by Amy Clipston
“That sounds gut,” Aaron agreed.
Linda stepped into Saul’s kitchen and found Madeleine and Emma placing peanut butter spread and bread on trays. Several other women were helping to serve the meal as well. “Let me help you deliver the food.”
“Danki.” Madeleine moved closer to her. “Are you going to talk to Aaron?”
Linda felt her cheeks heat. “I can’t really talk to him now. Mei onkel is here and everyone will see me talking to a man who isn’t baptized.”
“He’s your friend.” Madeleine looked at her. “I’m not baptized, and I’m friends with Saul. We can’t date until I’m baptized, but we can still talk.”
“But you’re going to take classes and everyone knows it. It’s different for me,” Linda whispered as the other women moved about the kitchen. “Aaron hasn’t decided to be baptized. And mei onkel has made it clear he doesn’t approve of our friendship.”
Madeleine gave her a skeptical look. “You’re thirty-one, right?”
Linda nodded.
“You’re not a child, Linda,” Madeleine whispered with emphasis. “You’re allowed to have friends, even friends who are English.” She handed Linda a coffeepot. “Go fill coffee cups and make a point of talking to Aaron.”
Linda hesitated, and her hands shook as she nodded. “I will.” She carried the coffeepot into the barn and started filling the men’s cups. Her pulse fluttered when she realized she was serving the table where Aaron sat surrounded by a group of young men and his father. Aaron looked up at her and smiled, and butterflies swirled in her stomach.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m fine.” She held up the pot. “Coffee?”
He nodded, and her hands were shaking slightly as she filled his cup.
“I told you I’d keep my promise.” His voice was soft and warm.
“You certainly did.” She gave him a tentative smile and then filled the other cups nearby.
When she finished at that first long table, the coffeepot was empty. She was walking toward the house for more when she heard someone call her name. Turning, she found Aaron approaching her with an anxious expression on his face.
“Aaron,” she said. “What’s wrong?”
He hurried over to her. “You didn’t seem to want to talk to me in the barn.”
She frowned. “I don’t want to give mei onkel the wrong impression. You’re not baptized, and he doesn’t approve of my friendship with you.”
Aaron’s expression was wounded, and her heart twisted. “I thought you agreed with me when I said you shouldn’t let him hold you back,” he said.
“I appreciate what you said, and I do agree. But I also have to follow the rules of the community. People talk.” She motioned toward the house. “I need to get more coffee. I’ll see you at the bed-and-breakfast.”
She started to turn, then smiled. “I’m glad you came. I can tell your friends are froh to see you. I told you the community would welcome you back.”
He smiled, and her heart fluttered. “Danki.”
“Did you understand the sermons?”
He laughed, and she delighted at the sound. “Ya, I did.”
“Gut.” She smiled at him and then walked back to the house, her pulse skittering with every step. She hoped she’d see him at church again soon. Maybe God did intend for Aaron to return to his Amish roots.
FIFTEEN
The weather is nice, ya?” Linda asked her uncle in the buggy as they traveled home after the church service. “It’s getting warmer.”
“It should be warmer since it’s finally March,” Reuben muttered while guiding the horse down the road.
Linda tried to think of something to say that would brighten her uncle’s permanent bad mood. Her thoughts turned to her conversation with Aaron in the hotel a few days earlier. She wondered if Aaron was right, that she did behave differently around her grumpy, old uncle—that even when her limp was more pronounced, it was when she especially felt his harsh words and indifference to her happiness.
Did she truly allow him to beat down her spirit? If so, then what could she do about that? What could she do to change her uncle’s demeanor toward her? She wondered if she could bring joy to his life and show him how to be happy.
“It was a lovely service today,” she said while forcing a smile. “I enjoyed the sermons.”
Reuben grunted, and she racked her brain for something else positive to say.
“Sometimes I consider how blessed we are to be members of this wunderbaar community,” she continued. “We have many kind and thoughtful friends. It’s been so nice seeing everyone help Ruth and her family since her stroke.”
