by DC Bastien
"Please tell me that wasn't actually you telling me we're about to be eaten by glowing hair?"
"Of course not. They can't consume metals, only organic material. If we went out into the water... well. We'd be fair game then."
"Remind me never to go swimming with you, then."
"I wouldn't swim where the local fauna wanted to eat me, Kip."
It was eerily pretty, though. Vadim found himself watching the rippling patterns, rather than where they were going. Soothing, like a feature wall in a bar, undulating to the music. He blinked hard when he realised his attention span had drifted and stayed drifted. "So where are we going?"
"The Judge has a small bolt-hole."
"Is it like yours, with another sexy ceiling looking up at the man-eating fish?"
"They aren't fish, and it wasn't a sexy ceiling."
"Kinda was."
"I'm glad you found my interior - and exterior - decorating to be sexually attractive, but where we're going it's strictly function, not form."
"What about my crew?"
"You're hot property, Kip. We need to get you off the radar, and then find them without raising our profile."
For once, he didn't even rise to the bait regarding his 'heat'.
***
[Ashroe: Sexy-ceiling I'm...]
[Sianor: I don't control him. He does it all himself.]
[Ashroe: I know he does! But I'm still... aaahhh!]
[Sianor: And poor Si is sitting in the back like, get a room.]
[Ashroe: 'Could you not talk about sexy jellyfish.']
[Sianor: OMFG I just realised... tentacle porn.]
[Ashroe: NO.]
[Ashroe: NO. NO NO NO.]
[Sianor: You know you're big when you have tentacles. All the cool fandoms do.]
[Ashroe: Young lady, take that back. It's bad enough we have tails.]
[Sianor: I've not read anything really twisted in Mission fandom yet.]
[Ashroe: It's out there.]
[Sianor: Wait... I know what we can do!]
[Ashroe: This is writing-avoidance, you realise?]
[Sianor: It's r-e-s-e-a-r-c-h.]
[Ashroe: Into... what? Things we shouldn't write?]
[Sianor: What the audience wants?]
[Ashroe: I don't think we should use badfic as a yardstick.]
[Sianor: Come on. Let's see who can find the most disgusting thing.]
[Ashroe: ...how do we tell who wins?]
[Sianor: We'll know. We'll know.]
***
[Sianor: Okay. Round one: fight.]
[Ashroe: I still want it on record that this is silly.]
[Sianor: Spoil-sport. OK, me first. I found this, which is an in-depth Saidhe masturbation fic.]
[Ashroe: I'm wondering what's squicky about jerking off. Is she doing it whilst thinking of Xaix?]
[Sianor: No, but can I veto anything non-sentient in this game?]
[Ashroe: Yeah. Nothing non-sentient, and non-adult. No kiddy stuff.]
[Sianor: Well... she's using the bow-strings. Er. If you get my drift. And there's a whole additional layer of meaning to the decorations.]
[Ashroe: Hang on I have to read this...]
[Ashroe: EW. And then she puts them BACK ON? Still WET?]
[Sianor: Yep. And every Hleen does the same sort of stuff, so they are all exhibitionists in a sense, showing off their sex-toy collection.]
[Ashroe: How do the guys... oh god. Now I'm imagining using them as cock rings.]
[Sianor: Which makes buying them for friends and family...]
[Ashroe: I find it unsettling, but you could get with it being a cultural difference thing. Points for creativity. Minus points of hygiene.]
[Sianor: Now your go.]
[Ashroe: How about this beauty. It's from Mes' point of view.]
[Sianor: Sounds different.]
[Ashroe: It is. And the voice is... sort of right. But it's creepy.]
[Sianor: Oh my god, that is creepy. Getting off on watching them do stuff...]
[Ashroe: If I was on a sentient ship, I would want some assurance that he or she would stop monitoring me if I was having happy alone time.]
[Sianor: No wonder they're all cranky. They know Mes is watching, so they don't dare get their freak on.]
