
“Clearly you were wrong. You understand that now, right?”
“Clearly. I’m not stupid, Ethan. I know a threat when I hear one. That’s why I think I need to move. Leave Georgia all together. I thought I’d moved far enough away I’d never see him again. I was wrong.”
I don’t know why I’d said I should move. It wasn’t something I’d planned on saying. It just spewed out before I could think about the ramifications of my words.
“Move? Are you fucking serious?” Ethan was pissed, really pissed.
“I don’t want my problems touching you or Carson. He’s right, his reach is long. He could cause a lot of problems for you at the station. We have to think about Carson.”
“I’m not worried about my job, Honor. Fuck my job. I’m worried about you.”
“He can’t do anything to me. I don’t have anything to lose. What do you think he’ll do? Kidnap me and hold me hostage until I agree to marry Greg? He’s not that crazy.”
“He’s not? He had a goddamn contract drawn up outlining when you were to fuck Greg. If that’s not crazy I don’t know what is. I wouldn’t put anything past that lunatic. And I don’t like the way Sam looks at you. There’s something wrong with him, he’s fucking nuts, too. There’s no way you’re going anywhere. I’ll talk to my dad and Lorenz, and we’ll go from there.”
“No! You can’t tell your dad.”
Panic clawed at my chest, and the oxygen was ripped from my lungs.
“Why not?”
“You don’t get it. I never wanted you to know what was going on in Frank’s house. I didn’t have the picture-perfect family you have. I didn’t grow up with loving parents. I had a philandering stepfather who fucked whores in his study while his wife slept in the room above. I had a stepbrother that more than likely jerked off on my bed or went through my clothes hamper and smelled my panties. Do you think I really want your dad to know where I come from?”
“Where you come from? Do you think that little of my family?”
“God, no.” What could I say to make him understand? “I’m embarrassed. Can you put yourself in my shoes for two seconds and think about how humiliating it is? I want them to think I’m good enough for you.”
“Good enough for me? Jesus, Honor. You realize I am exactly what Frank said I was. I knocked
up my high school girlfriend. I dropped out and had to finish my education at home because I was taking care of an infant. I didn’t walk across some stage and graduate. I had to go to a testing center and take the high school equivalency exam. I don’t even have a regular diploma. Do you think less of me because of my past choices?”
Was he crazy? I respected him for all he’d sacrificed and done for Carson.
“No!”
“Then why would anyone think less of you for something that wasn’t your choice? Everything that is happening is on Frank. Nothing’s your fault.”
“It sure feels like it is. Not to mention I brought this shit to your doorstep.”
Ethan sighed and grabbed my hand.
“You didn’t bring anything. They did.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I understand why you didn’t, but, in the future, don’t hide shit from me. A very smart woman once told me the only way to make a relationship work is by being honest. Is there anything else you need to tell me?”
“No. That’s all.”
“Okay. Are you hungry?” he asked.
“Do you forgive me?”
“There’s really nothing to forgive. I wish you would’ve trusted me enough to tell me.” I started to protest but he silenced me. “But I get it. We’re still working out the kinks, getting to know each other. How about we try another restaurant and finish our date?”
“Sounds perfect.”
Much later that night, after Ethan had made love to me, sweetly we were lying in bed and I was tucked into his side, my arm over his chest and my thigh over his, I thought about his question from earlier.
“I lied in the car when you asked me if there was anything else I needed to tell you.” His body stiffened under mine, and I quickly continued. “There is one more thing; I love you.”
He didn’t relax like I thought he would but instead he rolled me to my back and loomed over me.
“Say it again,” he demanded.
“I love you.” This time he closed his eyes and smiled.
He settled over me and hitched my leg over his hip.
“I love you, too.”
“You don’t have to—”
My words were silenced when he kissed me. And when he slid inside of me I gasped at the force of his thrust.
“Guess I should be ashamed about how easy I gave it up on our first date, huh?”
Ethan slowed his pace and, in a magical moment I’ll never forget, threw his head back and laughed. His body shook with hilarity and it was one instance I didn’t need a photograph to always remember the beauty he’d given me.
I’d never, ever, forget it.
15
“Daddy, did you sign me up for cheer camp?” This was the third time Carson had asked in as many days.
“Yes, Squirt, I did. What’s wrong?”
“Um, nothing . . .”
“Was that a question? It sounds like something.”
“Sorry. Sorry I’m late. It’s so hot out there already, the last half-mile was brutal,” Honor said, shutting the front door behind her. “Give me one second and we’ll start the pancakes.”
“Gran and Pop will be here in ten minutes,” Carson reminded her.
“I know. I’ll be right back.”
Honor scurried off to her room, leaving me with a worried Carson.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Is Honor going to be my mom?”
“What?”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I was not prepared to have this conversation with my daughter. The last time we talked about moms she was five and had come home from kindergarten in tears because someone had teased her about not having a mom like everyone else. I’d never wanted to kick a five-year-old’s ass so badly. That was a hard talk to have. I went with my gut and explained as gently as I could why Chrissy had left. I made sure to tell Carson that while Chrissy wasn’t ready to be a mom she loved her so much and wanted her to have the best life possible. Maybe it was odd, but Carson never asked about Chrissy after that. And I’d watched for any signs Carson might have needed to talk about it. My parents did as well. However it never looked like it’d bothered her.