“She’s gotten more support than I did when Verna died,” Reuben barked without taking his eyes off the road ahead of them.
Stunned by his negative comment, Linda swallowed a gasp. “I don’t think that’s true. I remember many people coming over and offering their love and support. We had meals for days. In fact, I froze a lot of the food and brought it out later.”
Reuben snorted. “We remember things differently.”
Linda turned her eyes toward the window and hugged her cloak to her body. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t change her uncle. He’d never see that there were reasons to smile.
“You’ll soon learn that life isn’t fair,” Reuben said while guiding the horse onto their road. “Things never turn out the way you plan them.”
“What do you mean?” She faced him.
“I was the oldest son,” he began, spitting out the words. “I was supposed to get the big farmhouse and the land. Mei dat even told me I would when I was a teenager. But then your dat was born, and mei dat changed his mind. Matthew was the boppli, and I suppose the boppli is always the favorite. Everything changed. Matthew got it all when our dat died—the farm and the big haus. I was left with a tiny haus and a tiny piece of land, hardly anything to farm to make a decent living. My brother Caleb didn’t seem to care. He had other plans.”
Linda’s mouth dried as she stared at her uncle, absorbing the anger in his voice and the animosity in his eyes.
“I learned a valuable lesson when Matthew took everything that was supposed to be mine. And then when he died, he left everything to Raymond.” Reuben gave her a sideways glance as the horse and buggy approached their farm. “Don’t expect too much out of life. If you’re prepared for the worst, then it won’t hurt so much when it happens. Trust me, because I know firsthand how unfair life can be—even at the hands of family. I never expected to be cheated out of land that was rightfully mine. I never imagined that I would lose mei fraa so unexpectedly. We thought she was getting better, and then the pneumonia took her in the blink of an eye. And I never in all my days expected to have to raise Matthew’s only kind.”
Linda’s eyes stung with threatening tears. How could her uncle speak to her about her father that way? It wasn’t her fault her grandfather had decided to leave everything to his youngest son. And it certainly wasn’t her parents’ fault the semi-truck had slid on ice in a bad storm. Linda would give anything to have her parents back, but her uncle only resented them. And he resented her.
“Don’t dream big, Linda,” Reuben continued, guiding the horse toward the barn. “If you dream big, you’ll only wind up with a broken heart.” He halted the horse and looked at her. “That’s the best advice I can give you.” Then he hopped out of the buggy and began to unhitch the horse.
Linda sat in the buggy and watched him work. She was stunned silent. She’d never imagined the depth of her uncle’s resentment toward her. Tears splattered her hot cheeks, and her heart hurt as his words echoed through her mind. She needed relief from this pain, and she knew she could only receive that relief through prayer.
While still sitting in the buggy, she closed her eyes and asked God to regenerate her uncle’s cold, angry, resentful, sad heart.
Aaron found Trey standing by the deck when he parked behind the bed-and-breakfast.
“Hi, Aaro
n,” Trey greeted him as he climbed out of the truck. “How did church go?”
“It went well.” Aaron walked over to him. “A few of my old friends are members of the church district, and we ate lunch together. They were surprised to see me, but it was nice catching up with them.”
“That’s great.” Trey smiled and rubbed his goatee. “So that means you didn’t have anything to be nervous about then.”
“No, I didn’t.” Aaron stuffed his keys in his coat pocket. “I actually felt like a part of the community. Everyone welcomed me, except for my brother.”
“Solomon is the same, huh?” Trey shook his head. “I’m sorry to hear that, but you have to give him time. You’re doing everything you can by showing him you want to be a part of the family and the community.”
“I know you’re right.” Aaron sighed. “It was a little painful to see my friends with their families.”
“How was it painful?” Trey asked.
