by Paloma Meir
No response from either of the ones who stood shell-shocked, quiet, gaping at each other.
“Okay... See you at home, Danny?” My loyalties split for a moment as I saw my friend unmoving. I knew he had said good-bye to Zelda for the last time. I chose Zelda, and that is a choice I would never change.
She was quiet as we drove the short distance to her home. She stared out the window, her deep breathes audible. I could sense she was trying not to draw attention to them.
It was clear as we sat in front of her house silently that she was processing the end of her dream. A childish one to me, but one that was causing her pain. Pain was something I never wanted her to feel.
“I don’t want it to go to your head, but you were very sexy tonight. Will you wear that on all of our 'dates'?” I turned the heating vents her way as a shiver ran through her.
“Thank you.” She stared out the window towards her home.
“You seem down. Danny didn’t say anything weird to you did he?” I leaned back in my seat not knowing whether to push her or encourage her to open up.
“Just catching up,” she mumbled.
“You know what you need? You need to be kissed right now. We’re going to sit in this car making out until the sun comes up.” Her face was even more beautiful in her ennui. A slight, ever so slight, smile formed on the sweetest lips.
“It’s warmer in my bedroom. Will you come inside with me?”
“Is that what you want?" I sat back in my seat, conflicted emotions and thoughts filled my head.
“I wouldn’t have asked you in otherwise.” My thoughts centered without an answer.
“That changes the rules of our game.”
“Be quiet and take me upstairs,” she placed her hand on my cheek and kissed me gently on the lips. I was gone.
I led her up the pathway to her house, her hand in mine. An easy task made difficult because she had her eyes closed and kept veering into shrubs along the walkway. We went up the stairs with an awareness to keep the sleeping house silent. She opened the door to her room while shaking off her heels onto the maroon shagged area rug. I shut the door behind me and looked at the lock as I closed it noiselessly.
I turned back to see the gossamer dress she wore fall to the floor where her trifling string-like underwear lay. The feminine ideal that was her had been braless. The moment, the years, the lifetime came to a stop as I saw her dancing as a young girl, evolving into the woman she should become, intemperate goddess, a divinity.
“My confident Serge nervous. I would never have thought this.”
“I waited, not knowing I was waiting.” My voice felt disconnected from my body.
Her eyes immense, her smile tight, she took a step toward me, and paused. Her hand reached out as if to touch my face. I stood frozen. Down onto her knees she fell, she unzipped my pants, took my rock-like cock in her hands, her mouth. Back and forth her head moved taking me deeper into her with every stroke of her tongue.
“Stop it, Zelda,” I came to my senses, “This isn’t how I wanted you.” Never in all of my carnal thoughts had the thought of her servicing me ever come up, “It’s like you have one of your lists. Mechanical. Stand up.”
“How had you imagined it? I’m up for anything.” She looked up, the vulnerability in her near wet eyes too much for me. The cause of the vulnerability became clear to me.
“Stop acting like this. Did Danny do something to you?” I took her hands off my hips and lifted her off the floor.
“No. It’s been a long time. Let’s start over. Kiss me the way that you always do.” Her expression shifted, her eyes focused on me, mesmerizing me as she took my jacket and shirt, kissing my shoulders, my stomach as my shirt fell to the floor.
“Come to me, Serge.” She stepped back and extended her arms.
I did not hesitate. I did not think. The moment pure. My rage at Danny vanished. I held her body, her slight soft body with all the curves against mine. My hand on the small of her back, so close as if we were one, kissing her as I always did, and in my mind always would.
We fell onto the white velvet covered bed, my body and mind hers, caressing her as I kissed her lips, her neck, the breasts that were mine to touch, mine to kiss. Endless time, backwards and forwards as I took in her body, rubbing against her, next to her. The thought of entering the goddess far away. Perfect ecstasy in the seconds ticking away in a world away from others.
“Serge, I’m frustrated, deeply frustrated. You offered to satisfy me once. Is that offer still good?” She moaned softly in my ear.
I made a noise, possibly a grunt without thought of changing position. Her body a promised land of enchantment. We would get there sometime around dawn I thought to myself, but did not say.
“I’m embarrassed. If you put your hand on me.” She took my hand off of her hip and moved it deep into her folds, pressing my middle finger teasingly inside of her. The wetness of her almost making me come. “It’s very wet, almost too wet. I’ve been like this every time you’ve kissed me, every single time Serge. Is that too personal?”
“You’re overwhelming me. I’m stupid. Say anything you want to say to me, anytime you want.” That was it, the motion to quick to describe, I was on top of her, thrusting into her, “You’re so warm inside. I don’t know how long I’m going to last.” I regretted saying immediately.
Her hands around my back, her hips moving in a gentle motion taking me deeper inside. She laughed lightly at my words as I relished the quiet. I saw us, our lives in front of us, always together in this way.
