by Amy Clipston
“I’ve heard that.” Linda wondered what it would be like to have her own baby. How she longed to have a home of her own, a family, and a life beyond the little house she shared with her uncle.
“I was hoping Lillian would call me or come to see me before the baby is born,” Hannah said, her voice soft and quaky. “I had such a good feeling after seeing her in the grocery store that day, and I can’t help being disappointed that she hasn’t contacted me. I suppose I was too optimistic, and I’m just setting myself up for more heartache. I’m really kidding myself that she’ll become a part of my life again. I can’t expect Lillian to forgive me after leaving her the way I did.”
“Oh, Hannah.” Linda touched her hand. “Don’t give up so easily. Lily will come to you. Just give her time. The baby isn’t here yet, and I believe in my heart that you’ll have your family back soon. You can’t give up hope. That’s not like you.”
“Thank you, Linda. I know you’re right, but I’m having a difficult time being patient. I just miss Lily so much.”
“I know you do.” Linda gave her a sad smile. “She misses you. I could see it in her eyes.”
“I’m so grateful for your friendship, Linda.” Hannah sighed. “You really are a wonderful support to me.”
“Thank you. I feel the same way.” Linda looked out toward the road as a horse and buggy passed by, and her thoughts turned to her uncle and her growing frustration with him.
“What’s on your mind?” Hannah asked, her words breaking through Linda’s thoughts.
Linda turned toward Hannah and found her friend looking at her intently. “Why do you ask?”
“You seem pensive today. Do you want to talk about it? Of course, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“No, I will.” Linda sighed and stared toward the road where another horse clip-clopped past while pulling a buggy. “You know I live with my onkel.”
“Ya, Reuben. I know him from church.”
“He has never been very kind to me. In fact, he’s always made me feel bad about myself.” Linda shared about her limp and scars, how her uncle had always treated her, and that she’d taken the job at the hotel to prove she was worthy of his respect.
“Linda, I had no idea.” Hannah touched Linda’s arm. “I didn’t even realize you had a limp. I’ve never noticed it. And I’m so sorry I never knew that you had a difficult home life.”
“Danki.” Linda smiled. “The limp usually shows up when I’m tired, anxious, or at home. I realize that now. I never shared this with anyone until Aaron asked me why I was different when I was with mei onkel. He noticed that I seem to turn in on myself when Reuben is around. My shoulders hunch and I limp. It’s almost as if Reuben has made me doubt myself and who I could be.”
Hannah considered this. “You know, I’ve never seen Reuben smile. He seems like a very unhappy man.”
“He is very unhappy. He’s very dissatisfied with how his life turned out, and he’s angry.” Linda placed her teacup on the table beside the bench. “I’ve tried to be kind to him and draw him out of his sadness, but it doesn’t work.”
“I hope you don’t blame yourself for the way he is,” Hannah said.
Linda shrugged. “I don’t know. I know he’s hurt that mei dat inherited the haus and majority of their father’s farm he wanted, and I remind him of my dat. He looks at me with such anger. Somehow, I think he sees his own resentment reflected in my eyes, not the love I’ve tried to show. I don’t think he realizes that I do care for him. He’s my family.”
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.”
“He treats me like this tremendous burden though I’ve been taking care of him for years, even before my aenti Verna died. Now I make most of his meals, wash his clothes, clean his house, and do all the things around the haus Aenti Verna did as well.” She sighed. “I even put most of my money into the household. I keep some back just in case I do move out someday. I have a small savings account. Of course, he tells me I’ll never move out. I’ll just live there alone after he dies.”
“That’s terrible,” Hannah said with a gasp. “I’m sorry he says things like that to you. He’s so very wrong.” She touched Linda’s shoulder. “Don’t listen to him.”
“I try not to, but his words get to me sometimes. I try to tune him out, but his hateful comments get through.”
“How do you handle that? Don’t you get upset with him?”
