by Alice Duncan
Reality and my emotional reactions to it, however, didn’t make money, and I had a feeling I was going to be hearing from the Kincaids any second. Turning my head—I didn’t want to turn my body because I’d disturb Billy’s arm—I saw that it was already eight o’clock. Shoot, I almost never slept that late.
With a heavy sigh, but knowing I’d best get going or Mrs. Kincaid would catch me in my nightgown, I decided to get out of bed. I knew she was going to phone. She wasn’t one to handle problems without all the help she could get. And, honestly, she really did have some tremendously big problems to deal with at the moment, and I did feel obliged to help her if I could.
Billy awoke as I tried to slide out from under his arm. I turned and kissed him on the lips. “Morning, sleepyhead.”
He rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?”
“Almost eight.”
“Golly, we never sleep this late.”
My sentiments exactly. “I guess we both had tiring days yesterday.”
“I guess so.” Billy lifted his arms and made a cradle with his hands against which he laid his head. Grinning with what I could only describe as true happiness, he said, “Say, Daisy, that detective fellow is a pretty swell guy. He’s easy to talk to, and he plays a bad game of gin rummy, so I get to win.”
Even though my heart gave a smallish spasm when I heard the he’s easy to talk to part of Billy’s speech, I smiled. “I’m glad. I didn’t like him at all when I first met him, but I guess he’s okay.” I think that was a lie, although I’m not entirely sure. Sam and Billy together were okay. Sam the detective, all by himself, was a louse.
“How come you didn’t like him?”
I’d put on a spring frock of light-green-and-white foulard that Aunt Vi had sewn for me for Easter (and, I might add, that ended a tasteful five inches from my low-heeled brown pumps), and was tying the solid green sash about my waist when I answered him. “Well, for one thing, he thought I’d killed Mr. Kincaid at first. I know he did.”
“Ha!” Billy laughed. I thought that a rather strange reaction from my very own husband, but I didn’t take exception aloud. Inside, my indignation swelled.
“And,” I went on, “he thinks all spiritualists are fortune tellers and illegal bunco artists.”
“Can’t really blame him for that, either, Daisy. I know, I know,” he said when he saw I was heating up and about to blow, “I don’t like your job either, but I know you have to do it.”
“Hmmm.” That was a bigger concession to reality than Billy had made in a long time. I considered thanking Sam Rotondo for it the next time I saw him, but decided it was far too soon to be thanking him for anything.
“You look swell today, Daisy,” Billy said when I’d finished brushing my hair into its regulation knot in a pouf.
“Thanks. I try to look as mysterious as possible under all circumstances, you know.” I said it in a sepulchral tone and made my face into one I hoped resembled Dr. Hyde in a picture we’d seen last year (a picture, by the by, that had scared Billy and me into leaving a night light on in our bedroom for almost a week).
“I think you’d look good in one of those short bobs,” said Billy. “You know, like that picture actress everybody’s talking about. She’s a redhead, too, you know.”
I turned around, my Dr. Hyde expression vanishing like magic. “Really? Do you really think so? You don’t think it would tarnish my mediumistic image?”
“Hell, no! Anyhow, you can always wear a hat.”
“Boy, oh boy, I’ve wanted to get a bob for the longest time.”
“Do it,” Billy said. “To heck with your image. Nobody’s not going to hire you if you get your hair cut, are they? That would be dumb.”
I made another face, this one merely a stab at a humorous grimace. “Most of the rich people who use me are dumb, or they wouldn’t be hiring mediums in the first place.”
It made him laugh, and I was glad. Usually, I only annoyed and irritated him. “Gotta get some breakfast,” I said. “I have a sinking feeling Mrs. Kincaid’s going to call any minute now, and I can’t face that hell-house on an empty stomach. Want me to bring you something?”
“Naw,” my Billy said. “I’ll get up in a bit. It feels good to lie here for a while.”
That was because, when he’d been lying in bed for several hours, he didn’t feel the pain in his lungs and legs as much as when he moved around. I thought about offering to get him his morphine, but didn’t. Billy’s morphine scared me, even though I understood that he needed it. Anyhow, he knew his body better than I—which was just one more unlucky aspect of our marriage, I guess.
