Silence weighted the air like the humidity that warmed the night. Sarah Beth put her hand on his forearm. “You were a teenager. It was not your fault.”
“I could’ve stopped it. Part of me didn’t want to. All these years, she appears unannounced. Maybe once or twice a year. I want you to know that I called her weeks ago and told her I didn’t want to continue our...relationship, if you could call it that, but she showed up last night anyway. I left her at my place and stayed at Sam’s. I don’t know why she insisted on going to dinner before she leaves tomorrow.”
“So what made you change?”
They reached her porch, and he slumped onto the swing. Something inside him urged him on. “The night you and Bryan sang, something touched my soul. I felt so ashamed. It was like I could see all my sin before me, but your song was telling me I could be forgiven.”
Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she sat beside him. “Oh, Jess, you can. I know it’s so hard to know where to start when you’ve been entrenched in sin so long. You just ask God to help. My brother always says “for every one of our baby steps back to him, He runs to us.’” Her gaze became more intense. “I am so proud of you.”
Someplace inside cracked open. Liquid built up in his own eyes. “I want to make you proud, and I want to make God proud, too. I grew up with great parents who took me to church, but it always seemed more like a social club to me. I never took it seriously. I never gave my life to the Lord. I knew Nick had become a Christian, and I witnessed the changes in him. I watched him depend on God during his tough times, but I have to admit, I never wanted to give up control—until that night at the CSU.”
“I’m not good at this, but can I pray for you?”
Jess gave a quick nod then bowed his head. An ache spread up through his ribcage. He struggled to contain it.
She put her soft hand on top of his. So gentle. “Lord, I know that you are close to the brokenhearted. You’ve proven it to me again and again. And Jess’s heart is ready to break for You and give You control. I ask You to direct him as he tries to figure out how to start a new life. We get ourselves in such messes, God, and only You can get us out of them. Please, walk with him as he takes baby steps to You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
A howl echoed inside the house. Sarah Beth gave his hand a squeeze. “Jess, I know this is poor timing, but do you mind if I let Gingie out?”
A new feeling washed over him—pure and peaceful. He laughed. “Please. I can’t stand that racket.”
She disappeared inside the house.
How would his commitment to God change his lifestyle? His career plans? His relationships with—
The wooly mutt barreled out the door and soared into his lap, licking his cheek.
“She unquestionably gave Dylan a different greeting than she’s giving you.”
“Great judge of character.” Jess scooped Gingie up and set her at his feet.
Hands clasped together, Sarah Beth sat on the edge of the swing facing him. “Jess, I believe that if you give your life to the Lord you unite with Him in baptism, and it’s a good idea to join a body of believers—a church. To me, being part of a church provides support and a way to give back. What do you think about those things?”
“I’m thinking about all that. I’ve talked to Nick some, and I’m going to meet with Chris. He’s a good guy. I feel comfortable talking with him.” Giving up control went against his nature, but he would do this.
“If you want to talk with me about anything, no matter what, I hope you know that I’m here.”
She was so beautiful sitting there. So kind. “I know you are. I feel closer to you in a matter of weeks than all but a handful of people during my whole life. Maybe because of Sophia, maybe because I’m a selfish jerk, but I’ve never connected with any woman emotionally, other than my sister and my mother.”
“Did your parents ever find out about you and Sophia?”
Countless times he imagined admitting this, but he’d stopped himself...until now. He pushed against his knuckles until they popped. “No. They knew we hung out some after I graduated, but she wanted to keep everything secret.”
Sarah Beth frowned and stomped her foot down with a thump. “Probably to avoid jail!”
Jess bent down and scratched Gingie behind the ears. He’d never seen Sarah Beth that mad. The crinkle between her eyes was adorable. As long as she wasn’t mad at him.
She sighed. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like steam is coming from my ears when I think about her.”
“I kind of like it, as long as I am on the good side of the anger.”
