Piece of My Heart

by Layce Gardner

  Bang!

  Everyone froze.

  “I’ve been shot!” Lee screamed. She grabbed her butt with both hands and yelped over and over, “Youshotmybutt, youshotmybutt, youshotmybutt!”

  Jenna didn’t give a damn about Lee’s butt. She looked over the railing and saw Brooklyn holding the cow. Brooklyn held the cow over her head and shouted, “I caught it! I saved your cow!”

  “I love you more every moment,” Jenna called down. No one had ever made her feel so loved. Then she saw Brooklyn wince. “Did you get hurt?”

  “I think I might’ve broken my pinky on the cow’s udder.”

  Lee leaned over the balcony and yelled, “Fuck your pinky! I took a bullet in the ass!”

  “It’s not a bullet,” Margot said, coming out on the balcony. “It’s only a pellet gun.”

  “I don’t care what it is, my ass is on fire,” Lee said.

  “Get some tweezers and I’ll pluck the pellet out,” Taylor said. “I saw it done on TV once. Do you have a wooden spoon to bite?”

  “I’d rather go to the hospital,” Lee said, still grasping her butt in both hands.

  “That’ll teach you a lesson. Never steal a girl’s cow,” Jenna said. She grabbed Taylor’s arm and marched toward the front door. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

  “Ciao,” Taylor said, holding open the front door for Jenna. “I hope your ass thing works out okay.”

  “Fuck you,” Lee muttered.

  “Oh, and one more thing, paisano,” Taylor said in an ultra-calm voice, “Leave Jenna alone, capisce?”

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass about her,” Lee said.

  Taylor shut the door firmly behind her and ran to catch up with Jenna.

  ***

  When they got down to the parking lot, Brooklyn handed Jenna the cow. Jenna stroked its smooth ceramic head and clutched it to her chest. “Thank you so much.” Her eyes filled with tears. She kissed Brooklyn. “No one has ever done anything so brave and courageous for me.”

  Brooklyn blushed. “I knew it was a very important cow.”

  “Good save,” Taylor said. She held up her hand for a high-five. Then she noticed Brooklyn’s pinky. “Hey, let me see that,” she said. It was swollen and crooked. “Yep, it’s broken all right.”

  “We’ve got to take you to the hospital,” Jenna said.

  “That’s not a good idea,” Taylor said.

  “Why not? She needs medical attention,” Dale said, joining them.

  “Too many questions,” Taylor said. “She’s already got a black eye and now she’s got a broken pinky. The hospital is going to see assault and battery. They’ll call the cops and we’ll have to answer a lot of questions.”

  “So what should we do?” Jenna asked.

  “I’ve got a friend who can fix it up,” Taylor said.

  “You sure have a lot of friends,” Brooklyn said.

  “I’m a fishing guide and lots of women fish here,” Taylor said. “You’d be surprised the women I’ve met.”

  They heard a scream from Margot’s condo, “Ow! Get those tweezers away from me!”

  Jenna smiled wickedly. “Karma is a bitch.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jenna was still in gleeful love-land when they held the next Monday meeting with their clients. She and Brooklyn parted only for work. They were conjoined at the nether regions until making a living broke them apart again.

  Jenna sat in her office chair, whirling it around in circles, whispering “Happy, happy, happy,” to herself.

  Dale looked up from her Southern Living magazine. “Are you singing the happy song again? You’re really starting to creep me out.”

  “I should be more creeped out by your choice of reading material. You’re a Midwesterner and now out of the blue you’re interested in southern living?” She got out of her chair and plopped down next to Dale on the sofa.

  “Melody left it behind. She likes the South, says they have impeccable manners and a certain savoir faire,” Dale said, flipping past an ad for Paula Dean cookware.

  “Ooh, that recipe for fried okra looks good,” Jenna said, pointing at the picture.

  Dale leaned her head on Jenna’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re so happy. It’s nice to have my old friend back.”

  “Yeah, the last year has been tough.”

  Dale bit the side of her mouth. Not a good sign.

  “What are you thinking?” Jenna asked. She got up and put the coffee on. The clients would be coming in any time now.

