“I just wanted to see her,” Chrissy said, lowering her head.
“What the fuck? Did you run her off the road?”
“No!” Chrissy shouted. “I would never hurt Carson.”
“What about Honor? Would you hurt her?”
“I didn’t run her off the road. I was following her.”
My dad’s hand landed on my shoulder, stopping my forward movement.
“Why the fuck were you following my woman and my daughter?”
“I was . . .”
“You were what, Chrissy? Doing exactly what I told you not to do?” It was becoming increasingly harder to exercise self-control.
“I wasn’t going to talk to them. I promise.”
“Son,” my dad warned.
“What?” I snapped.
“Calm down.”
“Calm down? My woman almost died with Carson in the car. I can’t calm down.” I really wanted to tell my daughter’s human incubator to fuck off but there was one small detail I couldn’t over look, she’d save Honor’s life. “Did you see the accident happen?”
“Yes.”
“Well . . .” I motioned for her to continue.
“Chrissy, why don’t you sit down,” my Uncle Jasper offered.
“Thank you, but I’d like to stand.”
I bet she would. It’d be easier to run if she got uncomfortable. God knows she was good at that.
“We were coming up on the intersection and the car between Honor and me started to slow. Then, suddenly, when she was about halfway through, the person slammed on the gas and accelerated. They hit the back, left bumper. Her car went straight into the pole. There was no time for her to stop. The car that hit her swerved but regained control and sped off. They never slowed or stopped.”
“Do you think it was on purpose?” My dad asked.
“Absolutely.”
“Fuck,” I roared.
“Anyone come to mind?” my Uncle Clark asked.
“Any threats lately?” Uncle Levi added.
“Yeah. Two, actually,” I told them, then turned to Chrissy. “Did you get a make and model of the car?”
“Yes. And a partial plate. I’m sorry I didn’t memorize it all, but I was more worried about Carson. And Honor,” she quickly added.
What the hell was I supposed to do now? Someone tried to kill Honor and Carson. Chrissy was still breathing the same air as me. The person who’d hurt Honor was at large. And I wanted to kill someone with my bare hands.
“Lock it down, Ethan.” Jasper’s gaze pinned me in place. “You have to keep your head straight. Honor will be in recovery soon and she’ll need you. Carson is going to be looking to you about how to react. Give Lorenz the information and let him pass it along. You’re needed here.”
It amazed me my uncle could read me so well. He knew I was struggling about what to do with the information Chrissy had provided. I wanted to be the one to nail the son of a bitch that had run Honor off the road. But he was right, Honor and Carson needed me.
“I’m going to leave. Would it be okay if I came back to check on Honor before I fly back to California?” Chrissy asked. Now, what the fuck was I supposed to say to that? My first reaction was fuck no, I didn’t want her anywhere near us. But I was torn. It all came back to Chrissy having saved Honor. “You don’t have to answer now. I’ll leave my number at the nurse’s station. I’ll come by when Carson’s not here, if it’s okay with you and Honor.”
She started for the door and guilt slammed into my chest. As much as I wanted to let her walk out the door and never see her again, I couldn’t. I wanted to, really, really wanted to but . . . there was always a but wasn’t there?
“Let me talk to Honor and see what she says.”
“Thanks.”
“Thank you for . . .” I choked back the emotion, not wanting to lose it in front of her.
“No need. I’ll write everything down for you and leave it with the nurse.”
“You saved her life, Chrissy. There is a need. If you hadn’t been there, I doubt she would’ve made it to the hospital alive. Listen,” I paused and did something I never imagined myself doing, giving Chrissy want she wanted. “Before you leave would you like to sit and talk to Carson for a while?” Fuck, it pained me to offer, but I was stuck. If she hadn’t been there, I would’ve lost Honor. I was trapped in a shit sandwich. I’d have a lot to explain to Carson, but I’d rather that than being plagued by guilt for the rest of my life.
“No.” Chrissy didn’t try to hide her tears, she let them flow freely down her cheeks. “I thought about what you said, and you were right. I was being selfish.” She took a tentative step toward me but stopped before she was too close. “That’s why I was following them. If I could see Carson from a distance, she’d never see me. She’s so beautiful, she looks just like you when she smiles. Thank you for keeping her and giving her a good life when I couldn’t. You’re a great dad, Ethan. There was never a doubt in my mind you’d take good care of her.
“I’m sorry. I promised you I’d never disrupt your life but I did. Today when I saw her, really saw her, I knew I’d made the right choice. Something that was stirring around in my heart was laid to rest. I knew she belonged to you, she always has.”
“Was there something I could’ve said or done back then to make you stay?” God, I hated asking her that question, but I had to know.
“Nothing would’ve made me stay. You know how some girls grow up and dream about their weddings and having babies? That was never me. I knew I’d never be mother material. Even now, Ethan, I don’t want children. Damn, that makes me sound heartless, but I’m just not that person.”
“Not heartless—honest,” I corrected
The door creaked open and a doctor walked in. “Honor Sullivan’s family?”
“Here.” I stepped forward.
“We’ve moved her to recovery. If you’d like to walk with me, I’ll explain the procedure as I take you to her room.”