A smile tugged at her lips. “So good, so far.”
Her jumbled clichés only made him like her more. And wonder how she worked in marketing.
They sat and rocked, listening to the night sounds. The cicadas burst into a loud song, a sure sign of summer.
He broke the hush. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep any time soon, and I had to run out on you the other day. Do you feel like picking up where we left off?”
“I’m kind of wired myself. Where were we?”
“You were telling me about going to Adam’s office to talk to him.”
Shifting forward, she seemed to flinch, and her eyes fluttered. Her fingers ran across her forehead. “Right, I told him that I’d been doing some thinking and praying and that I was giving my life back to the Lord. Because of my decision, I was changing some things. One of the changes involved me moving out. He was stunned to find out I’d bought a condo in Malibu and a new car to save gas driving back and forth in the L.A. traffic.”
Were her hands shaking again?
Chapter 21
Eighteen months earlier
They sat at a corner table in the hospital café, and Adam stared at his coffee. “Why are you doing this? Is there someone else?”
Her seeing someone else? Sarah Beth’s blood boiled. “I’m not the one seeing someone else.”
“I haven’t broken my vow to be faithful to you.” His voice was cold, impersonal, much like the sterile lab they’d just left. “Is that what this is about? Amy and I are not sleeping together.”
The greasy smell of cafeteria food, combined with his attitude, turned her stomach. She pushed her cup across the laminate table and attempted to control her volume. “No one told me anything about Amy, but you haven’t been faithful to me. You may not have been physically unfaithful, but you’ve been emotionally unfaithful. I don’t know why we should even call it ‘unfaithful,’ since you’ve refused to make a commitment all these years.”
He scoffed. “So that’s it. You want a piece of paper?”
A direct hit. And her heart cracked in two. This was not the place they should have this discussion, but some things needed to be said. Hands fisted, she choked out the words through clenched teeth. “First, I want to give my life to the Lord. Second, I want what that piece of paper represents if I ever get involved with someone again, which, after you, seems unlikely. Third, I’ve put a lot of work into the Guatemala trip to visit a clinic we can use as a model for the Miguel Clinic in Honduras. In two weeks, my assistant and I will be traveling with Dr. Rodriguez.”
His expression hardened. “Why in the world are you still going, especially if you’re leaving me for...God?”
She inclined her head across the table. At least the dull beige and maroon hospital cafeteria wasn’t busy. “I told you years ago I wanted to be a part of this dream. At first, it was for you, but then it became about the mission. I’m going to serve the Lord while I’m there. I’ve already checked out how non-medical volunteers can assist.”
“Really? Enlighten me.”
“I’ll be cleaning, counting out vitamins, helping patients take short walks, and entertaining the children of patients.”
Adam jerked to his feet. “Sounds like an accident waiting to happen. I’m going back to work.”
How could someone she’d loved so much...
She massage
d her forehead. Even in the same room, they were miles apart.
~~~
During the long flights to Houston and Guatemala City, Sarah Beth distracted herself by talking business with Juan. She’d tried not to look at Adam and Amy, and she’d tried not to enjoy the frown on Amy’s face when they boarded the old bus. Much.
The fact that Adam brought the woman on this trip wreaked more havoc with her heart. But Juan was her rock on the eight-hour bus ride that bumped and jolted along the treacherous mountain highways. He helped her practice Spanish and entertained her with stories. It didn’t hurt that despite the scary traffic, the terrain was spectacular—volcanoes, mountain after mountain, and exotic flowers. But without Juan, she’d have been crazy enduring the presence of Adam and his friend.
When they arrived, the accommodations reminded her of an old college dorm. Not so terrible. And during the first day’s work, she couldn’t help but fall in love with the people. Juan’s Spanish and experience with children made him a pro at leading games and telling stories with the kids of the patients who came for medical care. Helping him entertain came easy. Most of the day she held small brown-eyed children in her arms.