  “Nothing really.”

  Jenna gave her the eye.

  “All right. I’m concerned about you, you know, now that Lee is back. She had quite a hold on you and I worry that it might mess up what you’ve got with Brooklyn.”

  Jenna laughed. “I am so over it.”

  “You sound like a Valley Girl.”

  “I am. I swear.” Jenna held up four fingers and made a “V” sign.

  “That’s the live ‘long and prosper’ sign from Star Trek.”

  “Oh. I still swear that my heart is bulletproof when it comes to Lee. Besides, Brooklyn is great in bed and that I cannot walk away from. Not to go into particulars, but it used to always be about Lee, making me feel like I was an afterthought. It’s not that way with Brooklyn.”

  “That’s good. Are you going to take up fishing?”

  “No, should I?” Jenna asked, filling the coffee decanter with water.

  Dale shrugged. “It’s always good to have something in common—besides sexual compatibility.”

  “I’m sure we’ll discover other things as we go along,” Jenna said. She finished making the coffee and set it to brew. Pulling out her phone, she texted Brooklyn, “Should I take up fishing?”

  Her phone vibrated immediately. Brooklyn had texted back, “Not unless you feel an overwhelming desire to do so.”

  “My desire is to make you happy,” Jenna texted.

  “We have things in common,” came Brooklyn’s reply.

  Jenna almost texted “Like what?” but refrained. She thought it sounded needy and weird. She was not going to be one of those girlfriends that worried the relationship to death.

  “ILU,” Brooklyn texted. “See you tonight.”

  Jenna put her phone back in her pocket. She sat down next to Dale and stared at her until she put the magazine down. “Why are you staring at me?” Dale asked.

  “Because… I want you to tell me the truth. Do you think I did something to drive Lee away?”

  Jenna never got an answer to that because Cindy and Melody swung open the door and sailed in, smiling and laughing.

  “You two are sure in a good mood,” Jenna said.

  “We went on a nature retreat this past weekend,” Melody said.

  “And had a great time,” Cindy added.

  “You two seemed to spending a lot of time together,” Jenna said.

  “Don’t talk about it,” Cindy said.

  “You could jinx it,” Melody said. They sat down and scooted their chairs closer together.

  “Jinx what?” Dale asked.

  “The ‘it’ we shouldn’t talk about,” Cindy said.

  “Coffee?” Jenna asked.

  “Please,” they said simultaneously.

  Jenna noted the synchronicity. They weren’t dressed the same—yet. But they were acting like a newly blossoming couple.

  Agnes came in next. She was dressed in a black and white striped dress.

  “What happened to the gray?” Jenna blurted.

  Agnes colored. “I met someone at the potluck. I mean, Naomi did. Not only that, but she told the woman all about me and Mickey. And she can’t wait to meet us. ”

  Jenna was flabbergasted. All her clients were finding love! Then why wasn’t she happier for them? Was she having empty nest syndrome? “Coffee?” Jenna finally asked, still holding the decanter.

  “No thank you, I’m drinking only fizzy water now. Ulma is a doctor and she thinks caffeine might contribute to my mood swings.” />
  “Ulma Carlyn?” Jenna asked. “Dr. Ulma Carlyn?”

  “Do you know her?” Agnes asked.

  “She was the one who was mean to Cindy about her jokes,” Jenna said.

  “I can’t believe you’d want to be around a woman like that,” Melody said in obvious defense of Cindy.

  “She wants you all to know she’s sorry. It was a difficult time for her. Earlier that day she had a patient die,” Agnes said.

  Okay, one couldn’t argue with that, Jenna thought.

  Melody looked over at Cindy who nodded. “Well, in that case, I can see where doctor jokes might have been out of line, but Cindy didn’t know that,” Melody said.

  “Ulma realizes that. She shouldn’t have come to Brooklyn’s party, but then we wouldn’t have met,” Agnes said.

  “How is everyone feeling about their new status as women with potential girlfriends?” Dale asked.

  Cindy and Melody looked shyly at each other. Melody took Cindy’s hand. “I’d like to think we’re doing well.”