[Ashroe: And that one should really have had a dub-con warning.]
[Sianor: Points for original POV, and an encompassing view on sexuality. Minus points for the slightly illegal thing, even if that's what the author gets off on. I don't want to feel dirty in a bad way without choosing to.]
[Ashroe: Agreed.]
[Sianor: Me next. Just look at the title.]
[Ashroe: Bwahahah, did you write this one under a false name?]
[Sianor: I did not!]
[Ashroe: Just checking.]
[Sianor: Okay. So this one is basically the Sex Hormones Made Them Do It, except when the Sianar go into heat, inexplicably the resulting horniness makes other species receptive to... uh. Bumping uglies.]
[Ashroe: Ahhh! This is unashamedly brilliant. I mean, I get the whole 'I can't pick a damn pairing get a huge bed' mentality, but this is just making me choke on my coffee.]
[Sianor: Wait til you get to...]
[Ashroe: NO! No, they did not just... whips? Really? Wow. I would have pegged Peters for the dom.]
[Sianor: It's part of the sex hormones.]
[Ashroe: And they all end up snuggling. Well. At least the only species with two members are of the same gender, or there'd be wee ones in the morning. Or... a few months later.]
[Sianor: Unless they do mpreg. Cross-species mpreg, in some cases.]
[Ashroe: Maybe the Xaix are really the great-great granddaddies of the Roq and Sianar. They look a bit like both of them.]
[Sianor: I think I'm going to barf.]
[Ashroe: Well, so far it's been fun, but tame. Are you ready to clamp your legs so tightly shut you render yourself infertile for good?]
[Sianor: You really don't understand dating so well, do you?]
[Ashroe: Hush. If I keep your legs shut until we meet, then I don't have any competition, do I?]
[Sianor: Damnit. Point.]
[Ashroe: Game, set, match. Alright, remember this was your idea.]
[Sianor: You didn't.]
[Ashroe: I did.]
[Sianor: I thought you hated Missinger's work?]
[Ashroe: I do. I delved that deep. I woke a great evil. Behold... the Roq were actually sex slaves and Loap is a trained courtesan.]
[Sianor: How long is this?]
[Ashroe: Too long. The summary would be long enough. I know it sort of breaks our rules, but it's too gross not to link. It has trigger warnings for - and don't worry, we don't have to read it - sexual slavery, ritualised body modification, non-consensual relationships, underage sexuality, violence, inter-species sex, animalistic traits, eugenics... you name it and it's in there.]
[Sianor: I've skimmed a few bits of it. I have to say that the writing itself is... well. You can't fault her grammar or her world-building. She... can tell a story well. It's just not a story I want to read.]
[Ashroe: Same. She seems to be pretty intelligent, it's just that she has some really... uh. Unsettling kinks. Which if she just keeps to fiction is fine, but... I really hope it stays only in books. There's no way those relationships she portrays are healthy.]
[Sianor: And that's fandom for you.]
[Ashroe: That's humanity for you.]
[Sianor: OK, OK, you win. But please tell me you have something to cheer me up, now?]
[Ashroe: I do. I do.]
[Sianor: Share!]
[Ashroe: I bought the convention tickets. I figured there'd be some panels we'd want to go to, even if Mission's not showing any more. I got us a hotel room, too.]
[Sianor: What?!]
[Ashroe: This is when you say 'wow, thanks, what a great long-distance girlfriend you are'...]
[Sianor: I mean... yes! Thank you! I just... I didn't expect you to buy the tickets!]
<
br /> [Ashroe: Eh, the holiday fund was just sitting there. Why not? I'm flying out five days beforehand, so we can spend some time together before the con. And then a week after. And if we don't hit it off like... well. That. Then we can just totally be besties.]
[Sianor: I am SO excited. You wouldn't even believe!]
[Ashroe: I have one request only: I get to sleep closest to the door.]
