by Amy Clipston
Aaron shook his head slowly. “That had to be so frightening for you.”
“Ya, it was.” Linda took another sip of coffee, ignoring that it was now a bit cold. “It was confusing. I had to move into the daadi haus behind my parents’ haus. My cousin Raymond got the haus where I was supposed to grow up with my parents. I found out years later that my mamm was going to have a boppli.”
She paused to assess her thoughts. “Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what life would’ve been like if that truck hadn’t swerved. Would I have had a bruder or schweschder? Would my parents have had more kinner as well? I know I shouldn’t think that way, but sometimes my mind wanders. I know it’s a sin to question God’s plan, and I shouldn’t even discuss it. God has the perfect plan for all of us, even if it doesn’t make sense to us sometimes. We need to be thankful for what we have.”
She realized that she’d never shared those thoughts or feelings aloud before. What was it about Aaron Ebersol that caused her to feel comfortable enough to bare her soul?
“No, I think it’s only natural to sometimes wonder ‘what if?’ ” His eyes were full of understanding. “I do the same thing. What if I hadn’t left the community? Would I have met someone and been married by now? Would I have my own home and family? I guess it doesn’t matter at this point. I made my choices and now I have to live with them.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re stuck,” Linda said. “You can always change your life. God gives us the ability to make our own path.”
“That’s right.” He gave her a warm smile. “Thank you for listening to me today,” he said. “I was so upset when I left my parents’ house that I didn’t know what to do. You’ve been a tremendous help to me.”
“I’m froh I could help.” She stood and took the empty platter and mugs to the counter.
He stood and picked up his coat. “I should let you get back to work. It was really good talking to you. I enjoyed it.”
“Ya. I did too.” She stood at the sink.
“Danki for the kichlin.” He grinned. “Oh, and my mamm loved the flowers. Danki for picking them out for me.”
“Gern gschehne.” She watched him as he walked toward the stairs and her smile deepened.
She’d never had such a warm and meaningful conversation with a man before. She felt as if they truly were friends, but there was a deeper emotion that disturbed her. She was becoming attached to Aaron, and she knew she couldn’t allow herself to feel anything for him. He wasn’t planning to stay in the community, and he wasn’t Amish. She would only set herself up for disappointment if she put too much stock in her feelings for Aaron Ebersol.
Later that afternoon, Linda made her way to Hannah’s family suite and knocked on the door. The suite was attached but separated from the main house. It had three bedrooms, one each for Hannah’s son and daughter who lived with her and Trey, and a larger master bedroom with two walk-in closets, one big enough for a nursery, and its own bathroom. It also had a sitting room, a second bathroom, and a kitchen. It had originally been a rather large grandparents’ suite when the house belonged to an Amish family. But it was expanded even more when the house was converted to an English home, complete with electricity and brightly painted walls, before Trey bought it and converted it to a bed-and-breakfast.
“Come in,” Hannah called.
Linda stepped into the sitting area and found Hannah sitting in a comfortable chair and reading a Christian novel. Linda recognized it from the cover. Hannah’s feet were resting on an ottoman. Although she had left the Amish community to marry Trey, Hannah still dressed conservatively. She was clad in a blue denim maternity jumper and clogs. She wore her long, red hair in a bun, but her prayer covering was gone. The room included a green sofa, two end tables with lamps, a flat-screen television sitting on an entertainment center, and a coffee table. The walls were painted light beige with colorful paintings of landscapes decorating them.
“How are you feeling?” Linda asked.
“I’m doing okay.” Hannah patted the arm of the sofa next to her. “Have a seat. How are you doing today?”
“I’m fine.” Linda sat beside her. “I wanted to see if you’d like a snack. I was thinking about baking some more cookies. Aaron finished the ones I made a couple of days ago.”
“Oh, I’m not hungry, but thank you. How’s Aaron doing?”