“I was thinking . . .” she started. I didn’t say anything, I simply waited for her to gather her thoughts. “Now that we have Honor I don’t need to go to cheer camp.”
That was a change of subject.
“Why’s that?”
“Cheer camp is summer camp. I have to go to summer camp because school is out, and you work. But now we have Honor.” She said the last part like I was dumb, enunciating her words.
“Squirt, Honor isn’t our live-in babysitter, and she works too.”
“That’s why I asked if Honor was going to be my mom. Mom’s don’t babysit their own kids, do they?”
Fuck.
A clatter behind me had me flying out of my chair, turning to see what’d happened.
“Hi, Honor. Ready to make the pancakes?”
Honor looked . . . freaked out. Carson was giving me whiplash. Not to mention she’d dropped a nuclear bomb big enough to take out all the European Continent and was now talking about pancakes. And there was a knock on the door. Jesus!
“I’ll, um, get the door. Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Honor picked up the brush she’d dropped and practically ran for the front door. Not that I blamed her. I’d be surprised if she returned.
My dad came into the dining room and looked between Carson and me. “What’s going on? Why does Honor look—”
“Nothing.” I cut him off.
I thought I’d been spared any further questioning, but when my mom and Honor came in, holy fuck, had I been wrong.
“You ready to make pancakes?” my mom asked.
“Yep.”
“Good.” Then my mom, being a super-sleuth-female, sniffed something was amiss with her tribe and had to ask, “What’s wrong? What are you guys talking about?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Gran. We were just talking about how I didn’t need to go to cheer camp this summer if Honor is going to be my mom.”
I thought all the air had been sucked from the room when both women inhaled like it was the last breath they’d ever take. My father was stone-faced. And Carson was smiling, like she’d simply solved this summer’s issue with where she would go while I was at work.
“What?” Carson asked looking at all the adults in the room like we’d grown three heads.
“Nothing, darlin’. Let’s hurry and mix the batter up. I’m starving.”
“Okay. I set everything on the counter like you asked.”
“Perfect. We’ll have them whipped up in no time, and Gran can man the griddle.”
“What’s a griddle?”
“Let’s go into the kitchen, and I’ll show you.” Honor’s hand shook as she reached for Carson. “Ethan. Lenox. Would either of you like a cup of coffee.”
My dad just stared, Stunned, I swallowed the lump in my throat, but Honor didn’t miss a beat. Neither of us answered, but she forged on like we had. “Great. I’ll bring you both out a cup.”
Honor and Carson went into the kitchen, however, the rest of us were glued in place.
“What the fuck just happened?” I whispered.
“I think you know what happened,” my dad answered.
“No, dad. I don’t know. What am I supposed to tell Carson? Honor is freaked the fuck out, not that I blame her.”
“Tell Carson the truth. And the last thing Honor is, is freaked out.”
“And the truth is?”
“That, yes, one day Honor will be her mom,” my mom answered.
“Seriously? That’s all you have? She’s eight,” I reminded them. “I can’t tell her that.”
Honor came back and placed two cups of coffee on the table, sliding the cup of black coffee toward my dad, and the slightly blonde one in front of me.
“Already put your sugar in it, Lenox.”
“Than
ks.”
“Hey.” I grabbed her hand before she could walk back into the kitchen.
Honor looked down at me and shifted her head to the side, and, suddenly, I wasn’t sure why I’d stopped her or what I wanted to say.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“It’s just coffee, handsome.”
“No. Thank you for not freaking out and running a mile.”
“Lucky for you I already did three this morning.” Honor winked and walked back into the kitchen leaving me with my chuckling dad.
“I’m gonna help the girls.” My mom excused herself.
“I see it’s starting to sink in,” my dad said.
“Please don’t start talking in riddles. I haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee.”
“Fine, I’ll lay it out for you. That woman in there loves you and loves your daughter. Straight up, Ethan, she’s not freaked out, she’s not gonna run out on you and Carson, but she’s looking to you for direction. So the question is, how are you gonna play it? Sit on the fence and twiddle your thumbs or are you going to claim it and fight to keep it?”
There was another knock at the door, and before I could get up Honor yelled out. “I’ll get it.”
Now was not a good time for someone to come to my door and try to sell me something. I didn’t want to buy Girl Scout cookies, I didn’t want to find God, and I didn’t want to install solar panels. What I did want to do was figure out how I was going to have a very important conversation with my daughter and woman.
“Ethan. There’s a woman at the door who would like to speak to you. She said her name is Christina,” Honor told me and walked back into the kitchen.
“Did she ask for me or the homeowner?”
“You. Ethan Lenox.”
Christina? I didn’t know anyone named Christina.
With my irritation at an all-time high, I stomped to the door like a two-year-old, pouting. I opened the door and my irritation morphed into red-hot rage.
“What the fuck?”
I stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind me.
“That’s the greeting I thought I’d receive,” she said.
Chasing Honor (The Next Generation Book 2) Page 12