[Sianor: So you can defend us from murderers?]
[Ashroe: Yeah, that ;)]
[Sianor: !!!]
***
Chapter Eleven - Mission: Inspiration
The small craft pushed through the water, finally coming to a stop at the bottom of the lake. Even with the high-powered lights cutting through the murk, Vadim could barely distinguish anything. Avery was using the sensors to navigate, pushing them forwards until there was a final hint of something big and metallic ahead, followed by a dull thunk as they made contact.
"And we're home," Avery said, switching off the engine and turning over to basic life-support.
"How far down are we?"
"Far enough that we'll evade all regular scans of the area," Peters said, standing in the doorway back to the passenger section. "If they really wanted to find us, they could. But they're unlikely to look down here."
"And you know that because...?"
"Because," and he smiled, "...Hleen revere water."
"...so they won't be poking about in it?"
"No. And as this planet was originally Hleen, then the superstitions hold. Equally, if they do discover us trespassing in a large body of water, we're likely to be penalised heavily."
"So... no mentioning the glow-fish. Got it."
Peters nodded, and walked to the side door again. Vadim felt a bit strange seeing him in a completely civilian context, because he was just... the Judge. That's who he was. Other people were other things - not just their job - but somehow the Judge seemed to let his profession swell to be the most important thing about him. And seeing him working outside the law was unsettling in the extreme.
The door swung to one side, opening to reveal a tiny air-lock-like section. It made Vadim shudder, because as easily as no pressure at all in space could kill you, several tonnes of water could do just the same thing. And then there was the whole local wildlife issue, and he really hadn't dressed for the beach. Thankfully, the seal held and all three of them walked into the chamber.
"How'd you get this down here?" he asked.
"I flew it in at night, at the central part of the lake, then hugged the bed to get closer to the shore," Avery explained. "Wasn't easy. Took a fair amount of bribery."
"It's... smart."
"It was his idea," Avery shrugged. "Always one step ahead of the game."
"Only half a step at the moment, or we wouldn't be working from such a small centre of operations," Peters demurred.
Small was right. As they walked around, Vadim realised this craft was perhaps a third the size of Messenger, dimly lit and faintly thrumming. It was an older vessel, a Ralibai class, if his memory served. The bulkheads were old and grey, and she looked like she'd seen much better days.
"We the only ones down here?" he asked.
"You're the only two I trust," Peters replied.
"Me, plus my crew," Vadim answered, just as quickly.
"Yes. But they are indisposed right now."
"When are we going to get to the 'finding them' bit?" He was trying not to sound impatient, he truly was. It was just that no one else seemed to realise how important it was.
"I've already got some assets working on it. Biann and Kre were in the market by the transport line when you alerted them. I have my best people trailing them through the surveillance footage."
"And not on foot?"
"It's... a tricky situation right now," the Judge replied.
"Are you going to tell me what is really going on? Because as far as I can tell, we were just doing our lawful best to earn a living, peaceful and all, when folks started shooting at us, or shouting at us, or worse." Hands on his hips, the Captain scowled. "We got rid of the Bankers. Didn't we? Signed it all up and put a pretty little bow on it. Why can't we just be left to sell things and drink coffee?"
Avery actually snorted. "Coffee?"
"I haven't had any today."
It seemed like a weird thing to get fixated on, but Vadim was sure his bad mood had been made worse by caffeine deprivation, and when you were utterly out of your depth, you reached for the familiar. Like coffee. And people he knew. And his ship.
"I can get you coffee," Avery said. "But I'm afraid it wasn't really the Bankers we needed to worry about. Our deal with them was sound."
"So why am I still not left to my own devices?"
"Because," Peters' soothing voice cut in, his hands raised in a placatory gesture, "...they were only working under orders, and for high reward. The Bankers seem to... well. If they have a long-term goal, it's beyond our understanding. They value acquisitions... and value itself. They don't have any perceivable bias."