So I staggered out to the kitchen, feeling tired and head-achy. In fact, I felt as if I’d been hit on the head with a sledge hammer and then run over with an automobile.
Ma hadn’t left for work yet, so there was coffee already made. I kissed her on the cheek. “You’re saving my life with this coffee, Ma. I hope you know that. I’m sure it will cure my headache.”
She laughed. “Take a powder with it, and it’ll go away.” Good old Ma. She always knew what a person needed. She picked up her handbag, ready to walk to the Hotel Marengo and keep their books for yet another day. “The Kincaids are getting to you, are they?”
I shut my eyes and shuddered. “I know they’re going to call me to come over there today. I’m not sure I can face another day in that house.”
“Sure you can,” said my mother, kissing me on the top of my knot. “It’s your job, and a Gumm always does her job. And so does a Majesty,” she added conscientiously.
Of course, she was right. And, of course, the phone rang. It wasn’t even eight-thirty yet. It was our ring, but Ma and I raced to get to it in order to forestall the neighbors. Ma got there first.
“It’s for Daisy, Mrs. Barrow. Please hang up the wire.” I could tell Mrs. Barrow wasn’t being cooperative, because Ma’s mouth scrunched up like a prune and her nose wrinkled. “Of course, Daisy is here. She’s standing next to the telephone. Waiting to take her call.” She put emphasis on the waiting part, not that Mrs. Barrow ever cared.
With a sigh, Ma handed the phone to me. “The old cow won’t believe me,” she said in a stage whisper Mrs. Barrow could probably have heard in her house down the street even without the telephone to help, but I took the receiver and tried to smooth over the unpleasantness.
“Mrs. Barrow? I believe this call is for me.”
“Daisy? Daisy? Is that you?”
The voice belonged to Mrs. Kincaid and my heart sank, because she sounded frantic again. If Stacy had run off to some speakeasy and gotten herself arrested a second time, I was going to personally take the child to the dog pound and have her put to sleep. I could tell them she was a rum-running Rottweiler or something.
“Huh,” said Mrs. Barrow. “Well, if you’re so sure it’s your call, Mrs. Majesty, I’ll hang up. But you really must understand that sometimes the rest of us like to speak to our friends on the telephone, too. You shouldn’t hog the wire the way you do.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nuts. I’d been away from home all day long the day before and couldn’t possibly have hogged a thing on Mrs. Barrow’s telephone wire. Also, I knew good and well that Billy and Pa never bothered to use the phone if they could avoid it—another male idiosyncrasy, I suppose. I didn’t point that out, since I figured it was a good idea to keep conditions civil whenever possible, but said gently, “I believe this is an important call, Mrs. Barrow.”
“Yes!” shrieked Mrs. Kincaid. “Oh, yes, yes! Oh, Daisy, you must come back here! Something awful’s happened!”
Mrs. Barrow still hadn’t hung up, so I decided to hell with civility, and said, “Hang up the wire right this minute, Mrs. Barrow, or I’ll call the police!” Remembering Sam’s visit from the night before, I lied like a rug. “As a matter of fact, there’s a policeman sitting in my living room right this very minute!”
She hung up with a clang that nearly broke my ear drum. It occurred to me too late that Mrs. Barrow wou
ld probably already be racing out her back door to spread the gossip that something dreadful had happened at the Majestys’ house because the police were surrounding the place, and wouldn’t you just expect something like that from one of them. But at least I got rid of the old hag, and that was the point.
Working on Mrs. Kincaid, I said, “Please try to calm down, Mrs. Kincaid. What can I do for you? What’s happened?” Oh, sweet Lord in heaven, they hadn’t discovered her husband’s body, had they? I couldn’t ask.
“Quincy Applewood has come back!” she shouted in sort of a combination of a sob and a wail that would have done an Irish banshee proud. “He’s saying some crazy things, Daisy! Crazy! And nobody can find that Mr. Rotund person who works at the police office, and I don’t know what to do, and Del and Algie have gone to the bank, and Harold hasn’t a clue what’s going on or what to do about it, and Stacy is threatening to throw a knife at Mr. Applewood and kill him the way he killed her father, and poor Edie Marsh has just throttled Stacy with the cord from the vacuum cleaner, and—Oh, Daisy! You must come! Now!”