Supper in the common area smelled of onions and peppers as she waited in line. Probably black beans and tortillas, but it had been a full day, and her appetite raged full force.
After the last volunteer took a seat, Dr. Rodriguez rose from his chair and tapped a spoon against a glass. “I’m encouraged by our first day here. We’ve learned so much already about how we want to set up our own clinic in Honduras. Is everyone comfortable with their assignments?”
At the other end of the long metal table, Amy cleared her throat. She looked...not quite right, pale even, as she spoke. “I’d like to trade with someone. I’m a lab tech, not a nurse. I’m not used to—I’d just like to trade.”
Silence settled on the group. No one offered, so Sarah Beth raised her hand. “I’m not a nurse either, but I’ll trade.”
Adam rolled his eyes. “How are you going to handle the sights and smells of the recovery area any better?”
Her fists clenched. The same way she was controlling the urge to throw a plate of food at him right now. “When Gram was in the last stages of cancer, Mark and I had to do things for her. Things we never—”
“Sarah Beth will do fine as an assistant.” Dr. Rodriguez cut his eyes toward Adam, silencing any further debate.
At least someone believed in her.
~~~
Where was Juan? Sarah Beth scanned the dining area after their second day. The table was almost full. Adam’s blue eyes caught hers. She moved to the opposite side and sat, then placed her napkin in her lap.
“What a day.” The metal folding chair creaked as Juan took the seat beside her. A wide grin filled his face. “This is what I was meant to do. How was your day with the patients?”
“I enjoyed it. During downtime, I found nail polish and lotion for pedicures. The patients loved it.”
“And Adam?” His voice held a kind warning.
“I was careful not to be rude to him. Or Amy. Wasn’t easy.”
“He is watching you. Show him God’s love.”
Her gaze travelled down the table. Adam was looking. Again. Swallow. She reached for her bottle of water and forced her eyes away.
Juan rested his hand on her forearm. “I’ve been asked to preach our last night. God’s hand is pressing on me. I must build a chapel for Miguel Clinic.” He put his fork down and stared at her. “Then I must preach the gospel there.”
No. I need him, Lord. “Juan, it’s not even funded.”
“I believe it will be, so I must begin to train Jill to take my place.”
A groan squeezed from her throat. “I’ve been training you for a promotion, so you can make oodles of money for your family.”
“God is giving me a different kind of promotion.”
“But, it wasn’t planned to be a Christian clinic. The fund raising will need to be through a completely separate entity.”
“God will provide.” The confidence in his tone never wavered.
She let out a deep sigh and pushed away her food. “Okay. When we get back, investigate whether we can purchase or lease lands adjacent to our Miguel Clinic to build a chapel.”
His dark eyes lit up. He was so precious. Who was she to argue with God? Before she left the dining area, she managed a quick smile at Adam, then hurried out the door.
~~~
Sarah Beth trudged toward the clinic. How sad it would be to leave all these beautiful faces tomorrow. Harder than she’d expected. In just a week, so many of the women and children had captured a piece of her heart.
Suddenly, the sound of blades chopped the air, increasing in volume. She spun around. A helicopter?
The whole camp gawked as it hovered then landed. Three men exited, two of them huge, and the other pulled off a baseball cap, revealing auburn hair. Dylan Conner?
She’d warned him not to come. She hadn’t had time this trip to deal with arranging protection for a celebrity. Apparently he’d planned his own. Typical Dylan. The other two men must’ve been bodyguards.
He waltzed over like he was walking down the red carpet. “Hi, beautiful. I hope I’m not intruding. It’s the last day, anyway.”
She couldn’t speak. Why wouldn’t he listen?
“Look, I know you’re upset, but I was on location in the Caribbean and thought I’d make a run down here. Take a few pictures with the children, a few patients. I’m investing in your clinic, and I could use some good publicity. For once.” He twisted his face up like a little kid. “Pweese, don’t be mad.”