She moaned, her head thrown back as I came inside of her. The radiance of the moon catching on her body that glistened with a light perspiration as if she were a magnolia blossom covered in morning dew. ‘Zelda,” I did not move, wanting to stay close, “I didn’t use a condom. We might have to get married.” I laid my head upon her chest.
“Serge,” her lips grazed the top of my head, “I had an IUD put in before I left Paris,” She relaxed against the pile of pillows. I chose not to ponder who in fact the IUD was put into place for, “You’re so funny the way you joke even at a time like this.”
“I don’t know if I was joking Zelda.” I spoke into her chest as my lips skimmed her throat, my words very true.
“Hmmm,” she mumbled after a few moments, “Do you think we could we have always been this way? All the times we fell asleep on the sofa together? Can you imagine?”
“You were fourteen the last time I fell asleep at your house.”
“I could have been one of those bad girls. You could have taken me into my room, and we could have been like this.” She rolled out from underneath me, her body landed next to mine, our noses touching, her breasts pressed against my chest.
“We’ll just have to keep on doing this to make up for that.” I put my hand around her back, my fingers massaging her spine, my lips on hers, a kiss.
“I’m serious. Did you ever think of me this way?” She moved her head ever so lightly upward, a peck on my nose.
“Not this way.” My brain, capable of processing the cosmos, had never considered the simplicity of possessing the secret of joy.
“I didn’t either, wouldn’t it have been nice though?” She hesitated, “Do you remember coming over to watch a movie with Carolina a week before my fifteenth birthday? I haven’t thought about this since then really. It was so strange.” I pulled away from her, laid down on my back, pulling her up upon my chest as she continued in her dreamy timber.
“We fell asleep on the sofa... I woke up the next morning.... Carolina had gone back to my room... It was just the two of us on the sofa... You’re head was on my lap... You were all twisted up... Your hand was on my stomach.” She trilled against my chest.
“It felt strange against my skin, but I didn’t want to move it away... I put my hand over yours... It felt so good. I left it there for a long time. There was a noise from upstairs. I was scared you would wake up and get mad at me. I got up and went to my bedroom. I wish you had
woken up. Everything would be different now.” Her voice faded away, and I knew she had fallen asleep.
“It would be different now... I was... I don’t know, Zelda... I do know now... I love you, Zelda.” And with that I fell asleep.
…
“You haven’t lived until you’ve kissed me in the morning. Wake up, Serge. The day starts early here.” A voice, her sweetest, breathy voice broke through my slumber. A shift of movement as I tried to wake myself, the warmth of her tangled body moving away from mine.
“Wake up ,my darling.” I opened my eyes to see her sitting beside me cross-legged, nude glowing in the morning sun. Too far away I pulled her back to me and kissed her deeply.
“More like stale roses than morning breath.” I held her tight and breathed in the rose scent that always clung to her.
“I’m going to do something that’s entirely selfish, but I want you to know the truth.” A gentle peck on my nose.
“You don’t have a selfish bone in your body.” I ran my finger across her cheek.
“Oh my god, Serge. One night, and you’re mush? Clichés? Come on. I want you to make fun of me.” The Goddess was strong, pulling out of my embrace and sitting back up beside me.
“Your hair is a tangled mess.” I didn’t know where to start with all of things I wanted to say to her.
“You can do better than that. I’m going to get you a robe. I want you to meet the true love of my life okay?” She picked up one of the two white robes off her silken sage colored armchair.
“Should I get dressed, go downstairs?” I disregarded the fact that the two robes were never meant for us.
“No, this is fine. She won’t know what it means or remember it. I’ll be right back.” Out the door she sashayed her gentle hips while I put on the robe. I ran my fingers through my hair, straightened up the bed, wanting to make a good impression on her daughter. The little girl who would one day be like my daughter, or so I thought.
“Serge, I want you to meet Louisa. Louisa, this is Serge.” She came back in the room not more than three minutes later, a sleeping beauty on her hip.
She sat her between us on the bed, Louisa’s little head ever so slightly looking up from her mother. I smiled into her startling eyes, the bluest eyes. The eyes I had only ever seen before on my best friend, Danny.
Shocked I looked deeper. I saw the angular face, the red lips, when Zelda’s were pink, the white, dove white skin. I looked and looked for anything that would make what was sitting in front of me untrue.
It was not to be, even Danny’s broad shoulders that no toddler should ever have, were present. It appeared Zelda had given birth to the female facsimile of Danny, “Well everything makes sense now Zelda. Hi Louisa.” I forced a smile as the little girl cooed.
“Zelda, could you take her back to her room? I need to talk to you.” I lay back down upon the bed unable to think coherent thoughts as Zelda returned Louisa to her room.
“That was a surprise.” I rolled up on to my side and placed my head on my hand.