“I just keep thinking about everything I missed by leaving. I could’ve been like them. I could’ve been married, raising a family, perhaps running a farm or other business in the area. But I ran away and missed out on that.” Why am I confessing such private feelings aloud to someone I barely know? I may not know Trey well, but it feels good to get all these feelings off my chest.
Trey gave him a wry smile. “You’re not eighty years old, Aaron. You can still have all that. You can meet someone, fall in love, get married, and raise a family. You haven’t lost your chance to have the life you want. I’m quite a bit older than you, and I found a way to make a new start. You still have time, Aaron.”
Aaron nodded while considering his words. “I suppose you’re right about that too.”
“You know I am.” Trey’s expression was serious. “Don’t sell God short. He has amazing plans for all of us. I lost my family and thought I’d be alone for the rest of my life.” He pointed toward the bed-and-breakfast. “I came here to start a new life, and I met Hannah. I never imagined I’d find someone like her. She had lost her husband and also thought she was going to be alone for the rest of her life. God brought us together. We’ve built a new life together, and now we’re expecting our first child together. God has plans for you, Aaron. You just need to listen and follow his lead.”
Aaron was overwhelmed by Trey’s words. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Trey turned toward the deck, seeming to study it.
“So what are you looking at here?”
Trey pointed to the stairs at the far end of the deck. “Hannah showed me where the steps are rotting. I hadn’t noticed it before.”
“Oh.” Aaron stooped down and examined the wood. “These definitely need to be replaced.”
“Would you like the job?” Trey offered. “I’ll pay you.”
Aaron stood and rubbed his hands together. “I’m working on my mother’s bathroom, but I can fit it in.”
“Great. I’d appreciate it,” Trey said. “If you have time, we can go to the home improvement store to get the wood and supplies tomorrow.”
“Sounds great.”
Aaron stood between his father and Manny in his parents’ downstairs bathroom the following day as they inspected the new shower.
“What do you think?” Aaron asked.
“It’s perfect,” his father said. “The plumber did a fantastic job.”
“I agree,” Manny chimed in. “We’ve already caulked, so now we just have to paint. Mammi should be able to use the shower tomorrow.”
“That’s right.” Aaron patted his nephew’s shoulder. “Are you ready?”
“Absolutely. I’ll go out to the truck and get the supplies.”
“I’ll go with you,” Dat said. “We’ll carry it in together.”
Manny and Aaron’s father left and Aaron examined the shower again.
“Aaron?”
He turned toward the doorway and found his mother watching him. She was leaning on a walker and peering into the bathroom. Her skin was pink, and her expression was bright. He saw hints of the strong woman he knew when he was a child.
“Mamm.” He walked over to her. “Are you all right?”
“Ya.” She nodded and smiled. “D-danki for g-going to ch-church yes-ter-d-day.”
“Gern gschehne. I enjoyed it. Danki for inviting me to go.” He made a sweeping gesture around the bathroom. “What do you think?”
She took a shaky step into the bathroom, and he reached for her arm.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” he asked.
“Ya. Let me w-walk.” His mother moved the walker as she shuffled slowly to the shower stall, then nodded. “G-gut. G-gut.” She reached out and touched the door. She pulled it open and peered inside.
“You see the safety bars?” Aaron stood beside her. He pulled down the showerhead. “You can sit on the seat and hold this if you don’t want to stand. It has a nice, long hose.” He turned it over. “Look here. There are different settings for the water flow. You can have it coming out really fast or slower. There’s even a massage setting if your shoulders or back are hurting.”
Mamm nodded, and he made a mental note to have Becky or Jocelyn show his mother how to use it.
“We just need to paint.” He pointed toward the walls. “We’re going to freshen it up a bit. I also installed those safety bars for you over by the commode. It will make it easier for you to get up and down.”
“D-danki.” She cupped her hand to his cheek. “You were always a g-gut b-bu.”
“Actually, that’s not true.” He blinked. “No, I wasn’t always a gut bu.”
“Ya, y-you were.” Mamm nodded with emphasis. “Y-you were j-just a l-little l-lost. You h-have a g-gut h-heart.”