Golly, I guessed I did. And by gum, if I wasn’t proud of Edie, I just didn’t know anything. “Please try to calm down, Mrs. Kincaid. I’ll be there as soon as I can be.”
Someone had knocked on the front door as I was talking to Mrs. Kincaid. Ma went to get the door and by golly if it wasn’t Sam Rotondo! If Mrs. Barrow had argued with me for another thirty seconds or so, I wouldn’t have had to lie to her.
His arrival, one I considered suspicious in the extreme although I couldn’t have said why, did make my conversation with Mrs. Kincaid easier, however. “And you’ll be pleased to know that Detective Rotondo is here right this minute. Perhaps we can drive over there together.” The notion didn’t appeal, since I didn’t want to ride anywhere with Rotondo, but it might save time. And I wouldn’t have to crank.
“Oh, Daisy! I knew I could count on you!” She was weeping copiously when the receiver clicked down in the cradle.
Sucking in air for comfort and squaring my shoulders for strength, but still feeling more than a little bit shaky, I toddled into our bedroom. Billy was up, and I could tell the pain had started in on him hard. He was already in a bad mood when he looked at me.
“Let me guess,” he said, sounding surly. “You just got a call from that insane Kincaid woman begging you to bring your crystal ball to her house and throw it at her insane daughter.”
I smiled broadly at my adorable, albeit cranky, husband. “Gee, Billy, that’s one I’d never thought about before. But it’s good! I’ll have to mull it over. There might even be some way to make it work. But I don’t have to use my crystal ball today. Edie strangled Stacy Kincaid with the vacuum-cleaner cord.”
“She what?” After staring at me, wide-eyed, for about a second and a half, Billy started laughing so hard, I knew it hurt his lungs. I’d learned a long time ago not to let him see my fear and worry about his condition, so I merely continued to grin.
“Detective Rotondo just got here, too. Want to see him? I hope he can drive me to the Kincaids’ place, because I don’t feel like cranking the Model T.”
“Sam’s here?” He sounded pleased, which made one of us.
“Yup. He’s in the living room, and I guess he’s talking to Ma, because I was talking to Mrs. Kincaid when he arrived.”
“Tell him I’ll be there in a minute.”
I neither sighed nor balked, for which I believe I deserve some sort of commendation from Above. Ha! As if.
Ma had already left for work when I got to the living room, and Rotondo sat on the sofa, his hat on his lap. I presume he’d removed it in deference to my mother, since he was seldom so polite with me. When I entered the room, he stood politely, too. “Good morning, Mrs. Majesty.” He even sounded courteous. My level of suspicion soared like a lark. Or maybe like a buzzard.
“Hello.” Because I couldn’t think of anything else to say, I got right down to business. “I just got a call from Mrs. Kincaid.”
Before he could ask about the telephone call, Billy rolled into the living room.
“Hey, Sam!” His face was pale and pinched, and I knew the morphine hadn’t begun its job yet. “Did you hear that Edie Marsh strangled Stacy Kincaid with the vacuum cleaner cord?”
“God bless Edie for a saint,” I added. They probably thought I was teasing, but I meant it.
“She what?” Rotondo looked as if he wasn’t certain we weren’t simply fooling around.
Of course I wasn’t either, so I couldn’t very well resent his doubt. I did, however, say, “Just joking,” to ease his mind. “Unfortunately, Stacy Kincaid’s still alive. And probably kicking.”
“Oh. You had me worried there for a minute.” He grinned at Billy. “Morning, Billy. Spent all my money yet?”
Billy grinned back, in spite of his pain. “Not yet. There’s still today, though.”
Rotondo chuckled. So did Billy. Their levity vexed me. I’d just received an important telephone call, and these two men were joking about pennies won in a gin rummy game. I was probably only jealous, but I felt righteous at the time.
“Back to the problem at hand,” I resumed tartly, “Mrs. Kincaid just telephoned. Evidently Quincy Applewood has returned to the house and everyone’s in a furor. I guess Stacy threatened to stab him through the heart, and that’s when Edie wrapped the cord around her throat.” Boy, I wish I could have seen it happen, too.