  “I haven’t booked a U-Haul yet, but that doesn’t mean I won’t in the future,” Cindy said. “I’m just trying to stay in the now and enjoy every second.”

  “So you two are no longer in the dating pool?” Jenna asked.

  Cindy looked at Melody. “I’m out,” Cindy said. “I want to see where this goes.”

  “Me too,” Melody said. She leaned over and kissed Cindy sweetly.

  “We really want to thank you all for what you’ve done. No more sippy cups or juggling,” Cindy said. “Or shoes on a leash.” She giggled at the thought of her past idiosyncrasies.

  “And I’ve stopped being Elizabeth Taylor,” Melody said. “It feels good to just be me.”

  “She donated all her clothes to the community theater. They were ecstatic. You know, they don’t have much of a costume budget,” Cindy said.

  “What about irritating your mother?” Jenna asked.

  Melody waved the thought away with a swish of her hand. “I’m over it. So is my mother. We’ve got a truce going. And she likes Cindy—that counts for a lot.”

  “I’m glad for you,” Agnes said. “You both deserve happiness.”

  “We do?” Cindy said. “I mean Melody and I met while trying to meet other people. Does that qualify as a success?”

  “I think it does,” Dale said. “The mission statement of our company is Love Wins Out.”

  “It is?” Jenna asked.

  Dale nodded. “Yes.”

  Jenna didn’t remember creating a mission statement, but she trusted Dale. And she had to admit it was a good mission statement. Who’d have thought that she’d meet Brooklyn while attending a toilet-plumbing seminar at Home Depot? Love can win out, indeed.

  Jenna looked at Agnes who was plucking at invisible lint on her dress. “What about you?” she asked Agnes.

  “I need to bring in Mickey and Naomi to talk this through. Would you all mind?” Agnes asked politely.

  “Sure, go get them. I mean one at a time, unless you can do all three at once.”

  Agnes laughed. “No, they each need their own space.”

  “Okay, do what you have to,” Jenna said. “Do you know which one is going first?”

  “Yes, it’s Mickey. She hates dresses. Naomi hates gray. I’m trying to include both of them in my new life—dress that isn’t gray and these are for Mickey,” she said lifting up her dress. Underneath she wore black cowboy boots with big red inlaid swirls.

  “I think it’s a nice compromise,” Dale said. She poured herself more coffee.

  “Okay, I’ll be right back,” Agnes said and left the room.

  “I think it’s really sweet that Agnes has found someone who is so accepting of her,” Cindy said.

  Three minutes later Mickey strutted back in wearing jeans, a sleeveless black T-shirt and the cowboy boots. Agnes put Superman to shame in the quick costume-change department, Jenna thought.

  “Hi, ladies,” Mickey said. She leaned against the chair and crossed her arms. “I’ve been told that I should say my piece on this Ulma woman who has just recently walked into our lives.”

  Jenna couldn’t tell if Mickey was happy about it or had reservations. Dating a doctor might seem highbrow stuff to Mickey and she might find it threatening. She wondered how Ulma’s parents would feel meeting Mickey for the first time. Jenna hoped that Agnes was the dinner date on those occasions.

  “Man, that woman rocks my world in the bedroom. That’s a big plus in my little black book. Another bonus feature is she’s got lots of broken stuff around the house. She likes having a handyman and that’d be me. We take it out in trade, if you get my drift.” She winked. Then she picked up Agnes’s fizzy water and took a slug. She winced and stared at the can’s label. “This’ll take some getting used to.”

  “So, just to clarify… you’re okay with the relationship?” Jenna asked.

  Mickey sat down and put her feet up on the coffee table. “Hell, yeah. Like I said, she rocks my world big time.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Melody said.

  Mickey eyed them. “You got a sex glow. The love bug bit you two, didn’t it? Come on now, tell Uncle Mickey the truth.”

  “We did consider keeping it under wraps for a while. We didn’t want anyone to feel left out,” Cindy said.

  “But it’s hard to keep our kind of love a secret,” Melody said.

  “No need to hide it. We got ourselves some tail and that’s what all this is about, right?” Mickey asked. She stood. “Well, I best be going. Naomi’s getting restless. Catch you all on the flip side.” And with that, she sauntered out of the room.