“I’ll tell your mom. We’ll watch Carson,” my dad told me.
“Thanks.”
The doctor immediately started running through the list of injuries Honor had sustained. The only issue that Chrissy had not addressed was Honor’s right ankle. The paramedic had thought it was a possible fracture, but it turned out to just be bruised. That was one less thing for her to recover from.
I stepped into Honor’s room and ignored the beeping and whirring of all the machines and went to her side. All the fears I’d had about Chrissy had been wiped clean and the self-doubt I’d had was finally behind me. Nothing mattered in that moment but Honor. I need her to wake up so I could beg her to forgive me.
“Hey, smalls. You ready to wake up yet?” The doctor told me it could take a few hours before the anesthesia wore off and she was coherent enough to carry on a conversation or it could only take minutes. Every patient was different.
I pulled a chair close and picked up one of her small, cold hands in mine and brought it to my lips, kissing her fingers. Thank God she was alive. Seeing her broken and near dead was something I never wanted to experience again. It’d also made me contemplate the last few days, and how I’d behaved. Never again would I shut her out. I took in the bruises on her face and the stitches on her forehead near her hairline and was relieved. The angry purple marks would fade, her ankle would heal, so would the scrapes on her leg. I could only hope the hurt I’d caused would too.
“I’m so sorry Honor.” I kissed her knuckles again wishing I could climb into the bed next to her and hold her. “So damn sorry for being such an asshole. I didn’t mean any of what I said. I promise. I was a coward and let fear take over. I don’t ever want to slow down. I don’t want you to move out. Baby, I need you to wake up. I miss you so much. Carson misses you, too. She needs you. We both do. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.”
I rested my forehead on her hand and listened to the constant rhythm of her heart. Thank God it was beating.
Honor would be okay. She
had to be. My life didn’t work if she wasn’t in it.
21
I slowly awoke and lay there a moment, disoriented and trying to figure out what had happened and where I was. The first thing I noticed was the unmistakable smell of a hospital. Antiseptic and bleach. The next were the sounds. Beeping, swooshing, and buzzing. Even as faint as it was, the hum hurt my head. I wanted to go back to sleep.
“Please, Honor, wake up. Let me see those pretty eyes.”
“Ethan?” I croaked.
“I’m right here, smalls. Can you open your eyes?”
I tried, but they felt heavy and gritty, like someone had thrown sand in them. I finally got one cracked open a sliver and decided against it when the light felt like it was piercing my skull.
“Can’t. What happened?”
“You were in a car accident.”
A car accident? That wasn’t right. I was at home making tacos with Carson.
Tortillas.
Carson.
No!
My eyes flew open, and I fought against the nausea that roiled in my stomach.
“Carson. Where is she? Is she okay?”
“Slow down. She’s fine. Everyone’s fine.”
Slow down.
I hated those two words. My brain slowly engaged, and I remembered.
“Why are you here?”
His face was still a little fuzzy but not so much I couldn’t make out the worry.
“Why wouldn’t I be here. You’re here. Where you are, I am.”
What? Was he drunk? He hadn’t wanted to be anywhere near me.
“You shouldn’t be here. Where’s Carson?” I asked him.
Ethan brought my hand to his lips and kissed it, then he peeled my fingers open and kissed my palm, placing my open hand on his cheek.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, ignoring my question.
“My head hurts,” I complained.
“Let me get the doctor. And I need to tell everyone you’re awake. They’re in the waiting room.”
“Why is everyone here?”
“Smalls, we almost lost you. Where else would they be?”
Lost me?
“What happened?”
“I promise I’ll tell you everything. But please let me have the doctor check you out first.”
“Okay.” With my head pounding, I easily gave in.
“I won’t leave your side, promise.”
Ethan pushed the call button next to the bed and moments later a woman in scrubs walked through the door.
“Don’t make me promises you can’t keep.” I tried to pull my hand free, but he held it firm on his cheek.
“I deserve that. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, good, you're awake.” The nurse interrupted. “Let me get the doctor.”
“How long have I been out?”
“You’ve been out of surgery for two hours,” he told me.
“Surgery?”
“Yes. Four of the longest hours of my life. I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been so scared.”
Before I could ask any more questions, an older man entered the room and smiled.
“Glad you finally decided to wake up. I thought I was going to have to sedate your fiancé here. He was worse than a two-year-old on a road trip asking, are we there yet,” the doctor chuckled.
Fiancé? I looked at Ethan and he shrugged his shoulders.
“I’m Doctor Levine, I performed your surgery. How do you feel? On a scale of one to ten what’s your pain level?”
I was trying to focus on Dr. Levine, however my head was still spinning at the revelation Ethan had told him we were engaged.
“Um, maybe a four, but I do have a headache and I feel like I might throw up.”
“Both are normal. Your vitals all look great. Dr. Krier was able to treat the pneumothorax in the ambulance. I removed the cath she put in during transport and replaced it with a chest tube.” The doctor pulled the unsnapped hospital gown down revealing a tube inserted just below my armpit. “You’re connected to a wall suction, so you’re leashed, so to speak, to the bed. Do not try and get up. Tomorrow you’ll be able to use the restroom with assistance. For now, you need to be connected to the suction at all times. To stop internal bleeding I had to remove your damaged spleen. The incision will be sore for a few weeks. I’m more concerned with your lung at the moment. You were extremely lucky Dr. Krier was there; pneumothorax can be life-threatening.”