“Ya, I do. A few times I’ve wanted to speak up and tell him he’s wrong about me. I’m not as worthless as he makes me feel, but then I remember he’s my elder and I have to respect him. After all, he did take me in and raise me, even if he didn’t want to.”
“That’s true, but he shouldn’t treat you that way. You’re a wunderbaar maedel.” Hannah took a sip of her tea.
“Danki.” Linda considered her words. “Deep down I don’t think he means what he says, and I try to keep that in mind.”
“That’s a gut plan. Don’t let him break your spirit.”
“I try not to.”
“You do need to stand up for yourself too. Don’t let him treat you like a child. You’re a grown woman, and you can make your own decisions. I know you’re respectful to him, but he has to respect you too.”
Linda nodded. “Thank you, Hannah.” Hannah was right, and Linda had to find the strength to stand up to Reuben. “I appreciate your encouragement.”
“You’re welcome.” Hannah was quiet for a moment. “I want to ask you something.” She turned toward Linda. “Do you like working here?”
“Ya,” Linda said with a nod. “I love it here.”
“I know I’m going to be exhausted from the sleepless nights and long days with a baby,” Hannah said. “Would you like to keep working here?”
“Of course I would.” Linda lifted her teacup. “I’d love to work here for as long as you’ll have me.”
“I’m so thankful you said that.” Hannah rubbed her abdomen again. “My life is about to get crazy.”
“Ya,” Linda agreed. “It will be crazy, but it will be a blessing.”
Aaron stepped into the kitchen at the bed-and-breakfast Friday morning and found Linda standing at the counter writing on a notepad.
“Gude mariye,” he said as he picked up a donut from a box on the counter.
She looked over at him and smiled. “Gude mariye. Would you like some breakfast? You’re our only guest right now, so I decided to wait for you to come down and see what you’d like to eat.”
“What if I take you out to breakfast?” He stuffed the rest of the donut into his mouth and wiped his hands on a paper towel.
She studied him. “You want to take me out to breakfast?”
“Ya, that’s right.” He tossed the paper towel in the trash. “Can you take a short break? I’ll have you back here soon.”
“Well, I don’t know. I have to do some cleaning, and I need to get groceries to cook for the guests who are arriving this afternoon.” She glanced down at the notepad. “I have quite a few things to pick up. I have to make an Amish meal tonight. The new guests wanted it first thing.”
“What if we went to breakfast and then did your grocery shopping together?” he offered, hoping to convince her to go with him. “Would that help you get your work done in time?”
Linda nodded. “Ya, it would.”
“So it’s settled. We’ll have breakfast and then we’ll take care of your shopping.” He pulled on the coat he’d brought from his room. “Are you ready to go?”
“Let me just go tell Hannah.” Linda disappeared into the hallway. She returned a few minutes later with her purse and pulled on her coat. “Okay. Let’s go.”
“Great.” He held the back door open for her. “I’ve been hoping we could talk.”
“Oh?” Her eyes were full of curiosity. “Why did you want to talk?”
“We haven’t had much time together lately. It seems like we’ve both been busier with work than ever.” He walked beside her to the truck and then opened t
he passenger door for her.
After they were in the truck and on their way, he asked, “Do you have any particular restaurant you like?”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s a treat to go out to eat. Whatever you choose is fine.”
“All right.” Aaron decided on his favorite place. “How have you been?”
“Fine.” Linda looked out the window. “Spring is here. I’m so froh. I love this time of year. I’m working in my garden at home as well as in the garden here. It’s too much for Hannah right now, but we use homegrown vegetables in our meals at the bed-and-breakfast whenever we can.”
“That’s nice.” Aaron remembered how his mother and Becky enjoyed working in their gardens. “Becky, Ruthie Joy, and Katie have been working in their garden and Mamm’s too. Mamm sat on a chair outside and watched them yesterday. She pointed and gave some advice. She’s a gut supervisor.”
Linda chuckled. “That’s gut. How is your mamm?”