“What?” Rotondo, who had walked over to Billy’s wheelchair to shake Billy’s hand, jumped up so hard, he darned near fell onto Billy’s lap. “Oh, God, I’m sorry, Billy.”
Still smiling, Billy said, “That’s okay. I figure I have all your money, so that’s pay-back enough.”
“I should say so,” Rotondo said, his smile thin and concerned-looking. Turning to me, he said, “You say Applewood’s returned to the Kincaid house?” As soon as he asked his question, his attention returned to Billy to assess any damage he might have done when I’d startled him.
Since I didn’t want him feeling sorry for Billy, primarily because Billy hates for people to feel sorry for him, I spoke up. “Yes. I’m not sure when. Mrs. Kincaid was in kind of a state.”
“What else is new?” Rotondo said bitingly.
“Good question,” said Billy.
“Would you mind driving me to the Kincaids’ place, Detective? As long as you’re here, I mean.” Since both he and Billy were looking at me as if I’d asked him to climb an Alp, I said, “If you’re going there, that is. I assumed you were, since Quincy’s returned to the place.”
“Oh,” said Rotondo. “Oh, certainly. I’ll be glad to drive you. You’re right. I need to get over there as soon as possible.” He looked down at Billy. “I was going to make a date with you to win my money back, but I guess we can do that later.”
Good Lord in heaven, they really did like each other. I glanced at the ceiling, hoping God would spot my face among the millions he saw daily, and asked Him if He didn’t think I had enough burdens to bear already, and couldn’t He spare me just this little one? A glance at Rotondo made me alter my prayer a bit. He was actually sort of a large burden.
It was no use. I already knew God didn’t pay attention to trivial prayers, and He would without a doubt consider mine trivial. The fact that I didn’t consider it any such thing was of no consequence to God.
I went to Billy, leaned over, and kissed him hard on the mouth because I loved him so much. That made him happy, and it also made Rotondo look at the two of us in a strange way. To heck with Rotondo.
“Gotta run back and get my hat and handbag,” I said to Billy. I chose a dark green cloche hat and bag, which, when combined with the light green dress and my dark red hair looked fairly dignified. When you’re not even twenty, dignity’s a difficult commodity to come by sometimes.
As a color, green brought out the best in me. By that I mean the combination of my skin tone and the green made me look pale and a trifle pasty. Perhaps even a little ill. I figured if I l
ooked sick enough, maybe Mrs. Kincaid wouldn’t keep me around until the earth ceased to turn on its axis or hell froze over. I really did like to be home with Billy, even if he could be a difficult and a lot of trouble sometimes. Often, even. I selected my brown gloves from the drawer because they went with my brown French-heel shoes, and thought I made quite an elegant picture for a woman about to spend a day in what might as well be a haunted mansion for all the turmoil going on in it.
I was beginning to long for the days when all I had to do was call people up from the grave to chat with, and deal out Tarot cards, and fiddle with the Ouija board, and gaze into a crystal ball and say pseudo-profound things to silly women. Sing in the choir. Take walks around the block, pushing Billy in his chair. Force Brownie to exercise once in a while. Things like that. Things I was used to doing. Things I understood. This Kincaid mystery nonsense was driving me nuts.
Billy wasn’t overjoyed to see me stepping out with another man; I could tell. But he liked Sam, so he’d probably get over it as soon as we were out of sight. I gave him a cheery farewell, made a joke about coming back with all the latest gossip, kissed him again, and he took it pretty well. Rotondo actually helped, too, by completely ignoring me and my nice-looking costume. I swear, the man was a perfect ogre except when he wasn’t.
“So,” Rotondo said as soon as he’d helped me into the police car, “things are heating up.”
“They are?” I didn’t see how.
“At the Kincaids’.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t a policeman and guess I wasn’t seeing the Kincaid problem from his perspective. It only looked like a mess to me.
Police cars had doors on both sides, which made them much more easy, not to mention more modest, to enter and exit than my old Model T. This particular police car was a Hudson and was nice and roomy and had a closed top. You also didn’t have to fiddle with the clutch cable while you cranked it, which was a distinct improvement over the Model T. Some cars were even being made with batteries in them nowadays so you didn’t have to crank at all, but they were way out of my price range.