“You removed my spleen? Don’t I need that?”
“I’ve performed hundreds of splenectomies. You can live a normal, healthy life without your spleen. There’s a chance you’ll be more prone to infection; however, it’s not significant.”
“When I woke up, I didn’t notice this.” I pointed to the tube coming out of my chest.
“That’s good. I don’t want you in pain. You’ll still feel a shortness of breath while your lung inflates. I won’t sugarcoat it, young lady, pneumothorax is extremely painful. I was very impressed with Dr. Krier’s original efforts.”
“Who’s Dr. Krier? Is she here? I’d like to thank her. It sounds like she saved my life.”
Ethan’s hand on my arm tightened, bringing my attention to him.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. His brows were pulled together, and he was staring at me with wide eyes. He opened his mouth, and I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t lie to me.”
“Nothing’s wrong. We’ll talk after the doctor is done with his exam.”
I continued to hold Ethan’s gaze. I only broke contact when Dr. Levine asked me to look at him, so he could check my pupils and throat. Once he deemed I was fine, he left the room with a promise to return before he left for the evening.
“Tell me,” I demanded.
“What do you remember about the accident?”
I tried to recall the moment of impact, but the details were fuzzy. “I was driving through an intersection and I was hit from behind. But it wasn’t like I was rear-ended. I was being pushed. I tried to step on the brakes, but it was too late, I couldn’t turn and there was a light post in front of me. Why? What does this have to do with why you look like you’ve swallowed a lemon?”
“What about after? Do you remember the EMTs working on you?”
God my head hurt, and the harder I tried to remember details the more it hurt.
“Not really. I remember opening my eyes and the airbag was in my face and it was hard breathe. I could taste blood mixed with chalk. I called out to Carson, she was crying. Then the airbag was deflated. I remember a woman was trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t understand her. I begged her to leave me and help Carson. I’m not sure if I was making sense, though, or if I was even talking. I hurt everywhere.”
“Did you recognize the woman who helped you?”
“No, I don’t remember. Why? Just tell me what’s wrong. My head hurts too fucking badly to play guessing games.”
“The . . . um . . . woman who helped you was Dr. Krier. Dr. Chrissy Krier.” Ethen looked like it physically pained him to say the words. What was the big deal about . . . oh, no . . . Chrissy.
Shit on a shingle!
“Chrissy? Carson’s—”
“Yes,” he said briskly. His jaw was set tight, and he looked like he had this morning when I’d told him I was moving out. Shit, had that only been this morning?
“Why was she there?”
“Do you need something for your headache?” he asked instead of answering me.
“Did she run me off the road?”
“No.” Our eyes remained locked. I was unwilling to accept his one-word answer. “She was following you.”
“Me? You mean Carson. Was she going to try and take her? Is that why you didn’t want me alone with Carson? Did she threaten to kidnap her?”
“No, smalls, she didn’t.”
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“A lot,” he admitted. “I promise to tell you everything. But I refuse to pile more shit on your plate when you’ve just woken up from surger
y.”
“I don’t believe you. I think you’re putting me off. You promised not to shut me out again, yet the first time something big came up you did just that. Only this time was worse than the first time. You didn’t shut me out, you locked me out. And now you’re doing it again. You should go home. Carson must be frightened. She needs you right now.”
“I leave when you leave.”
“What’s the point? Nothing’s changed.”
“You’re right, nothing has changed. I feel the same way about you right this very moment as I did the first time I kissed you. I know I fucked up. I’d planned on rectifying that this morning. Then you surprised me by telling me you were moving out, and I got pissed. But make no mistake, I was never going to let you walk out the door.”
“You were pissed? That’s rich coming from you. Don’t forget, you’re the one who’s refused to speak to me.”
“Yeah, Honor, pissed and hurt. I haven’t forgotten I behaved like a jackass. I thought I was doing the right thing, trying to work through my issues on my own and not stress you out or burden you with them. I was wrong. But so were you. I may’ve been silent, but you were ready to give up.”
“I wasn’t giving up. I was giving you space. Space you admit to needing.”
Damn my head hurt worse now than it did when I’d first opened my eyes.
“I’m not letting you walk away. I know I have a lot to make up for. A lot to prove to you. And I will while you are in our home. Where you belong.”
“It’s not my—”
“We’re not arguing about this, Honor. Not while you’re in pain. I’m going to go get the nurse and ask her to give you something for your headache. Then I’m going to go talk to my parents. When I come back, I’ll watch you sleep, and we’ll talk again when you wake up.”
“I already told you, you should leave. Go home with Carson.”
“That’s not happening. She’ll be fine with my parents. We walk out of here together.”
Without another word, Ethan stood and made his way to the door, he hesitated a moment before he shook whatever thought he had out of his head and left the room.
Chasing Honor (The Next Generation Book 2) Page 16