“She’s doing better. She’s walking more and more.” He saw Linda studying him in his peripheral vision. “She’s using the walker, but she’s getting a little more steady. It’s such a relief to see her up and around. I know she enjoys being outside.”
“Have you made a decision?” Her voice was soft and she sounded hesitant.
“Have I made a decision about what?” he asked.
“Are you going to stay?”
He slowed to a stop at a red light and turned toward her. Her expression was hopeful, reminding him of how his mother looked at him when she asked him to stay.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I still haven’t decided what to do.”
“Why?” she asked. “What is holding you back from making a decision?”
“I guess it’s my bruder,” he admitted with a sigh. “Solomon still won’t talk to me.” The light turned green and he accelerated through the intersection. “I don’t feel like I can stay unless my whole family accepts me back.”
“Oh.” She seemed disappointed.
“I’ve been doing all I can to show Solomon I want to be a part of the family,” Aaron said. “Manny and I have finished working in the bathroom, and we’re doing some more work on mei mamm’s screened-in porch. We’ve replaced the door, and we’re going to replace some screens as well. And we still have the back ramp to build. Once that’s done, we’re going to paint the whole outside of it.”
He paused before going on. “I don’t know what else I can do to show mei bruder that I’m not going to hurt mei mamm again. It seems to be impossible. It’s as if Solomon’s heart is frozen solid, and he has no feelings at all.”
“Have you prayed for him?” Linda asked.
Aaron steered into the parking lot at the restaurant and parked up close to the building. When he turned and faced her, he said, “No, I can’t say that I have.”
“I believe prayer is the best medicine. I’ve been praying for mei onkel, and it has made me feel so much better.”
He touched her soft hand. “I will try that.”
“It works.” She smiled. “Hannah suggested that I pray for mei onkel, and it’s doing wonders for me. It will help him too.”
“Danki, Linda.” He wrenched his door open. “Let’s go have some breakfast. My stomach is starting to rumble.”
SEVENTEEN
Linda stepped into the kitchen while Aaron held the door. “Danki for breakfast and helping me with the food shopping.”
“Gern gschehne,” he responded with a grin. “I enjoyed spending time with you.”
She set the bags on the counter, and he put the rest of the bags beside hers.
“What are you making for the guests tonight?” he asked.
“Hannah asked me to make chicken potpie, corn, potatoes, shoofly pie, chocolate cake, and a fruit salad.” She counted the items off on her fingers. “That’s what Hannah always likes to make for the guests. That gives them the flavor of a typical Amish menu.”
“I’m sure they’ll enjoy it.” Aaron pulled his keys from his pocket. “I have to get to my mamm’s haus. You should come by to visit her again. I know Mamm would love to see you, and I can show you how the bathroom turned out. I hadn’t finished the flooring when you were over the last time.”
“I’d love to see it.” Linda didn’t want him to go. She wanted to ask him to stay and spend the day with her, but she knew that wouldn’t be proper. It seemed as if their visits were always too short. “I’ll come to visit soon.”
“Promise?” He grinned at her. “You made me promise to come to church, so now it’s your turn to promise me you’ll visit mei mamm.”
Linda laughed. “You’re right. I promise you that I will come and visit your mamm.”
Aaron cupped his hand to her cheek. “I’m going to hold you to that promise.” His tone was warm and the look in his eyes was intense.
She closed her eyes and tilted her face into his touch. “I will keep it,” she whispered.
“Linda?” Hannah’s voice rang out through the house. “Are you back?”
“Ya.” Linda’s eyes flew open. “I’m in the kitchen.”
Aaron’s hand dropped to his side. “I better go. I promised Manny we’d finish the back ramp today.”
“Oh, hi, Aaron.” Hannah stepped into the kitchen, moving slowly. “How are you today?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” He smiled at her. “How are you feeling?”