  By the time Jenna had re-filled everyone’s coffee cups, Naomi opened the door and entered. She was wearing a black leather mini skirt and a purple sequined halter-top. More of her was out of the outfit than in it. She still wore the cowboy boots.

  Naomi tried to sit in Dale’s lap, but Dale batted her away. “My bad. I forgot I already have a girlfriend.” She flounced down into an empty chair and crossed her legs seductively.

  Jenna thought it was very telling that all three of the personalities were wearing the same cowboy boots. Did that mean that they would eventually merge into one personality? “Naomi, may I ask a personal question?”

  Naomi grinned and put her palms under her breasts, lifting them high. “The answer is yes. They’re real.”

  “Not that question,” Jenna said. “I was wondering if Agnes always had you and Mickey as alters or did something happen to her to cause the split?”

  Naomi reached over and picked up Agnes’s fizzy water. She took a ladylike sip then said, “Agnes had a bad fall and she woke up with us.”

  Everyone gasped.

  “How did it happen?” Cindy asked.

  “Her ex-wife opened the car door and gave her shove. Kicked to the curb as the old saying goes. She got banged up pretty bad. You know, just a word of advice, do not argue in a moving vehicle, especially if your wife has long arms and you’re in one of those Smart cars. Agnes hit the pavement going about thirty-five.” She shrugged. “Could’ve been worse.”

  “Holy crap,” Jenna said. She couldn’t think of anything worse than having road rash and waking up to multiple personalities.

  “Now, back to the doc. I like her in all ways carnal. So far we’re doing a good job of dividing our time up. We give Agnes more face time. Mickey fixes stuff and acts butch when required. I get to deal with the bedroom quite a bit. I’m learning to share.” She pouted. “But I’m okay with it.” There was a pause. “Sort of. Someday I’d like to talk them into a three-way but we’re going kind of slow because of Agnes. You know, Mickey and I might come across as callous, but we’ve got a soft spot for Agnes.”

  “That’s so sweet,” Melody said.

  “I gotta go. Agnes said we each got five minutes tops. See you all on the flip side,” she said, and sashayed out the door.

  It didn’t escape Jenna’s attention that both Mickey and Naomi said the same “flip
side” line. Apparently, they were merging and didn’t even know it.

  Cindy turned to Melody and said, “I want you to know that I cannot share you in any way—even if it was you I was sharing with another you.”

  “I know, sweetness,” Melody said, patting her hand.

  Agnes returned. She tripped over her own boots but caught herself on the back of a chair before she face-planted. She sheepishly looked at the others. “These take a bit of getting used to. I’m a practical flats kind of gal.”

  “Understandable,” Jenna said.

  “Thanks. What do you think about all this?” Agnes said.

  “I think it’s a good thing,” Dale said. “I really do.”

  “It’s a good solution to your…” Cindy paused. She was obviously stuck.

  Melody helped her out. “Your uniqueness.”

  “Uniqueness, that’s very positive. Maybe if I changed my attitude about my particular uniqueness, I would feel better about myself,” Agnes said.

  “I think that’s a brilliant idea,” Jenna agreed.

  “So where do you all want to go with this?” Dale asked.

  “What do you mean?” Cindy asked, looking anxious. She began to finger her pockets.

  Jenna wondered if, in times of stress, Cindy would go back to her juggling balls and sippy cup.

  “It’s all right,” Melody said, taking both Cindy’s hands in her own.

  “I know,” Cindy said. She let out a long, tense breath and looked at Melody with so much love that she practically glowed. Jenna hoped she glowed when she looked at Brooklyn.

  Dale continued, “What I mean is that we’ve attained our goals. You’ve all bettered yourselves and found potential love, which is what we set out to do.”

  She was right, but Jenna thought she’d miss their adventures. Now, she remembered their time spent together with a certain fondness.

  “I suppose you’re right,” Agnes said. She picked up her empty fizzy-drink bottle and put it in the trash.

  “I’m going to miss everyone,” Melody said.

  “We could still be friends,” Cindy said and blushed. “I mean, if you all wanted to.”