“He went to see his parents earlier, and he was really upset when he got back here. We sat in the kitchen and talked for a while.” Linda shared some of the conversation she’d had with Aaron, and while she talked, Linda couldn’t stop thinking about his warm eyes and handsome face. “I’m hoping Aaron can work things out with his family. I know how much Ruth has missed him, and I can see how desperate Aaron is to have his family back.”
“I hope they work things out too.” Hannah set her book on an end table and rubbed her abdomen as she spoke. “I know what it’s like to miss your kind. It’s not something I would want anyone else to experience.”
“I know you’ve had a difficult time, Hannah.” Linda frowned. “I hope you can have your whole family back soon too. I think things will work out the way you want.”
“Thank you.” Hannah continued to move her hand in circles. “I can’t stop thinking about Lily and how she acted when I saw her today. I have this feeling that maybe I finally got through to her. Maybe she finally understands that I never meant to hurt her and I want her back in my life more than ever.”
Linda touched Hannah’s hand. “I think you’re right. You’ve told me Lily seemed angry when you’ve seen her in the past. When I saw her today, she seemed more emotional than angry.”
“You think so?” Hannah’s eyes brightened with hope, and Linda nodded. “I had the same feeling about our conversation. My most fervent prayers are that this boppli will be healthy and I will have Lily back in my life.”
“You keep praying for those things, Hannah.” Linda squeezed her hand. “Don’t give up hope.”
“Danki, Linda. I appreciate your encouragement.” Hannah picked up the book and fingered the cover while considering her thoughts. “Trey wants to find out the sex of the baby, but I think I want to be surprised. I think no matter what we have, it’s a miracle and a new beginning for us. But like I told Lillian when I saw her at the grocery store, I want her to be a part of this. I want all of my kinner to know each other. I don’t want Lillian to be left out of our family. Maybe this boppli will be the link we need to bridge the gap between Lillian and me. The baby is a new beginning, yes, but it’s also a way to mend old bonds, you know?”
“Ya, that makes sense.” Linda stood. “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat? I’m going to start cooking supper soon, but I want to be sure you have everything you need.”
“I’m fine, danki.” Hannah grimaced. “I wish I could do more, but I’m just so tired. That trip to the store took a lot out of me. I feel so useless.”
Linda shook her head. “You certainly are not useless, Hannah. You’re creating life, and that’s an important job. It’s much more important than taking care of the haus and your business.”
“I know you’re right. The doctor wants me to take it easy since I’m over forty, and I don’t have half the energy I did with my other children. But there’s so much to be done around here. I was hoping to rely more on Amanda, but she is so busy lately. She’s pursuing her degree in veterinary medicine, and she just started an internship with a vet. She’s working long hours along with taking classes.
“You’re a tremendous help, Linda. Trey said he thought he could handle it all, but I didn’t feel right asking him to carry the entire load. He doesn’t like to cook as much as I do, and he struggles with some of the recipes. When he suggested we hire someone part-time, I’m so glad you agreed to come. Thank you for being here.” Hannah reached to touch Linda’s hand.
“You’re welcome,” Linda said. “I’m froh to be here.” Then she smiled and started for the door. “Call me if you need anything.”
; As she made her way back to the kitchen, Linda thought how nice it was for someone to show appreciation for her, unlike her onkel. And she again thought of Aaron. She hoped to see him again soon, even though she knew she was risking her heart. For some reason, she longed to know him better, and she hoped he had enjoyed their talk as much as she had.
SIX
Are you cold?” Aaron asked his mother while they sat together on the screened porch the following afternoon. He looked up at the gray sky. “Do you want to go inside now?”
“N-no,” she said with a lopsided smile. “O-out-s-side.” She used her good arm to point toward the window and then pulled her shawl closer to her body.
He smiled. “I understand. I like the outside too. It’s refreshing to be outside in the air. I never cared for being inside. I don’t like being cooped up and looking out the window at the sunshine. Or even the gray, like we have today.”