Hannah blew out a deep sigh. “I’m doing all right. It’s getting harder and harder to even walk around.” She shook her head. “I’m hanging in there, though. I’m trying to keep moving. I know that’s the best thing to do at this stage.” She looked at the counter. “Do you need help putting away the groceries?”
“Why don’t you sit and supervise me?” Linda suggested. “I can put everything away.”
“That sounds like a gut plan.” Hannah smiled and sank gingerly into a chair at the table. “I’ll stay right here for the moment.”
“I need to get going.” Aaron jingled his keys. “I’ll see you soon.”
Linda smiled up at him. “Danki again.”
Aaron waved and then disappeared out the back door.
Linda began to unpack the groceries, only leaving out the nonperishable ingredients she’d need when she started cooking for supper.
“Did you have a nice breakfast?” Hannah asked.
“Ya, we did,” Linda said while she worked. “We ate at the Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant. I had pancakes with syrup. They were so gut. We had a really nice talk too.”
“That’s gut.” Hannah’s voice seemed curious.
Linda looked over her shoulder at Hannah, who was grinning. “What are you smiling about?”
Hannah shrugged. “I guess I sense something between you and Aaron.”
“What do you mean?” Linda faced her, leaning back against the counter.
“There’s an attraction there.” Hannah held up her hands to illustrate her point. “I can actually feel the electricity between you.”
Linda inspected the toes of her shoes while the tips of her ears burned.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Linda. I’ve fallen in love before. Twice, to be exact.”
“Love?” Linda’s gaze moved back to Hannah.
“Don’t you have feelings for him?” Hannah asked.
“Ya, I do.” Linda slipped into a chair across from Hannah. “But I’m struggling with my feelings. I feel so torn. I look into his eyes and I feel emotions I’ve never felt in my life. I’m so froh when I’m with him. I feel confident, and I feel complete. I had no idea love could be this way. It’s more extraordinary and amazing than I ever dreamed it would be.”
Hannah grinned. “I know what you’re saying. I’ve been there.”
Linda’s smile faded. “But the problem is that I’m not supposed to fall in love with a man who isn’t a baptized church member.” She shook her head. “This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.”
Hannah lifted her eyebrows. “You’re talking to so
meone who understands that problem completely.”
Linda felt embarrassed again. “I’m sorry, Hannah. I wasn’t thinking when I said that.”
“You don’t need to apologize.” Hannah rested her elbows on the table.
“His mamm asked him to stay,” Linda said.
“What did he tell her?”
“He hasn’t decided.” Linda frowned. “I’ve prayed that God’s will be done, and he knows what’s in my heart. But it’s hard when I’m so afraid Aaron is going to leave. I’ll be where I am now—all alone. And to make it even worse, I’ll also be heartbroken. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else like him.”
“Don’t give up hope so easily, Linda.” Hannah touched Linda’s hand. “You’ve waited a long time to meet someone like him. I don’t think God will take him away so quickly. Just have faith.”
Linda nodded. “Do you think he’ll stay?”
“He might. I can tell by the way he looks at you that he really cares for you.”
“Do you think so?” Linda felt her smile light up with excitement and hope.
“Ya, I do. I think you need to follow your heart with Aaron. He’s a gut man. I know what he’s done for his mamm, and I also know how he’s struggling with his family.”
“How do you know about all that?” Linda asked.
“Aaron has been sharing his struggles with Trey, about his bruder,” Hannah said. “Aaron is working through it the best he can. But he has a really gut heart, and I think he’ll treat you well. He’s been through a lot in his life, just as you have with losing your parents and living with your onkel. I think you’re kindred spirits.”
“But I don’t want to leave the community.” Linda spoke slowly. “I’m sorry, Hannah, but I’m not ready to leave the church.”
“You don’t have to leave the church, Linda. I’m only telling you to not to give up on him. He’s been here more than three months now. That tells me he feels like he belongs here. I would imagine it’s starting to feel like home again.” Hannah tapped the table. “I have a gut feeling he’s going to stay. He just doesn’t know it yet.”