“I wanted to tell you so many times... I waited and waited... the letters, I sent him letters... He didn’t read them, Serge.” She mumbled while taking off her robe and climbing across the bed.
“How...when?” I barely managed to ask as she opened up my robe and lay her body against mine, her breasts moving across my chest as she struggled with the discomfort of her story.
“I don’t know where to begin... the start,” she rubbed her head against my neck. “He never contacted me... ever. I left and nothing, Serge. Not even a phone call. It was as if he never cared. All the years we were together.” Her voice rose, anger seeped in, “Nothing, nothing...”
“He was waiting for you to come home.” I found my loyalties shifting towards Danny. My shock at what she had done was too great.
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said as I ran my hand through her hair. I felt a teardrop land upon my chest. My loyalties back where they belonged.
“I’m just going to tell you... It had been five years... I loved Paolo but I don’t know... Danny lingered... He wouldn’t leave my mind... I thought I would die, if I didn’t see him...” Her voice lowered to a whisper, “I can’t imagine feeling that way now...” My hand moved down towards her back massaging gently, as I tried to calm her.
“I flew in right before my birthday... Paolo wanted to come... I told him I wanted to spend time with Anthony, and he would just be bored. For two weeks I was here, at my parents house,” she lifted her head for a moment, “I went to see you Serge, but you were camping or out of town. Caroline told me later I only missed you by a few days…”
“It seems that is our fate, Zelda.”
“I don’t know... anything.”
“Continue.” I patted her gently on the back.
“The night before, I was to go back to Madrid... He knew from his mother I was here, he didn’t even try to see me.” She pounded her hand on the bed beside us, “How could it have ever have been...” She sighed deeply. “His parents had a party... He didn’t have a chance... I was so determined... It was wrong of me.”
“Why did he let you go back?”
“He didn’t want me to go...” Her voice grew angry again and bitterness filled her timber, “How easy for him... I was already there... Where did his spirit go? How convenient for him...”
“You took it when you left.” My loyalties shifted back and forth.
“No Serge... I was never anything to him.”
I didn’t disagree, another possible mistake, too many to count by this point in our story.
“Once home in Madrid with Paolo I put him out of mind. When I found out I was pregnant, it never occurred to me my baby could be his.”
“Zelda... you wanted this.”
“I have my Louisa, and I can’t ever regret that... but no Serge, the real Danny was gone... I should have remembered that.”
“How long have you known?”
“Louisa’s first birthday... We thought she took after me... but the eyes... We saw it at the same time," she cried onto my chest. I held her tight in spite of the words that were shaking my world.
“Paolo... it ruined him... he asked us to leave...”
“Zelda...” I could not hide my frustration and utter confusion for another moment, “That’s when you called? When you came out to Malibu? Why didn’t you tell him?”
“My life was over...” I sighed as she ignored my question, “Six years... My life in Madrid, my beautiful life... Silviana, my business, all of it over, and me having caused so much harm to Paolo.” She rolled off of me and curled up beside me.
“I don’t know if I ever really loved him... He would be with other women and I never cared.”
“You stuck it to him in the end...” I said a little more unkindly than I meant to.
“That’s not the way it was... it was Danny... nothing to do with Paolo..." She turned away from me.
“When did I come out? Right when I found out... July, right after Louisa’s birthday. I wanted to tell him, I wanted to be with him... I didn’t see what he had become.” She paused with a sudden intake of breath, “I couldn’t stay in Los Angeles, never had I been on my own... I’m so scared sometimes... I couldn’t live my life going from man to man, not facing myself and knowing what I want. What kind of a mother, or even woman would I have been without finding the peace within myself?”
“You should have told him,” I pushed away the thoughts of losing Zelda, my loyalty firmly with Danny, and what was right.
“The letters... I wrote him letters... I told him everything... He wouldn’t read them...”
“I’m speechless. Letters? You have to quit screwing around and tell him. You’ve known for eight months? Come on. That’s not fair to him no matter how strange he’s been acting. Sometimes a phone call is the way to go.” I wanted to shake the word 'letters' out of her vocabulary, put some commonsense back into her rarefied romantic mind.
“I was scared. I kind of told him when
I came in for the day. He didn’t hear me,” she squeezed my nipple between her two long and delicate fingers as a show of annoyance.
“His hearing’s fine. You didn’t tell him. You tell him today or I will.”
“I have to go up to San Francisco for a textile fair later today. I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. I’ll go right to his house and tell him. Is that okay?”
“Good. You didn’t tell me that you were going anywhere.” And it was good, my mind was not at peak processing power. Overwhelmed is what I was, wanting everything to be as it was not more than a half hour before.
“I’ve been thinking of doing my scarves again. I’m going up for a quick look. It’s only two days.” I pulled her close to me.
“Do you want me to go up with you? My time is yours, Zelda.” And closer until even an atom could not fit between us.