“Y-you l-liked w-w-working at t-the m-market.”
Tears doused Aaron’s eyes. Mamm had said a full sentence! “That’s right. I loved working at the market. I was outside and working with my friends.”
Mamm’s expression became curious. “D-did y-you kn-know C-Carolyn?” She spoke her garbled words slowly, but he surmised the meaning of the question.
“Are you asking me if I knew Carolyn Lapp?” he asked, and she nodded. “Yes, I knew who she was. I actually ran into her at the Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant this week. I didn’t know her well, but she worked at the market with a group of my friends.” He shrugged. “I guess she was an acquaintance. We really didn’t talk much.”
Mamm still looked curious, as if she didn’t think he was telling the truth. “Y-your g-g-girl . . . fr-fri-end?”
“You want to know if Carolyn was my girlfriend?” Aaron was stunned by the question. “No, she wasn’t my girlfriend. In fact, I didn’t have a girlfriend back then.” He took in her curious expression. “Why are you asking me about her?”
She shrugged one shoulder, and then her expression hardened as she closed her eyes. She was struggling to find the words to say something, and Aaron longed to help. If only he could help her find the right words to express her thoughts. He hoped the speech therapist would continue to help his mother make progress. It was painful to watch her struggle with simple sentences.
“W-hy y-you l-leave?” she finally asked.
Aaron knew this question would come up eventually. The sadness in her eyes caused his chest to tighten. He picked at lint on his jeans to avoid his mother’s stare. His thoughts moved to Linda’s question about why he hadn’t come home as soon as he’d heard the news from Saul. Linda was justified to ask him that question. He should have come right home and faced his family instead of being a coward.
“I thought I had caused you and Dat enough heartache. My behavior had become so reckless that all Dat and I did was argue. And then I had brought shame on the family when the barn burned down. I thought it was better if I left.”
Tears sparkled in Mamm’s eyes, and he immediately regretted his words. “N-no,” she said, her voice weak. “F-for-giv-en.”
“I’m sorry, Mamm. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was only a kid, and I thought I was doing what was best,” he said gently, trying not to upset her further. The emotion in her expression was nearly too much for him to endure. “I thought I didn’t belong here. I didn’t feel like I fit in.”
She squeezed his hand, though weakly, and he knew what she was telling him. She wanted him to know that he did belong in his family.
“Thank you.” He looked out toward the barns and spotted a few women getting out of a couple of buggies near the path that would take them to the front door. A few of them waved, and he waved back, afraid of being rude. He appreciated their letting him have this time alone with his family.
“Jocelyn said your friends come every day to help with chores.”
“Ya,” his mamm said.
He shook his head. “That’s nice. It’s not like that where I live in Missouri. I know my friend Zac would help if I needed him, but I haven’t needed anything.”
“Haus?” she asked, pointing her finger at him.
“No, I don’t have a house,” he said, feeling embarrassed. “I rent an apartment. I have two bedrooms, so I use one like an office. And I have a small family room and a tiny kitchen. It’s not much, but it’s all I need.” He looked toward Solomon’s house and thought about his brother’s family. “So Solomon has four children now.”
His mother nodded.
Aaron rubbed his chin. “He has everything he ever wanted. He always talked about having a large family.”
“Kin-ner w-want to m-meet you.” Mamm’s expression brightened. “K-Katie has c-curls.” She reached up toward Aaron’s hair.
His mother talked haltingly about his brother’s children, and a feeling of melancholy overtook him. How he regretted all of the time he’d lost with his family. After he’d heard something about each one, she issued another invitation.
“You st-stay for s-supper. S-see kin-ner. Sol-o-mon. Be-Bec-ky.”
“I’m sure I’ll meet them sometime soon,” he said, hoping not to show his emotion. He wasn’t sure he was ready to share a meal with everyone.
She beamed. “G-gut kinner.”
Aaron looked toward his brother’s house again and wondered where the older children were. Would he see them working on the farm? What would he say to them?
