by Edie Bryant
“And you have. Trust me,” I assured her.
She smiled softly. “How is Mary, by the way?”
“She’s doing good. She’s been discharged from the hospital, and she’s back at home. She’s bounced back quickly. I think she even said she wants to stop by the restaurant to see you next weekend.”
“Did she really?” She seemed a little taken aback and gave an awkward smile. “Does she usually talk about me?”
“Well, she has since the hospital. That’s for sure. Apparently she really likes you.”
She tugged at the bottom of her shirt sleeves. “Uh, has she been really pushing you to, like… date me?” she asked.
“Oh yes,” I said. “Very much so. But, don’t worry, Grandma Mary doesn’t determine my romantic partnerships,” I assured her.
“I just hope she hasn’t made it awkward for you,” she said. “She’s, uh, a little pushy.”
“Tell me about it. But no, nothing Grandma Mary could do would make me feel awkward anymore. She basically helped raise me, so I’m quite used to her. Besides, you’re the straight one here! If anything, I hope you haven’t had to feel awkward.”
“Oh, no, it hasn’t been. If anything, I just feel bad about disappointing her. She’s so eager about setting us up!”
“Don’t feel bad! She thinks she knows what’s best, but she doesn’t take a lot into consideration. Like, uh, the fact that you don’t like women.”
She chuckled. “Yeah, that’s kind of a big thing, isn’t it?”
“Very.”
“I don’t know if I should ask this… Maybe I’m getting too personal, so excuse me if I am,” she began cautiously. “But what do you mean by she raised you?”
“Well, I mean it quite literally. Since I was fifteen, I’ve been in the care of Grandma Mary. My parents passed pretty suddenly and she took me in when they did.”
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she said softly, looking like she regretted asking.
“Don’t be. It’s been two decades, and I’ve come to peace with their life and death. Not that I don’t miss them both. I do, of course, very much. But there’s no point in dwelling on it. Especially when I had Grandma Mary, who was an amazing mother figure to me. She helped me so much. I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.”
“Wow. I always knew she was a sweet lady, but I didn’t realize the extent of it. The heart attack must have been really hard on you.”
“It really was. I just… I can’t imagine my life without her. I know I should, since it’s going to happen one day. She’s old, and she can only live so long. But now, she’s all I really have. Like you, I’ve kind of lost my social life to my work. And obviously, I don’t have any other family, so losing her would be quite the blow. Plus, I always kind of imagined that when the time came when she had to leave me, I’d have a family of my own. Or, at the very least, a woman that I loved deeply. And that love would help me through her death, painful as it may be.”
“Wow…” she whispered.
“I’m sorry, that was intense. Way too emotionally intense for a casual business interview.” I was embarrassing myself and really wished I could take back the last few minutes.
“No, I appreciate your honesty.” She said. “I… People don’t really talk to each other like this, have you noticed that?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I mean, we make small talk. We talk about things that don’t matter. As a society, we don’t bring up the hard shit like this. We keep these kind of thoughts private and… It’s so exhausting, isn’t it? Constantly hiding your pain, your worries, your deepest fears? It’s just refreshing to be able to talk to someone who is this frank about their life.”
“I hadn’t thought about that,” I admitted. “And, if I’m being honest, I’m not usually this frank at all. I don’t know why I’m being so open with you right now. I guess you’re just easy to talk to.”
She gave a cold chuckle. “No, I’m not, though. Not at all. I’m a pretty closed off person and I’m constantly reminded of that. Even my own coworkers don’t talk very openly with me. It’s weird, sometimes they’ll be gossiping in the kitchen and as soon as I come in, the conversation turns more professional. I don’t know. I’m just not very approachable, I guess. The one person who does talk to me freely is Mary.”
“My grandma?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Really?”
“Yeah! I love talking to Mary. She’s so sweet and she genuinely seems to care about me. She may be one of my closest friends.”
“Seriously? Wow… I mean, I know you visited her in the hospital and that she liked you… but I assumed you were only coming to be nice. I figured, you know, she was another customer for you.”
“Not at all!” she said emphatically. “I absolutely love her. After she ended up passing out, I was so stressed. I know she’s not my grandma, and obviously, I’m not nearly as close to her as you are. But honestly, I couldn’t imagine her disappearing from my world.” She paused. “You really remind me of her, you know.”
“Really? How so?”
“Just, you know, with how open you are. Talking to you is a lot like talking to her. It just… feels good.”
I had the sudden urge to kiss her.
But I couldn’t. Not just because she was straight and had no interest in me but because I’d be crossing a line.
I could definitely feel chemistry between us, though. I didn’t know if I was just imagining it or what… I didn’t think so, though. There was just something in the way she was looking at me. I knew she was straight, but it really seemed like she felt something too.
But what if I was wrong? I couldn’t kiss her now. She might kiss me back just for the record deal! I couldn’t allow myself to take advantage of her. I didn’t want that.
Any connection between us, I wanted it to be real and genuine. And in the situation we were currently in, there was no way to be sure that it would be genuine.
“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry,” I said as I looked at my watch. “I have to go!”
“Oh.” She looked disappointed. “You have another meeting?”
“Yeah… Yeah, I do. In just a few minutes,” I lied.
“No problem,” she said, though it did look to be a problem.
“I’ll have our lawyers set up a meeting with you and then you’ll be assigned to a producer that will immediately start working with you on your first album.”
“So… You won’t be working with me, then?” She asked.
“No, afraid not, I don’t usually handle that kind of thing. I mostly take care of big picture things.”
“Right, that makes sense.” Again, she couldn’t hide her disappointment very well.
Was I right? Was she really interested in me? Or was I imagining all of this?
I wasn’t lying when I said I handled the big picture stuff around here, but I was able to sit in on recordings and often did for some of our bigger stars. I had been a producer myself for many years before working my way up the chain, and my opinion was often asked for.
So I very easily could be present for Lindsay’s recordings. Obviously she wanted me to be.
But I couldn’t be. Even if she was interested in me, it wouldn’t be right for either of us. Not just because I was her superior but because she was so young. I’d already decided I couldn’t date someone her age. I needed to find someone on my level.
And she probably wasn’t interested in me, anyway. It was just my infatuation making me imagine things. Maybe she wanted me in the recording studio with her because she was nervous. Like, she just wanted to see a familiar face when she had her first meetings with a producer.
I reached out for her hand and gave a firm shake. “I’ll be in touch with you, Lindsay.”
“Great, looking forward to it,” she said as she grabbed her bag and headed out the studio door.
“Drive safe!” I waved to her as she walked out.
“Will do.”
As soon as she was out of
the room, I sank into my chair. Before this meeting, I had a mere crush on her. But now, I felt genuinely affected by her. I didn’t think I’d ever been this interested in another person.
She was just so unique, such a beautiful musician, with a gorgeous soul. And obviously an attractive body to boot. I liked her, I really did. I just could never act on it. Which meant I needed to force myself to stay away so I was never tempted to.
Still, I felt a weight on my chest now that she was gone. Knowing that this would be the last time I saw her for a long time, and that I was never going to get to explore a relationship with her… It caused almost an ache deep in my stomach.
I was craving her. And not just physically, attractive as she may be. But what I wanted more than physical interaction was mental interaction.
I wanted to learn more about her, I wanted to have more open discussions about our lives. I wanted to get to know her in any way that I could. I’d be satisfied to even have a piece of her.
I was about to walk out of the room when I saw it… The CD I had ditched into the empty wastebasket. Without hesitation, I picked it up and took it back into my office.
At least, through these songs, I could hold onto her a little longer.
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