The boiling cooled. He was so childlike—even without the cute lisp. But he wasn’t getting off the hook that easy. “On one condition.”
He grinned. “Anything for you.”
“You have to stay and listen to Juan preach tonight.”
His smile drooped. “Yes, ma’am.”
Chapter 22
Sarah Beth glanced at Jess. Was he still interested? The aromas of wisteria and jasmine drifted along the breeze. The neighborhood stood oddly quiet and still except for the occasional distant bark of a dog. As if the atmosphere waited along with Jess for her to continue. No turning back now.
“I’m not sure how to describe the scene any better than to say the Holy Spirit spoke through Juan that last night. He was on fire for the Lord. In both English and Spanish, he told the story of the prodigal son and of the father who ran to his wayward child when at last he turned on the road toward home.
“Juan explained that the father didn’t allow the son, who had wasted everything the father had given him, to come back as only a servant. Juan said, ‘No, he put a gold ring on his finger and his best coat on his back. The father caught hold and fell into a hug with his son and kissed him. God is waiting and watching for His prodigals, and is longing for us to realize what a mess we are in without Him—to turn our steps back toward home.’ He said, ‘Our fathers on earth may have treated us wrongly, but God will be our Father. Even if our own mother would forsake us, God will never forsake us.’
“Tears streamed down so many faces, mine included. He led a simple verse of ‘Amazing Grace,’ offering a time for prodigals to come home. Many came forward to restore their relationship with the Lord. It was surreal and beautiful and moving. I saw a teary-eyed Adam dart back to the dorm.
“When we packed to go home, we were all sad—except for maybe Amy. Don’t get me wrong. It was arduous work, and we were exhausted, but each of us took a piece of the beauty and simplicity of Guatemala in our hearts.”
Sarah Beth smiled even as a few tears slipped onto her cheeks.
“Back in the States, Dylan opened his home to a select group of wealthy friends to raise more funds. A cover story about his philanthropy hit the newsstands. He’d provided photos hoping to better his image. The magazine picked up the similarity of my profile to the mysterious ‘woman in blue.’ They also noted I was living in his con
do. Amy saw the article and presented the tabloid to Adam.
“I didn’t see Adam come in the front door of the cocktail party at Dylan’s, but Juan and Dr. Rodriguez did. The look on his face must have been menacing, because they knew right away there might be trouble. Adam was six-foot-five and an imposing figure, especially angry. They headed him off. Bill joined the group huddled in a corner of Dylan’s mansion.
“Juan explained to Adam that he’d helped me research the real estate, and Dylan had simply given me the best price on a condo. Bill explained I could afford it because when my parents and grandmother died, Mark and I inherited the estates. And I was making the company a lot of money, earning my own generous salary.
“Juan asked him to go for a ride so they could talk. Thank God, Adam agreed.”
Sarah Beth paused to take a deep breath. Pain radiated through her—and a touch of panic. She rubbed her moist palms together. Still, she could finish this with God’s help.
“Two weeks later, Adam appeared at my office and wanted to talk. We got in my car and headed around the canyons and ended up on the coast. He began by telling me that the night in Guatemala when Juan preached, he felt the message was specifically for him. When Juan spoke about God being a father to the fatherless and that even if a mother forgot her child, God never did, he knew that God wanted him to hear that message.”
~~~
Sarah Beth glanced at Adam as she drove out of the city.
“I never felt loved by my parents.” He raked his fingers through his hair, his blue eyes brimming with liquid. “I believed my mother only gave birth to me to ensure my father wouldn’t divorce her. My dad was never interested in me. My life was painful and lonely. The only happiness I had was with Miguel and Alma. When Miguel died of dengue fever, Alma never came back. They were gone, and I literally wished I was dead. I thought about suicide. Then, out of nowhere, I got the idea of honoring them with dengue fever research and a clinic. It helped me to hang on to life through high school and college. Until I met you.
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