“C-come h-home?” she asked, her question breaking through his thoughts. She pointed to the floor as if to insinuate he would stay in the community indefinitely. Her eyes were full of so much hope that he couldn’t say no. Yet he didn’t want to lie to her either.
“I’m not sure.”
“Y-you s-stay?”
He didn’t know how long he was going to stay, but he doubted his stay would be permanent. “I’ll be here for a while,” he promised. “I won’t leave right away.”
She seemed satisfied with that response for the moment, and he breathed a sigh of relief. He was also glad his dat hadn’t brought up his staying there at the house again. He still had so much to sort out. And he hadn’t seen Solomon or any of his family yet to know how that was going to go.
His mother shivered, clutching the shawl closer to her body, and he again worried she was too cold.
“Do you want me to push your chair back inside?” he asked, and she shook her head. “Well, then you need another blanket.” He picked up a blanket from a nearby chair and draped it over her slight shoulders. “Do want to hear more about Missouri?” he asked.
She nodded.
He told her about his company and more of the projects they had built over the past few years. She listened with interest, and he enjoyed spending time with her. When she began to yawn, he insisted that they move inside. He found Jocelyn waiting in the family room.
“I think it’s time Mamm takes a rest,” Aaron said as he pushed his mother’s wheelchair toward the nurse. “She looks pretty worn out.”
“That’s a good idea.” She smiled. “I’ll take her to her room.”
Aaron leaned down and kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”
Mamm touched his arm and smiled.
After they went down the hall to the downstairs bedroom his parents shared, Aaron walked around, taking in the familiar surroundings. The furniture felt like old friends. Memories of the times spent sitting in the family room and visiting with friends and family members flooded his mind. It was as if he’d been a boy only yesterday, and he was still living in the house. He wondered if his old room upstairs was still the same.
He moved to the foyer and looked out the front door. He mentally imagined what kind of ramp he would build if he were to make the house more handicapped accessible for his mother. Then he examined the downstairs bathroom and considered how he would update it if his father would allow him to change it.
“Aaron?”
He turned and found Jocelyn watching him.
“Did you need som
ething?” she asked.
“Do you think my mother could use a ramp at the front door?” he asked.
Jocelyn nodded. “Yes, I do. She likes to go outside, so I imagine she’ll want to take walks when she’s feeling stronger and it’s warmer out.”
“What else do you think would help her get around?” he asked.
Jocelyn looked toward the kitchen. “I think a ramp out back would be good too. I see you’re looking at the bathroom. Were you thinking of making any changes in there?”
“I think a shower would be helpful. All they have in here now is a tub. Maybe a big shower with a seat and also a safety bar.”
She nodded. “Definitely. I guess you do home improvement projects?”
“Yeah, I own a construction company in Missouri,” he explained as they walked back into the family room. “I was just thinking what I could do here if I had the time.”
“I think it would be great,” Jocelyn agreed.
“Thanks. I’ll discuss it with my parents and hopefully I can get started soon.” He pulled on his coat and started toward the back door. “I’ll see you later.”
He walked through the kitchen and found two middle-aged Amish women talking in Dietsch while they cooked. The women wore the traditional dark dresses with black aprons, and they wore prayer coverings. They looked vaguely familiar to him, but he couldn’t remember their names. The kitchen was the same as he remembered, including the plain white walls, the plain propane refrigerator and stove, small candles on the windowsill, the long oak table surrounded by six chairs, and a calendar on the wall next to the door.
Once more, he almost felt transported back in time as he crossed toward the mudroom.
The women glanced over at him, and he nodded to them. He stopped on the large, wooden back porch and imagined how he would design a ramp to help his mother safely leave the house that way. He knew she loved being out among the barns and animals. It wouldn’t take him long to build the ramps. Enthusiasm surged through him as he mentally designed the structures. His fingers itched to get started. He zipped up his coat and stuffed his hands into his pockets.