He frowned. “I don’t deserve those compliments, but danki, Mamm.”
“Will you st-stay?” She spoke the words slowly, concentrating on each one as she said it. “You can m-move into one of t-he sp-spare rooms up-upstairs.” Her eyes were full of hopefulness. “Will y-you c-come h-home?”
“I don’t know.” He hated the disappointment in her expression. “I have to talk to my business partner and see how things are going.”
“S-sell y-your b-business to him.” She touched his hand. “I w-want my f-family b-back to-g-gether a-gain. Please, Aaron.”
“All right, we’re ready to paint.” Dat had returned, carrying a gallon of paint and a bag of supplies. “Ruth. What are you doing in here?”
“Hi, Mammi,” Manny said as he put another bag on the floor. “It’s gut to see you walking again.”
Aaron was thankful for the distraction. He didn’t want to break his mother’s heart, but he also didn’t want to make a promise he couldn’t keep. He didn’t know where he belonged. He hadn’t even felt he could accept his dat’s invitation to stay upstairs during this visit—not when Solomon’s behavior toward him never seemed to improve. He felt stuck between two worlds, and his heart felt as if it were being tugged by each of them. Part of him wanted to go back to Missouri to get away from his brother’s hate and distrust, but another part of him wanted to stay in Pennsylvania to be with his family and to get to know Linda better.
In fact, he realized one reason he’d been paying Trey and Hannah to stay at the bed-and-breakfast all this time was to ensure he would see Linda as often as possible.
Mamm squeezed Aaron’s hand. “P-Pray about it.”
“I will.” That was a promise he intended to keep.
The three men spent the day painting. When they finished, Aaron packed up and headed outside.
Manny sat on the tailgate while Aaron loaded the supplies into the bed of his truck. “Mammi is froh with the bathroom.”
“Ya, she is. I’m grateful for your help.” Aaron hopped up on the tailgate next to him. “I was thinking of replacing the floor in the bathroom while we’re at it. Would you like to help?”
“Sure.” Manny shrugged. “I like working with you.”
“I like working with you too.” Aaron thought of th
e deck at the bed-and-breakfast. “The owner of the Heart of Paradise Bed-and-Breakfast asked me if I would work on his deck. He’s going to pay me. Would you like to help? I’ll split the money with you.”
“Sure.” Manny’s eyes lit up. “That would be great.”
“You have to ask your dat before I can let you do it.”
“I’ll ask him.”
“Great.” Aaron jumped down. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Gut nacht.” Manny hopped off the tailgate and helped Aaron slam it shut.
“Gut nacht.” Aaron climbed into the truck and thought about his mother’s request as he drove back to the bed-and-breakfast.
Questions and possibilities swirled through his mind. Should he move back to Paradise? Should he join the church? He thought about his family and how much he enjoyed feeling as if he belonged. He cherished his time with his oldest nephew. If he moved back, he could open a construction business and hire him. He could also spend more time with his father. He could do more for his mother, and he could get to know the rest of his brother’s children better. If only he could fix his broken relationship with Solomon . . .
Aaron steered into Trey and Hannah’s driveway and his thoughts turned again to Linda. He longed to know Linda better. He knew she was right when she said their relationship was inappropriate because he wasn’t a baptized church member. He had no right to want to spend time with her. But he felt a strong attraction to her. It wasn’t just a physical attraction; he also wanted to be her friend.
As he climbed the back stairs to his room, he couldn’t avoid the feeling that God was leading him back here. But how would he know if he was reading God’s plans correctly?
The questions continued to haunt him as he sifted through his mail. And for the hundredth time, he wondered what had happened to his letters.
Linda stepped into the kitchen at the bed-and-breakfast and was surprised to hear voices out on the deck. She opened the door and found Aaron and Manny cutting boards.
Manny looked up and waved. “Hi, Linda!”
Aaron put down the saw and then waved as well. “Good morning.”