"So who is paying them to be dicks?"
"People with money."
"That was kind of obvious with the word 'pay'." Vadim wondered why the pair of them were being so ornery.
"Avery is correct, Vadim. In order to push the Bankers into such extremely risky behaviour, there must have been a large reward offered. Which means that whoever was behind the duplications and assassination attempts must have deep pockets. We follow the money, we find the problem."
"...and I can't just tell them I don't give a damn and to leave me alone?"
"You were hardly causing much of a stir when they first went for you," Avery said, reaching for an apple and tossing it idly from hand to hand. "What makes you think asking nicely, now you're all caught up in it, would make a difference?"
"I don't know... my charming ways? The fact that I can be an angry dick when people cross me?"
"That much I'll attest to," Avery agreed, taking a healthy bite from his apple.
"Is this all about Kre?"
"You don't miss a trick." The Enforcer licked at a dribble of apple juice, his tongue doing terrible things which now was not the time for.
"I left all this! Do you not remember? I left all the legal bullcrap and fighting behind. For a simple life! Moving boxes! Shouting at people!"
"You're still shouting at people..."
"Enough," the Judge cut in, a hand on each of their shoulders. "I know this is less than ideal, but it's the situation we are presented with. Yes, it's a rough deal, but complaining about it won't help."
"Fine." Vadim shrugged the hand off. "Then give me something to do. Preferably that involves physical violence being enacted upon my oppressors."
***
[Sianor: I get why people ship them. I do. He's - normally - deferential to and respectful of Si in a way he isn't around other authority figures.]
[Ashroe: He'd trust his judgement where he wouldn't another legal official.]
[Sianor: And considering he's made such an exception for him... they read meaning into it.]
[Ashroe: It's human behaviour. Seeking patterns, looking for meaning. We've probably evolved to get in everyone's business so we know where it's worthwhile expending effort to reproduce.]
[Sianor: And I think the power dynamic is interesting. Like, he's so very alpha around everyone else - he has to be, for the command structure to work - but he's sort of territory-sharing... even deferring in certain circumstances.]
[Ashroe: Yes. And to begin with, I will admit... I sort of liked the pairing. I liked that twisted dynamic. The subtle hints at something more complex, lurking below the surface. If I hadn't read any fic - and I hadn't ever met Ithon - I might have continued to entertain thoughts of them together.]
[Sianor: So Ithon wasn't the only reason you stopped?]
[Ashroe: No. I... well. I like writing the slightly off-the-wall pairings. I like it because there's no huge wall of fanon bearing down on you, telling you 'this' is how t
hey are. Maybe a few other people see our ship, and maybe one other person writes it, so... it's almost like having the original, the source material, all to myself.]
[Sianor: Does what other people write affect your own work? I'm just curious.]
[Ashroe: Yes and no. I try to avoid others' work because of it. I don't want to rehash someone else's ideas, I want mine to be... mine. I know I'm already playing with another writer's world and voices, but... I see and hear, I don't read. And I find I choke up more around written words than I do around other media.]
[Sianor: But if you'd never read a book - or a fic - would you even write at all?]
[Ashroe: I never thought of that.]
[Sianor: I read voraciously when I was younger. I mean... I'd go to the library and I wouldn't even make it home before I was reading one of the books. I don't know how I didn't end up under the wheels of a bus.]
[Ashroe: I devoured the whole reading selection of my school. In the end, they just let me bring in whatever I wanted. I was reading the - er - adult books before I was eleven. Not porn, I just mean books for grown-ups.]
[Sianor: How did you get away with it?]
[Ashroe: Books don't have classifications like films and games. There's no sticker on the spine saying I couldn't have them. Raised a few eyebrows, but got me talking to the head librarian before long. We were swapping good yarns. Have a lot to thank him for, really. I knew a good book, but I didn't have the access to the internet to find them. Relied on word of mouth, interesting cover or blurb.]